As if I don’t have ENOUGH trouble keeping her from being a lush, with no top on…

…so I was walking through Mervyn’s (yes, large department store chain…I’m NAMING you…come and get me you bastards) with my family this weekend when I saw a Junior’s PJ display.

Just to review, juniors are, generally, NONadults. This would mean they certainly can not vote, or drink, or do many things for themselves that do not require their parent’s permission.

Being the lounge-wear fashionista that I am (that’s my new way of saying ‘sweat-pant mom’ like it?) I had to see what the kids were wearing in the PJ department.

Here’s where things got fuzzy for me, because I ended up in a blind rage tantrum, making the rest of the shopping experience kind of hazy. I know I yelled more than once “ARE THEY KIDDING?” and I also demanded the Kaiser take out his cell phone to take a picture, to which he replied “but I have no camera phone…” despite my continued insistence he TAKE a picture NOW.

Anyway, what could have possibly set me off in such a tizzy in a public place such as…let me say it AGAIN…MERVYN’S????
Captain Morgan’s rum and Jack Daniel’s whiskey PJ sets, marketed to junior GIRLS.

At Mervyn’s. That’s right, I’ll say it again…liquor pajama pants and t-shirts for junior girls. Because nothing says “I’m Daddy’s sweet and innocent little girl” like “Gotta a little Captain IN YA??”

Cough. Ahem…

I realize I have a martini in front of my children. I realize their Dad BBQ’s with a beer in his hand. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY DON’T MARKET YOUR BOOZE TO MY DAUGHTER UNTIL SHE’S AT LEAST OLD ENOUGH TO FUCKING BUY IT.

Cough. Ahem.

I’m so tired of this. I’m so tired of finding out some asshat company thinks it’s ok to sell my 5-year old a padded bra to boost that cleavage. I’m so tired of seeing those whore-bag Bratz dolls with their blue eyeshadow and thigh highs. I’m so tired of booze companies trying to sell pictures of their bottles on pj pants to my preteen, like its all in good fun.

If anyone is going to teach my daughter to be a cocktail swilling hussy, it’s ME-not you idiots. So lay off. Geez, that is sooooooo the mother’s job, not yours.
I think I shall go write nasty letters to Mervyn’s and Captain Morgan and Jack Daniels now. You know, because I need to yell at someone.


(and YES, I DO kiss my mother and my children with this mouth—pppppppffffffffft)


  1. I’d like to say “Shocking!” but really it isn’t. They were probably right next to the “teddies for toddlers” section. And no, I’m not talking about Paddington. (heh… though I could be! Maybe that’ll be the next brand name of said padded push ups for preschoolers.

    Bah. Bad alliterations aside, it’s really sad what the proverbial “they” are pushing on kids. THEY’RE KIDS! Not mini sex-pots.

    “Let ’em laugh, let ’em giggle, let ’em sleep in the middle, oh but let them be little”

  2. Freaking ridiculous.

  3. A-freakin’-men.

  4. Not a drinker and don’t even consider buying any free advertising for alcoholic products on any of our clothing but…

    Junior sizing isn’t just for kids. PLENTY of adults wear junior sizing. Most college women wear junior sizing. I don’t think most women go into women’s sizes until they’re much older. Junior clothing is designed for the high school and college crowd, but if you hang out in the junior dept of a major department store (not Mervyns) like Bloomies or Nordstrom, you’ll see MANY very adult women purchasing Junior clothing. Like women in their 50’s. Which is just as disgusting, IMO, but still…

    So you might just want to hold off on that stroke until you at least check out who is wearing Junior sizes. I’d bet you’d be surprised to find it isn’t just high school girls.

  5. Queen of Spain says:

    I’m too tired to say anything but…it’s the JUNIOR section…we’ve ALL bought a shirt or two there…but we know we damn well shouldn’t be wearing it. It’s for the high school girls and the teenagers. Juniors are for TEENAGERS. It is. Sizes 0-15. That’s how it works.

    …and really, juniors are JUNIORS…I don’t need to see the whiskey pj’s next to the training bras. Come on now.

