Ten Things That Are Better About Canada

Aguest post on this fine Canada Day by the lovely Meg Fowler, one of my many Canadian friends whom I love, despite her hatred of my hockey team and her blasphemous words about Stevie Yzerman

Ten Things That Are Better About Canada

10. Our national bird is tastier than yours.

9.  We know the secret to feeling rich — turn all your currency into gold-coloured coins!

8.  Our national flag is a leaf and two bars — something you can find in any town we have, too.

7.  We have more trees than we have McDonalds. And more hockey rinks than Wal-Marts. And more donuts than cops.

6.  Our annual military budget is approximately the same price as Jenna Bush’s wedding.

5.  One end of us looks to Europe, the other end to the Pacific Rim. And if you go to the middle of our country, you can get both pyrogies AND sushi at the food court!

4.  Our movies have more subtitles and boobies — AND the government pays you to make them!

3.  We have a monarch, which is kind of like when your parents go away and leave your Grandma in charge.

2.  If you make fun of us, we make you a citizen. And give you a job at the CBC.

1. If we had a woman and a black man running for office, we’d all vote for the gay Guatemalan-Scottish-First Nations-Tibetan monk performance artist with the limp.

Comments

  1. Also, I’ve heard the roads run thick with cannabis. True?

  2. We have so much pot, we don’t NEED roads.

  3. That might just get mentioned on DoC

  4. And you have way more creative talent in Nova Scotia than most of the US.
    Your ads are much funnier than ours.
    As It Happens is the best radio program ever
    You have 2 of the most beautiful islands in the world (PEI and Vancouver) one for each coast
    Quebec City is waay cooler (and older) than Boston
    You’ll soon have the closest port to Europe thru the Arctic Ocean
    I could go on…

  5. Number 3 is my favorite. Grandmas are the best. Especially when they give you copious amounts of ice-cream before dinner.

  6. Queen of Spain says:

    OOOH CANADA {seesmic_video:{“url_thumbnail”:{“value”:”http://t.seesmic.com/thumbnail/YpmadFMyI3_th1.jpg”}”title”:{“value”:”OOOH CANADA “}”videoUri”:{“value”:”http://www.seesmic.com/video/jhJlHxWyih”}}}

  7. Yes, definitely funnier. And nicer people! Canadians are the friendliest folks on this planet…after Ghanians (sorry Meg!).

  8. Oh Canada is
    America’s hat, oh yeah
    Our ass hat, that is.

    Poutine. Uh…Poutine?
    It really looks to me like
    poo-poo on french fries.

    Canada is cold.
    That is all you need to know.
    Phil Hartman was good.

    In their national
    anthem they say they stand on
    God for thee…oh, “guard”.

  9. And they’ve got Hockey Night In Canada on broadcast TV. Pretty much worth moving up there just for that.

    -Jeremy

  10. Canada… that’s one of the states up by Minnesota, right? ;)

    Seriously. Happy Canada Day my Northern friends, eh?

  11. 7. We have more trees than we have McDonalds. And more hockey rinks than Wal-Marts. And more donuts than cops.

    My favorite!
    Trees instead of liquified lard soaked potatoes!
    HOCKEY instead of mass consumerism of low-cost items that
    children in third world countries fabricated (re; Kathie Lee)
    And less cops than tasty morsels. Guess Canada isn’t
    convinced that the more guns there are hanging around
    the SAFER we’ll be. Commie plot? Or common sense?
    YOU decide!

  12. Canada sounds like a really great place to live in, ‘cept it’s way colder than my country (just 8 degrees north of the Equator).

  13. These are just a few reasons I’m moving there ASAP

  14. Tim Eby says:

    Canada is still the land of the free. There are so many cultures that there’s nothing different about them. Pot is our major crop (many millions of dollars in the economy) which is the major reason for prosperity in B.C. Alberta has oil which the Americans have secured for themselves. I really feel that if we hadn’t signed over the oil sands we’d be invaded tout suite!

  15. Setting political mores aside. HAHA…..( oops I busted myself again )It’s really about acceptance of true talent and the means by which a society responds to serious artists as they create and `dismantle narrow tolerances` I am a Seattle born human that loves our beautiful continent , especially alaska and the yukon WHITEHORSE ROCKS THE TRIBE Long and short peoples need to shred the borders and digest slowly …. right between canada day and the 4th the thunder and lightning calls to *us on the border* orcas island WA.

  16. As an ex-pat living in NYC, I literally laughed out loud. Thank you!!

  17. and college is about 3 grand for tuition.. so yeah might move there.

