Fuck 4-year olds

I’m going to fucking kill my 4-year old. I say that as the woman who birthed him. I say that as his #1 fan. I say that as the woman on this earth who adores him more than any other.

I’m reading shit like, “Four-year olds: Wild and Wonderful” and “Try and Make Me! Simple Strategies that Turn Off the Tantrums and Create Cooperation” and “1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12.”

Just the tiny fact that as his mother, I feel the need to read this shit pisses me off enough to just let him become a criminal. You’re acting in such a way I need to research how to deal with you? Oh hell no. Fuck that. I’m done.

Not really, but JESUS I want to ring his neck ala Homer and Bart. I bet choking him might actually make me feel better. But no. *of course I would never and I could never. So Instead I sit here with “A revolutionary new program for raising your DEFIANT child-without losing your cool.” Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Count Waffles the Terrible is hitting people. Everyone is a potential victim, not even small babies or his own Mommy can be shielded from the horror that is the closed-fisted WHAP he lays down like a hammer on anyone and anything. Take his truck kid at Gym Day Care? WHAP on your arm. Tell him he can’t have another cookie dear Mom? WHAP on the leg.

Today he hit two kids at the gym and yesterday he nailed some kid at school. So far taking away his most precious toys, time outs, tv time gone, etc has NOT worked. He sulks a bit and then LAUGHS (yes, it’s an evil laugh) at his punisher.

Thus the books, because if I don’t come up with something else soon, he’ll either really hurt someone or I will really hurt him. Or runaway. One of the two.

Suggestions are welcome. The books are already annoying me.

*rant over now.


  1. Hey…I like the Ilg and Ames books..your 1 year old, your 2 year old…ect.

    I like to read the one before and after the age i am OVER and they are interesting. They don’t tell you what to do but they explain it. I have never, ever, ever read a book that is supposed to help you and it helped. My situation is always the ONLY thing they dont’ talk about. So fuck them.

    Although Spawn was younger and obnoxious in an intolerable way, what we did was we left and he went to his room. For a WHILE. He was only 2 and got into chucking sand right in your face the momment we hit the beach. It sucked to follow through on cause we had just gotten him lotioned and ready and packed and walked down there…and FUCK, whap, wet sand right in our face. We had to do that for 2 weeks. But then he got it and never did it again.

    No drama, no yelling, just complete removal of the kiddo from the fun thing. No treats, no nothin. Until it stopped.

    It sucked more for us than for him. Bastard asshole child. BUT he lives and is 6 and delightful at 6. It is worth it to wait it out.

    My last assvice, LIQUOR and DUCT TAPE. Maybe some ear plugs. And chocolate. xx

  2. You shouldn’t have told us you were going to kill him. Now it’s premeditated and considered murder instead of manslaughter.

    Tsk tsk.

  3. Yvonne says:

    I know this will probbably get me hunted down and mauled …. but anyway.

    1) Get a good leather belt, put kid in a chair and put belt around their waist or chest under arms. Do belt up with buckle at back of chair where they CANNOT reach it. Walk the fuck away and stay away until they calm down and time out is over. You get to a stage where JUST the MENTION of the chair sends them scurrying to do your bidding.

    2) My eldest has ADHD/ODD and he is VIOLENT. I found the only way to stop him hurting others was to do it to him. It was ALWAYS me or the baby he attacked. He bit the baby so hard it took 2 fucking weeks for the bite mark to FADE. So if he pulled my hair, I pulled his. He bit, I bit. He threw sand in my eyes, I threw it at him.

    THEY REALLY DISLIKE having the EXACT same shit thrown back at them. It is a childish way to deal with it, I admit. But at a stage where I was ready to get divorced and put the kids up for adoption, it was the best I could do. TAntrums fade fast if you upstage them EVERY TIME. As embarassing as it can be, throw a bigger tantrum than they are and keep escalating it till they stop. Then CALMLY carry on with whatever you were doing beforehand. No audience and no reaction is a HORRIBLE reaction for a small person who has just put on an award winning performance.

    Other than that…. hang on. Apparently it gets better. I’ll let you know when it actually does πŸ™‚ I read you every day but it’s not often I have anything valid to comment about. Best of luck.

  4. Cole beat me to the duct tape suggestion. Fear of doing shit like Yvonne suggests is why I got a dog, not a baby.

  5. Me again says:

    Yeah, yeah, I know it’s another book, but try PARENTING THE STRONG-WILLED CHILD by Rex Forehand & Nicholas Long. It was recommended to me by a therapist because of my own little terror when he was four. It worked. Really. I promise.

