Whip It Out And Let Me Suck It

I’m starting to get looks.

The questions are becoming more frequent.

And I really couldn’t give a fuck, other than I think you are all morons.

Maybe it’s the new push by our government to get you to nurse longer, and (hold onto your bras) exclusively. Maybe it’s all the lactavists out there shunning you if you don’t.

Whatever the reason, excuses for bottlefeeding seem to be around and accepted much easier than my VALID boob giving to my toddler. A mother says “I just couldn’t do it anymore” and she’s patted on the back and told it’s ok. While those nursing anything past it’s first tooth are whispered about by waitstaff and given dirty looks.

Now that my daughter is verbal, she can publicly demand to nurse (or “BUP!” as she calls it) and lift my shirt. That means she demands BUP! in Target. BUP! at Ralph’s. BUP! at the park, wherever. And guess what??? I give it to her.

Go ahead, cringe. No one can see you.

That’s right. No schedule here. No bottles here. The occasional sippy cup of gasp! juice gasp! And unless my hands are full and I’m super busy, she gets BUP! wherever and whenever she wants it. At 17-months-old. With no real end in sight.

I know many of you are all pro-breastfeeding until the child can ask for it. I love to know your reasons for this. And if the best you can come up with is “it’s makes me uncomfortable” sounds like YOUR problem, not mine.

Every day there is another one of these stories, talking about how uber wonderful breastmilk is and how uber wonderful it is for you to keep at it like the rest of the world.

So I’m just asking here, outloud-what is your problem? I’m doing what the WORLD agrees is FANTASTIC for my child.

Tell me. I dare you.

Better yet…tell her.


  1. Ya know what?

    I couldn’t breasfeed. I didn’t know how and I was too caught up in PPD to figure it out on my own. Then after I was bleeding and literally “falling off” from trying so hard. I stopped after 2 days. I regret it still. I would give anything to be able to know what the feeling is like to give my child sustinance from my own body.

    Do it for as long as you want. That is your option and you deserve it. I am proud of you.

  2. Yeah I don’t get it…there are massive campaigns guilting the bottle feeders for formula feeding yet at the same time breast feeders are supposed to stay at home and hide in shame.

    What is with our schizoid mentality in the western world about boobs!!!??

    I failed miserable at bf’ing but am a HUGE supporter of all bfin’g for as long as it takes…mind you…if your kids are like 8 and bfing…then I might as what the hell is going on there!

  3. I agree, BF as long as you deem neccessary but I do think 8 or so would be a little to long LOL!

    Good Job Momma!

  4. OH Cute Daughter by the way.. this is me I just posted above (plain ol housewife)

  5. I’m still nursing my 13-month-old full-time. No end in sight but that’s alright. More power to you and me and others who nurse our babes for as long as they want! =D

  6. First of all, I hope you don’t think I’m a moron. Second of all, I am not uncomfortable with a woman breastfeeding at all for as long as possible.

    I will tell you in all honesty that I believe a mother should breast feed for as long as she and her child can mutually agree to do it.

    If that happens to be 3 months, 6 months, one year, two years, so be it. But I have a question for you. When do you think a child is too old to breast feed? If the Peanut wished to continue for two more years would you oblige her need?

    For me personally, I’d have wished to breast feed for more than my 6 months (which really wasn’t six months because I pumped the last month) but I had to go back to work which took it’s toll on my bond with Dawson.

    I have a friend who nursed her daughter for 27 months. I think either is great!

    Are we saying that there is no age limit for nursing? If that’s the case, I’m all for it. I think we may have to stop once kindergarten starts, though.

