It all started innocently enough…I was plucking my eyebrows in my bathroom mirror. My 3-year old wandered in, stared at me, then stared at her own reflection.
Mommy what are you doing?
But why would you do that?
It was then my heart sank and I chose my words very carefully. She was watching me too closely, looking at herself too closely, and I could see her 3-year old brain trying to decide if her eyebrows were subpar-in need of that thing Mommy was doing.
The very idea that my daughter would find any part of her body, any tiny portion of her little face anything but perfect, sent a wave of nausea over me.
It was only a few days earlier she came home from preschool crying because another girl didn’t like her new haircut. Of course it was quickly forgotten and the two girls are paling around as if nothing tearful had been exchanged.
It has begun and she is only 3.
I don’t know how to stop it.
Of course her father and I always talk about her wit and brains, and attempt to build up her esteem in every way possible. We try not to focus on how ‘pretty’ she looks in her princess dress, but do make a point of letting her know she’s beautiful. She’s beautiful playing dress up and she’s beautiful playing in the mud.
We try and focus on her being perfect just the way she is…
…then come nights like tonight, when my daughter wants me to paint her toe-nails pink. Not because of any other reason than she wants them painted. She would prefer blue, or purple but all I had was pink in the house. A pink I bought a long time ago then put away.
But tonight it was about fun. Harmless girl fun. We giggled as I painted her toes and she was giddy to have it happen. And I wonder if with that simple act, coupled with watching mom pluck her eyebrows, put on her makeup, primp…if I just added to her already doomed body image path.
I hate this. I hate that I’m worried about this. I hate that political headlines involve clothing and makeup (dude, next time Sarah…try Target) but it’s impossible to avoid.
I can’t avoid it at 33 and my daughter can’t avoid it at 3.
This afternoon I got to listen-in on a call with Senator Biden and 500 advocates, workers, victims and activists fighting domestic violence against women.
Biden helped those listening celebrate a milestone for the National Domestic Violence Hotline and it’s 2 millionth call.
Biden said, “2 million have worked up the courage and the conviction to be able to come to a phone, most of the time hiding and praying to god and hoping no one hears them…they were able to call a federally funded number and they know someone will actually answer it.”
Amanda Scott from Women for Obama writes, “Approximately 1,400 women a year – four every day – die in the United States as a result of domestic violence. And 132,000 women report that they have been victims of a rape or attempted rape, and it is estimated that an even greater number have been raped, but do not report it.Biden wrote and passed the landmark Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) which is the strongest legislation to date that criminalizes domestic violence and other forms of violence against women, provides victims with the support they deserve, and holds batterers accountable.”
Now I had known all of this about Senator Biden. I had known about him writing the Violence Against Women Act, I knew he had championed the legislation…what I wasn’t prepared for was hearing him speak about women and violence like I am used to my friends speaking about women and violence. Hearing him speak like a man passionate about protecting women, empowering women.
He told me about how violence against women is society’s dirtiest and ugliest secret. He told me about wishing everyone in America could sit in the call center for just a half an hour to hear what he’s heard. He told me about how women initially blame themselves for the horrible acts committed against them He told me about how violence against women is a cultural issue, with people thinking it’s a “private” or family matter and how WRONG that is.
Senator Joe Biden went on and on and on and on, barely taking breaths in between his words to talk about what he’s seen and why he’s fighting for women. Then he said if he and Senator Obama had the honor to be elected,
“I promise you, I PROMISE YOU, you will have the strongest allies you’ve ever, EVER had.”
And I was floored.
Biden then went on to announce Obama-Biden plans for a special advisor, in their administration, IN the White House, who would report directly and regularly on violence against women, because he understands this needs sustained high level leadership on the issue. He also discussed plans for their administration to take their ideas global, and reward countries for stopping violence against women.
Today the campaign released this new video, so you can see exactly what Biden is talking about:
For more information on the National Domestic Violence Hotline, you can visit www.ndvh.org. Hotline advocates are available for victims and anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. If you or someone you know is frightened about something in your relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.
I went to bed last night more depressed than I have been in a very long time. I continue to get mired in the worst part of politics…the name calling, the accusations, the sheer emotional rants and raves.
I am sick to death of it all, frankly. And every day I become more enraged at what is happening around me. Enraged in a way that I’ve never felt.
I really can’t help it. When I see injustice I scream. I scream loudly, and forcefully, and with everything in me. Not because I’m trying to offend or alienate, but because I love THAT much. I believe THAT much. I am THAT upset.
That doesn’t always serve me well, but it does garner attention. The attention can changes lives and votes, it can anger and disgust, and it can help and hurt.
Of course, on the otherside there are those screaming back. Or just shaking their heads. Or just writing me off all together. Which is a shame, because once the screaming stops there is usually some very powerful discussion to be had. I would invite you to read through all the comments here to see what I mean.
While I continue to triage the path of the destruction my last outburst has caused, I’m happy (and somewhat relieved) to say that sometimes…sometimes…it all turns out ok.
