Hugging, not kicking, My HRC supporting Friends

I’m not really sure how to make up with my Hillary Clinton supporting friends.

I got damn mad at them. They got damn mad at me.

Even when we tried to be civil, we were gritting our teeth and muttering swear words.

I accused their candidate of turning GOP. Of dirty tricks. Of lies. Of stealing delegates. Of race baiting.

They called me a cult member said my candidate was inexperienced, a dreamer, filled with talk and no substance. They called my candidate unpatriotic and went after those in his past and present.

I got angry enough to spew very hate-filled speech post South Carolina.

I’m still not sorry.

I’m pretty sure they are not either.

So now what?

Do we hug it out? Because really-that’s all I have left.

I currently have nothing nice to say about what went on between the Clinton and Obama campaigns. I can’t yet blog about uniting the Clinton and Obama voters or give the ‘let’s all just go against McCain together’ pitch.

I still want to yell and scream.  I want the former President Bill Clinton to explain himself. I want Senator Clinton to tell me why she got so damn right winged in her fear-mongering rhetoric.

I realize those answers are not coming.

I realize we have to move forward to beat John McCain.

But I have NOTHING to get us moving on this immediately.

Except hug.

Weak? Maybe.

But trust me I’ve gone through every option I can think of -it’s all I have got.

You know how you have those crazy relatives in your family you will never, EVER agree with and fight with all the time? You get SOOOOO MAD at the things they do, yet…they are family. And somehow you hug and move on.

I’m hugging my HRC supporting friends because I don’t know what else to do.

And I really don’t want to kick them.

Or do I?

I do. I still want to kick them.

But I won’t.

Free hugs.

Who wants one?


  1. Whew, Erin. After reading this, I’m even more sure than I was before that you’re a much better person than me.

    Remember how I said: When this primary season is over, the feminists and progressives I’ll be first to trust will be, among Obama supporters: those who explicitly, and without qualification, opposed this season’s sexist bias against Clinton, and, among Clinton supporters: those who just as adamantly protested racist bias against Obama?

    I’ve still heard an awful lot more from the former, and far fewer of the latter.

    And remember when I said this?

    Incidentally, if you know of any ardent Clinton supporters who have persistently and passionately maintained a specific awareness of the extent of the racism in this campaign — not as something secondary to the sexism against Clinton, but as something equally pernicious — kindly point me to them. I’m assuming such supporters do exist; when I find them, I’d like to start a joint petition of Obama and Clinton supporters “explicitly and without qualification” opposing both the sexism and the racism we have seen against both candidates. Please note that I am completely sincere in this; for all I know someone is already doing this, and I simply have yet to be connected with them.

    I never heard from, or was pointed to, any such Clinton supporters. As someone who’s been part of the progressive and feminist blogosphere for years (and part of progressive and feminist activism in general for years beyond that), it seems I ought to have been able to find SOME such supporters.

    For me, that says it all. Hillary’s race baiting, pandering (e.g., to the absurd and nonsensical notion of McCain having “passed the ‘Commander in Chief’ test”), and posturing (e.g., her adoption of the most obscenely fake working class persona ever) has caught up with her. She’s lost this thing, and many (I won’t say all) among those who continued to fight for her, like cult members (oh yes I DID say that) trudging dutifully after their Pied Piper, long after the window of viability of her candidacy had closed, have revealed themselves to be owners of the same scurrilous motives. It’s a damned shame.

    I admire the impulse to dole out hugs and such, but after all this mess? Let’s just say I’m “not ready to make nice.” I’ve pretty much quit all political blogging (and indeed torpedoed ALL of my blog dating before mid-April, in part as a silent protest).

    If Hillary has any ethics at all, she will rally, in earnest, behind Obama once the inevitability of his nomination is obvious (although, of course, it should ALREADY be obvious). And if her supporters have any ethics at all, they will follow that lead.

    Then I’ll think about the hugs.

  2. The only way for our country to ever be brought together again is through civil war.Scoff all you like right now but mark my words,it’s coming.You cannot expect all the rage to just go away,and your candidate wants to hold hands with the republican enemy? That makes him just as much of an enemy as any repug.Keep your fucking hugs,you’d never make it past my fist.

  3. Jo MacD says:

    Wow. Sounds like you might want to consult with the secret service before you go offering the hugs around.

    Erin thanks for saying this, it’s this kind of lovely, off the cuff examination of the process which will keep the whole situation moving forward.

    Perhaps we need to start by not looking directly at one another, but looking together in the same direction – I propose a hearty round of McSame bashing to break the ice?
    (And liberal use of metal detectors for a significant length of time)

  4. Open arms here.

  5. “Truth” up there scares me a bit!!

    Great post, BTW!!

