Jesus Was A Zombie

The following conversation took place between myself and my two children on our way home from school this week. I was driving and singing Christmas songs (something my kids HATE) when I was asked to turn the volume down so we could ‘talk.’

Night two!

Mom, why do we celebrate Easter?

Well, Easter is a time for renewal. And birth. And babies. And Spring and flowers and everything from winter that was dark and cold, turns to warm and light. So we celebrate the Spring, and in our house, the Easter Bunny- who brings eggs and chocolate and fun! Some other people celebrate Easter because they believe Jesus – remember him?

The Space Ghost guy…

Yes. Well they believe he rose from the dead on Easter.

You mean like a zombie?

Well, no…not  exactly.

Because Jesus was nice.

Yes, he was very nice.

So really he was like one of those zombies, but he had a mind control helmet.

And he doesn’t eat brains!

No, he doesn’t eat brains, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t wear a helmet.

So there are nice zombies?

Well no honey, there aren’t really zombies. Remember, zombies are not real.

So Jesus isn’t real either, like you said. Zombies aren’t real and Jesus isn’t real.

Well some people think he’s real, and some don’t.

Well if zombies aren’t real then Jesus can’t be real.

Unless he had the helmet. Because the helmet could be controlled by anyone and that would make him real and like a remote control zombie.

Listen. We can’t talk about Jesus being a remote control zombie with a helmet when we’re not in the car, ok?

Why not?

Because I said so, ok?

You mean like we have to say ‘Gosh’ instead of ‘God’ … you mean like that?

Yes, like that exactly.

I bet you he did eat brains though, all zombies have to eat. Even if they have the mind control helmet.

But nice Jesus Zombies wouldn’t eat brains, they would eat fruit.

But I don’t like fruit Mom. Maybe he likes cheeseburgers instead of brains. Or sushi! Because I love sushi!

But I like fruit, so it’s ok if Jesus likes fruit. And zombies maybe like fruit too, but maybe not. I don’t think they can chew it good because they don’t have many teeth.

Did Jesus have a lot of teeth?

I… yes… no… I don’t know how many teeth Jesus had! Can we just sing more songs?


We’re going to hell.


Baratunde made me do it. Not really…but it’s hilarious anyway. Dear Mr. Cent, we have nothing but the utmost respect for your music. Please don’t shoot us.

Viva Las Vegas

Andy and Krista and Jim are responsible for my packing tonight. I’m off to Las Vegas for Blog World Expo to tout and um…my boobs?  Nah. Just Photrade and some Queen of Spain and Queen’s Bedroom.

That means the inlaws flew in tonight and the kids are excited/freaking out that Mommy is leaving AGAIN.

I’m kinda freaking out too. Lots going on around here and those stresses tend to rub off on the kiddo’s more than I realized. 🙁

However, as the Kaiser says…”if you stayed home every time something was going on…you would NEVER leave.” And as much as it PAINS me to admit it…he’s right.

So I’m off to Las Vegas, Nevada and the sin that awaits. Or the blogging that awaits. One of the two, I’m guessing it will be blogging…I’m bringing my knitting, does that make me lame? or old?

Dude, where’s my cone?

Citizen of My Heart

Dude, I just got called a Mata Hari – a blogher mata hari, none the less. I like it.

The rumors are true, I did throw Citizen of the Month (I refuse to call him Neil) against a diaper changing station in the back of an overpriced Mexican restraurant in a vain attempt to make him worship and promote all that is and in second life.

I’m not ashamed. Its all about sacrifice. Its for the greater good. Its all about the links.
…and I had accomplices. (accomplice-i?) I mean…what man could or would deny LeahPeah, Mocha Momma, Katronika, and ME?? He’d have to be dead or gay. So we worked our wiley women charms after the live and full of humiliation readings at LA Angst and he left dazed and muttering “Queen rules all..Queen rules all…Long live the Queen” or something-it was hard to hear with Kelly’s tongue down his throat. Did I mention she licks?

All kidding aside, I’m sorry it took me two days to get around to telling you about LA Angst but good god people, did you NOT see the major conference I’m hosting? My hands may not be as full as the fine ladies setting up the real deal in Chicago…but its possible even my avatar self is stressed out.

100 registrants for BlogHer ’07 in Second Life, and counting. Kick ass schedule. Kick ass speakers. Kick ass band. I’ll be in Chicago, and virtual in the SL conference. Which means you can drink with me two ways. But beware, Citizen of the Month may never be the same, and neither will you.

(he’s in the middle-wearing a shirt from DETROIT…yeah, don’t think I didn’t call him out on that one)

LA Angst

Be Jealous Bloggers!

I’m spending tonight with


Mocha Momma (I hope she licks me)



West Coast Grrlie Blather


All in the name of embarrassing the hell out of ourselves by reading from our old diaries. Yes. Those diaries. Where, if you were anything like me, you went off about how you felt “dirty” for giving a boy a backrub and then listed what would be the entire guest list to our wedding.

Talk about fun. It’s called LA Angst and you can find us tonight at Tangiers Restaurant
2138 Hillhurst Avenue
just south of Los feliz blvd.

$4 at the door…but well worth it to watch us feel all uncomfortable.

My Daughter Praises Dolphins, NOT Jesus


My first playoff game EVER and we were late. LATE.

Not late like, “oh, we were just running a little late…” but late like “OH FUCK I CAN NOT HAVE ANOTHER BABY” late.

The shitty kind of late. The stuck in traffic for three hours kind of late that makes Queen and Kaiser lose all humor and nearly get divorced kind of late. The kind of late that can only be shown in photos:


Note the time on the clock-gametime was 6pm

1 block from the Pond and LOOK what stops us

Stuck in Traffic on the way to Game 3

Yes, I did nearly kill us twice as we made our way to Anaheim. At the time, it seemed worth it to get to my first Red Wing playoff game when the pucked dropped. Yes, we did get there in one piece and once we sat down enjoyed a fabulous game where my team beat the living SNOT out of those stupid ducks.

I heckled. I had decent beer. I made fun of all the goalies we pummeled. And I drove home without banging the steering wheel.

5-0 Wings. That helped.

Anyone want to buy me tickets for tomorrow nights game? I promise to get there on time. OR I can just be your date…whatever. I’ll totally put out.