Junky

My new weekly fun

I started injections this week. Lupus is a conniving bitch that keeps trying to outwit my body. But we’re ahead of her.

That doesn’t make this any easier though. I feel like my husband having to pick up syringes at the pharmacy takes us to another new and elevated level of crazy around here. Now it’s not just pills and creams, it’s needles. And that scares me.

What comes next? Nurses in my home? Tanks of oxygen or tubes or IVs?

I want to believe that this is run-of-the-mill. That diabetics and others do this all the time and this is just not a big deal and I need not freak out about it.

But that’s not entirely true. I now have to inject myself weekly in order to keep Lupus in it’s cage.

The kids haven’t seen the needles yet. I’m sure at some point I will explain, and they can watch if they want. But of course I worry how they will process this in their tiny brains. I worry how my very needle-phobic husband will cope if I have to teach him how to administer the meds.

Yet another hurdle in what seems like a never-ending battle.

#SUCKIT Lupus. YOU WILL NOT defeat me. I will stab myself happily and mock you as I do it. Keep throwing your best at us, and we will keep knocking you back. This week you even flared as I returned to work- sending my inflammation markers back up and my energy back down.

But I don’t care. I’m over you. Done. Bring your needles and whatever comes next. I’m ready.

Comments

  1. My husband had to inject interfuron shots for a year when he was battling melanoma. The first month was awful and I got a stomach ache every time I saw the pre-loaded needles in the fridge. It was never fun, but a few months into it, it wasn’t so scary. He took those shots and kicked cancer’s ass. I hope you kick lupus’s ass just as hard.

  2. Thanks Bridig. and your husband and you ROCK …

  3. Are we sick and tired of all the liberal medicines and gotcha illnesses? You betcha! *winkity winkity wink*

    Hey, I can see CVS/pharmacy from my house!

    Trading death panels for butt paddles,
    Spamah Palin
    .-= Spam┬┤s last blog ..SpamSpam- 1 more pic Depending on whats developed for it- Xbox 360 Kinect might be what turns me into a gamer again http-yfrogcom-5bsivrj bbbgp =-.

  4. Fogspinner says:

    Hey, I have oxygen tanks and tubes and do home IV’s…. plus at least 40 prescriptions just within my arms reach, more that I can’t reach, and it’s OK. Right now it’s new and scary and tough as hell. It will get easier. It will become more comfortable. It will always suck.

    I have always had cystic fibrosis, I was born with it, only it wasn’t diagnosed until I was 14. I was the oddity (still am in fact). Even though I was “healthy” until 3 years ago, when my son was old enough to talk, he was taught to dial 911 and what to tell people mommy had. You never know when they will be the only link you have. (In my case, stopping breathing.) He was 12 when I went really downhill and there is only one doctors appointment I regret his being at, and he’s been at them all. Is it scary for him, yes. It is for us all and we face it together. I have always felt information is power and you aren’t scared of what you can understand/see/touch/feel. Even his friends, who I was scared to have around at all, are accustomed to it and on board. ­čśë

    It does become more comfortable. If you need anything, email at will. ­čśë

  5. awwwww Lord how I luvs ya Spammy

  6. Fogspinnner … a powerful story to remind me I’m not alone and that you indeed are a trooper. I realize I am lucky to be able to work, heck I even traveled this week. xoxoxoxo

  7. I inject myself at least once a day, but it is a big deal. When Inwas pregnant with Hollis & first diagnosed it was scary as hell. That I remember. So you go right ahead and be freaked out.
    But I can tell you that you’ll adapt to your new normal and living with a chronic condition. Soon it will be same old same old and you’ll think nothing of jabbing yourself in the ass. (-; Or the thigh. Or the arm. Or the tummy. You’ll get inventive!
    Hang in there babe. After all you’ve been through already, you’ve got this. No problem.
    .-= Lawyer Mama┬┤s last blog ..Becoming a Real MOMocrat- 2010 Election Night =-.

  8. I’m glad to hear someone else call it a big deal. I am trying not to overreact here but…damn!

  9. Mary Wallace says:

    Of course its a big deal, its horrid! You bitch slap that lupus, and we’ve all got your back. Its terrible to have the uncertainty and the sense that all of a sudden your future is unknown or cloudy. But you’re hardy stock, you’ve got a great family and so you’re not alone… If each day is going to be challenging for the short run, make sure that you make one thing in each day really special, so you can feel you valued your day. This too shall pass. I remember when breathing was so scary when I had my lung disease. I never thought I’d get out from under the oppressive fear. But years later, amazingly, its gone and I have days and days and weeks go by without remembering it. This is making you into someone stronger, for a reason. Keep representing, keep sharing!