  6. As someone who drank none of the Kool-Aid either side was passing out, I gotta say that I would hope that Dems would be able to do what the GOP did in 2000. That was one ugly primary. If McSame can hug it out with the men who smeared his FAMILY, I think we can hug it out with each other.

    That may be too much to ask for those of us who actually care about issues (As the GOP only cares about power), but the hell if I’m going to explain to my daughter that the reason McSame won was that HRC’ers were too pissy to get out and vote for Obama or vice versa.

    This shouldn’t be about the people, it is about taking our country back.

  7. I think we should start petitioning now for a Hug Off at National Convention.

    Did you ever see the massive Sign of the Peace that went down at Pope John Paul II’s funeral? I picture it going like that.

  8. I’ll take a huge. I just hope we can all unite to bitch-slap McCain, hard!

  9. I hate to burst the bubble of the individual who has, without any apparent sense of irony, adopted the moniker of “Truth” for the purposes of posting here anonymously, but the only candidate who “wants to hold hands with the republican enemy” is Clinton. (Anyone to whom this has not become blisteringly apparent has not just drunk the proverbial Kool-Aid, she or he might as well be wearing the full-body Kool-Aid Man suit. “Oh yeah!”)

    Oh, patriarchal reversal (as facilitated by some women who have, most excruciatingly, made an art form out of internalizing the most destructive of all patriarchal precepts)! If all of this weren’t so frightening, I’d have to laugh.

    “You’d have to get past my fist” indeed. Yes, that’s the behavior that’s going to bring about an end to the Bush era. Riiiight.

    Sorry Erin. I know you’re trying to do the right thing here, the constructive thing. The trouble is, you have cast the pearls of your authentically benevolent and peacemaking intentions before a group that includes some utter and complete swine. (That is not, thank goodness, include all HRC supporters. But this, ahem, “Truth” character and his or her ilk? Yeah. Swine.)

  10. VM,

    What, only hers can post here? Truth could as easily be a crazy-as-batshit male as not. Either way, theirs is a sentiment we can only hope fails to take hold.

  11. Truth could as easily be a crazy-as-batshit male as not.

    Oh I know. (Hence reference to “…this ‘Truth’ character and his or her ilk.” (And to extrapolate further on my clarifications noted via Twitter, while I’ve heard sentiments much like what (ahem! cough, gag, hack, wheeze) ‘Truth’ is saying here coming from people in the blogosphere whom I know to be women, I don’t assume this person is or isn’t female, and my comments about the whole patriarchal reversal dealio, and the women, specifically, who are rabidly acting in that modality (apparently without any grasp of the absurdity of their doing so), are more about Hillary’s base than about this individual deluded commenter.

    (Who, whether or not s/he is a woman, I have to trust, despite some of the evidence accumulated in my recent experience, which largely influenced my decision to put the brakes on my own political blogging, does not speak for the majority of Clinton supporters. Most of which I’m sure are entirely hug-worthy. In fact, I know of a few specific HRC advocates whom I’d hug in a skinny minute, and whom I’d defend against the scurrilous charge of being whatsoever in the mold of this moron calling hirself (note spelling!) ‘Truth.’)

  12. Queen of Spain says:

    Truth can #suckit

  13. Radical differences in political leanings can be difficult on friendships. Just do the best you can.

    What would you tell your kids? “If they don’t want to play nice, you may have to find new friends” Define:friend.

    Maybe heat-of-the-moment thing, space required for sanity to prevail.

    Strong, unwaveringly passionate differing political groups should not be enclosed in a room together for longer than it takes to flush and wash hands. 🙂

    I’ll not even mention whackjob above. …Ooops.

  14. Okay, after the mass distribution of McCain and Bush’s awkward hug moment, I think your intentions are valiant, but the execution could get dicey. Maybe a nice sturdy handshake?

  15. I’d love to hear your take on what compelled Obama to sit in that church listening to his pastor for 20 years… That’s a tough one for me to swallow. Please help me like Obama, in case he wins.

  16. To quote Ari Gold: “Let’s hug it out, bitch.” Even though you know I have no atoning to do. I love me some Obama.

  17. Oh how I hear ya! I tend to feel passionate about those I support which is why, and this may sound stupid but bear with me, I have totally kept myself out of choosing a candidate, let alone immersing myself into the circus and taking up the task to learning as much about either of them to choose one to support. Bottomline, I will vote for whomever gets the Democratic nomination and I know how bad a hothead I am so…

    So I have been focusing my attention on local politics and in supporting a local politician I truly believe in and in fighting this.

    … because I have actually lost a friendship or two over politics and now I have made pacts with close friends who are not of similar mind that we do NOT discuss politics with each other no matter what because once the gloves come off, well, there is no holding back…

    So yes, I feel for you my dear and know not what happens next. But can I hug you if ever you make it to SF and meet up with you for that oh-so-delayed meet that still awaits us? 🙂

    Much love oh my dear Queen!

