Bad Mommy, No Coffee

So I may or may not have just taught my son how to throw soft objects into the blades of a moving ceiling fan.

I got a very stern look from the Kaiser. This is the man who taught the boy to say “smell the love” after a fart…and he’s giving me a stern look.

Projectile stuffed animals and soft balls are so much more acceptable than “smell the love.”


  1. Smell the love?? Ewww.

  2. That “smell the love” bit is gonna bite Kaiser in the ass when you’re all in a fancy restaurant and it comes out in public.

  3. I’m so glad we’re not the only ones teaching our kids to do things that are not always acceptable! Squeaks was throwing her books off the bookshelf and yelling “SHIT” the other day and I just laughed my head off!

  4. When my youngest brother was a toddler, about 3, his favorite thing to say was, “DAMN !!! Where is that kid???” Prop go to anyone who can name that movie!!! When the Prince was a wee one, his favorite word was shit. He’s say it at the worse possible time. I’ve almost got soap in the mouth over ot. Thus far, the princess hasn’t picked up on any bad words. But when she does, it’ll be FUCK, cause that’s Matt’s favorite word. So, you aren’t the only ones teaching your kids bad things.
    The Prince got a pump up rocket for his birthday. Totally cool present. On the box it CLEARLY says “DO NOT LAUNCH INDOORS”. What’s the first thing that Matt does….he launches it into the ceiling fan. As the rest of us laugh hysterically.

  5. Smell the love?????


  6. Also, it’s my fault Thomas is running through the house singing,


  7. Smell the love is going to come out in a very public very inappropriate place. As for the projectile toys…the problem would be the count trying to throw hard things into the fan (which is exactly what the kids I know have done). My friend’s daughter once walked through the door and said “this place is a fucking mess!” She was right too.

  8. Well, I used to have a boyfriend who would yell “INCOMING” before he let one fly.


  9. I think you are the coolest mom ever. Don’t let the Kaiser bring you down. He’s just jealous he didn’t teach that to the Count first. 🙂

  10. Way back when I lived with a roommate in an apartment. The apartment above us was our somewhat creepy landlord. “Someone” taught my then 2 year old son to throw one of those monster toys that screamed when thrown, at the CEILING. So all my landlord would hear when Sam was in his room was THUD, AHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRGHHHHHH. Hehehehehehe… I can’t imagine who would teach something like that to a 2 year old. 😉

  11. I just found your blog & I have spent an entire two days reading as much as I can and loving the hell out of it!!!! Can I still stop by & read/comment even though I’m not a mom, nor have any shred of hope of becoming one in this millennium?
    p.s. Ironically, you & The Kaiser are roundabout-ly referenced in one of my blogs (“Who Let The Nerds Out?”). I miss you guys & thank GOD for THIS BLOG! I can tell it’s going to keep me sane!!!

  12. Yes, I’m a ‘tard.
    Here’s the blog w/you guys in it:

    And no, you two are not “the nerds”!!!

  13. You’ve made my day.
    Also, I’m glad you’re really getting your money’s worth out of the ceiling fan. I always thought they were kind of lazy and one-dimensional as far as appliances went, so finding new uses is always a plus.

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