I’m sitting here trying to figure out how to put into words my emotions today. I want to blog about my youngest turning five. How she’s gotten her ears pierced. How she couldn’t be more proud to be turning into a ‘big girl.’
But it’s too complex for what feels like puny words. Words that will pale in comparison to what’s happening in my heart and in my head.
All I know is carrying her is hard. She’s getting too big for me to hold on my hip. My hip that’s held her and her brother for so many years. My hip that’s labored under the weight of what I always, lovingly, called my ‘sack of potatoes.’
My hips aren’t done. They want more. And I ache and cry as I stand and automatically shift my weight…swaying the sway of a woman with a child on her hip.
But my hand now slips from her bottom and her weight is just nearly too much.
This hip will soon be empty.
And I honestly can’t bear the pain and sting, when I so badly long for this hip to be full.
Sigh.
I know.
Beautifully written, Mama.
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With you on that. Sending hugs. xo Christine
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I am just beginning to accept that I am leaving the baby corridor and that there is no end to wanting. Doesn’t seem fair that our hearts still year and our arms (and hips) still seek.
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As a Mama to a five year old as well, I about lost it when she (my youngest) lost her top two teeth.
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My “baby” just turned two and I’m already starting to feel that. My heart yearns for another, buy my head says no.
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I was thinking… a few years from now she’s going to read your blog posts. They both are. As a daughter, I can’t imagine anything cooler than going back in time on my relationship with my mom by reading things she wrote… on the day of my fifth birthday.
I’m pretty big now but there are times when I need my mom to pick me up and carry me on her hip – figuratively speaking, of course – and she never minds the weight. In fact, I’m amazed that she’s able to lift me up when I’m all the way over here and she’s all the way back home in Ecuador. I’ve learned that moms are amazing like that.
Don’t miss your baby on your hip just yet. Even at 23, she’ll hop right on. Keep working on those biceps 🙂
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That was simply lovely. And hit me just right today. Mine is coming up on four and it’s just killing me.
*hugs & love* for the sigh of those empty hip moments … and much happiness for every adventure and corner the two of you will turn as your hips feel the emptiness of her weight & your heart expands as you continue watching her grow. You have such an awesome relationship with your daughter (and son) ~ such a blessing~ so much love, so many awesome moments in front of you and great memories behind you.
It touches my heart <3
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That just brought a pang to my heart. My son is 2.5 and I feel like my hips can only take so much more. But I want more. What a sweet post and good reminder to cherish each moment with our kids. It’s true what they say – they grow up (and big) way too fast.
-Aimee
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Very sweet. My son turned 3 in January. He is no longer a baby, but a little man. Lucky of me, he is a snuggle puppy. And more luck for me, I have friends who still have babies who I get to hold and then give back.
PS – I can share mine with you. ;0)
Happy Birthday to your daughter.
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I am shocked at how quickly I went from “I can’t wait until they’re older” to “Oh, another baby would be wonderful!” I think when the youngest is self-sufficient (4 or 5 or so), that’s the time we all start wishing we could start over with a baby again.
Of course, we know everything now, so how easy would it be!
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I love this picture of you two. It’s so perfect.
Oh, I still long for my four year old. He’s 15 now and a freshman in high school. The first time I saw him in his baseball uniform, I chooked up. He’s 6’1″ and thinned out–and he looks so much like an adult. As much as I love this teenager, I miss my little boy. Being a mom is really hard, especially because I feel like I’m preparing myself as much as I’m preparing him for leaving. (He won’t really go, will he? Say it isn’t so.)
I know exactly how you feel and my daughter is only just about to turn 2! But the first 2 years went so fast, I know that the next two will probably go even faster. And although we have been trying to get pregnant again, I know that my first baby will never be a baby again. Except she’ll always be my baby. A fact that I’m sure she will deeply resent as a teenager ;o)
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Awwww! SO sweet. Made me choke up a little… ;p
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I know. My daughter is 4, and you have given me a glimpse into what is ahead. I will miss my little girl.
Poignant!
Fantastic – wish I had better words to express that.
I am so there with you. My one and only (so the doctors tell me) will be 5 in 4 weeks. I have to let him ride piggyback to get him up the stairs these days as I can no longer carry him on a hip that far or for that long…
Many hugs,
Kit
Having a girl’s ears pierced at five?
I see.
Our eldest is 13 in 1 month and I finally relented and said she could have them pierced as only now do I believe she can make her own decision.
I know the ache of which you speak, too well.
My baby turned 8 this week, and his 2 top teeth are gone, and he’s out of his 7X size clothes, and his curls are straightening out.
I can barely stand it.
That’s a nice entry, but why the glass of wine so early in the morning (bottom left in the photo).
actually it was bathtime, at night… after dinner but… that’s not to say I wouldn’t have a glass at 9am if the occasion was right