  6. I have no advice for you, as mine isn’t that old yet, but I’m curious to see what works for you. As my daughter is already kicking, hitting, and throwing things at 18 months, I know I will be needing all the help I can get in future years!

    Good luck!

  7. My Prince went through a stage like this. It is “normal”. Whatever that is!!! When he hit me, I hit him back. When he bit me, I bit him back. Apparently, he didn’t like it very much. After about 2 weeks of retaliation from me, he quit. Also, when he started to misbehave in a store, I’d leave the FULL cart in the middle of the aisle, and go home. It was a total pain in the ass cause I had to shop two or three times to get everything…lol. But it works. I hope that Count Waffles settles down soon. I think that this stage is called the “FUCKING FOURS”. By the time you get to them, you’re saying fuck alot I guess….lol. Anyhow, best of luck to you!!!!

  8. Hello!
    I really like your blog, and I was wondering if you might be interested in a link exchange? If you are please visit me in my blog: http://mymanythoughts.com and leave me a message πŸ™‚

    Have a nice day!

    Best regards,

  9. I know, no more books but we found the Love and Logic helpful at our house. It’s really, really hard to always follow through their way sometimes, but over all, it’s been helpful.

    There’s always toy jail where toys go for a time.

    Or handwrite (so as not to leave an electronic trail) the story of how you plan to disembowel your beloved moppet and what you will do with his remains. Then destroy the story (so as not to leave a paper trail).

  10. Marybeth says:

    When my son was 4 I called it the “fucking fours” and people thought I was nuts. Thanks for saying it in your blog. Preschool teachers should make tons of $$$ for dealing with this age group. Five and six were soooo much easier. Trust me. He lived and I lived so experience speaks.

    Your blog is very refreshing and constantly amusing to me…keep speaking your mind…as my 12 year old nephew would say…you rock!

  11. I have a son who is bipolar and ODD, and LOVE the books “1-2-3 Magic” and “The Explosive Child”

    I have used the “Magic” book on several foster kids….hope it helps!!

  12. Now THIS is Mummy journalism at its finest, FINEST I TELL YOU! I had to, HAD TO, read this to Loverboy so he could believe me when I constantly tell him that we are not alone!

    We are not alone when our 4-year-old possessed male little person is handed over by his very exasperated teacher who, in a rushed rant, declares “Here! He gave me hell today, HELL! I asked him to wear his coat because it was raining and he said he didn’t want to. I tried to put it on for him and he screamed he didn’t want to while he kicked and punched. All day he has been defying me. All the other kids were drawing as told but him? Noooo. He would have none of it and when I asked him to please work he ripped his sheet to shreds. When I raised my voice at him he raised his even higher and told me he was angry with me and that I should not use that tone of voice with him.” and just as the frazzled teacher finished up what she was saying by begging us to please “have a talk” with him, he felt the need to finish her off and yelled “I am NOT coming to school tomorrow with YOU!” and stormed off…

    Yes, we are not alone… we are not alone when our threats, that ARE followed through on are not taken seriously as the boy shows his disdain for the parental units by laughing away… throwing that head back does not help in making him NOT appear eeeevil… and by repeatedly kicking the door when in timeout…

    No, we are not alone.

    I am sorry amiga mia! But MAN did I laugh! *sigh*

    Advice? You know, I just read this FABOO book that has nothing to do with childrearing, that has a corny title, a book a close and dear friend sent me that I found fenomenal and that is and will be transforming… read it… READ IT!… ‘Tis called “Excuse Me, Your LIFE is Waiting”… maybe that way I can get y’all to SF with me! WOOH!

    And for a bit of shameless promotion… I am finally back!

    Besos! I missed you!

  13. This is something I need help with, too. Discipline. I can’t get Dawson to listen to me. I actually spanked him and I feel like an awful mom because of it.

    It’s not exactly the brightest thing I’ve ever done. In fact it’s very weak, but he pushes my buttons that I snapped. And what am I teaching him? Nothing. Ugh. I suck at this.

  14. Just keep drinking. It works for me. πŸ™‚

  15. My son was never that bad, now my daughter OMG oh the tantrums, oh the fits, and those were just mine.

  16. You are lucky, mine was a biter. Best of luck to you.

  17. Keeerist…I have been frankly afraid to detail my trials with Adam..fucking four and turning frightful five.

    Everything is fight. He threatens me with no snuggles or hitting. He tries to bribe me.
    He thinks I am stupid and cannot see or hear him tormenting his sister.

