Like a drunken whore, not thinking before she acts…I took the kids to a local county fair this week. By. My. Self.
Yup…4H Club pigs, goats, cows (oops, I mean heifers) and kids in strange bow ties. The Ferris wheel my youngest was too small to ride and my oldest didn’t want to ride. Cotton Candy, live music (TONY ORLANDO!) and even hay. HAY people.

We had to ride a yellow school bus, much to the kids’ delight, to the fair. We couldn’t even park and walk on in. I don’t even know why I’m telling you all this, other than I’m so shell shocked I need to just type. Type. Type. Type.

I should mention I live in the burbs of Los Angeles. Which means as much as we TRY to have a regular old county fair…we still have Pink’s hot dogs and the Bangles. That’s our fair.

Anyway, I woke up that day with um…as the men in my life call it an “I Love Lucy” moment and decided the kids and I needed to DO something that day. We NEEDED to get out of the house. I was thinking beach. Maybe the movies. The park. But I gave in to the udder obsessed 4-year old (its true, he loves cows with tits) and decided going to the county fair seemed easy and totally do-able.

Holy fuck was I wrong. From the yellow shuttle bus in to the fair “complex” to the hour ride home in traffic…I WAS WRONG.

A 2-year old who REFUSED to hold my hand and Count Waffles who ONLY WANTED COW TITS, I’m a tired, tired, tired mother. Send wine. I’ll be cowering in the corner and checking my email between bong hits.


  1. bold move, E. BOLD.

  2. Does this mean you’re not coming over?

  3. And people wonder why I won’t take my kids to the state fair. Ha! I’ve learned that with Cordy, I never go out in public without reinforcements.

    You OK after that earthquake?

  4. Ahh…the fair.

    We have a very redneck-style fair here. With a mud-drag-race-demo-derby thing to boot!

    And I actually don’t mind going because it keeps Dawson quiet. So I guess that makes me a redneck. I should wear some Carolina boots when I go this Sept.

  5. LOL!

    Well, as I live near by one of the largest county fairs in IL that I’ve been going to since I was about 4…I can’t relate totally.

    But considering the ages of your two…I would see how that would be hard on your own.

    I guess I’m with Dana 😉 Redneck all the way 😉

  6. Wait – Tony Orlando? How could we not hear more about Tony Orlando?

  7. Ha ha ha ha ha! I’m only laughing because I can tell from the blog post that you made it back home, all three alive… I can’t stop chuckling about the Count’s obsession with cow tits. Hee hee hee hee hee!

    There was an earthquake? I should probably tune into daily happenings once a month or so…

  8. You have “cool” people perform at your fair….all we have are the Gospel Greats. Not saying that they aren’t cool to some, just not me. Also, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??? No back up, with two kids. Are you insane?? My kids are 7 and 2, and I don’t take them to the any where alone.

  9. Were they silicone or saline cow tits?? Or is he a natural man?

    LOL – very funny post, but next time you get a hanker’in for an adventure, let me leave you with some words of wisdom: There is a miniscule line between bravery and stupidity and as parents … well, you know what side we stand on 🙂

  10. They’re teats. 😉

    The fair around here is coming up. All I want is a funnel cake.

  11. Bong hits? Oh great! Now you’re qualified to operate the rides at the county fair!

  12. Is it mean that I’m laughing so hard that my ribs hurt?

    I had this brain wave last school holidays also. Hubby was working… kids were going stir crazy and I was talking to the walls.

    We don’t have “fairs” like you guys do. But there was the big Kids Day Out. I figured we could go play all day and they would come home all worn out.

    Without boring you witless, lets just say the rides cost me a house deposit, the kids were utter monsters and I considered trying to suffocate myself in the cotton candy machine.

    NEVER EVER AGAIN am I leaving this house with these kids unless I have:-
    * a cattle prod
    * a loudhailer
    * a GPS tracking locater implanted in both of them
    * a 6’4″ husband to wrangle the lil shits for me

    Save a bong hit for me 🙂

  13. Silly Queen! You forgot to listen to your inner “What? Are You Kiddin’ Me?”

  14. Holy Cow — or is it heifer? That was a funny post. But, also taking it as a warning. Our five-year-old g.daughter is begging to go to the county fair here. Florida — there’s probably pink cows here. I’m not so sure I want to find out.

  15. Heh…. I took the kids to the zoo one day with a similar outcome…

    I pity you.

  16. Next time, go to the Ventura County Fair. It’s small enough to see everything in one day, there’s an Amtrak Station RIGHT THERE (so you don’t have to drive, but it’s actually an easy drive on the 126) and best of all — the Fairgrounds are ON THE BEACH. No dust, no dry heat — just nice ocean breezes.

  17. We were just reminiscing tonight about my kids and our state fair. I took my son at 4 months and my daughter at 3 weeks. And they haven’t missed a fair since. But I would never have attempted it alone. You are a brave, brave woman.


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