Hell (the place I’m going) YES!

“Despite a full century of scientific insights attesting to the antiquity of life and the greater antiquity of the Earth, more than half the American population believes that the entire cosmos was created 6,000 years ago. This is, incidentally, about a thousand years after the Sumerians invented glue. Those with the power to elect presidents and congressmen and many who themselves get elected believe that dinosaurs lived two by two upon Noah’s Ark, that light from distant galaxies was created en route to the Earth and that the first members of our species were fashioned out of dirt and divine breath, in a garden with a talking snake, by the hand of an invisible God. This is embarrassing.” –Sam Harris, Newsweek

Can I get an “Amen” for Sam??

I swear I’m not trying to offend anyone here. I swear to God –snort– it’s that I just don’t get it. I really, for the life of me, do not get it. I want to get it. I’d like to be let in on the secret. But apparently I’m not worthy. Or I’m not trying hard enough. Or I really, really, really am not trying hard enough.

That, in a nutshell, is why I do not belong or believe in any sort of organized religion. And as we gear up for tomorrow’s election, everything seems to be boiling down to the believers and the nonbelievers. The chosen and the damned. Sure, sure…there is some gray in the middle there somewhere, but mostly it’s the followers and the free thinkers. The Republicans and the Democrats. Baby killers against the stem cell preservers.

I’d like to call a truce, but I feel my own life is at stake. My children’s lives. My thoughts, my ideas, my ability to reason.

My son and I spent part of Sunday at a garden center. It was late in the afternoon and there were many customers. Many of them were dressed as if they had just left church, and like every day in our heathen lives, we were in sweats. Dirty, mismatched, Sunday on-the-couch-praying-to-the-NFL-and-not-the-Lord-Your-God sweats.

It wasn’t long before a well meaning (stupid) woman looking at the same glass case of Christmas figurines as my son and I said “oh, someone must have gone to church early today!” My little guy didn’t even hear her, as he was too busy watching red and white striped elves skate magically on a fake glass rink, but I heard her. I heard her and was pissed she just assumed we were Christian. Not that there is anything wrong with that. The Christian part, I mean.

Ok, I’m lying. There is something wrong with it. Something really, really wrong. It’s so wrong and twisted that it has politicians showing off their faithfulness and actually trying sway me by promoting their Christianity. Yeah, I’m getting mailings with that little fish on it. And important issue information on my candidate like where he stands on global warming and which local church he attends.

Oh! Wait! John Doe goes to Christ Loves Everyone But Gays and Women Holy Mother of Bleeding Hearts! Well, fuck his voting record and bending over for lobbiest! He’s one of us! We’re voting for him!

I’m not impressed. You’re going to have to do more than tell me where you attend services to get my vote. I know, I’m such a bitch. Just call me informed.

Maybe I’m batty here, but it seems this country has gone a little Christian crazy. It’s so cool to be into the Jesus these days. I know kids who have actually asked their parents to take them to church. On behalf of all the former kids of the world, I would just like to say “WHAT THE FUCK??”

In my day, we found ways to skip mass and screw in the parking lot. In my day, it wasn’t cool or uncool to be into God. It just was. You didn’t promote your faith like some new pair of shoes. And you certainly didn’t bust it out to win over voters. Or just assume the entire US population was right there with you, dressed in your Sunday best at a Garden Center at 2pm. Because THAT is how trendy it is now, everyone who is anyone has, of course, gone to church on Sunday.

The inmates are running the asylum. Get your asses out to vote tomorrow. Because there is no way in hell I’m missing Sunday football or lazy days in my garden with my son. Not for Jesus, Buddha, Allah, or anyone else. The last time I checked there was still that whole free religion thing going on in the good old US of A. The one that lets you be who you are. Worship who you want. Worship no one if you want.

Go vote. Now. Before they amend that one too.

*Queen’s note: I would just like to say how proud I am of myself for not using this post to say “meth” “hyprocrite” or “up the ass.” Crossposted at the Huffington Post


  1. Try being Jewish. Just for a day or two. Because you got a little glimpse of what it’s like for us Jews and other non-Christians day in and day out. People who ask us “what church do you go to?”, not do you go to church. Or who say “Merry Christmas” without even thinking that maybe, just maybe not everyone is a Christmas Kid (my son’s description of Christians when he was 3.) The assumption that everyone believes in Jesus and the “new testament” astounds me. When people say things like “I’m a believer” and I think, yeah, me too. I believe in TV and good food and even in a higher being. But I’m a MONOtheist…I believe in God and not in a trinity. But I believe…. You know?

