Go ahead and mark it down

In fairness to my readers, you might as well just start marking my PMS week on your little datebooks. Because another day has come and gone and I’m once again pissed off.

For those who don’t know, I’m on vacation. Which means I’m relaxed. I’m well fed (my mom stocked her house with my HUSBAND’s favorite candy, and he didn’t even come) and I have ample time to actually be kid free.

So today I went to Target. I needed to pick up these for Sarah’s Goon Squad. For those of you who know or read Sarah, you totally understand. The only thing I can add, is that somehow after years of drinking together, it became common for us to wear something (cat ears, viking helmets, crowns, etc.) on our heads. So I’m just passing on the tradition.

Anyway, I’m in Target and I’m passing the little girl section in the front. You know the one I mean. Not the baby girl section, but the kid girl section with all the t-shirts with sparkle cats on them and purses with fur. I glance over to admire the hot pink skirt and shirt combo when I read the little sign on top: “Flirty T’s for Summer.”


So, because I am that nosey and in a bad mood (stay with me here, it’s PMS week) I go see exactly what a “Flirty” T might be, and what age it might be for.

7,8, and 9-year olds.

Because as we all know, 7,8, and 9-year olds must have a Flirty T for Summer. It’s really not summer unless your daughter looks like a child bride/whore. Ok, actually the shirts weren’t that bad. Just shirts with silly slogans and designs. But, they were “flirty.”

At best, this is just a bad choice of words for Target’s sign guy. At worst, they are marketing the idea of flirting and being sexy to 7-year-olds.

Does this mean I have to boycott Target now too? There will be a few places left I can go buy my shit at, right? Should we all just chip in for some rural land and start a commune (with high speed connections and wifi, of course) now?

I can grow some pretty good tomatoes. And be the official shaver. I’m pretty good at mixing drinks, too. Anyone else have a talent they can contribute to our happy, evil free zone?

It’s that or I need something for PMS. Suggestions?


  1. i totally agree about the raunchy kids (did that work?)

    i’ve been talking about the commune forEVer, so i’m down with that.

    i can juggle. and take care of the dogs. oh! i can waitress!

  2. Queen of Spain says:

    I knew Gunky and I could get along famously. And if my sitemeter is right, I’m making her buy me drinks soon. Someplace in the “non” evil category, of course.

    I can cook too. I can’t bake. I can only bake in the 2nd trimester of pregnancy. But I can totally cook.

    Can anyone make clothes or chop wood or at least rob places really well?

  3. Oh! Oh! (pointing to self) I’m your baker, right here! I make Chocolate Fudge Texas Sheet Cake, and Toll House Mini-Chip Cookies, and…

    So am I in?

  4. I can throw together a pretty yummy meal with ingredients that are not usually mixed in a cookbook recipe.

    I can also quilt – so we won’t freeze during those cold winter nights. Since I can quilt I am willing to work on sewing clothes too – okay so maybe they won’t be stylish at first, but at least the little girls won’t be in flirty shirts!

    I just have to say the high speed and wifi MUST be a part of the bylaws or constitution or whatever otherwsie I won’t be able to come play too! 🙂

  5. I’m not PMSing and those shirts piss me off. There is no way in hell am I going to let Target (or any other store) pimp out my daughter.

  6. I have no special skills.

    Unless you want me to teach all of your kids how to play the piano and sing.

  7. I’ve ranted on more than one occasion about the shorts with the little “messages” on the bum. They are bad enough on 15 year olds, but on 8-10 year old girls they are so very inappropriate. I can’t help but wonder what is running through one’s mind when one buys your little girl shorts that read, “Sexy Thang” on the bum?!

    Also, one of the few times I went into Limited Too, they were selling “Silky Nightgowns” that looked to me just like negligees. They had the feather boa trim and everything, plus you could buy the matching spike heels.

    I really get girls wanting to play dress up, but when the dress up involves a teddy or nightie then something is wrong.

  8. i’m buying you drinks when you get back if for no other reason than i’m embarrassed by my frequency on your sitemeter . . .

  9. Queen of Spain says:

    If anyone ever really looks at their sitemeter closely…they will see me checking in 20 times a day. It’s not just you, my dear. We ALL do it.

  10. I can be the official tax person for the whole place, and get us lots of stuff like 501(3)(c) staus, so when we venture out for the items we have to purchase they will be TAX FREE! Like our own tax free holiday all the time!

    That’s worth something right?

    And my husband and I are excellent babysitters.

  11. Ooh, ooh, I can sew and knit, so I can make clothes! (Can’t weave, though, so we’d still need to buy fabric.)

    I’m glad that the commune would have a wi-fi connection. If it didn’t, that would be a dealbreaker.

  12. Hmmm…

    I can:
    Foodwise – cook, bake, can, and freeze
    Clothing – crochet and sew

    As far as the ‘flirty’ clothes – I don’t buy them for my six year old.

  13. Why do I think commune then swinging, unbridled sex?

    I can lead “The Hills”/MTV hour. Where there’s WiFi, there’s electricity.

    Chop wood? We aren’t going country, are we? Isn’t this going to be a Hollywood compound? David Hasselhoff stopping by on the weekends? …not that he’d help with positive sense of sexuality in young women.

    Sadly, I’m not so offended by the flirty tee concept – it’s entirely possible I’m so inundated and jaded by it, that it’s the least offensive of blatantly pedaling bride whore concepts to little girls. Having not perused my girl sections of clothing recently, is this the market phenomenon at all stores?

