Go Big or Go Home

I baked scones and happily sang away with my iTunes while a child was abused.

I watched suburban children sing, uncomfortably, in their hand-picked outfits and combed hair and give their teachers end-of-the-school year gifts while a child was abused.

I ran around the park with my own children, and their friends, and their parents, and we ate homemade treats and laughed about the cost of gas while a child was abused.

There is a story on my local news tonight that may become one of those things that haunts me until I die.

If you are at all feeling weak or unable to cope with an unspeakable abuse story, please do not click this link.

Just know that a boy my son’s age was tortured only a few dozen miles from my own home.

Things were done to him that no adult should ever withstand. He survives, and has been taken to a safe place.

For all my insanity. For all my talk. For all my endless threats… this is something that makes me want to say ‘screw it’ to all the reasons why I shouldn’t help, why I shouldn’t be adopting, why I shouldn’t be attempting to give. Why I am too busy or too broke or too ….whatever.

because that child is no more or less deserving than my own.

because as much as I wanted to turn off the tv and change the channel, I knew I was just turning a blind eye.

because this story is not rare enough.

because I spent the day watching my very own 5-year old get that ‘head start’ as he ‘graduated’ pre-school.

because for every reason, every excuse, and every story we do…or we don’t.

because somewhere in there, a decision is made.



  1. please don’t feel that you SHOULD have been doing something other than celebrating your child’s milestones and attending to his needs, giving him a good life — these things are the foundation on which you can build, they are the qualifications you have for the job of helping. you know what needs doing, because you are doing it already.

    reaching out is something you do when abundance & renewal outweigh scarcity & deprivation. sounds like you’re ready.

  2. Incarcerated? I want to see those two women torn apart into little, tiny pieces…and I’m a pacifist.

    Why do such people have children — children they don’t want, children they abuse and neglect — while those of us who deeply yearn for even one child find it takes tens of thousands of dollars (which I don’t have) and a million hoops to jump through, just for the possibility of maybe being allowed, perhaps, to adopt.

  3. God love ya Erin, you use your gift for writing to bring news to forefront. I know there is a special place in hell for the people that hurt that precious child. I’d just like to put them there right now. I agree, something needs to be done, let’s try to figure out how and what. I’m in.

  4. Taking care of the children God has given you is all you CAN do. This story is an extreme example, but children all over our nation are suffering some type of abuse. The parents, for the most part, are experts at covering it up and no one can do anything until they are made aware. We can’t feel guilty about taking care of our own children while it’s happening – that’s part of the solution, not part of the problem.

    This is one reason, despite being a strong conservative, that I’m against the home school movement. It keeps private home lives too private.

  5. Just sick. The hope that this little child is out of harms way is a relief, but then you realize that the scars physical and emotional might never heal. You hurt for him, that shows you are a human with love and compassion, you instill that in the children you love, that is how we as parents make this world a better place. Then we go that extra step, making sure the children around us are safe, if our mom gut tells us otherwise we must step in as an advocate for that child in need.
    That little boy is in my thoughts and prayers.

  6. That is unbearably sad. I have to admit it took me a few tries before I was mentally able to click the link. I have a five year old boy too.

  7. Nah, I won’t tell you not to feel guilt, if there’s more you can do. If there’s a need that you can actually meet – whether it be giving to children or struggling mothers – whatever – get off that big Queeny ass of yours and rock somebody’s life.

    This, coming from a woman currently parenting two children that were adopted from Haiti into an abusive home … abuse that makes your skin crawl … things said to them that no child anywhere should ever have to hear so much that they start to believe it … for two straight years (WHILE THEY ATTENDED CHURCH TWICE A WEEK AND PUBLIC SCHOOL EVERY SINGLE DAY!) Abusers don’t have to hide their kids at home – in fact, they enjoy the break and are just very masterful at threatening and scaring the crap out of them. My kids were removed for a short time, and went right back! You can only imagine the backlash they received from telling the truth while in foster care.

    Now, to parent these kids is the absolute hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life – ever. They are hurt. They are broken. They are really, really tough to parent. But, it’s my calling. It’s my gift, of sorts. But there are a million things that others can do. You can mentor kids or parents. You can train to give respite care to foster families for an afternoon or an overnight or a week. You can volunteer at an after-school program, making a huge difference in the lives of a few kids. You can do lots and lots and lots of things to help support those who are doing the blood, sweat and tears within their homes.

    The opportunities are endless.

  8. Queen of Spain says:

    I’m so glad to see Christine chime in, knowing she has opened her home to children of abuse.

    I love your ideas, and am emailing you now to be more specific so we can share with everyone the most effective ways to get involved.

  9. Oh. I am speechless. And that? Doesn’t happen.

  10. It’s news that like that makes me want to overlook my pacifist views. Some people, like that poor boy’s parents, really just need to get what they gave.

  11. Oh dear God that is awful. Those wretched women! Sick and disgusting. I know two wrongs don’t make a right, but how dare those evil women do such horrid things — someone should torture them with cigarettes and tie them to door frames. I could vomit. I’m so furious.

  12. Queen of Spain says:

    More ways to help from Christine via email:

    I can’t believe I didn’t even mention CASA Volunteers: http://www.nationalcasa.org/

    Working as a CASA volunteer makes a huge – HUGE impact. Normal people that are willing to give some time every month to make a true difference, are trained to serve as actual officers of the court. I’ve seen even the best of case workers let kids slip through the cracks, because everything about their job just sucks. CASA volunteers get to really pour themselves into what is best for a child and fight for them!

    It was a CASA volunteer that was in touch with this adoptive family, that connected us with them and got these kids here – to their first safe landing ever. She did it all on her own time (not even as an assignment), just out of love and compassion for hurting kids.

    I’ll shoot you more stuff as I think about it!

  13. I too have a son who’s almost 5, about to embark on his journey into kindergarten. He’s grown up with nothing but love. My heart aches for innocent children who aren’t so lucky. I would love to see these women endure the same pain they inflicted on this child. The story reminds me of the Lost Boy books by Dave Pelzer.

  14. It is disturbing and disgusting. And I’m very worried by how it seems to be a growing problem. You’d think people would be unable to do those kinds of things to a child, but it seems that as we become more civilized some seem to fall thru the cracks and become less so.

    Aaron and I have gone back and forth over wanting to have another child, and we’ve seriously considered adopting, just to have the chance to give a child who might have otherwise lived a pained life a home of love instead.


  1. […] but my definition of chaos is like paradise compared to what others go through.  I have to thank the Queen for opening my eyes a little wider.  I was furious when I heard about this.  Click that link with […]

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