Joey baby…you are on minute 14

I was never one of the “good� girls. I liked sex. I liked fun. I liked men. I liked women. And I liked to party.

And then I found the one man I could hump for the rest of my life and bore his children.

I still like sex. I still like fun. I still like men. I still like women. And I still like to party.

But let me make something clear; from my promiscuous years to my marital fidelity, I have always been in control of my body. And I have always respected myself, my mind, and the line between whore and sexually adventurous woman.

Which is why I’d like to put Joe Francis, the owner of the “Girls Gone Wild� empire on notice.

Joey, sweetie, honey, baby: Hi there. I’m the Queen of Fucking Spain. And I’m a mother. And you had better believe your 15 minutes of fame are very close to being up.

Now, wait a second there. No. I’m not some nutjob fundamentalist. Or right winger. Or conservative crazy. Or even slightly religious. In fact, I’m as Cali liberal as they come.

You see, sugar tits, there is a new breed of “MILF� out there, raising a new breed of young woman. We’re hot. We’re confident, and we sure as shit are not giving away our selves for a fucking hat and thong. No, sweeties. No.

Sure, you weren’t around back in the day when I was flashing truckers on my way to spring break for a cheap thrill and giggles. But you see, had that trucker offered to film me, I would have walked away in disgust. There is a line, and you’ve crossed it with those young, stupid, stupid girls you film.

Do they want to be on camera? Yes. They sure do. Are they consenting? Sure seems like it. Are they dumb as rocks? Yeah, I think so. But I don’t really blame those girls. Ok. I blame them a little. But really I blame the society and culture they were raised in and around. The one that worships Paris and pokes fun at Hillary. The one that promises them riches and fame if they show their ass and carry a small dog in a purse. The one that has them puking their brains out to get into those size 0’s. How can I blame the young, young girls that know nothing else? And are told by men like you that they are smokin’ and your dick in their cunts could be their lucky break?

Alas, foolish Joey. This new breed of Mom, the one with hot pink and leopard print dishwashing gloves…she’s on to you. She’s going to work like hell to raise a substantial, strong, and sexy daughter who will crush you.

There is an Army of us raising sexy strong smart daughters who will take you apart, bit by bit, video by video, thong by thong, until your empire crumbles.

For the record. I like porn. I like raunch. I just like it smart. And you, Mr. Francis, are doing anything but smart by taking advantage of this current generation of women. Call yourself a businessman, an entrepreneur, whatever. But what you really are is a frat boy who hit the big time by using and abusing women.

I hope you put money away for your retirement, because it’s coming sooner than you think.

Oh, and Claire Hoffman of the LA Times…you rock my Mommyblog world.


  1. Yeah. I agree. I can’t fathom what these girls are going to feel about the stupid shit they’ve done 15 years from now. Good luck with that one, gals.

    But, “found the one man I could hump the rest of my life”? HAHAHAH!! Hilarious!!

  2. That freaking article made me so mad I could spit. The article describes an act of rape…made me want to vomit. And then the way the journalist says he treated her. Ugh.

  3. Queen of Spain says:

    Suebob-that is EXACTLY what got me all fired up to blog about this. I read that article and was fuming.
    As a woman and as a reporter.

    Karma is a bitch. And I’m sure karma will kick his ass some day.

  4. I read that article earlier, and I was absolutely stunned. I didn’t like him much before, and now that I know he’s rapist scum I hope he goes to prison and becomes some guy’s bitch.

  5. I just wonder sometimes what is the attraction of putting your own stupidity on film? I mean, doing a threeway and a friend with a rockstar – okay fun, but no one knows you did it. A giggle for you and the friend in the old folks home some day. But putting it on film…….christ it’s like you wanted to leave proof of your absence of judgement for the archaealogists.
    We all do stupid crap, or have done stupid crap (seriously I SO too tired for that sort of stupid crap)….but I can’t imagine filming it.
    And the freebie? A thong and a hat? Give me a damn break.
    Come over, scoop the cat litter, change poopie diapers all week and I’ll let you have a polaroid of the jugs. One polarioid. Did I mention I have three cats? And two kids in diapers?
    If you’re going to peddle your flesh (which as a post feminist I respect your right to) for GODS SAKE get something worthwhile when you trash your own dignity.

    You can the nicer hats and thongs at the damn WalMart.

  6. Wow, I knew the guy was a scuzzball – simply because of how he’s making his money. But I had no idea he was THAT much of a lowlife. He’s gonna be anally raped for REAL one of these days. Probably by satan.

  7. HOLY crap, that guy is a sleaze!

    Ugh, Karl is right. I hope he gets butt-raped by Satan.

    Oh, and he totally has horse teeth. Blegh.