  10. Kick its ass! GRRR!

  11. My sister was getting weekly shots for her eye condition that caused arthritis. She was 10 at the time. It SUCKED, hardcore. My mom had to give them to her. It’s totally a big freaking deal. It’s shots! They SUCK. Regardless of how old you are. I highly recommend cute bandaids. They helped Sasha hate the shots a little bit less.

    Lupus SUCKS, but you’re going to kick its ass.
    .-= Molly┬┤s last blog ..Tomorrow =-.

  12. I know, at first thought, the needles, meds, and all the ramification can be over whelming. Even depressing. “If we allow it.”

    While Lupus is not my fight, I remember the first time I had to give injections. They were in my thigh with an “experimental” medicine from a “Specialist” in Van Ness. The needles were teeny tiny & I made myself do it. The shots helped. Maybe. Or maybe not. I didn’t get well, I stayed in that endless fatigue spin & a fog of missing days swam around me.

    Later, after a surgery of which I almost died on the table … Ok … I did die. I just forgot to keep dying. My heart started beating again. After *that* surgery I couldn’t look at needles without getting physically ill & dizzy and feeling like I would throw up. I don’t know why, it’s just what happened that way to me. I’m tough, but … needles made me vomit. I never thought anything like that would ever happen to me.

    Now … I’ve over come my fears, my obstacles and I’ve been regularly giving myself shots since 1999 (10cc’s once a week) that help build my immune system that local doctors had all but destroyed. It wasn’t until I started treatments with Dr. Hitt that answers & progress actually came and I started feeling like I might make it back to a space in life that wore the label of “human” rather than “human pincushion.” I was blessed to have a friend who was an RN and stood watch over me. She patiently helped me until I could give the shots myself. Determination won my fear of *the needles beast.*

    You can do this, Erin. Of course it’s a big deal! It’s a HUGE, dramatic change in life that you’re fighting your way through! If I know those inquisitive kids of yours, at least one of them will want to know if they can learn how to give you your shots. I’m betting/hoping you won’t be giving those med’s for long and sending you much love, strength, hope, faith … and anything else that’s needed to make it through each day seeing the rainbow glittered with unicorns.
    ~ *love*
    Sprite

  13. Of course it’s a big deal. Any time you “take it to the next level” with medical interventions it’s a big deal! When I had to learn to feed and medicate my youngest through an NG-tube and (shudder) place the thing, it was downright fucking surreal. Like really, you’re just sending us HOME with this? I wasn’t happy about it at all, but it stopped being so scary after a while (I won’t lie–it never became a comfortable thing to deal with and the g-tube is much better) and became just something I had to do for him. I think you’ll adapt just fine, the way you always do, but there’s no need to feel bad about having a hard time wrapping your mind around it; I think I’d be *more* worried if you weren’t a little taken aback by this latest development!

  14. I am diabetic (Type 2) and was on insulin injections many times a day during the time I was pregnant with my kids. I have recently started a new medication that is also administered via injection each day.

    Injections are a scary thing. It was quite a big deal to me in the beginning to think that my situation was so far gone as to require injections. I worried about the kids reactions (they’re 2 and 4) but I decided to show them what I was doing and explain it in a basic way.

    It’s a big deal to me. And it isn’t. It is something you get used to. And if it helps you kick the crap out of Lupus then it’s so worth it.
    .-= Marilyn (A Lot of Loves)┬┤s last blog ..Red Tree- Wednesday of Few Words =-.

  15. My Aunt Doll has MS and my Uncle Lonnie has been giving her injections for almost 10 years. He said that for almost the whole first year that it brought him to tear. Now he knows that he is helping her not hurting her.
    .-= Bobbi Janay ┬┤s last blog ..Halloween 2010 =-.

  16. I am an endocrinologist who prescribes multidose insulin with impunity, though by the time the patients get to me, they are already more familiar than most would like to be of puncturing their fingertips once or more per day. My position frequently requires me to be bad cop who has to introduce the injections. A visit or two before the patients run out of pills I take an insulin syringe from my exam room drawer, fill it with sterile saline and have them insert the syringe into their abdominal wall, pushing the plunger to insert a 0.2 ml puddle of liquid into their fat pad. Invariably the reaction to this is one of relief, as the anticipation seemed far worse than the task.

