The Post Where I Cuss, But Only For Emphasis

My father printed my Huffington Post piece for my grandfather. And used a Sharpe to do this to “all that cussing.”

An uncle caught my post and called my family to say “She’s a great writer! I had no idea! But does she have to swear so much?”

And lest we not forget all of the super swell commentors over there, who seem to think because I drop f bombs, social services should come haul my kids away.

Bad Mommy. Bad Mommy.

Does it make you uncomfortable that a mother swears? Nevermind that I didn’t actually do it in front of my kids, because there have been a handful of occasions where I did let a few less than polite words slip out. And nevermind that, by all accounts, I rock the mommy-thing.

When my Dad called to relay his creative editing for my grandfather and tell me all about my uncle…I laughed. And then I explained that mommyhood just ain’t what it used to be.

Motherhood is ugly. Motherhood is hard. Motherhood is dirty.

And yeah, motherhood means that Mommy says “FUCK!” sometimes when the pot roast burns. If you’re looking for “oh gosh darn!” or “fiddlesticks” I think my mother-in-law might be available.

Troll Baby’s Karen (whom I adore for many, many reasons-but mostly because she stood next to me at a bar and said “why can’t I fucking get a Molson, eh?”) got some shit because of this infamous and hilarious video of her son, in which he may or may not be mimicking someone in his household. Cute little bugger with his “friggin wegos, beeeyoch.”

Apparently her children and my children will be sharing stories of their foster homes.

I’m just curious here, but where are the FUCKpolice when Daddy drops a wrench? Spills his beer? Watches football? Loses his keys?

Would it make you uncomfortable if I told you Mommy has a better jumpshot than Daddy? I know, I know, couple that with the swearing and I’m sure you think our family is a lost cause.

But if you’d shut up about my alleged bad example for just a minute, you’d find this next generation of mother all around you. She’s on the bike with all the tats. Watching too much NFL coverage in preparation for her fantasy draft. Finding ways to remove Gitterdun from her head. Oh, and Haiku’s shit. (no, really…actually Haiku’s about poop)

It’s been said that poor writers use profanity to make up for what they lack. I use it because it’s dirty. It’s hard. It’s real.

And that’s my life.


  1. AMEN SISTAH! Fuckin’ rock on.

    Oh and it’s BIZATCH, not Beyotch. Don’t put words in my little shit’s mouth.

  2. I learned some of my favorite bad words from my own mother.

  3. Fuck yeah!!

  4. Ha, I thought Karen’s son was saying something other than “freakin.”

    People are fucking idiots, I swear. Half the time I’m more than a little embarrassed to admit I’m in the same species. Sure, swearing is more out in the open than it was a half century ago. That doesn’t mean the eff word wasn’t out there back then, just that people were more stealthy about it. I guarantee you if someone drops a hammer on their bare toes they’re dropping enough “fucks” to fill 20 porn videos.

  5. fuckin A.

  6. Fucking hilarious and dead on!

  7. As the Queen of the F-Bomb (no really, tis true, my husband will vouch for that), I say, “Who the fuck cares if you swear?” It’s the people who are offended by it who use the word just as much (or else they’re Catholics).

    Sure, it might be over kill if I see the fucking fuck word too many fucking times, but hey, would they rather see us driving our effing cars off a bridge with our kids than to hear the occasional cuss word in frustration?

  8. See..this is why I LOVE your blog!!

  9. Hey I never thought you were a bad mommy for cursing. Hell, I do it every day. Here recently The Hubby and I had to start and incentive program to clean up our mouths before the baby is old enough to understand/repeat them! But that doesn’t mean that I can’t say them on my blog! I say them because that’s how I really feel, not because I’m trying to be big and bad. Keep it up!

  10. Cursing is a part of life. You can practically make any word a curse word. Just because someone says freakin’ instead of fuckin’ doesn’t mean they don’t mean the same thing.

    Curse on!

  11. Right now, my kids say “Oh Snap” when something goes bad.

    I’ve had to work on keeping the, ahem, “heavenly” references to a minimim…
    For Christ’s Sake
    Jesus Christ
    Good Lord

    Yes, most anything can be a curse.

  12. fuckin a right doggy! LOL
    my g-pa said that i cuss too much too on my blog. but i’m just keeping it real g-pops. LOL

  13. I feel a post of my own coming on. Thanks for the inspiration!

  14. Right on with that today, and I also thought that your Huff Post piece was right on… go see my blog today 😉

    Love ya!