    I have been told that he hates me, doesn’t love me isn’t is friend…etc…all for saying it is bedtime.

  18. Our eldest would escalate till I’d had enough of her abusive behavior and then as a last resort I’d spank her. She’d settle right down after that.
    She is still a drama queen (presently a bridzilla)
    and she still escalates poor behavior until told in uncertain terms that I’ve had enough and won’t tolerate anymore. I guess kids of all ages need limites.

  19. Totally Disgusted says:

    After reading your blog I fiind myself very concerned for the safety of your child. A blog like this where I live would get Child Services attention and they would most certainly investigate the parent. Thoughts are the first steps to actions. You should be ashamed of yourself.
    I too am a parent of one of “THOSE” kids. He came to us as a foster child and we opened our hearts and our home to him. I couldn’t love him more if he were my own. He has been a constant struggle to deal with from the time he was old enough to give us hell, but I have never once had thoughts of killing him!
    Maybe you should have thought about educating yourself before you had a child. What did you expect? Maybe you should have gotten a robot.
    I strongly suggest seeking medical attention for what is obviously something very wrong with your brain.

  20. Queen of Spain says:

    Dear totally disgusted- you’ve never had a single bad day with your kid? ever? I’ve never once laid even a feather on my child and he’s more loved than anything in the world. Be disgusted all you like but understand that parent blogs are a place to vent. They are place to scream at the top of your lungs when you can’t scream at the kid. I even detail in that post (which I am now laughing at because I remember his hitting phase with laughs now) that ‘but no.’ because instead I researched and read books on the matter.

    So get a grip and learn about blogs, clearly you don’t know or understand how/why they are even around.

  21. this may or may not help you, but it did wonders for us:

    1. imagine your life as a sitcom
    2. imagine watching the sitcom and how much you would laugh at the mom who has this obnoxious child
    3. laugh out loud.

    My 4 year old is more than hell on wheels. Lets see, just today: threw sand right in the face of a 1 year old girl, threw a bowl of cottage cheese in to the neighbor’s back yard, hit his 5 year old sister in the head with who knows what…and it is only 2PM.

    We use NVC (non-violent communication), so we don’t have the option to spank, but I know the urge. Sometimes I get so frustrated and sad I want to cry out, “what happened to my life?!”

    We found that the more draconian we became with him, the more aggressive and frustrated he became. I truly believe that children act aggressively when they have a very strong unmet need (security, connection, sleep, etc.) They act aggressively because they don’t have the right tools for communicating their needs. It is our job as parents to help them identify these needs and get them met without violence. Some times it is like magic, it works so well, other times i have a hard time knowing what the need is! Work in progress!

  22. My son will be four in three months, & just in the last month, this whole parenthood-thing has become really challenging again (like two-&-a-half was). I’m a single mom, too… so there’s no one to give me a break when I need to scream. I do not hit him, nor would I, but I do yell, & it tears me btwn guilt & frustration (both at myself & him). He whines CONSTANTLY (who knew there were so many dissonant pitches & melodies!), he is defiant, & his latest tactic to not do what I’ve asked him to (such as cleaning his room, going to the bathroom if it’s been awhile, etc.) is to say that he’s scared. But he just did that very chore five minutes before without being scared! Argghhhhh!!!
    P.S. I found this blog by googling “Fucking fours.” I hear ya on “You’re acting in such a way I need to research how to deal with you?” From the date this was posted, it looks like yours is about seven now. Lucky! πŸ™‚

  23. This pulled up as I was searching ‘discpline strategies for four-year-olds.’ LOL! I’m so glad I read this—makes me feel like I’m not alone. Keep up the fight, momma!

  24. Hi,
    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for writing this Blog. i thought we were the only unblessed family in North America! I noticed some of these comments date back to 2007. Can anyone comment on hope after the four year old stage? I’m almost afraid to ask but does it get better?

  25. It gets better πŸ™‚ It’s a phase like all the others. I swear. He’ll be 7 this month.

  26. This really made me giggle while my soon to be four years old daughter sits sulking in her room. I googled “Fucking Fours”…
    Glad to see that they get through it!!
    And now she shouting at me that she’s not gonna be my friend anymore!
    PS If I didn’t go put her in her room… She may not have made it…

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