A GREAT BIG AMERICAN THANK YOU FROM STUDENTS IN ROOM 1!! My first grade students were elated to find out we would have our laptop up and running to complete the presidential election in November and to follow it to the inauguration in January!! We already have our Presidential Corner set up and ready with our ballot box, ballots, voting graphs, tally charts, and tons of books relating to elections and our country. My students plan to assist a RIF book distribution and set up ballot boxes for other students to vote for their favorite story book character: Junie B.Jones or Arthur. We are also participating and assisting in a school wide election on October 28th to cast our votes to see who our school choice would be. This is going to be a wonderful learning experience for my students and we all thank you for being part of it! You never know…one of my students may be a future president!! Thanks Again!
Thank you, everyone, for your help in getting Mrs. F’s class their supplies.
I’m really tired of dancing around this and trying to be nice.
I’ve seen your really cute church ads. I’ve heard you talk about how, in your whacky world of crazy, letting a gay couple marry would somehow infringe on your religious rights. How you’re doing it for the protection of ‘our children’ and how it’s really not about tolerance of ‘lifestyles’ but how it’s about you being ‘forced’ to accept same-sex unions.
Can I just say…YOU EVIL BASTARDS.
And I mean that with all the love in my heart.
This isn’t about religion or what you believe. This is about civil rights and your bigotry. Yes, your religion has made you a bigot. An evil, hating, horrible, bigot.
If you would like your children to not hear about anyone different from them, feel free to keep them the hell out of public schools and for that matter, public places. Because we here in the ‘public’ are not all like you and we allow our citizens, ALL OUR CITIZENS, the same rights.
I’m seeing YES ON PROP 8 signs in my neighborhood and I have half a mind to knock on their doors and ask them why they think bigotry is ok. Why they think denying rights to others is ok. Why they think their family is better than any other family. Why, exactly, they have SUCH EVIL IN THEIR HEARTS. And where the FUCK they get off with the smiling happy stick-figure family representing them on those fucked up signs.
If your religion does not allow you to marry someone of the same sex..then don’t. If your religion allows for bigotry, perhaps you should find another religion.
Seriously. I am disgusted. Absolutely disgusted by supporters of Prop 8.
I can see absolutely NO justification for this legislation other than you implementing your evil across California.
As my husband just said, Orthodox Jews can’t work on Saturdays…do we come up with legislation making it illegal for everyone to work on Saturdays?
It’s the same thing. You get that, right?
No. You don’t. Because you’re evil, and you some how think gays being allowed the same rights as you is bad.
Perhaps you need to live somewhere that doesn’t allow rights to all it’s citizens. Somewhere where everyone is just like you and thinks like you and lives like you.
Now, many of you will be very quick to point out the Obama-Biden take on gay marriage. And let us BE CLEAR about that record, shall we? I am not naive enough to think every candidate is perfect, and I am disappointed my candidates won’t go that extra mile for gay marriage. But let’s face it…it’s your fault.
You make up a large electorate and they can’t alienate half the country. I get that. They want to make sure all voices are heard in American, even the evil ones.
It’s WRONG, but I get it. I’m also proud that they’ve supported equal rights for the LGBT community and will not support any constitutional amendments defining marriage.
Now you, on the other hand…what’s your excuse? Your religion says gay is wrong? Your religion also says you should stone wicked kids, but…I digress.
Get your bigotry out of my state. Get it out of my schools and get it out of my country. ALL are welcome, and that means you too, if you can stay and play nice.
Forced toleration can suck sometimes. But hey, I have to tolerate you, so it works both ways.
Oh, and by the way…years from now, when this is looked back upon like the civil rights movement in the 60’s, and people ask you what side you were on…have fun explaining that one.
*updated 10/20/2008
I keep re-reading and re-reading this post because it’s gnawing at me and won’t seem to let me go. Yes, I am angry. I am very angry over this issue, and writing this was cathartic and let me push all my anger onto a blank page. But as the debate and venom continues over same-sex marriage, I’m worried my hitting ‘publish’ did more harm than good. That I just threw out something into the world that spewed just as much hate as the what I perceive to be coming at me from those who support this measure. To be clear, and as I said in comments, I do not believe all religions and all faiths are evil or bigoted. I found more love in some Christian friends and family than can be expressed. I’ve also seen entire Jewish communities condemn this measure and other faiths rally against discrimination and bigotry. But perhaps, what I keep getting as I re-read this…is a microcosm of what’s gotten so out of hand on this issue and in this entire election: we’re all just name calling and screaming at each other. I regret adding to that, I truly do…but it’s so hard when you feel pushed there. Pushed by whatever entities are at work. So I’m letting this post stand because it’s a fair representation of how I felt when I wrote it, it does-if you can get past the venom-convey all the things I find wrong about this measure and why it should be defeated. But it occurs to me that this entire fight…this battle…is over love. Who can love. How they can love. Why they can or can not love. And the last thing it needs is more hate thrown in. So before you add to the hundreds of comments here or continue to scream and yell, please take that into consideration. Love. -ekv