  6. I think that I’d have had a heart attack on site. No way is my princess wearing anything like that. WHile we are talking about clothing….have you seen some of the outfits that they want me to put on my baby girl?? Booty shorts, and tank tops…HELL NO!! I want her to be a baby for a while. Are they trying to breed hoochies early or what?? They are trying to make our kids grow up faster than they need to. I want for her to be little forever!!!! Not a skank at 5.

  7. Give me a fuc–

    sigh… calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean…

    It’s things like that that make me worry about my daughters. Who the hell thought it was a good marketing strategy to sell alcohol-based clothes to kids/teenagers?

  8. And this is why I love you so much. Sayin’ whatcha think and not giving two shits about who may not like your language.

    I think you’re fucking fabulous.

    And the alcohol promoting pajamas? Not cool. As the daughter of a bar owner — it’s shit like that causes drunk driving accidents.

    Teenagers thinking it’s okay to drink because they bought Captain/Jack Jammies. Ugh.

  9. You expressed your self perfectly. It was clear, concise, and got the point across. In short, I loved it, you should write a letter! We all should.

  10. whore-bag Bratz dolls

    A horrible situation but wonderfully funny entry. That bratz crack still has me smiling.

  11. This is just getting fucking ridiculous. I agree — if anyone is going to corrupt my daughter, it will be me! I don’t need everyone else trying to shove it down her throat (no pun intended, however nasty it may be).

    And I love the “lounge-wear fashionista”. I’m totally one, too!

  12. We found the same thing in a local store this Christmas when we were buying Pj’s for the grandsons.


    The fashion world is full of idiots from hell..

    The poor kids were to old for Mickey Mouse but I sure as hell wasn’t buying the booze jammies.

  13. How bizarre. This is why I don’t go shopping at brick-and-mortar stores. Online rocks. This way, unless I’m reading your blog, I don’t even have to know that this shit exists. But I’m righteously pissed with you on this one. Did I just say “pissed?” Time to go take another swig.

  14. You forgot to include the thongs and g-strings made to match the padded bras they sell to 5 year olds. Just saying.

  15. Along these lines–I saw a Pussycat Dolls video the other night. They kept panning to YOUNG GIRLS in the audience, as the Dolls sang “Doncha wish your girlfriend was hot like me” and proclaimed it as a message of female empowerment.

    Yeah. Because I want my preteen daughter thinking she should dress and dance like that while coming onto another woman’s man.

    Who ARE these people who buy this stuff for their kids and send them to the concert? Geez.

  16. Yup, redonkulous. I’m glad I can always count on you to make me want to rail against the man.

  17. ROFL. You so rock.

    I totally agree with the bratz dolls comment. They are not allowed here and Liberty used to be really upset until I explained that they were dressed ‘sexy’ and that ‘sexy’ is a word that should only describe a woman, not a little girl. For 5 years old she shocked me when she said, ‘Oh, okay. Why didn’t you just tell me that the first time I asked? We wouldn’t have had to fights, silly.’

    Duh, mommy. LOL.

    As for the Juniors, I know at least 5 women who shop in that department and are in their 30’s. They are all size 5’s and below so womens don’t fit. But I always thought Juniors should be kids and Petites should be the same sizes but adult clothing (Like alcoholic inducing p.j’s). That’s how many of the stores here are (J.C.Pennys, Sears, Kholes)

  18. i just stumbled onto your blog for the first time, and i must say i am already hooked. after reading just this post.

    AAAA-MEN! can we start a group – a kind of MADD-type of group? and go after the a-holes? what could we call it? who to go after first? i’m thinking the Bratz franchise. they really, REALLY annoy me. (and frighten the hell out of me, too!)

  19. I don’t understand why companies think we should dress our girls like mini-hookers. I’m sorry don’t people realize how many sick freaks there are in this world to be sending out that kind of message. Plus I don’t want my girl growing up to think she has to dress like a cheap floozy to get things accomplished.

  20. OMG no freakin way. What the hell are they thinking

  21. You rock Mama.

    Many many women who shop in the Junior section shouldn’t be. (yeah, some of the truly teeny can) Heck, some of the juniors who shop in the junior section shouldn’t be….I really really don’t even want alcohol PJ’s for myself…..def. not for my girls.

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