The Post In Which My Doctor Feels Me Up and Calls Me DOLL

I have a boob issue.

Or not.

It’s still unclear.

So today I wore the wrong outfit to a breast specialist and waited my turn to see Dr. S. in a room filled with cancer patients. They made me feel humble and grateful and scared all at once.

My turn came soon enough and I did as I was instructed: I took off everything on top (leaving only my black leggings on bottom…an ill fitting pair at that) and put on a very short, very pink, very papery gown.

Let’s stop and think about that for a second…mental picture, if you will. Erin with a pair of too tight leggings with fat rolling over sides, sitting on a table where her hips are spread in said leggings and belly crunched, where a not so hawt pink paper gown barely touches the bottom of her bulging belly button.

Oh, it was sexy let me tell you.


Dr. S. entered to see me in all my pink and black glory, asked me a few questions, felt my tits, gave me instructions,  then walked out the door by saying “Ok then, DOLL, I’ll see you next week.”

The man just felt me up, called me “Doll” and walked out.

I visably scoweled and squinched my face when he said it…and he left in an awkward rush.

This is going to make for a really uncomfy second appointment. Or maybe not. Because like many things, this may just be an issue to me and it may be on my mind and he may not have even REALLY noticed and hasn’t given it a second thought. Or a first.

Either way, next week I’d like dinner and a movie first.


  1. I teased a brand new physician once after he felt me up “are you going to buy me dinner now?” He turned the deepest, darkest shade of red I have ever seen on a human being. Great way to break in a new doctor!

  2. you know I nearly cracked a joke while laying there too. it’s hard NOT too to try and break the tension.

  3. I made that same joke when I had a physical and, you know.

    He said “well, I guess that was worth a cheeseburger.”

  4. ROFL ….ooooooh my

  5. When he called you DOLL you should have yelled – PATRIARCHY!

  6. This doctor is calling out for a nickname. I’m thinking. . .hmmmm. . .”Sweet Cheeks.”

    My doctor is also my friend, which makes pelvic exams a bit awkward for me, but I imagine not for her.

    I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you and your boob issues.

  7. How old is the doctor? NOT to give him excuses but maybe he was raised in a different generation…?

    BTW you’re in my thoughts. Keep us updated re: boob issue.

  8. Mona I’d say he was in his 40’s. Maybe early 50’s… maybe.

  9. This story is so much like the time we got engaged…I love you, doll.

  10. figures you chime in on my blog after like a 6 months absence because I mention boobs….

  11. Eek. and Ick. That is brutal. I’m turning bright red and irked just reading that!

  12. I so love it when they say “doll” instead of “oh shit” when they examine me.

  13. Ahahahah! I HATE going to the doctor for my pap, too. I have a female doctor, but still… I am generally uncomfortable with lying on a table putting my cooter in some woman’s face. Heh.

    On the “Doll” thing… it totally made me think of all the times I talked to someone other than my husband on the phone (I mostly only ever talk to him) and almost freaking said, “I love you, honey” right before I hung up. I will DIE if it actually happens.

    Maybe he calls his wife Doll right after he feels her up? LOL

  14. Wow, that’s awkward sounding!!

  15. You broads need to lighten up.

  16. Leaving the pc BS aside for a moment, let’s hope all is well with you and your boobs when you see him next week, Doll.

  17. I find those visits very uncomfortable. My doctor is always so nonchalant about it and I’m totally self conscious. Hope hte breast issue is nothing – I had a lump last year which turned out to be nothing but I was so worried when I found it…I had been considering getting boob job (ok size A and five children not a pretty sight) but after that I put that thought on hold. It gave me a different perspective ……
    Enjoyed your post and hope your issue is nothing 🙂

  18. First, (((HUGS))) for what you’re going through. Second, if he’s the best in the area I’d overlook it. If he’s not, I’d do what I had to do to be comfortable.

    Thinking of you and sending healthy thoughts your way.


  19. And THAT is why I only go to female doctors, whenever possible. I just generally feel that no matter the education, you can’t truly understand my body unless you have the same parts.

  20. Fire Him. If you do have cancer do you really want a doctor who’s going to treat you like his own personal Barbie?

    Ditto Jenny. Ditto. If you don’t have ovaries you’re not allowed to tell me “that pain is normal” when you pinch them.

  21. Remember I had breast cancer in 05 and just finished Ovarian Cancer Chemo in July. Poor judgement to say the least however maybe he was trying for levity and didn’t do so well..If you need to ask any questions feel free to email me and I’ll pass on my phone number.

    Blessings and prayers for you…

    Dorothy from grammology

  22. AngieNextDoor says:

    My first OB also needed an major update on sexual politics…
    He directed most of the questions to Craig, my husband, and after the exam he said “She’s perfect”. (Again to Craig). Then he turns to me and says, “See ‘the girl’ up front for your next appointment”. If he hadn’t been older than dirt it woldn’t have been as lol funny.
    Hope everything turns out OK : )

  23. Yeah, my mom had a mastectomy 2 weeks ago, and two lumpectomies before that. Every surgery she’s had, her doc has said “Don’t worry, soon this will be just a lump in the road!” Like it’s the funniest effing joke in the world. Miraculously, I have not punched him yet.

    But, my Moms just got the cancer free pathology stamp a few days ago, so I guess I’ll let him slide, bad boob jokes and all. I hope yours are totally fine.

  24. I had a dermatologist once that kept calling me “m’lady.” Can you imagine, “Well, m’lady, I could prescribe this or that to you. But m’lady, let me explain the differences…”

Speak Your Mind