Gone Fishin’

It’s taken me all of two weeks to realize my son NEEDS to go to summer school.

Or Mommy’s head will explode.

I never thought I’d be the mother that sent her kids off to do something simply because they are driving her crazy. I even looked at those mothers with the stink eye when they would tell me Jr. absolutely had to be enrolled at the preschool’s summer camp.

What selfish bitches. It’s summer. You don’t need to send your kid to glorified daycare in the summer while you get a pedicure.

Cough. Cough, aaaahem.

Yeah, about that…um…I was wrong.

I actually called the preschool director over the 4th holiday begging for a spot for Count Waffles. BEGGING. I’ll take anything. Any day. Any time. Name your price. Just take my pride and joy from 9am to noon. Please. For the love of all that is holy…take him. Entertain him. Give him something better to do than watch me drink my coffee and wonder if I can justifiably give him a pail of water and a spatula and call it a “fun, outdoor, water project.”

As luck would have it, we’ve had visitors and holidays and swim lessons to occupy our time these first, few, school-less weeks. But I can see glimpses of just how ugly things will get if there isn’t some sort of structure this summer.

Naked, popsicle-streaked, bored, napless children will abound. They will clamor for park trips and be disappointed when I say “no.” It’s 106 degrees and the slide will, literally, burn your ass. ( I don’t want to talk about how I discovered the slide-from-hell-that-is-a-lawsuit-waiting-to-happen, but let’s just say I still have marks)

They will either be clothed in a wet bathing suit or their sticky birthday suit.

Shampoo and soap will be optional. The pool does the job, and who’s going to see them anyway?

And I will fall into a very lazy summer of “cleaning” (I picked up the toys, but ignored the large juice spill in the kitchen) and “educating” (yes, watermelon seeds can be spit even further if you use your tongue thusly) and “bending the rules” (sure, you can dig up that entire pile of dirt and pour it over your up-side-down bike as long as you walk through the sprinkler later).

So go ahead and give me the stink eye. But I’m sending my kid to summer school so I can go get a pedicure. I might even hire a babysitter too.


  1. Amazing how quickly the thought processes can reverse themselves, isn’t it? And I think they pretty much fill the pools with laundry detergent these days to cut out the middle man, so to speak. Works great.

    So, are you bringing the little ones with you to BlogHer or what? Can’t wait to meet you and my other new blogger buds. Fun photos will abound.

    I love abounding.

  2. Nothing wrong with that! If I could afford the extra expense, I’d do it at least once a week! Moms need some down time, too! 🙂

  3. Karl, there is probably a post forthcoming on this…but not only will the children and the hubby be at blogher…but my mother is coming too.

    I’m not kidding.

  4. Your highness, it’s good for them. Really. My older daughter has started negotiating with me about picking her up from school LATER. She wants to stay and play with her friends.

    No guilt. Enjoy your peace and quiet. And I frankly see nothing wrong with a spatula and a bucket. I know my mother didn’t pore over activity books, trying to figure out how to occupy my time when she was at home with me.

  5. Smart move…built-in babysitter. That way we can really concentrate on getting hammered Thursday night.

  6. So, I shipped my 6 year old off to Grandma’s in California for close to a month…

    What? Is that cheating?

  7. My kids were both supposed to go to summer school (5 & 3 you see!) but the school was crap and the programs avaialable are few so we reluctantly decided they could stay home and now I want to die! DIE I TELL YOU!

    So no! Nothing wrong with you! But hmmm… then again that’s coming from me so…

  8. Sounds like the whole family trip to blogher is going to be alot of fun.
    Guess you need the down time desperately, more so when it’s so hot out!

  9. He’s over three, which is when kids start learning to make friends and need more time away from parents, right? So going off to summer school is a great idea. And hey, mommy needs time off, anyway. 🙂

    Your mom is coming to Blogher also? Is that so she can relieve the Kaiser from childcare duties so he can come drink with us?

  10. I swear to Allah, I thought you were sending him to summer school so you could have more sex and then I’d have to censor this blog before you-know-who-got a chance to read it.

    Anywho…I love that picture of you three on the beach. It’s so beautiful. I can’t read this anymore. I want another baby seeing how well the Count and Princess get along. -snicker snort- They are angels! I don’t see misbehavior in their eyes!

  11. If he likes it and you like it, what’s the harm? There’s nothing wrong with win/win…

  12. He will have a great time. You will have a great time. That’s a win/win situation. Period.

  13. The whole “it takes a village” idea. Nothing wrong with it.


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