    It is a little harder to teach the household members about emergency use of injectable glucagon, an injection almost identical to insulin, to be given to the unconscious relative in the event of a major insulin mishap. Some see it as a form of assault on a loved one with a sharp instrument, and would much rather just call 911.

    Eventually the childhood diabetics get shown the door by their pediatricians and find their way to me. Many have had diabetes since early grade school, a few as pre-schoolers. Nearly all learned their survival skills early, though their teachers often did not.

    At the very least, I think the kids in the house should be taught needle safety.

    From a physician prescriber’s perspective, most of these medicines are judged by their real medical properties: effectiveness, predictability, safety and cost. How each medication finds its way from its storage container to the body’s interior seems of much lesser importance.
    .-= furrydoc┬┤s last blog ..shabbat prep =-.

  17. Wow. I’m so sorry. And many of the comments too- it all makes me think how brave and fragile we are.
    .-= Bryony Boxer┬┤s last blog ..We Have a Winner! =-.

  18. This sucks. It is a big deal. I am seriously needle phobic myself and would have a really hard time injecting myself on purpose.

    But I also personally know several people who have to take injections on a regular basis, and they all manage with grace. And I admire them for it.

    Also, I should say — I am probably at LEAST as needle phobic as your husband (Does he pass out when getting blood drawn? Because yeah, I sometimes do) and yet I have NO COMPUNCTION about the idea of injecting my son with an EpiPen to stop an allergic reaction. None. I would do it and be happy that I had the opportunity to do it, that I had access to medicine that would help him, in whatever form. I am sure your husband will feel the same way (eventually, heh).
    .-= Jaelithe┬┤s last blog ..Five Reasons for Apathetic Voters to Vote =-.

  19. Best of luck!
    .-= Infertile Naomi┬┤s last blog ..703 You are not Alone in Infertility =-.

  20. You are strong and amazing. You have every right to be scared and yet step forward in spite of it. This is the definition of Bravery. Not only will you eventually adapt to the intrusive needle regimen, but your Bravery will inspire your family and friends in ways you will never be able to predict… even years from now.
    Huggs and Peace,
    .-= Nan┬┤s last blog ..5 Things Every Kid should know while trying to pursue happiness =-.

  21. I am so sorry. It is a big deal and it totally bites. We started giving our two year old daily injections last month and it sucks. He is so awesome about it because he gets stickers after each shot. So he gets excited when I say, “Come here for your shot.” He comes running to see what stickers he gets today shouting, “Stickers! Stickers!” We look at the stickers and oh and ah and then he sees the big needle pen and says, “No shot, no shot, no shot.” Every single day I feel like am playing a dirty trick on him, like, “Oh boy, come get your sticker. And then bam, and your shot too!” He is actually quite brave and does well once I tell him we have to do the shot and then he can get the stickers.

    I realize him getting the shots is different, but maybe for your kids if they get to hold something (he usually picks a toy or a letter magnet from the fridge) while watching (when you get to that point) it might help. Also, we are pretty straightforward about it with him. We wake up, we read books, we play, we take meds, we do a shot, we eat breakfast, we play, etc. The shot is just one thing in our routine, no big deal (even though it is and I hate doing it to him). If you make it no big deal, it will hopefully be no big deal, just something Mom does on Tuesdays like on Mondays she picks up dry cleaning. (At least that is what all the advice says that we got from our nurses and docs.)

    Good luck and hang in there. Sorry you have to fight this battle.

  22. Erin, you inspire me. I am proud to know you.

    NOW…

    I beat “needle phobia” by forcing myself to give blood every 56 days for years. He can practice with an empty syringe, water, and an orange. Then, he can do your injections. The more he does it (and nothing bad happens) the less phobic he will become.

    I also battled a lifelong horrible phobia of snakes the same way.. I let my 12 year old son get a harmless little rosy boa. It worked! I am not completely comfortable with other snake species, but I am not afraid of toilets, curtain rods, garden hoses, and “stick snakes” on hiking trails anymore.

    For what it is worth… he can beat this phobia while you kick the fat ass of Lupus all over town.

    :-)K
    .-= Kimberli┬┤s last blog ..Hebrew School =-.

Trackbacks

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Erin Kotecki Vest, Kathy Jacobs. Kathy Jacobs said: RT @QueenofSpain: I'm a junky http://queenofspainblog.com/2010/11/05/junky/ […]

Speak Your Mind

*