  18. O.K. you’ve convinced me….now how do I get citizenship there. I literally hate “our politics” here in the U.S. The fact alone that you have free health care is one of the main reasons why I would want to move there. The hardest thing for me personally would be getting adjusted to the cold.
    Oh, why wasn’t I born there. You folks are truly blessed.

  19. Most everyone has the right idea.
    The Canadian Armed Forces add more to the truth about Canada than anything else.
    If you knew the history of this force, you would know why this place is called Canada.
    I also know that Canada means Village from the Native people of this country.
    You will have to look into it.

    Those are the only things you have to
    know to know.

    EOM

  20. Miranda says:

    Stop it, you’re making me want Canada oooohhhh soooooo bad! I could make a list of a million things that are better about Canada. The US sucks. I am extremely ashamed to live here. People say the only drawback is the cold – oh god I love the cold. =D

  21. Tim Eby, you must not live in Canada.

    Free? Oh, right. That’s why a comedian gets dragged before the Human Rights Tribunal for slamming hecklers. That’s why a guy writes a letter to the editor and is forced to publicly renounce his beliefs, and pay damages to the complainant who wasn’t even damaged by the complaint.

    And as for your oil comments, the American Senate just got done BANNING Tarsands oil. Americans companies may have interests up there though the largest players are the international conglomerate Shell and a couple other independents), but the oil is being sold overseas, not to America.

    Don’t get me wrong. I love Canada. I just hate ignorant Canadians.

  22. I always feel a just little uncomfortable when I see these ‘Canada is so great’ things all over the place, and I guess that’s just one more sign of being Canadian; Even though we all know it’s true, it still feels wrong to brag about it. Anyway, all I wanted to say was that the one common thread that I noticed among all the replies was that Canada was cold. Well yeah… in the winter it sure can be, but right now it is 11:43pm, I just got home from work, and I am sitting out in the backyard enjoying a cold beer and a big fat joint of some really killer weed. I was planning to build a fire just to look at, but the stars are spread out above me in absolute clarity and I don’t want to spoil the view; It is warm enough that even in just a t-shirt I don’t need it, and just cool enough to keep away the mosquitoes.

    ~peace all~

  23. Here’s one person who is happy to be a duel citizen. I may have to flee the states sooner or later and head back to Canada (The alternative, of course, being that my area of the country secedes from the nation and applies for provinceship in Canada.:-p )

  24. Gary Seibert says:

    Look, about this “Canada is cold” idea. If you live in Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire, Minnesota, North Dakota and those other northern states east of the continental divide, you’ll find lots of places in Canada where winter is a lot more bearable than where you live now! :)

  25. whenever i meet a canadian, i ask them if they are from toronto. they always answer “yes” to which i reply “all YOU PEOPLE are from toronto.” (note: when meeting a francophonic canadian, simply replace “toronto” with “montreal”) then i crack a joke about how i’m from maine which is often mistaken for canada. I wouldn’t want them to think i was trying to persecute them.

    now where to i sign up for one of these jobs at the CBC?

  26. canada really isint that cold in a lot of places
    it only goes down to about 10 degrees(Celsius)
    in vancouver.

    and about 70% of the population lives within 50 miles from the border.

  27. As long as we have America to protect us, we can afford to be smug.

  28. @the kaiser –

    Say what you will about our anthem, at least it’s not about a battle we LOST. You know that each time yours is played, the rest of us chuckle about that, right?

  29. LOL, I love this! And speaking as a brit, I love the idea of item 3…Grandma indeed LOL

  30. Good article. Don’t forget the health care.

    I live in Richmond Hill, Ontario, and it’s annoying when people from other countries ask where Richmond Hill is. All I really have to say, though, is “an hour north of Toronto”.

  31. HOLD ON! I’M ON MY WAY!

  32. Canada is the shieeet! If you run out of pot… simply go to a convenience store (well… the process is the same). We have a day in which we can smoke pot all we want, downtown by government buildings in front of cops. They might ask for a drag or two so keep it hush-hush. lol but in all honesty, forget the pot – Canada is the place 2 be!! Why make war when you can make friends? Anyone and everyone is accepted in Canada, so long as you are legit, if not, you’ll spend just a few 8 weeks in a cell until you’re deported! lol j/k
    True patriot love!

  33. @cide, cant forget the marijuanna march, its amazing freedom

  34. Where else can you get a tee time at 6:30 pm and still finish 18 holes, Then get another tee time at 4:30 am and finish before you go to work.

  35. @Ross

    While I quite like Canada, I wonder if you know as much about that which you reference as you want people to believe. The Battle of Baltimore (the impetus for Key’s poem that was later set to music as the U.S. national anthem) was won by the U.S., not the British. The War of 1812 was also won by the U.S. So, to what are you referring when you say that the national anthem is about a battle the U.S. lost?
    For more info….
    http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=3912213

  36. Better be careful bragging on Canada, with Global Warming and all. You’ll have a Starbucks and a Burger King next to every Canadian Mountie.

