A lot goes on in an eight-year-old brain.
Imagination runs wild, darting through blasts of genius and chaos and inventions and chores, my son only seems to calm down when in my arms at bedtime. I’m not sure what finally shuts off in his head, but the switch is flipped and he can nestle next to me and serenely tell me about his day, about his worries, about his ideas without the swirling and swirling that usually takes over his brain.
This is the boy that, like his father, doesn’t stop moving. This is my son that does ‘laps’ in my house from wall to wall, sprinting between Lego constructions. But this is also the boy that tonight, curled next to me and snuggling said, ‘Mom, why don’t you blog about how I like to lay with you at bedtime.’
And lately he never wants me to blog about him. Or take his photo. These are all requests I respect as he gets older and can not only read what I am writing, but also can and should have some control over what it is put out there about him on this world wide web.
So tonight, as he’s next to me watching as I type, I want him to know that I can feel how calm he is. I want him to know that if I could, I would take that peace and bottle it, and send it with him as he goes off into the world every day. That safety, that quiet.
But I also want him to know I wouldn’t trade it for the brilliance that is inside his sometimes chaotic but beautiful mind. While it may be hard for him to make sense of all the ideas firing left and right and up and down and back and forth- they are his ideas. His amazing thoughts and dreams. And one day he will harness them. He will learn to control them. And he will not need that bedtime zen he gets from hearing his mother’s breath and heartbeat.
He tells me as I write this that snuggles at bedtime are the best because he gets to be with me, yet I am here all day. I say it’s not just that he’s with me, it’s that he’s calm. He’s tired, he feels safe, as though he can turn off some of the zips and zigs and zags and zaps that never seem to end in his fast-paced body.
Yeah Mom, that too…but I have you here and I wish you could just be with me all the time, then I could feel like this forever.
Me too baby. Me too.