  15. i fucking can’t read another god damn word of that huffington shit simply because of the asshole backasswards a-merican big-oil supporting pea brained tiny dicked motherfuckers who go fucking clogging up the comment area with their ignorant asshole drivel. no offense. i mean that in the nicest way possible.

  16. You know, these people must have something more important to worry about than a mother using swear words, right? I mean, there’s a war going on, people are starving in Africa, and David Hasslehoff is back on TV. A little cussin’? That’s nothing to worry about.

    And if they persist, I say fuck ’em.

  17. Who the hell nominated them the fuck-police in the blogosphere? I mean, really, what is wrong with those people? I loved that piece, and thought it was dead on. If they can’t get past a little profanity and realize that you used the profanity in your writing but not necessarily to your children, they’re imbeciles.

  18. Well, swearing just isn’t very ladylike or nice. We can all do better and just use different words. I think it is a sign of poor breeding.

    (I am totally joking. Anyone who met me for 3 minutes at BlogHer knows that. And what the hell is “poor breeding” anyway?)

  19. For someone who uses the f word frequently and many times during the day..I am fucking amazed that my kids don’t say it.

    The biggie my son has picked up from me is ‘Jeeeezus Keerist!’

    I say that too much too! And that one was from my dad!

    I am supposed to say Fishnchips instead and he chastizes me every time.

    I don’t tend to write them down though…..guess I will have to start!

  20. well, fuck that!

    when I was about 7 I told my brother that I wanted to join he and our girl neighbor’s “big kid club” and they taught me to swear by shouting obsenities that they knew while riding circle on their bike around our court that we lived on. they were 8 and 9 years old. hahahaha… I cuss like a sailor. in fact, i am surprised that Fuck wasn’t Nut’s first word.

  21. Oh my then I should be committed and my children snatched away this very instant and cleansed of my influence because man the vocab that 3-year-old has on him, courtesy-of-yours-truly-who-does-have-one-too-many-slips-in-front-of-the-wee-ones-I-have-been-known-to-call-my-lovely-little-fuckers-but-so-what, and though the 5-year-old does not let on she knows quite a few choice words herself and yes, they do let loose when idiot drivers cut me off and I laugh…

    Hell, crying won’t help!

  22. I would be HONOURED if my child bust the language like TrollBaby.

    Really fucking honoured. Performance art.

  23. You totally rock, I’ve never been here before, but i’m blog rollin you and putting you on my google reader.. dude… dude.. seriously.

    you rock.

    (can you tell I agree?)

  24. Shit, the word Fuck is the basis for my entire blog! It’s in my tagline!!

  25. Love It! Finally an answer for the inevitable guilt that comes with parenthood (One of many things no one every told me) That’s right, as much as everyone tries to force you to be, we aren’t all perfect from the moment we give birth. We are still victim to mood swings and bursts of profanity. The next time my toddler gets a hold of a crayon and paints his version of Starry Nights all over the living room wall, I’ll remeber to think of this blog and just say…Fuck it!

  26. I’ve actually been thinking about all the swearing for a while and just blogged about it.
    I’m all for it.

    I think it’s the evolution of language.

    We’re all going to start talking like Alex and his Droogs eventually……that’s the way it’s going. (points for those who get the reference).

  27. Personally, anyone who comes to my blog and has an issue with my language I make it very clear just where they can go.

    My page is not a typical mommy blog, nor am I a typical momny.

    If you don;t like it you can suck my dick.

    The End.

  28. Thing is, it’s NOT real cute when a 12 year old says as much to an adult in a public library. As happened to one of my staff last week.

    And, NO, I wasn’t shocked. I’m from the Bronx and could’ve outsworn that kid and 10 like him. And DO on occasion–especially after dealing with some of our crazy patrons!

    But I try to put a lid on it in front of my kids because it DOES reflect on me as a parent. And I’d like them to learn that cuss words are a way to express yourself, but there are times and places for them. Besides, between TV and the other kids at school, they’re bound to learn them.

    My spouse’s favorite one is “God Fuck It” which I find funny considering I’m the agnostic and he’s the Catholic. Personally I prefer “shitfuckmothergoddamn”…….

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