  7. I could no longer stay silent. My opinion is simple, as mothers we face a daily “Damned if you Do; Damned if you Don’t” life. Here’s the problem, those of us who had SERIOUS issues breastfeeding (my son refused!! to the point the consultant told me she’d never in her 15+ years seen it –confidence building I think not) are subjected to guilt from every angle because we didn’t give our kid the boob. You breastfeeders are given guilt if you feed for (some random person’s idea of) too long. There is absolutely no right answer. For me, my right answer was to bottle feed — bottle feed breastmilk. I believe in my soul that the goal was feeding my son breastmilk, delivery didn’t matter as much. Do you want to even know the ration of shit I got over that? From both bottle feeders and breastfeeders?
    The net-net to me is simple. Yes, I firmly believe that I’m the best mother that walks TO.MY.SON. While I’m not keen on breastfeeding a REALLY long time (like kindergarten); I firmly believe in the stopping when you both are ready. We are all ready at different times. But anyone who gives you the odd look or WORSE makes a comment is really only attempting to add to “mommy guilt” — and thusly should be shunned.

  8. Oh come on, QofS. We all know you are just a big ol’ showoff that likes to hang it all out in public. (I kid because I love).

  9. I got a look the other day at **Applebee’s. I told them to go fuck themselves…LOUDLY.

    **I took the kids out to eat for Landon’s 2nd birthday and the birthday boy wanted some milk.

  10. The battle goes on – today’s NY Times (I think it is reg required)

  11. Queen of Spain says:

    Suebob knows me too well.

    And I truly think weaning age is differnt for every child. It’s a MILESTONE. They do it when they are ready. And I can’t say I know of any breastfeeding college students. But I say, they are done when they are ready. Not before.

  12. QofS Good for you. I am still breastfeeding Aidan at 17 months as well. He does get bottles as well, but we are not ready to give it up entirely. And by we I mean both of us. I am glad I made the decision to keep breastfeeding. I do like being able to get a babysitter once in a blue moon and know that he will take the bottle though. 🙂 And, who are we kidding? There is nothing like breastfeeding to stop your child from crying when they are hurt or upset.

  13. I have no problem w/ breastfeeding in public. Like some of the others here, I did not do it that long. With my first, because I went back to work, and with my son (the second) because for some reason I kept getting mastitis, and trush on my nipples (ow!!!), etc etc….and he just lost interest.

    I agree…do it as long as the kid wants to…hey, not only is it natural, but it’s cheaper in the long run. (15 bucks for a can of formula that lasts about 2 days?? C’mon!)

    However, I don’t know about continuing it til, say…kindergarten. I mean, once the kid is old enough to POUR his own milk from the fridge….:)

  14. I think you already know the struggle I went through with breastfeeding. I’m happy with what I did manage, and wish I could have breastfed longer.

    I have one friend who breastfed her first child until he was 3 and she was pregnant with her second (which changed the taste of the milk, making him quit). Her second is 18 months and still going. Another friend is still nursing her son at bedtime and naptime, and he’s two and a half.

  15. Good for you QofS! If more women did it than maybe it would cease to be an issue for so many. Personally, my only complaint with women who are breastfeeding in public is when they fail to cover themselves up.

    I would prefer that my 10 year old not have the ability to stare at your nipples in Target… too much info for him too soon. I don’t have a problem with him seeing it done under cover of a blanket or shirt though.

    I don’t think that the naturalness is lost by covering… although I do remember how hard that can sometimes be. And yeah, I breastfed until he needed to be switched to soy. I’ve always wished I could’ve done it longer.

    Kudos to you!

  16. I came back to share something with you (and to read more comments).

    After reading your post yesterday, I went home and called my mom to ask how long she nursed me and my siblings. She told me the following: “You for 3 months, Nathan for 6 months, Rachel for a month and Frankie for 8 months.”

    When I asked her about the weaning process, she explained that with me people gave her strange looks. Apparently in 1979 it was “not good” to nurse because formula was believed to have better nutrients. In 1983 when my brother was born “society” believed breastmilk was better so she tried to nurse longer. With my sister, she wouldn’t latch on and my mother became frustrated with it and gave up. Finally, my youngest brother would nurse for comfort in the early morning and at night and she liked the bonding time after coming home from work.

    But then she told me that her sisters who were SAHM’s nursed their children until ages 2, 3, and 4 because they were able to do it. I can see 2 and 3 years old. And maybe even 4 years old but I admit — it shocked me. Not because I find it uncomfortable, but because I’m curious to know why. Did my aunt want to continue or did her daughter decide she wasn’t ready to wean? I think I may have to call my aunt to ask. Maybe it will help us all see another point of view.