  8. I love this post.

    Just tonight I had a conversation with a friend who is struggling with his younger sister who he is afraid will have sex with her boyfriend. I wondered why it was a problem for her to have sex with people. Yes, people… as in multiple people. Frankly, I wish I’d had more sex with more people when I was single. I had my share… but now that I am with one man I am saddened by the fact that I may have felt shame that prohibited me from truly exploring my sexuality for the pleasure of it alone.

  9. It made me sick to read that article. I have always thought he was a sleaze, but this way beyond sleaziness. Eventually karma will have it’s day, but I until then I wonder how bad it will get. I shudder to think about those cruises. The whole waiver issue has always bothered me. I am no lawyer, but I have always wondered how legal it can be to have someone sign a waiver when you know they are drunk. He is so repulsive that I wonder if being anally raped by Satan is enough. Probably not.

  10. Erin, I can’t help but play devil’s advocate here. Please forgive me. But what’s the difference between flashing your boobs when you’re drunk and having fun, or to go out and do a porn video for money? I don’t condone Joe Francis one bit. In fact I won’t let his videos into the house and Doug thought it would be funny to see them. However, when does one cross the line? When I look at these girls who are on GGW videos or Jenna Jamison fans, I can’t blame society. I blame the parents of these kids. I know I’m going to get a heap of flack, but where are these mothers and fathers to teach morals and values? While I realize that parents can’t be everywhere their kids are, I do know it’s not that hard to teach your children what’s right from wrong. Yes, I’ve flashed my breasts — I was a flipping bartneder for years and I did some crazy things, but I’ve never been nude on camera, I’ve never made a porn video no matter how broke I was in college. My mom and dad showed me to hold myself accountable for my actions. They gave me the freedom to do what I wish but made it well known that the decisions I make may not be acceptable and that I’d have to live with it. I think that plays a big part in a child’s upbringing. After all society doesn’t raise our children, mothers and fathers, grandparents, Godparents, aunts and uncles do.

    As a mother, I need to teach my children to be strong individuals and to give them morals and values rather than excuses for bad decisions.

  11. Queen of Spain says:

    Ok Dana. Let me just say first, I think there is a difference between being sexual and responsible and being sexual for fame. I think what a lot of these girls are doing is for the sole purpose of getting attention. That’s sad. And Joe Francis is exploiting that.

    I think there is a HUGE difference between flashing your tits to a friend. A bar, a trucker, etc. And flashing your tits to a camera to be on tv. I think too, there is a huge difference between having casual, responsible sex and screwing someone to get on tv or get a free thong. All of these are major distinctions in my book.

    There is having fun, and there is doing something you may or may not think is fun, but seems to be what the world wants you to do. I’m not totally blaming society. But when we idolize people like Paris Hilton or whomever, we get a generation of girls who think THAT is how they need to be. Of course parents take blame. Of course all of that plays in. I’m not absolving anyone here.

    What I’m saying is, what I did for fun is now done for a hat and thong and to be on tv. That’s sick.

    As far the porn and boob flashing. Wow. I don’t even know where to begin. I think there is a HUGE distinction there. One is just exposing yourself, the other is a sex act. You don’t think there is a difference? Really? Or is it just a sin is a sin? So fuck a man or just lift my shirt, either way I’m going to hell? Eh. I think there are degrees. Flashing the boobs, not so bad. Participating in a porn video…um…whole new level. Is the woman in control and not being degraded? Is she enjoying it, having fun, and happy? I’m all for it! Is she doing it to get a GGW thong and be on tv? Bad. Bad. Bad.

  12. I think you also have to look at the ages of these women. As the titles of the videos explicitly state, they are “Girls” gone wild. They don’t want 30-year-olds gone wild. They want just-over-legal-age women – both for their firm young bodies AND for the lack of judgement that age brings. There are sooooo many things I did at 18 that I would not have done at 30 or even 25 – I just lacked perspective.

    I agree that parents can set a good example by giving their kids good values. But kids experiment. Kids do stupid stuff. They get with their stupid friends, who, at some point, become the most important people in the world to them.

    Most 18-year-olds can’t imagine the possible repercussions of acting out sexually on camera. They don’t have the wider worldview that age brings.

    And we live in a society that worships celebrity. Not talent, not brains, not skill – but celebrity. So these kids are ripe for the picking – young, dumb, drunk and desperate for attention. A bad mix.

    We need to teach young women to be fierce advocates for themselves. That it is ok to be a bitch – when that stands for Being In Total Control of Herself.

  13. I know for a fact that dear Joe has had his ass sued more times that he can count. A friend of mine went on a vacation to South Padre Island many years ago for a week of drunked craziness with some friends. She did get intoxicated, but was never uncontrollable or blackout drunk. Fast forward to years later. My friend was substitute teaching in a high school when a lot of the guys started snickering. After much argument, it turns out that they saw her topless in a Girls Gone Wild video! My friend sought out her lawyer and sued old Joe for a large sum of money, as she had never signed any consent or given any verbal agreement that she could be filmed. When Francis couldn’t provide any proof that she had consented to be on film, she won her case! That just goes to show that this guy will exploit not only drunk girls, but girls that he hopes will never see themselves on his videos!