    PS… and any advice as to how to make this whole spraying controversy huge in the media would be a godsend… not many people know about it here and I want to make this huge and make a big stink because I’ll be damned if anyone sprays my babies! Yeah… changing my focus sure has helped!



  18. I missed the fight, but even though I hope Hillary wins the nomination (and even though I know she’s probably not going to) I don’t really understand all of the venom being spewed about either candidate.

    Usually the Democrats can’t manage to find one decent candidate to nominate — this year we have two (and had THREE) outstanding candidates to pick from. We are fortunate for a change and shouldn’t be beating each other up.


  19. Dadshouse,

    The underlying question you’re really asking is how he sat in church and listened to that angry black preacher make subversive angry black statements and somehow escaped having it rub off on him?

    No matter how hard he has tried, my rather yuppie-like white preacher cannot convince me that being gay is a sin. Of course, I can feed you lots of DVDs and MP3s where he claims it IS a sin and you can smear his preaching on me but it won’t stick because people know I don’t think being gay is being a sin.

    And MY preacher speaks mildly, in working-man speak. Not even a little bit of pretense in his tone, no Greek exegesis, no scholarly flourishes.

    My point is that it’s really easy to stay in a church like that. I love the people in our church; the pastor is my friend, though we clearly disagree on gays and the death penalty.

    Because, over all opinions and preaching, there is this fact: They are a group of people doing good things for other people in need.

    That’s how he did it. And it’s really laughable that he’s painted with such an ugly brush for doing so.

  20. For some things in life, you just have to agree to disagree.

    And move forward.

  21. Karoli – you articulated my question quite well, thanks. And I appreciate your explanation. I know I can sit through someone’s speech and if I don’t agree, it won’t rub off on me.

    But I’ll ask a question back at you – why go to a particular church when you disagree with the preacher? Is it just about the fellowship? There are plenty of venues for people to hang out with nice people. I would like to assume Obama attended church every Sunday to be uplifted, not to ignore what the preacher had to say.

  22. You know, I find it easier to deal with a “Bush-lovin’ fascist-accepting” idiot, because of that final descriptor. They are dumb. They have to be. Yeah, yeah they are entitled to their opinions. But at this point in the horror that has always been the illegal war in Iraq, the lies, the economy, the continued discrimination against anyone with darker skin (eek! They might be Muslim), gays, women… I could keep going but I think the readers here understand where I’m going with this, anyone, ANYONE who can still support that regime cannot have a very good grip on reality. I would rather think the people I know who fit this bill (half my family, a few friends who were friends before the atrocity in Iraq) are simply uninformed and in this matter, kinda dumb.

    Is that mean? Too bad. Calling them dumb relieves them of some responsibility when they attempt to support this administration. Maybe I shouldn’t give them that out, but dammit, I love some of them. They’re family. And thinking of them in that way makes it easier to just ignore. I’m tired of the same sorry fights about how Clinton lied about who he screwed (come on guys, who cares? Hillary didn’t. He didn’t lie about weapons of mass destruction, right?)
    It almost isn’t worth the effort to discuss it anymore. No, I have moved on to Obama versus Clinton, because if there is a God in heaven THAT is our next administration (well, Obama, not Clinton, but even she would be better than McCain).

    Side note: McCain is as evil as the current bozos, but he didn’t seem QUITE as awful until he visited Liberty University and tried to claim he was still a moderate. John Boy, COME ON!

    I don’t know what happened to old Hillary. I’m disappointed in her, and in Bill. Pandering on fear – both on the war and the ridiculous racial and religious fears people are using to support Hillary staying in the race. I think she was scared and resorted to good ol’ boy tactics. NOT A FAN! I would have had much more respect for her if she had bowed out gracefully.

    You know, I would have loved to have voted for a woman for President. And I believe that someday I will. But I am going to be just as joyful when Obama takes office. And I must believe in this world where I am raising a new little human, that he will.

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  23. Tony Smith says:

    Boycotting Obama Will Lead to Famine, Armageddon, Government-Controlled Uteruses and Other Scare Tactics

    We have seen a lot of desperate Democrats suddenly scrambling to “unify” with Clinton’s supporters, now that they realize that their snowjob of an election has caused turmoil and will lead to an Obama boycott in November. The classic response to our anger says that we need to relax, take a deep breath, not let emotions cloud judgment, and to think about Roe, your uterus, Third World uteruses, Iraq, thousands of dying soldiers, the economy, Bush III, and many other desperate pro-Obama talking points designed to crush the boycott and instill fear. Well, here’s my answer (disclaimer: I do not have a uterus).