    As usual, Erin — great post that makes us all think!

  17. I attempted to breastfeed both my boys. My oldest had to have the bottle….preemie and could not maintain his heart-rate in the breastfeeding position. He had breastmilk (largely from a donor) until he was almost two years old supplemented with a high calorie preemie formula. My youngest, now 5, simply wasn’t interested in my BUP at all…for months I cried over it. I called our donor but she was done breastfeeding her littles and when my supply stopped at 5 months I was horrified and completely depressed.
    My husband’s Aunt breastfed her youngest son until he was almost 7 years old.
    My children see it as natural and they see my boobs enough to not really care at all if someone elses are out and about. To us it is looked at the same way a bottle nipple is.
    Really, QofS, I’m with you, what is the fucking problem with boobs in public??

  18. I still breastfeed my 15 month old and he refuses to drink from anything else when I’m around. I get a lot of encouragement from my family, but on his father’s side, every woman in the family has not breastfed past 6 months. And they don’t think I should either. It drives me crazy. They constantly tell me I should quit soon or he will want to do it forever. I don’t agree with their thinking. How would they know anyways? I’m glad I’ve been able to breastfeed for so long and I plan on letting my son decide when it’s time to move on.

  19. Until what age are you willing to let your daughter breastfeed? 3 years? 5 years? 10 years? 18 years? I’m just curious where you draw the line.

  20. I didn’t like it. But I thought it was the best thing to do. I only breastfed for 5 months, and then I went back to work. She didn’t care though. She’s been happier on the bottle. More freedom that way. I miss the cuddles though. I’m pregnant with the second one now. I know I will breastfeed, but I’m not sure for how long. I’ll tell you one thing though, the reason why *I* wouldn’t go further than the age where they are talking is because early memories are linked to language acquistion (sp?). I have VERY young memories, as I learned to talk early. I don’t want my children to remember breast feeding. I can’t completely express WHY I feel that way, but I do. But hey, that’s me. I do admire women who can breastfeed for years, but it’s not something I could do. And I don’t really understand why you would want to when the child is old enough to eat regular dinner at the table. Mine is 14 months, and she eats all the same food as us, and also drinks milk. And yes, I’m scared of those teeth!

  21. People give looks for whatever it is they have a problem with. I’ve got a three year old and 2 TWO year olds. You can see the questions pass their minds in restaurants, GOOD GOD ARE THEY CATHOLIC? MORMON? GET SOME BIRTH CONTROL.
    (Irish Protestant here, actually, ya fuckers)…I guess my point is this.
    People are assholes.
    I couldn’t breastfeed my first one, he wouldn’t latch. Lactation consultant said it was the damndest thing she’d ever seen. With my twins, the attending pediatrician ORDERED the lactation consultant not to help me – said twins was just TOO much, which is BS and was infuriating but when you’re half dead from giving birth to twins, you really don’t have the fight.
    I pumped. For as long as I could.
    I wanted to breastfeed. I felt denied and cheated and was angry for months. I felt like a failure. I was MADE to feel like a failure by other moms, especially TWIN moms who felt like I just didn’t give it the old college try.
    Really, in the end, I just decided that people get bent about whatever it is they can’t handle. Some people can’t handle it that I have a large family and didn’t “legitimately” nurse. Some people can’t handle it that you are still nursing.
    I wish I had time to sit around judging everyone I see in public like that.
    Unfortunately I’ve got three kids to chase……….no time to sit in judgment this year. Maybe next year.
    If I don’t have another baby……

  22. Queen of Spain says:

    Ah, that’s why I love ya Gidge.

    As for the comments above. I don’t have a cut off for breastfeeding. I fully expect my children to be independent enough at some age to no longer breastfeed. My daughter is MORE independent than my son…and he weaned at 19 months-with some reassurance and encouragement from me.

    Like I said, I’ve never seen a college student breastfeed. I think every child is different.