    Somehow that girl of yours (who I now call Killah-Stare) seems likely to shake many a stereotype by the time she’s 8…and maybe even hospitalize a few women who try to take cutesy pictures of her.

  14. I can grow huge cucumbers, tomatoes, zucchini, peppers, onions and peas and beans in our garden. And I’ll weed it. Oh and I’ll be able to take all the pictures of our harvest to sell it online since we have wifi. Or I can run the farmer’s market. Oh! And children love me, so I’ll be the resident House Mother.

  15. I can drive a tractor and backhoe (it’s easy, I’ll teach you), arc weld a little bit, kill rattlesnakes (sorry snakes), identify plants, and cook fabulous vegetarian food. Don’t let me watch the kids though. My mind tends to wander.

  16. Hey I totally agree with you on this one. It doesn’t matter that the shirts weren’t that bad…girls that age don’t need the idea of being “flirty” in their heads. Thankfully I’m not having to deal with that yet, but my niece is 9 and her dream is to grow up and be a teenager. She wants to dress “flirty” and get the boys’ attention. And the worst part? Her parents have not put this idea in her head. Quite the opposite. I’m blaming Target. But I’m not going to quit shopping there because I like it and it’s close!

  17. It sounds like all you need now is the teacher. Hmm, well I guess I am qualified. 🙂 Just don’t ask me to plan meals.

    It is t-shirts like these and our obsession with the “0’s” (clothes sizes) that make kids like my little cousin (7) think that her hips are too big. Too big, she doesn’t have them and her jeans fall down. How can they be too big!? I know it is not the message my Aunt is giving her.

    It makes me crazy. I am pretty sure it is not just the hormones talking.

  18. Can we do it on Grand Turk in the Turks and Caicos? Beautiful place and there is hardly anyone there now, plus as a bonus it never gets cold. We can lay on the beach, scantily clad drinking all day. My oldest is now 7 and I’m sure I can teach him to mix drinks, then if he puts lids on them, I’m sure the 2-5 year olds could ferry them to us.

  19. Queen of Spain says:

    I’m totally in on the island idea. Then we’d be isolated, but like on an extended vacation.

    We could rotate kid shifts.

    See..this could work.

  20. Well if it is at Turks and Caicos then I am really, truly and for sure in!

  21. I think we should write to Target’s corporate offices and tell them to take the word “flirty” off the signs. I have to say I’m glad I don’t have a daughter, but then again I’m not too thrilled with all the camo stuff that’s advertised for boys b/c it makes the military seem too mainstream. I do really like Target’s “It’s my sister/brother’s fault” t-shirts though…If we looked hard enough at ANY major retail (and other) store we’d most likely find ugly practices. I guess the trick is finding the lesser of evils?

    Oh, and thanks to Ritch for letting us all escape to a sand and sun-filled place. I’m there right now. Where is everyone? I must be on the wrong side of the island.

  22. Queen of Spain says:

    I’m totally not kidding. I will FIND us land. I have a way of making things happen.

  23. Queen, where will the land be? Doug wants to know if he needs to sell his winter clothes now to provide for all his “new wives”. The fob thinks this is really gonna happen, that we are inviting men, too. Hey — are we inviting men?

    I forgot to ask.

    I suppose we will need them for lifting things and opening jars. Err…sex. I meant sex. -forgets I’m a feminist for one minute-

  24. Queen of Spain says:

    Only the boys we know and love are allowed. So in most cases that means husbands.

    And yeah, we’re totally going to a place where there is no winter. Or at least a very mild one.

    So tell the man to sell away. Because I’m a bitch to provide for. (Doug, honey…diamonds. DIAMONDS)

  25. Hmmm, I need to think of something I can contribute to the commune. Can I be the official TV watcher or maybe taste tester?

    Ugh, the flirty T. Give me a freaking break. That’s just sick.

  26. Winter temps in Grand Turk are between 74-80. Summer is 86-90, but there is always a breeze. We get DirecTV hooked up and we have the Sunday ticket and ESPN Gameplan. Everything is taken care of. Real estate there is actually cheaper than LA or the Florida coast and yet to be spoiled by over development and freaking condos.

  27. This is a link to the story about a group of girls who organized a “girlcott” on Abercrombie and Fitch after they released a similar line of shirts.

  28. i’m seeing two different types of communes developing here . . .

    wifi is one thing, but the effing tv is right back to the mcevil if you ask me. i can’t go there.

    QoS: phew! i thought it was just me.

  29. Sorry. I can’t live in a world without football. I will suck at the teat of McEvil, Satan, Christ, Allah, Wal-Mart, Exxon, etc., in order to be able to watch football. I’m an athiest, except I will do damn near anything to worship at the altar of the NFL and big time college football. I will blow the president of BP if that’s what it takes to get my NFL fix.

  30. Hush Ritch. You don’t want to end up in Gitmo for making terror threats. And all because of football.

  31. Queen of Spain says:

    Hahahahahahahaha. Suebob. That was freaking hilarious.

    I envison MUCH land. With individual family dwellings. Communal and individual. So no tv at Gunky’s house, but a big screen at Ritch’s.
    We all need to keep our individuality. So we’ll tend to the farm, land, etc. together. But still have our quirks. Or vices. Or whatever.

    It’s will be QueenTopia!

  32. I’m with ya on the stupid advertising to young girls. It’s disgusting!

    And I’m soooooo in on QueenTopia. I can make a killer mojito (for those hot island nights) and I can paint all our huts pretty colors. Oh, and if we have cars, I can drive/park in reverse like a motherfucker! 🙂


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