I’m making lemonade and I’m sure it will mean an ER trip

Pray. Rub a rabbit’s foot. Do a chant. Light a candle. Spin in a circle and spit three times.

Do what you have to do, but please, for the love of all that is holy…take the curse off my family.

I am convinced there are hidden cameras trailing us, capturing the current tragedy/comedy that is our lives. Only Hollywood could manufacture such a fantastic story:

In a world where SUV’s and Suburban Families rule…watch as one brood goes from having it all to living out of a cardboard box! You’ll laugh and you’ll cry while the world hands the Queen of Spain’s Family hilarious and madcap situations including: an unemployed husband, a brother-in-law going to war, an attempted robbery, raw sewage in the shower, and even toddler diarrhea! But just when you think this family can’t take anymore, you’ll roll with laughter as the matriarch coughs up blood and mucus and everyone gets stuck in LA’s worst traffic jam EVER! It’s non stop fun!

I give.


  1. Dude, I didn’t realize that this was a Paul-Harvey-Now-You-Know-the-Rest-of-the-Story kind of tale. Oy.

    Still thinking of you. And I SWEAR I’m not stalking you. I just have uncanny timing.

  2. I’m stalking you – totally. Via Bloglines.

  3. Woah! What is the current situation? Some of that was in the past, right? ‘Cause that’s just scary if it’s all going on at once. So, you’re sick? I hope you get better soon. It’s hard to fly without getting sick, isn’t it? A friend told me that her father-in-law, who is a pilot, puts a little tiny bit of Neosporin inside his nostrils before he boards the plane, but that would only rule out the bacterial infections, right? Viruses have free reign.

  4. Yikes – hope thinhs get on the upswing this week!

  5. Eeep. Please tell me this isn’t all going on at once. Is it? If so, then yeah, someone cursed you, and there’s got to be a way to undo it. Because that just sucks.

    Hope at least everyone is healthy as soon as possible.

  6. I will put you on the prayer list.

  7. Shit. Just shit. Nothing else.

  8. Queen of Spain says:

    Yeah. Agreed.

    And yes, it’s all happening at once. In the past 5 days.

    Someone send booze and a babysitter.

  9. Attempted robbery? Please tell me you mean Princess Peanut tried to steal something from The Count. That’s what you meant right??


    Hope things get better. NOW.

  10. That’s some five day span. However, we know that you will turn your personal tragedy(ies) into fodder for our, the peasant’s, amusement. It’s not easy being queen, but you do it so well.

    Hang in there- it can only get better, right?

  11. What? The Kaiser isn’t working? What happened?

  12. I was just talking with another friend who lives down in So. Cal. today and told her about some of this and she said, “that’s L.A., man!” Her hubby and another friend of mine down there work on a show (or movie)-by-show basis. That’s gotta be stressful.

  13. Attempted Robbery? Is everyone okay? Plus The Kaiser lost his job AND your BIL is going where, to Iraq? Jesus Christ, Queen, if there is ANYTHING I can do, please let me know.

  14. I wish there was something I could say or do to make it all better. I don’t know what it is about the holidays that makes bad things happen. I feel you, Erin.

    First I lost my job, then I burned myself with 130 degree boiling water. All I can say is thank GOD I got Dawson out of the way at the time. I’m sure I won’t get mother of the year awards either!

    lots of love and prayers,

  15. Oh… my… god! Are you sure you are not my long lost twin???

    Seriously now…

    One would think you were in Spain!

    HUGE boho hugs and besos coming your way and how I wish I could be there to help out in some way!!!

  16. I thought bad things were only supposed to happen in threes. You’ve passed your limit. Good stuff should start happening soon.

  17. i’ve said it before. i’ll say it again. i will come with booze. and i’ll sit on your babies.

    what the hell is going on over there?

  18. You know? I have not been able to get you out of my mind and so to show you that you are not alone, I figured I would follow the “misery loves company” formula…

    Here goes…

    Since we have been here, these are the thing that come to mind: We went to IKEA to buy our furniture and since it was 2.5 hours away we had the transport service bring our stuff for us and when they did the truck crashed into a tree two doors down from us…

    Most people get their business licenses in 2 weeks and we had to wait 6 month…

    Our residency cards which were supposed to take 3 months took a year…

    We went to pick up the children in the pouring rain in our BMW that was up for sale and was to be finally sold that afternoon only to have it completely totalled due to some mini flooding we got caught in…

    We sent a bottle of wine and some little extras to our lawyer as a thank you for christmas and the messenger guy smashed the bottle right before reaching the lawyer’s office, spoiling that and everything else in the package…

    My in-laws came over and brought dried bread bits and I bit into one and totalled a crown and bridge last December… since then I have been to the dentist over that one tooth, 21 times and I have an appointment with them tomorrow because that crown needed replacing then it got infected and so I took antibiotics and when that didn’t work my gums were cut open and scraped inside twice and I was left with a hole in my gum and I got infected again and got scraped again and guess what? Infected again! So lord knows what awaits me tomorrow!

    And to boot, my mouth guard is crap and so I grind my teeth and my gums are receding and the grinding is so bad that I ground a hole in a crown which has, to date, popped out three times and the infected crown popped out with the metal bar and all (never happened before, said the dentist) and oh, the antibiotics? They tend to give people diarrhea but chronically-constipated-and-on-laxatives-already me got constipated so badly I was in deep pain for a week…

    … and they might put me on them again tomorrow!

    And something as simple as going to the hairdresser? Phsst! They fried my hair so badly with a lightening that I had to chop my waist length hair that took me 5 years to grow down to my chin and last month they cut one year’s worth of growth off when I told them I wanted it barely cut and they lightly burned my scalp AND gave me lice to boot!


    So… are you my long lost sister or what?

    Seriously, I know what you are going through and so wish I could help!

  19. Damn. So sorry to hear about all the shit that is going down. You and Kaiser are smart and talented, and so I know you’ll pull out of it OK.

  20. You got the wrong memo, Queenie. When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade….you cut them in half and squeeze the juice into your enemies’ eyes!

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