  23. If it helps you any to know, I finally weaned my 22 month old just this month. We kept falling off the wagon. I have no problem… however, my boobs? Were literally falling off. I mean there is nothing left.
    My comfort lies in the knowledge that they have attained boob heaven. Any set that can nurse six children for an average of 14 months each deserves a place there, but definitely NOT on the cover of Playboy.

  24. I just weaned my son at 14 months…actually, he weaned himself. Just stopped wanting to nurse. Otherwise, I would have nursed him longer for sure. I totally support extended breastfeeding. don’t know what people’s problem is when they get weirded out by it. My mom actually bf my brother until h was four. Yeah, FOUR. I’m sure a lot of people would think she’s weird, but she had her reasons for doing it. Valid reasons. I don’t think I’d ever go that long, but to each her own, ya know.

  25. Hey there. How have you been? Well, I’m not an expert on breast-feeding, me being male and all. But, I learned quite a bit when Belinda was breast-feeding Bella. From what we learned it just seemed the way to go. I know it boosts the childs immune system and probably helps form a stronger bond with the mother. Bella really did seem to be a lot healthier than other children her age and still does. So, is she just genetically healthier or was is the breast-feeding? Oh, well. And as for how long should a child feed? As long as they want in my humble opinion.
    Hope all is well.

  26. I weaned my son at 1. It was my decision to do so but breastfeeding for me was often messy and I never once did it in public. I would pump before I left the house. If I was comfortable doing it in public, I would have. I wouldn’t have cared if people didn’t like me doing it. I was just concerned about people seeing my boobs. lol.

    There’s a lady who breastfeeds at my son’s soccer games. It never made me uncomfortable unless I hadn’t realized she started and I turned to talk to her and caught an eyefull. Do what you feel is best for your child. Everyone thinks they know better but only YOU know what’s best for YOUR child.

  27. Here’s my take on covering up and kids accidentally seeing boob: That is your issue and your parenting problem, not mine.

    I nursed my boys both and I nursed them in public. It’s not always easy to cover up well (especially with little bitty ones) and I refuse to overheat my child with a blanket because you have issues with bodies.

    Today, my kids are (almost 12) and 10 and they were taught at an early age that bodies are not mysterious. That men’s bodies are normal as they are. That women’s bodies are normal as they are. They’ve always known about boobs, women’s periods, their own bodies, etc. during normal q&a as they grow. As they get older, they learn more. There will never be a “talk” about sex because the conversation has evolved throughout their life.

    Even through they have NOT grown up around tons o’ breastfeeding women, just by chance, they’ve gone right up to a breastfeeding woman in the family and said hello to her and her baby. They don’t care, there is NO mystery, no big sexual/bad/scary issue with boobs. They still see me nude getting dressed and don’t blink. They see my husband nude and don’t blink. They understand privacy, as well, because we all respect it at home. If someone closes a door, it stays closed.

    But am I worried about them seeing accidental nipple in a restaurant from a breastfeeding mother? No way. If they see it, they know what it is and why it’s there. No biggie. That’s all I can do as a parent is make sure they are growing up with healthy body images themselves, and have a healthy respect for the bodies of others.

    I’m more worried about them seeing too much violence on television than I am about boobs in public.

  28. Queen of Spain says:

    I heart Melissa.

  29. I’m jealous! I’ve nursed all my children and they all weaned themselves around a year. I can’t seem to keep them interested. I’m currently nursing my fourth and last baby and I hope she’ll stick with it past a year. I actually wrote a post about this, making fun of how uptight America is about breastfeeding. I’m not sure if it’s okay to link to it, I’m relatively new to blogging.

    Found you from Much More Than a Mom. Glad I did.

  30. The whole breastfeeding thing is something I unfortunately HAVE to miss out on with my kids, since I am their foster mother, not biological. I’ve had the baby since she was 3 weeks old, and she’s going on 17 months now. I’ve often wished I could’ve been able to breastfeed her! Maybe someday I’ll be blessed with my own biological child, and I’ll have the opportunity then..who knows? As for weaning age…Me personally might be uncomfortable when they get teeth, or maybe after they are 2 years old. Couldn’t tell you for sure though!

