a guest post on this fine Canada Day by the lovely Meg Fowler, one of my many Canadian friends whom I love, despite her hatred of my hockey team and her blasphemous words about Stevie Yzerman
Ten Things That Are Better About Canada
10. Our national bird is tastier than yours.
9. We know the secret to feeling rich — turn all your currency into gold-coloured coins!
8. Our national flag is a leaf and two bars — something you can find in any town we have, too.
7. We have more trees than we have McDonalds. And more hockey rinks than Wal-Marts. And more donuts than cops.
6. Our annual military budget is approximately the same price as Jenna Bush’s wedding.
5. One end of us looks to Europe, the other end to the Pacific Rim. And if you go to the middle of our country, you can get both pyrogies AND sushi at the food court!
4. Our movies have more subtitles and boobies — AND the government pays you to make them!
3. We have a monarch, which is kind of like when your parents go away and leave your Grandma in charge.
2. If you make fun of us, we make you a citizen. And give you a job at the CBC.
1. If we had a woman and a black man running for office, we’d all vote for the gay Guatemalan-Scottish-First Nations-Tibetan monk performance artist with the limp.
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Although i now live in the midwest, at one time i lived in the pacific northwest and my friends and i would routinely go to BC for fun. Canada is certainly a friendly place and has many merits. However, the “free” health care is not all it cracks up to be. Canadians often have to wait up to ten months for a MRI while in the US one can be scheduled within a week. Try to get in to see a specialist within a month and see what happens. Socialized medicine is not all it’s cracked up to be.
Hmmm. About the war of 1812… It depends on what you consider the objectives to have been. If the objective was to beat the British off the east coast, the US won. If the objective was to claim the ‘Indian Territories’ for the US, the US won. (Just think of all those French names like ‘Illinois = Isle of Nuts! — it used to be in ‘Quebec’!). But — and as a Canadian I’m very proud of this — if the objective was to take over the Niagara Peninsula — WE WON. Niagara Falls is still ours, and Windsor, and Hamilton, and a whole lot of lovely places in southern Ontario so happily populated by United Empire Loyalists and escapees at the northern end of the Underground Railway. My conclusion on the War of 1812? We both won, and I’m really happy with the part of the continent we kept. It’s a nice (?) war when everybody thinks they won!
too bad number 4 is no longer true
Another thing that makes Canada the FAR superior country is that we don’t mutilate babies penises routinely like those foolish Americans do.
1. I love Canada. Born and raised, but my grandparents are French and Croatian… my friends are Ukrainian, Persian, Italian, British, Moroccan, Native American, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist… you name it. We really are a melting pot, and a racist Canadian is extremely rare.
2. I can believe that someone had to wait ten months for an MRI, but it doesn’t seem like a very common thing. If it were urgent (which most MRIs are, I think) they’d bump you up the list. It depends on you medical situation… I’ve never heard of anyone dying or being severely injured because they had to wait. The longest wait I’ve ever heard of is three months, and I live in the worst city in the country for healthcare (Montreal).
lol, i live right beside toronto, and thats a good list, and yes, theres lots of dope here, and yes, we all have a flying delorean. im probly the only guy in the country who uhh….doesnt like hockey? like at all….woops.
also, the part about the black guy versus a woman? totally true…
and i only say eh when im talking, unless im trying to grab ur attention on msn… and omg, a racist canadian is rare? rare!!!? ok, were not steak…have u ever been to alberta? go to edmonton…lemme kno if u see any black guys…or find anyone that has a problem with the n word… i dont understand #2…did that hapen? y is that funny? our health care is not free, they’ll tell u whats wrong with you, then give you a bill. unless your in the union, with benefits…
the only thing that list is missing, is the absence of hand gun crazed motherfuckers, everywhere u look…and guys in cowboy hats, that arent in the praries…
All I have to say to the Americans that think Canada is so great, MOVE. That’s the joy of living in a free country you can leave when you want. So if you don’t like it get the f*ck out. I’ll even buy you a bus ticket.
With your sparkling sense of humour, Shannon, who would EVER want to leave?
It was satire, obviously. And if you think it’s easy to move to Canada, I can show you a stack of forms that say otherwise from my best friend and her husband.
Oh — and I’m moving to the US.:)
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