If you are over 30, DO NOT GO TO THE MALL

I made the mistake of going to the mall the other day.

I am, officially, the oldest person on earth.

How do I know this? Easy…two teens walked into a store as I was walking out, and they had obviously raided my closet. I mean, my closet from when I was 14.

Big earrings I can handle. I can even, if I squint, manage not to vomit at the turquoise, ripped, off the shoulder shirt with the Flashdance tank-top under.

But what I will not tolerate. And what I CAN NOT HANDLE…

are the ACID WASH jeans.

I really wish I were kidding.

I told the Kaiser about my acid wash run in and he said, very casually,

“Oh yeah, acid wash is totally back in style.”

When pressed further on his sudden fashion trend knowledge he informed me that he
“works in Santa Monica” and “sees people.”

What the hell?

I’m not sure which is more disturbing, my husband being up on the whole “acid wash” thing, or the whole acid wash thing.


  1. No WAY. I’m horrified. Thankfully, I avoid malls at all costs – 7th ring of hell and all that. Yikes. I wonder what sort of fashion horrors we’ll have to live through with our kids.

    I saw a kid wearing two polos BOTH with flipped up collars..oh GOD it’s 1985.
    And then I was at Nordstrom and ALL THE MANEQUINS had FLIPPED UP COLORS.
    George Michael…….your career is calling you……

  3. I had a surreal experience the other day at the Gap. I went in looking for a nice looking pair of jeans for my husband and they didn’t have ANY that didn’t come pre-worn, with holes already strategically placed. Granted, they were sold out of most styles in his size, but still. No jeans in a normal color (blue, not white), without holes?!?

  4. ACK! Most comebacks aren’t so bad…but acid wash? That’d be as bad as people wearing those neon jams we made in Home Ec again. Nooooooooooo!!

    Were their jeans…tight-rolled?

    Please, god, say no.

  5. What are these acid washed jeans you speak of? What is this work outside of the home? People? Fashion? LOL?

    I almost spit out my coffee. LOL

  6. thankfully, the acid wash hasn’t quite re-struck here in NC, but the trend is definitely on its way. gidge: yesterday i was getting new tires put on my car when this girl walked in wearing a pink polo shirt (lacoste probably) with the collar up. when she walked past me, i saw printed in the flipped up part of the back of her collar the words Rock ‘n Roll” in gothic, blackletter type. what the hell?

  7. Isn’t it horrible? Even in Oklahoma, the state that is the last to discover a fashion trend, you will find acid washed jeans, as well as leggings under skirts! I can not believe it!

  8. Yeah, I bought a pair of jeans from The Gap a couple of weeks ago and didn’t notice all the “pre rips”.

    It is as if I had joined Def Leppard circa 1989.

    The good news is I still remember how to make my bangs into a claw, and I can still play “Home Sweet Home” on the piano. (You can ask The Squad).

    Not quite the same as the “Risky Business” look you speak of. But scary none the less.

  9. You think that is bad? I am still a little freaked out about seeing white tapered leg jeans at the mall. I mean…come on!

  10. Oh and ditto for me on the flipped up collars on polo shirts. Help!



    Say it isn’t so – please!

  12. Next thing you know we’re going to have to endure REO Speedwagon and Huie Lewis and the News all over again!!! Harsh!

  13. What’s wrong with acid washed jeans? I like ’em. Oh … and I love REO Speedwagon, but can do without Huey. —Jessada

  14. I say all of the above is disturbing.
    I was JUST talking to my sister about this. I really never thought the 80’s would make a come back. I’m not quite 30 and I was WRONG.
    I am with you though.
    I feel VERY OLD.
    I just pray that hypercolor doesn’t return.

  15. I think that the kids are wearing the 80’s stuff because most of them weren’t even alive during this horrifying fashion era! Leggings??? What next? Scrunchies? Banana clips? “units” (i.e. those large, cloth like head-bandy things you put around your waist)? I don’t so much mind the worn looking skirts and jeans but acid wash? White jeans? Who exactly are these flattering on? Ever? UGGH. What are these frickin’ fashion people thinking??? Wasn’t there enough freakish fashion horror in the ACTUAL 80’s???

  16. Oh, and LAURIE – that’s an old navy shirt… so, like, EVERY teen has access to it!!!

  17. Oh, and… last comment I swear!! Skinny jeans? WHY GOD, WHY??????

  18. Eww…I didn’t even like acid wash when it was “in style” the first time. Yuck. I was probably the ONLY kid who didn’t have those in the 80’s.

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