    More power to you! 🙂

  31. Tell ’em all to f*** off! My town has several huge billboards up touting breastfeeding. It’s healthy for the child, and it’s been natural for the last million years. Why all the hubbub over it now??? I’ve been in restaurants when moms have pulled out the boob, and I really couldn’t care less. Everyone else is eating, why shouldn’t the child??

  32. I think the judgement issue swings wildly both ways. Formula feeders disapprovingly (and maybe with a touch of envy) sneer at women nursing in public. Breastfeeders stare in horror as someone mixes and feeds perceived poison to their babies. People are too judgemental. Each mother needs to do what is right for them and their children. The reason we have so many evil looks passing between us, is that people are afraid of something different. I hope that more education and women exerting their rights to nurse in public, will help sway the tide of public opinion.

    I, having pumped exclusively, seemed to get it from both sides. The breastfeeders, assuming I was feeding formula scoffed at me for taking the lazy way out. The formula feeders would think I was uppity for wanting to work so hard to give my child breastmilk. In the end, I gave up caring about what others thought, stopped looking for a fight and did what I thought was best. It gave me so much more peace.

  33. I breastfed Jack until he was a couple months past two years. He called it “Boobie” and I didn’t give a damn if people gave me a second glance while I was breasfeeding in public. He is the healthiest kid I know and he weaned himself (I used the don’t offer don’t refuse method). Good for you, keep it going as long as you and your daughter want. Wether it’s bottle or breast, do what feels right for you and your child regardless of public opinion.

  34. Hey go for it, sister! I think that every woman should breastfeed as long as she wishes and as long as the child wants. It’s different for every person and I don’t think you can put an age limit on it. I only wish that I had been able to breastfeed longer. So you go and do what’s best for your child and say fuck all the rest of ’em!

  35. Feed on!
    I did for 13 months. I only had 1 problem. I was in Wings n’Things having lunch, breastfeeding very discreetly. You could not see anything. Well, 2 gay women and they were gay. were sitting at a table across from me and they kept staring. then all of a sudden they were talking to a waitress–i thought taking an order. Then she comes to me and asks me if I needed any crackers or food for my child. I told her no. No food needed. I continued to breastfeed. Those two women kept staring. They finally left.

  36. Hey there, coming over from Much More Than a Mom…

    The thing that I don’t get is when people say you should stop breastfeeding as soon as your child is old enough to ask for it. Have they not been asking for it since they were born? Now that they can suddenly use words to communicate the need for the boob instead of crying and fussing we should stop giving it to them?? That’s like saying “oh you can finally talk now I’m going to ignore everything you say.” The reason people find it wrong is because they are still too busy sexualizing the boob. The boob is for feeding your child til whatever age they want and if they can ask for it all the better!

  37. hm.. no so much time ago i have read one articule, where one mother says that her son is four years old and she is still feeding him. I’m not sure if it’s good. however i think it must be choice of the woman.
    personally i have 10 months baby, i’m not sure how long i will be feeding, maybe till the christmas.
    however, it’s possible to be a student and a feeding mother:)

  38. more power to you! I bf and pumped for my twins for 2+++ months.
    I have PCOS (Poly cystic ovarian syndrome.) thanks to overwhelming amounts of testosterone (sounds sexy doesn’t it??) in my body… I didn’t make a whole lot of nature’s gold. I would pump myself silly (to the point of bloody hamburger) and get like 3 oz.. MAYBE.

  39. Breastfed my first little one till 3, my second until 2. the flack I got! Why do people get so personal about it?

  40. I just don’t get the big deal, never have. No one ever gave me so much as a funny look, and honestly? It was the EASY thing to do. Like Alex said above, we nursed Bella at HER discretion. As she became more active and independent, her nursing sessions became shorter and less frequent until she was only nursing at naptimes and bedtime. And then only at bedtime. And then for less than 5 minutes at bedtime. And then only every couple of days, and then only sporadically at bedtime, and…well, you get the picture. Our daughter gently, naturally, and without one ounce of stress or strife from any quarter, weaned herself very gradually, with the last “nursie” happening at age 30 months. It may seem like a long time, but I was still a little sad. 🙁 I remember once even asking her if she “wanted to nursie,” and she considered it for a moment, and then LAUGHED, and said, “Mommmmmeeeee, nursie is for babies, and I’m a big girl now.”