    The fact that this country has gone Christian apeshit recently makes me very very scared. I don’t want to be asked if I’ve been saved. I was never lost. I don’t need saving. I’m not drowning either. I don’t want to be asked if I accept Jesus as OUR lord and savior. Jesus is NOT my lord, and not my savior. Nor will he ever be. I don’t need people assuming that I believe in heaven and hell, because I don’t. And I certainly don’t want people to think that I’m areligious, but I’m not. But I LOVE my faith and I know a lot about it and I practice it faithfully and with integrity, and for that I should be respected and admired and not told that I’m going to hell because I’m not Christian.

    Off my little soapbox now…

  2. Amen! LOL I can’t even say that without laughing. As always, you nailed it!

    Did you say anything to ignorant twit?

    (I already voted.)

  3. I have to agree with you Erin – I haven’t decided what I believe in and I’m tried of everyone else’s religion being shoved in my face at every turn, including my own front door. As far as politics go, I could care less if my favorite candidate worships frikkin’ Barney the purple dinosaur. (Though that would be a little wacky.) As long as the politics are there, get on your knees for whatever reason (Lewinsky, ha!), it just doesn’t make a lick of (oh god!) difference to me.

  4. must be really tough believing in a non-christian god there! But here too we have these evangelical types who act as though they are the only ones with the direct line to God! But luckily for us, they can’t influence elections too much. I’ll probably be where you are qofs, cos there’s no way I want to be in their heaven, that’s for sure.

  5. I read a very good book recently called Mere Christianity. It was written by a former athiest. I have to say that it’s probably the best book I’ve ever read. Lots of plain facts, no “preaching” or trying to get you to believe anything…definately an eye-opener.

  6. Yes, yes, and yes!!! Enough said..

  7. I can’t keep my mouth shut. I can’t. I hate what I’m about to say, so please forgive me in advance.

    I believe in God. I’m a practicing Catholic. And while that has nothing to do with tomorrow’s election it has EVERYTHING to do with tomorrows election. I know it’s a catch 22 in the eyes of some, but religion is important to me.

    I’m not holier than thou, I’m a sinner, we all are. But my faith is one of my priorities and it affects my vote. Faith is important to a lot of Americans and it affects their vote as well. Whether we are Catholic, Mormon, Baptist, Jewish, Jehovah, Methodist, Evangelical, Protestant, Buddhist, Scientologist — all these religions affect votes. I don’t think there’s a way around a voter’s convictions.

    The woman in the store most likely meant no harm in her assumptions. Sure it was assinine to say such a thing, but I have to ask (just between friends), why are you offended? I want to understand your point a view on religion other than having to do with politics.

    Are your parents still practicing Catholics? Just curious. 🙂 I think it would be good for me to truly understand your viewpoint!

    On with the Election Day!

    🙂 Dana

  8. I agree that politicians should not use the fact that they attend church as a reason for voting for them. But I don’t see what’s wrong with the fact that kids are asking to go to church. It gives me hope for the future of this world!

  9. Everyone needs a way to have meaning in their lives and to feel good about themselves. That honestly-held beliefs shape every part of someone’s life seems make more sense to me than to have a life where you partition off your beliefs and don’t extend them into action.

    That being said, I am glad that I live in a country that is based on non-religious principles. I think that theocracies are dangerous and that religious fanatics are some of the scariest people on earth.

    I go to church. I will be on the board of directors of my church beginning next year. But I don’t think my beliefs are for everyone and I don’t ask people to come to my church unless it is for a non-religious event like open mic night or food events. I don’t want people to start avoiding me because I am always trying to hook them in. Frankly, I don’t care if they attend church or not. I am in the odd minority of churchgoers who think that we are all right with God no matter what. That is probably the least popular position of all LOL.