    First of all, I do not need to clear my head and take a deep breath. I did not start voting yesterday, unlike many of Obama’s supporters. Instead, I am a lifetime Democrat, and I have been voting for Democrats locally, state-wide, and nationally since the mid-80s. I am very experienced having my candidate lose, but then moving on to support the party ticket. In past primaries, for example, I voted for Dean, Bradley, and Jesse Jackson (twice!). I get the idea of party unity, so stop treating me like a kid.

    Second, my vote in November goes beyond the liberal “issues” you describe: it protests liberal hypocrisy. The party espouses an equality rhetoric but has been completely dishonest and contradictory during this election. The party has bashed poor white people and people whose last names are Clinton. The party has ignored Latino voters because recognizing them challenges the “only racists vote for Clinton script.” The party has invented claims of racial injustice to demonize the Clintons. The party has ridiculed “uneducated” voters, even though Democrats supposedly represent disadvantaged people. Male party members and liberal media have constantly called for Clinton to drop out — starting after Iowa — in order to place an aura of doubt around her campaign. The party has ignored voters in Florida and Michigan in order to legitimize Howard Dean’s bad judgment. The party has completely ignored or even denied the sexist treatment of Clinton, while responding with absolute venom to any real or imagined “racism” directed towards Obama. The party has allowed Obama to wear multiple racial hats — the nonracial black man, the just black enough to be an historic black president, and the black racial victim –- to secure votes. If Clinton deviates even slightly from a prior script, she is portrayed as a horrible witch who would do “anything to get elected.” I refuse to join this madness.

    In April, Obama pranced around and described Clinton as “Annie Oakley” gunning her way through Pennsylvania for votes. But when he came out looking like Steve Urkel bowling and drinking Yuengling for votes in the same state, the media and party ate it up — another “precious” Obama moment. Recently, CNN.COM posted footage of some mesmerized journalist covering Obama’s jeans. Why should I have to endorse this mayhem?

    Third, I am unmoved by the progressive issues that the pro-Obama side uses to scare us into voting for him. But you got to love “the horror”: If you vote for McCain or don’t vote for Obama, the Supreme Court will overrule Roe, thousands of men and women will die in Iraq, poor people will remain poor, the environment will decline, we will not achieve peace on earth and domestic tranquility, and you will deprive “our children” from having a “great country.” I feel a tear coming!

    These are just Karl Rovian “red alerts.” Obama is not entitled to our votes. He did not earn my loyalty. Whatever loyalty the party had from me prior to this election has been depleted. Earlier on when we wanted to discuss progressive issues, the Obama camp and the media silenced our efforts and instead focused on the big rock star pep rallies, Obamania, Camelot, weeping college students, and a host of other unimportant concerns. People could not tell us specifically why they supported him, but they knew that he was the best and that he would bring “change.” They told us that we and Clinton were cold and unhopeful and that emotions and inspiration were more important. Clinton was a mere “policy wonk,” while Obama made people “feel good again.” Well, enjoy your Hallmark moments and stop being two-faced. Suddenly, you want to talk about the issues because it benefits Obama. Earth to my fellow Democrats: Obama’s success does not dictate the way I vote.

    I am still focused on issues, but topics beyond your “red scare” alerts are important to me as well. My vote responds to a party of hypocrites who dismiss loyal Democrats, bash older folks and women, and manipulate race – while calling it “progressive.” My protest is about not wanting to be a part of a vote that legitimizes sexism. I do not wish to condone the younger Democrats’ misunderstanding of the Republican witch hunts that hurt all Democrats in the past — what they call “Clinton scandals,” when every honest person recalls them as Ken Starr scandals! Where was the “education” on this issue by party veterans? The DNC rushes to bash McCain for his 100 years comment, which reputable entities like say was not even true, but Clinton is misportrayed abundantly and all we get is silence. Party leadership and the media sharply denounce anything that could negatively impact Obama. They describe legitimate and fair criticism of him as racist, mean-spirited, evil, or “Clinton politics.” Clearly the party leadership has determined that anytime he looks weak, the “boys” will endorse him or call for Clinton to leave because she is “hurting the party” and “kneecapping” the “first viable black presidential candidate” – as if Clinton should bear responsibility for remedying the country’s history of racism which has kept people of color out of high office. Well, party leadership and media, you made these rules; suffer the consequences. To paraphrase Obama, don’t tell me my disgust with your behavior doesn’t matter. Don’t tell me sexism doesn’t matter. Don’t tell me liberal hypocrisy doesn’t matter. Don’t tell me fake racial politics doesn’t matter. Don’t tell me I must vote for Obama in order to be a “real” Democrat. If being a real Democrat means bashing women, the poor, and the elderly, manipulating race, ignoring Latinos, and stifling dissent, then I respectfully resign my membership! Achieving justice requires sacrifice, brutal honesty, and passionate commitment. I will not “endorse anything to get a Democrat elected,” and neither should you.

    – A Black Man Supporting Hillary Clinton and the Women Who Want More…..


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