Zombies Make Me Pee My Pants

Like an idiot I did not question my husband’s choice of tv stations tonight.

Goofing around on my computer and not paying attention I Am Legend with Will Smith started and before I could protest, I was magically sucked in.

Of course I had no idea this was a zombie movie and at first it was nothing but a paranoid, gun-toting Will Smith and a dog roaming around deserted NYC.

Had I known there were zombies involved I would have had my husband change the channel immediately and demanded something of a more ‘no drama, happy ending, unicorns and rainbows’ nature.

Here’s the thing: I am the biggest pansy alive when it comes to scary movies. The biggest. I don’t even like really heavy dramas, either. But…that’s besides the point.

The point is scary movies, even REALLY BAD ONES, scar me emotionally and physically to the point where I will vomit. Or pee my pants.

Tonight some zombie woman jumped off some medical table to eat Will Smith and I peed my pants. I then turned off the tv. Of course I couldn’t stop thinking about the zombie woman or Will Smith’s cute dog (who apparently does not meet a good end from what I hear, FYI) and I had more than a hard time going into our garage to turn off Christmas lights and sprinklers.

I’m not kidding.

What’s worse? I’m 100% sure I passed this lovely trait onto my son. Who can’t even bring himself to watch the drama filled parts of a Spongebob espisode if Mr. Krabs is about to yell at Mr. Squarepants. My 5-year-old will leave the room when the AirBud parents get kidnapped. He will make an excuse to walk into the kitchen when the Beast growls at Belle.

He gets this from me. And I totally feel his pain.

Even my adult brain understands zombies are not real and they do not live in the dark of my garage…yet I still can’t go out there right now to shut off lights. So as much as I tell my son it’s ok, not to worry, the Beast really turns out to be a swell guy- I know he’s not buying it, I wouldn’t either.

Zombies live in my garage, why should I?


  1. I’m with you on this too a point. I have learned to both a) be braver for the sake of my daughter and b) be more terrified for the sake of my daughter.

    I can’t bring myself to see gotcha movies anymore – but zombie movies don’t scare me, oddly. Probably because I’m sure I could take out zombies. It’s the humans that scare the crap out of me.


  2. It has taken me about 18+ years to get over this. When I saw The 6th Sense in the cinema it took me several nights before I could sleep. When I played with the my friends as a kid, we sometimes watched movies like A werewolf in New York or (I can’t remember the name, but it’s a movie about a dog that goes beserk).

    I had to sleep on the floor next to my parents, because I couldn’t fall asleep.

    Now I’m not really bothered by these movies anymore. That doesn’t mean I’m watching Ghost Hunters on Discovery when the wife isn’t home though 😉 but scary movies really doesn’t scare me anymore.

    You missed the end of I am Legend then? There are two endings to that movie, but I think you will enjoy both of them.

  3. saw your tweet. feel your pain. I can’t deal with serious suspense or gore or zombies either, except in a specific set of old Japanese samurai movies called Lone Wolf and Cub: and only because I love the main actor, I own them all and I know what’s coming, and when to close my eyes…

    calm, soothing thoughts to you from Tokyo…

  4. Queen of Spain says:

    Sigh. and can Will Smith please please just make those funny feel good, cocky action guy moments for me? I keep picturing him with a zombie breathing down his neck and it’s freaking me out.

  5. A very intense movie, indeed. The shrieking noises those zombies made would scare ANYONE!

    Reminds me of the same noise the virus-stricken, blood-thirsty, un-dead made in the equally terrifying end-of-days movie “28 Weeks Later“.

    Saludos, MadridMan

  6. My mother thought it’d be a great idea to go see The Exorcist when it came out (I think I was around 11, but I’m not going to bother looking it up).

    On Easter Sunday.

    I couldn’t sleep for five days.

    I don’t know if I’d have been able to watch scary movies had this not happened, but I know I can’t tolerate them now.

  7. OMG I can’t do horror movies either. When I was younger I loved them, but the older I get the more they freak me out. Of course Dearest likes to secretly put on freaky movies all the time just to watch me squirm.

  8. I am a scary movie weenie too. 13 ghosts, Exorcist and IT have scarred me for life. Oh and I am Legend? NOT awesome.

  9. I did like Will in Hancock.

    I Am Legend? I’m convinced there are zombies in my basement. Though I did ‘tough it out’ and watch the whole movie, even months later I still can’t quite get it out of my head.

  10. I don’t mind Zombies. But, I really, really hate violence. My husband turned on a movie this weekend and the first scene had a guy getting shot, doused with gasoline and burned while still alive and begging for mercy.

    I was PISSED. Why would I ever find such a thing entertaining and why are you actually wanting to watch more human on human violence for pleasure? Freaks.

  11. Hey girlie. I actually love scary movies. However, I can only take that love so far. My husband and I went to see the movie The Hills Have Eyes in the theaters… There is a baby in it (luckily, sorry to spoil it for anyone who wants to see but hasn’t, the baby makes it) and these horribly deformed awful people kill most of the baby’s family and kidnap the baby. I bawled my eyes out through the entire movie. I was literally SOBBING. People were actually getting up to come and tell me to be quiet, thinking that I was joking, but when they saw how hysterical I really was, they were like, “Well, why don’t you just leave if it’s so upsetting?” My response? “I have to make sure the baby is okay!”
    I got so many hugs from strangers that night… It was very strange. I tried watching the movie again months later, thinking that the knowledge that the kid makes it out okay would allow me to enjoy the story…. I started crying and ended up throwing the DVD out the window and into the street where it broke into dozens of tiny pieces.

  12. I totally understand!! I run from my bathroom to my family room if the rooms in between are dark. Such a total scardy-cat! And I also passed this onto my son. He is almost 5 and freaks out if I turn on “The Little Mermaid” for my 3 year old daughter who loves it. And not because it is a “girl” movie…but because he is scared to death of Ursala!

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