  37. Blame Canada says:

    I could give a fuck less, I’m American.

  38. I could give a fuck less about you, too.

    *smiles*

  39. @Jeff

    In the minds of most Canadians (and most if not all were taught this in grade school), the war of 1812 was a attempt by the Americans to gain land in Upper and Lower Canada (and had something to do with the British ;) ). Thus the reason why we claim you lost.

  40. Hey, I’m from Virginia and after reading this I would love to live in Canada………from what I have read…is pot legal there? Wow, that in itself is a reason to move…..LOL

  41. Cupid p says:

    they’ve clearly never tasted a emu.

  42. 7-11 girl says:

    earlier tonight i had been discusing with my boyfriend where we want to move, and then i get online and start stumbling and the first page that comes up is this one….
    really makes me ache. damn yous.
    lol, kate

  43. proudcanadian says:

    hmmm. let’s see… the best things about being Canadian and not American…
    1. free health care

  44. wicked post. made me laugh. patriotism is awesome and I think we can be proud of this country but it should not be at the expense of others. ultimately we all live on planet earth and the sooner we forget about our borders, the better for everyone. check out my blog here on this topic http://isfanstartup.blogspot.com/

  45. robert saint amour says:

    the last thing we need is more loser americans here in canada devoted to even stupider comments “eh”???

  46. Canadian Neighbor says:

    I’ve lived near Canada most of my life. I’ve always felt like they’re sort of like our cousins. Some things are better there but there’s no place like home. I go and visit and enjoy what it has to offer. However, I’m always glad to be home in my own little town. Best of both worlds.

    Of course no one will ever read this so I’ll add a personal note. I’ve been thousand of miles away from my wife, Judy, for over 4 months now. I’m helping my mother take care of my father as he dies from Alzheimers(sp). It may require me being here for another year. I hope Judy and I do OK. I’m really torn. My mom needs me but my wife misses me. She’s been really cool but how much can she take. We talk everyday. I’m going home for a visit in a few weeks. I’m hoping to be gone for 6 weeks, then be gone for another 4 months. I have other siblings in the area that will fill in for me while I’m gone. They’re all using vacation days and personnel time. I have to come back. I just have to keep making Judy feel appreciated and keep saying to her how grateful we all are that she loaning me so generously to help the family. I’ll keep going to church to stay focused in the right direction. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Go Canada!!!

  47. When we Invade the USA
    you will have a Free Pot plant in every home
    and WE WILL Give the Alamo back to the Mexicans !!!!!

  48. KIMBERLY says:

    I Love Canada, It’s My Home! I’m proud of Canada! There are many political differences, religious differences, cultural & spiritual differences. We are so many, individual and unique. We listen, we empathize, we endure, we relate and then we understand,”we are all flowers of the same field.”
    WE ACCEPT, WE FORGIVE, WE LOVE, WE GIVE. OUR MOTO, LIVE AND LET LIVE, PEACE….

  49. war of 1812 says:

    @ Jeff

    FYI Canada/the british north americans won the war of 1812, it was a war to annex Canada as a part of the united states. Frankly i find it hilarious when Americans claim they won, because its pretty clear we did, we’re not just another crappy state!

    Also little known fact outside of Canada, a group of drunken loyalists left Halifax Nova Scotia during the war of 1812, snuck into Washington, DC, and BURNT DOWN THE WHITEHOUSE! At that time it was called the capital building, and as their first move of disinformation to the American public the government chose to ‘white wash’ or in layman’s terms paint the burnt building white so that no one would notice that their precious building was in ruin!

    TAKE THAT!

    Also the #1 reason Canada is awesome is our free health care! EQUALITY!!!

  50. I love Canada! i live on the border between Detroit and Windsor. One of the things that I have noticed when I cross over to the Canadian side after having left the US is a feeling of relief! I love the fact that Canadians always offer help to anyone when he/she has a problem. I grew up in the US, I don’t know even one person that I grew up with, nor do I have any desire to!
    The sense of doom and gloom for me occurs when I return to the US! I automatically sense a ‘heavy feeling.’ The ‘Homeland Security Act’ has increased this side of doom for me. The Customs people are nicer to you when they see you as an “American” but all non-Americans are Classified as ‘the others,’ of whom should be subject to being more suspect…Most of the American people are overly Individualistic and are unable to understand that life cculd be better elsewhere. Recently, I have made a habit of sharing Michael Moore’s film, ‘Sicko’ with every American that I encounter. I think it is high time that Americans be relieved of their own stupidity! Canada is the best!

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