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Ouch

September 19, 2009 by 12 Comments

All I said was “no.”

But the “I DO NOT LOVE YOU, MOM” will ring in my ears forever.

that's her "uh Mom, whatever" look

Filed Under: #suckit

Comments

  1. Maria says:
    September 19, 2009 at 8:24 am

    Gah. Ouch indeed.

  2. Lex says:
    September 19, 2009 at 8:55 am

    Awww. 🙁

  3. Jordie says:
    September 19, 2009 at 11:48 am

    Twenty years from now her book cover may read: “I Do Not Love You, And Other Lies I Told My Mother To Hurt Her Back.” It is painful to hear words like these, which is precisely why she chose them. It is a classic phrase for a reason. You said “No” and she was hurt, so she returned the favor. Sure, these hurts are not equitable. But as a child she lacks finesse. She only knows how to shoot the big gun. Erin, as the Buddhists say “Suffering is the story we tell of our pain.” Words like these coming from your child ARE painful, and yet “will ring in my ears forever” is the story making you suffer. Change the story. Remember—and I’m sure you know this because you are a good, caring and loving parent—never saying “No” will be interpreted as “my mother never cared about me”. Sometimes being “the parent” can suck. Hang in there. She’s not always going to be fair, but no doubt SHE LOVES YOU! She was just pissed. She’ll get over it. You can too.

  4. Stephanie Smirnov says:
    September 19, 2009 at 11:52 am

    Been there, heard that. Also “I HATE YOU MOM.” My maternal thick skin gets tougher every day.

  5. fogspinner says:
    September 19, 2009 at 5:11 pm

    Bleh I hate that one. Then they outgrow it. Next you find yourself arguing with your teen-aged son to stop being so unselfish and tell me what you want to do and STOP protecting me for god’s sake! I think it’s something in the air.

  6. denise says:
    September 19, 2009 at 5:25 pm

    GAH – That is harsh! Why do they do that?!?

    A few weeks ago my son told me “MOM, You’re *thisclose* to not being able to visit me when I grow up!” The look of shock on my face must’ve said everything because he seemed remorseful shortly after.

    So sorry that happend to you 🙁

  7. Jennifer says:
    September 19, 2009 at 6:56 pm

    And this is where I thank the Great Being in the Sky that mine doesn’t talk yet. He just screams at me til I stop whatever is irritating him and then gives me big, slobbery, open-mouth kisses.

    I do not look forward to that day, when the talking starts.

  8. drlawmom says:
    September 20, 2009 at 1:45 pm

    Congratulations! Erin, this is a necessary part of her becoming the independent person you’re raising her to be. She needs a safe place to act out, act up, push the envelope and try all the strategies to get her way, a place where doing that does her no harm. This it true for all kids, but especially for girls. Mommy is always that safe place. She didn’t say it because she wants to hurt you, she said it because she knew that you would love her no matter what she said. Don’t be hurt, be encouraged. You are on the right track! Telling her no, and allowing her to react honestly will make sure that she stands up for herself as a woman. She’ll know which strategies work and which fall flat. I heard it from both my girls, especially when the hormones kicked in. They are now 21 and 18. I just skyped with my 21 year old from Italy for 2 hours. I talk to my college freshman daughter daily. They turn to me even as independent women because they know they can, because we moms are the safe place. They want to share their good times and bad and value my input. Congratulations! You’re growing a real woman and a lasting loving relationship with your daughter.

  9. Jeni says:
    September 20, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    I bawled my eyes out the first time my daughter said this to me. She was in her room for a time out and screaming and crying and hollering about how she didn’t love me anymore, and I was sitting outside the door bawling and crying over how she didn’t love me anymore. My husband walked in and thought I’d lost my mind.

  10. Jenna says:
    September 22, 2009 at 6:57 pm

    Owie! The things they say and don’t even realize how much it burns. Jen

  11. Toni Momberger says:
    October 16, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    No it won’t.

  12. Jane Hamilton says:
    October 29, 2009 at 2:00 am

    I get that a lot, too. Especially when the Dad is around!!! You get used to it… sorta. I remember when I had heard that too much in one day, and cried too! Anyway, I guess they get the “I can speak my mind when I feel like it” from us…

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