  10. For what it’s worth, I think the artificial christianization of America is bad for Christians, too. As a Christian, I’d rather live in a country where no one wanted to be associated with Christians, where Christians were being killed for their beliefs, because then, at least, no one would pretend. Why put your life on the line for something that has no political benefit to you unless you really, truly, actually believe it? Then, maybe, saying that I am a Christian would mean something. Something other than all of the wrong things it seems to mean right now. I am a Christian. I believe in a creator and intelligent design. I don’t believe that the earth is only 6000 years old (and I think a good percentage of Christians don’t), but rather that there is a whole, long history of the universe that was not included in the Bible because the Bible deals specifically with human history. I don’t vote republican. I’m intelligent and don’t take everything I am told at face value. I am opposed to abortion in most cases, but frankly, I don’t even take that into account in my voting, because I don’t think it affects the everyday life of citizens nearly as much as, say, habeas corpus, taxes, health care, and mobility rights. I believe that if the government is going to marry anyone, they should not discriminate based on gender any more than they should discriminate based on race or religion, but I also believe that my church should be entitled to marry only those people who choose to embrace a certain view of marriage (one that involves, yes, heterosexuality, but also monogamy, chastity until marriage, and staying married in the face of all but death, infidelity or abuse). I have a strict personal morality, for reasons that are between me and God, but I believe in the separation of church and state and completely disapprove of the legislation of morality. I’m a Christian, but I have a brain, and I use it. And frankly, I think one of the biggest impediments to the growth of the modern church is people who call themselves Christians but live a life of nothing but opportunism and hatred. So although I may disagree with you on some fundamental points, I definitely agree with your criticism of the modern christian church. It’s hurting us both.

  11. Good for you!
    I have to say I never even think about a politicians religious convictions UNLESS he is using it to get votes….like our newest PM (Canada) has done. He loooooves Bush.

    I never actually think about the religious convictions of anyone I meet in my day to day meanderings…agian..until THEY bring it up or use it against me or to make excuses for homophobia or mysogeny and on and on.

    I visit this board with a lot of very devout evangelical christians and they keep going on about how sad I must be to not have anything to believe in!!

    I mean what the hell??

    I have plenty to believe in…..just not YOUR beliefs.

    And while I totally respect spirituality and the idea and sense that there is more to all of ‘this’ than meets the eye and so on….

    Blind Faith blinds people to the world around them and if you need blinders on to keep your faith..then there is serious problems.

    I could go on and on and on on this subject.

  12. Queen of Spain says:

    I don’t have any problems with believers. REAL believers. It’s this whole trend lately that has everyone going to church just to go. or be seen. or be part of the in crowd. Or to NOT be different. That is what I have an issue with.

    And as to Dana’s question, what offended me about the woman was that she just assumed everyone in her little world was Christian. And I find that to be a very big assumption by many. As if, of course, everyone is Christian, I mean…what would the alternative be?

  13. Oh, good lord, YES. I, just last night, had a big ol’ discussion about why I don’t believe in the Christian God. It wasn’t REALLY a discussion…more like a ‘tell me why you don’t believe and I’ll tell you why you should’ type of thing.

    Freaking seriously. You’re never going to get me to believe there’s an invisible man living in the sky, watching me pick my nose or have sex before marriage, just waiting to send me under ground so I can burn burn BURN! *sigh*

  14. Very well said, lady – your comments too. It’s the Church gone political that’s the problem – the state of thngs in which it’s no longer about personal belief but about politics and judgment.

  15. I was reading Andrew Sullivans blog on this and gay marriage, etc and the Haggard thing and the turning of the US into a theocracy.

    Again a huge hypocrisy when you rail against Muslim Theocracies.

    I read on a post that they are getting sermons from the pulpit about the voting….

    It shouldn’t be discussed except to say ‘get out and vote’

  16. Right after the huge Tsunami in SE Asia a woman in the grocery store told me (out of nowhere) that she thought it was God punishing “them”.

    Nice religion. Fucking bigot.

    I don’t get it either. I refuse to cast a vote for anyone who is ordained. Period.

  17. (Already voted, so no worries there.)

    I think religion and/or spirituality can have a very important position in a person’s life. But I think that should remain in their personal life. I also think the US has gone overboard in flashing religion out in public and using it as a political tool. For all that the US prides itself on the separation of church and state, that line sure seems to be blurring lately.

    I know my vote was decided on a few judges when they said in interviews that their judgements were “based on what God revealed” to them. Uh, if some invisible force is deciding your court cases, then I don’t want you to be my judge. That’s no different to me than saying, “I base my judgements on what the invisible pink bunny whispers in my ear.”

    There’s nothing wrong with being religious. Just don’t assume everyone else shares your beliefs, and don’t use religion as a political tool.

  18. The silly thing about being Christian is that most sects of Christianity look down on the other sects. So what’s wrong with being religious? Nothing, really. People tend to assume everyone is like them. Now that is wrong.