    Ouch, now my uterus hurts, and not just because it’s diseased and on its way out.

    Also? I’m amazed by all the comments about changes in breasts…mine are not ONE BIT different for breastfeeding. They were bodacious before, they’re bodacious now. Bodacious ta-tas, same as they ever were. Supposedly, it is pregnancy that causes changes in your breasts, not BF. And my friend who is now nursing her SEVENTH looks the same as ever, too. (You know, you’d think, knowing how badly I wanted another baby, and seeing as she has so many, she could spare one, but NOOOOOOOO.)

  41. oh man. if only i had time in my life to sit around judging what other people should do and then taking the time to tell them. how do you become someone who has that kind of free time? monster.com?

    i nursed my twins til they were 15 mos. ultimately we stopped because they were much more interested in talking to their dad than sucking milk. and also they had a tendency to take my nipples with them when they whipped their heads around when he walked into the room (that’s nipples plural, since they nursed simultaneously). when we stopped, i was more aware of it than them. they didn’t notice one bit — didn’t even flinch when they saw my boobs or were held cradled on my lap.

    anywho. you and the princess should just keep on bupping as long as you both desire. unless you suddenly become one of those people who cares what those people with all the free time to sit around judging others think. which i just don’t see happening.

  42. For someone who wonders why there is “mommy wars” you sure seem to like to bring up topics that contribute to them. I also thought you were an educated woman, do you have nothing else to write about then your boobs and your kids sucking on them?!

  43. I nursed all six of mine for varying lengths of time. The longest was about 2.6 years, the least amount was about 10 months – due to a surprise pregnancy. I could not STAND to do it one more second.

    Hats off to you and yours. Nobody’s business but your own.

  44. Funny thing is, I never got grief about nursing-related issues in public until after my son quit! He stopped nursing during the daytime at around 24 months (and gave up his nighttime feeding a few months later) but he still liked to talk about it. One at Target, I was pushing him in a shopping cart when he grabbed my breasts and yelled, “these are for nursing!” I cracked up, but I got a really evil look from two other shoppers.

  45. It IS nobody’s business but yours how you raise your kids. But people will comment no matter what you do. And as I often tell my extremely eccentric spouse, if you are going to do things differently from the way other people do them, you are going to get looks and sometimes even comments. And either you’ve gotta develop a thicker skin about such, or you’ll drive yourself nuts.

    No, it’s not right. No,it isn’t fair. But then again, as my 11 year old quoted me on that subject to my 7 year old, “life ain’t fair”!

    Speaking of which, if you really want a breast feeding issue, take a look at the September 1 issue of the NY Times and the article on the fact that this is truly a class issue. A lot of middle/lower class working women are not getting the support they need to breastfeed successfully after returning to work. Indeed, if anything, they are being penalized for doing so. They don’t have to worry about weaning their kids because they generally end up having to do so regardless of their own feelings on the issue. Now that’s something to REALLY get angry about!

  46. I love nursing my two year old. The sweet cuddles we share and the loving eye contact is some of the best love I have ever experienced. It feels completely right….until I go out in public. From the time he was one I have started to feel shy about nursing in public. The worst is at family gatherings because I am the only young mama (and there are many) who breastfeeds at all. I have these mixed feelings of pride in my decision to breastfeed and fear of offending them or worse what if they see some nipple!!!!(sarcasm intended.)


  1. […] My blogging buddy, Queen of Spain, posted this on her blog about breastfeeding. The Queen has a 17-month old daughter who continues to nurse and many people ask her questions or give her funny looks for various ridiculous reasons. This is something that upsets the Queen and many women for obvious reasons. […]

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  3. […] blogging buddy, Queen of Spain, posted this on her blog about breastfeeding. The Queen has a 17-month old daughter who continues to nurse and […]

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