  14. Queen of Spain says:


  15. I always knew it was a sick thing Francis was doing, just by the unwillingness many of the girls display at first (and this is just in the commercials). I mean, they’re all for flashing the tits for a hat, but then they are often pushed into more and more, including sex acts. I guess for the thong.

    I’m with ya. It’s one thing for a woman to deliberately chose to be on a sexually-oriented tape when she has the desire, consent, and is getting fair treatment and compensation (which is all too rare) and it’s quite another to get pressured into flashing your tits so Mom can see you in a commercial at 2 am just for a hat and a thong.

    I am still in a state shock (wow, years and years of shock) over who we value in our culture. Paris Hilton? Puh-lease. I’m amazed that women devalue themselves so easily but I also realize that I’ve done, we’ve all done because the stage was set long before we got here.

    Raise your independent, strong daughters in the vein of third-wave feminism, with no exceptions for a patriarchal society. I’ll raise my sons to be independent, strong men who value women as people.

  16. First off, Queen, you have once again proven why I will forever be a loyal subject. Awesome post!

    I think it’s important to remember that as long as there are girls lacking in common sense and self respect there will always be predators out there looking to exploit them. Always.

    I was raised to celebrate my sexuality while remaining a lady. I have never felt left out, uncool, underappreciated, or whatever. The way I felt (and feel) about myself comes from something that my parents helped to instill in me. It doesn’t require certain clothing, backdrops, additives (like alcohol) or anything else. I am just as sexy in sweats and a grubby t-shirt as I am completely decked out.

    I think if we can teach our daughters that the sexiest thing a woman can do is believe in herself and use her brain then men like Joey will slither back into the holes they came from. Men like him are afraid of women like us.

    And they should be.

    They should also be afraid of our sons.

  17. Queen of Spain says:


  18. Hear fucking hear!

    This is precisely why I get pissed off at things like the Pussycat Dolls (recently posted about), even though they may be slightly lesser evils – the message being sent is that sexual exploitation of self is akin to self-confidence.

    Not for my daughter. No fucking way. Hands off.

  19. That article…shocking and sick. I can not believe anyone defending him..he’s sick. Oh how I did some things when I was 17, 18, 19…but never would I allow myself to be on camera!! I’ll be right there with ya raising a sexy, independent and CONFIDENT daughter. And a very respectable son!

  20. You read my mind.

  21. AWESOME post.

  22. I think there is a difference in breast flashing and porn videos, of course! I was trying to imply that one shouldn’t be condoned over another. Sure we all do wild things, but we don’t want to encourage flashing or the making of porn. But even still, we DO encourage it and set an example when we do ourselves. I’ve flashed my breasts many times. Too many to count. Was I setting a good example? Probably not. I’m pretty much telling other ladies “Hey! I did it! You should too! It’s okay!” And while there’s nothing to be ashamed of why do we still feel wrong? Is it because we were trained to think that way? It’s such a catch-22. I’m starting to contradict everything opinion I just posted. Sooooo that means that Erin, you have made me think. What a good post!!! How do we show our daughters not to be ashamed of our bodies, but also teach them to be respectful of their bodies? How do we teach them to have fun and be wild but also be moral? It’s like we have to choose between one or the other. Can we really have BOTH?

  23. “That just goes to show that this guy will exploit not only drunk girls, but girls that he hopes will never see themselves on his videos!”

    and after reading the LA times article, I hadn’t thought he could be any worse. Ay, ay ay.

  24. hillgrandmom says:

    If we could teach our daughters that their sense of self-worth should come form what’s inside their heads rather than only what they look like, we are half way there I think. But reading the LA times article, sounds like there was more than just alcohol being circulated.

  25. Wow and WOW. I’d never heard much about this guy before seeing your post and reading the article linked. Guess GGW isn’t a big thing over here (I’d only ever heard of it on american tv shows and movies). What a wanker.. I mean honestly, he sounds like a complete and utter wanker. And these girls are flashing their bits and doing god knows what else all for a t-shirt and a thong? I’m nearly speechless. I hope to god that I can raise my two girls to be strong and indepedant ass-kicking women who will see this kind of shit and stand up for their right to be beautiful and sexy WITHOUT the sleeze.

  26. dude I just went off in a similar fashionabout flava of love…. jsut typing the name sets me off.

    i totally agree with you, and I am currently preparing my daughter for enrollemtn in this movement.

  27. Ahmen Sista. That was a marvelous post.

  28. Wonderful post. Congrats on the “perfect post” award.

    And the guy is a turd. Thanks for expressing it all so well. I’m about 1/2 way through the LA Times article, too.

    Why are some people SO STUPID (meaning the girls, and the turds)?

  29. y yo soy el rey fucking USA

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