  19. It is indeed very difficult to be a non-Christian these days. Like Erin, I do become offended by the “well meaning” people who “just don’t know better”, you know why? Because I take the time to ASK if I see a holiday on a calander and it is unfamiliar to me. I KNOW not to schedule meetings on December 25th because it is a holiday to many of my friends and co-workers. If I can look this shit up, then why can’t these “well meaning” people who “just don’t know any better.” It’s not like I’ve been hiding my holidays, they are on most federal calanders. I do find it appauling that Christmas is a federal holiday, yet none of my holidays are and I must take a precious personal day if I want to observe my holiday, while anyone observing Christmas gets a freebie. I would VOLUNTEER to work on Christmas so I could have my holiday off in heart beat, but not many employers let us do that kind of thing. It would be no skin off their ass to do it, they just don’t. “It’s against policy, you need to take a personal day.” Is what I have been told in the past. With the exception of one school principal who felt it was ridiculous and she would tell me “Just do what you need to do. If anyone calls, you are in a meeting. And you are honey, and it’s a big one.” She cracked me up! But I loved her dearly for her compassion and consideration. We need not take the moral highground regarding whether it is one religion versus another, as my Great Grandfather was known to say “We won’t know who is right until we are dead, so be nice to everyone and you won’t have to worry about it.” I think that advice makes sense. I am not asking for special treatment on the basis of religion, I am merely asking for parity.

  20. AMEN
    You’ve said it well. Nothing drives me more insane than a bible thumper.
    Where is logic indeed. Not that I think its fantastic but I am a Catholic and if one more person asks me how I can believe in evolution my head will explode. I TEACH It in a Catholic school. but yeah, on the other issues, we are still a little scary.

  21. I have to agree with Dana, I am a true CHristian, I am mormon and I do believe in the trinity, (god, jesus and the holy ghost). I do believe that God created us all and I do believe that he sent people (prophets) to the earth to teach everyone about him, and when they continuously rejected the prophets, he sent his son, Jesus, to teach us about our heavenly father, and the holy ghost is there to be with us while we are on this earth and need guidence. But that is my belief, noone else has to believe that. I mean i don’t go prancing around screaming at the top of my lungs that I am mormon and i believe in Jesus. I don’t think it is needed. I mean if you want to have a private conversation about religion, please come talk to me and I will share my beliefs and views with you but I grew up with people shoving it down my throat and puting it in my face and i WILL not do that to other. See, we mormons, believe that our heavenly father has given us a wonderful gift which we call “AGENCY”. It is the freedom to choose whether he is real or not, and weather to believe in him or not, so if our heavenly father is giving us the right to choose, what right do i have to shove it down your throat, or anyone elses. It is just how I believe. But I do have to say, I do belive that God is my heavenly father and I do believe in him and my faith and religion is VERY important to me, but I am not going to like you any less or stop talking to a person because they don’t believe, nor am I going to drag them to church, I believe that every person has the right to believe, and eventually everyone will have to live with the decision they make. But I will pray for the people who don’t believe, (on my own time, and in private) and hope that you all seek the answers you are looking for and get the peace with it that I have. But I will NOT pray in front of you or tell you that you are a sinner, we are all sinners and that isn’t going to get us anywhere, I will do it in my private time that I have with my heavenly father. And if that makes me a GOD loving bad person for what I believe or have faith in, so be it. But I can guarentee that you won’t hear me scolding someone about what they believe in. It’s all personal choice. We will all find the truth sooner or later!

  22. Holy shit, your writing is always so ON-at least in my world anyway. Thanks for this great post. We are Jewish and Catholic at this end and it makes our nutty life even nuttier especially since the spouseOmeters mother has more catholic artifacts in her house then the pope has in his bedroom.

  23. My husband doesn’t read the same types of blogs that I do (I guess that’s a good thing…), but I sent him a link to this post re: voting and he said, “Should anything ever happen, I think I would marry her.” (meaning you). We are part of a very small group of Democrats in a primarily Republican county. It’s like some dirty little secret to tell someone you’re a Democrat because we’re definitely in the minority. I do not, however, have a problem putting politically related stickers on my car (nor does my husband), so when I pulled into my daughter’s daycare the other day, the lady driving the VW Beetle that followed me in said, “It’s so nice to see there are other Democrats in (our) county.”

  24. A few years ago, The Children’s Defense Fund scheduled their retreat for Emerging Leaders in Child Care on Yom Kipur. I only mention this because as Devra said, there is no way I can imagine them scheduling something on Christmas or Easter, and yet Yom Kipur is only the most important holiday in the Jewish religion. (Not that I observe it, but still.)

    Either there was an implicit assumption that no Jewish person could possibly be an Emerging Leader in Child Care or they didn’t care. This is what it is like just trying to help kids in a “Christian” country, which is what a cheif justice of some state Supreme Court announced we are (and always have been, which may be semi-true, but not technically so)at a revival meeting in “Borat.” Harumph.

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