My Hollywood Family- The Shocking Truth

I had a very stark reminder tonight about how different we all are.

As my husband and I celebrated the addition of another Academy Award to his resume, I remarked online how nice it was to hear so many of the acceptance speeches include thanks to wives and kids.

I’m a wife. I have kids. I notice these things.

Of course the internet being what it is, it didn’t take long before a very snarky comment was thrown my way by a conservative– “Yeah, they are such role models for family values.”

And I suddenly remembered what I had clearly blacked out since November 4th:

Many people in this country don’t believe my family has values. They can’t comprehend my family is “good” or “virtuous.” It’s incomprehensible to them that we are decent Americans.

We live in that scary place called California. My husband works for that really pornographic and satan-filled industry called “Hollywood” and OMG I have one hell of a mouth. Clearly we can’t be normal, good, decent human beings.

Nearly half of America still believes this way. They are shocked we raise children and teach them of love and kindness. They don’t know how to behave when I tell them I cooked dinner last night, and the kids cleared the dishes. That we attended a charity function. That we help our neighbors that we contribute to our community. That yes…we are actually GOOD people.

I suppose it serves me right to a degree to be stereotyped. It’s much easier for me to think of the right wing as some religious extremists idiots who believe in fairy tales instead of science. But alas, it’s not that simple is it? As much as I LOVE sweeping generalizations about the morons of the GOP and their equality hating ways, we all know they all don’t fit into that picture I try, myself, to paint.

Even in my anger, I have conceded time and time again that…ok, fine…not all Republicans are stupid. And not all religions teach hate. And don’t think it doesn’t pain me to have to concede this fact, time and time again.

So I think it’s time to shed some light on the other side of the coin. That now rather angry and defeated segment of America still stinging from their loss in November. Still trying so very hard to hate their President. Still hell bent on believing we’re all evil, indecent, NONfamily loving liberals out to destroy their churches and their way of life.

They quip that it’s laughable those accepting awards on a stage in California could possibly love or value their families enough to thank them. To mention them. To even remotely care about their loved ones.

Well tonight that quip went directly to a family involved with those on stage. Who know FULL WELL their kindness, their love for their families, and their humanity. Who sat with family to watch as our livelihood -you know that pesky economy thing you keep talking about- had an industry celebration.

Yes as the Right mocked the “self important Left” for fawning over “actors” …the Left is here, calling out many of the smug and self-righteous Right. Who seem to think their virtues are better, and more pure. Who seem to think they are more decent, and they are living the life of Saints as we wallow in sin.

I almost feel sad that you miss the humanness of a family- any family, not just those you think are good. That you assume we’re out cheating on our taxes, robbing banks, teaching our kids to fight and hurt others. You condemn GOOD families because they are different than yours. Because in your mind, they can’t possibly be anything but wrong, or evil. They can’t be anything but unnatural because they don’t work the same way YOUR family does.

Yes, I do feel sad. I feel sad because when I meet you- sure I have my own assumptions- but they never include that you don’t care for your loved ones as I do mine. I might question your motives and I might question your sanity, but I can’t possibly question your family. Sure, I find it odd. Sure I find it unnatural. Sure I’d never do it the way you do…but I’d never assume you weren’t capable of thinking of your family during a celebration.

That how foreign this concept of “liberals are good people” actually is to many in on the Right. They can’t even comprehend that we have families or values.

Newsflash: Conservatives don’t own the rights to good, decent, loving families.

Newsflash: Liberals love their wives and spouses and partners and children too.

Newsflash: Kindness and generosity are NOT conservative values, they are HUMAN values. Just like you don’t want the GLBT community owning the rights to the Rainbow…YOU don’t get to own the rights to FAMILY.

So how about we move forward from here. I’ll do my best to not assume you’re all uneducated, backwood, anti-science, anti-common sense, tank-loving, sexist, homophobes…and you do your best to not assume we’re all coke-sniffing, baby-killing, irresponsible whores….

Sound good?


  1. I can honestly say, as a Conservative, I have no idea what you are talking about. And you sure aren’t talking about me or most Conservatives I know. There are wackos in every party.

  2. Sadly Elizabeth I experienced it tonight and have actually experienced it many, many times in the past. It even speaks to what happened in this past election with civil rights for the gay and lesbian community being voted down in california. It’s all very sad.

  3. First as a liberal let me say, “Congratulations on the Award!” I follow you on twitter and enjoy your ability to handle the right with wit and strength. I don’t have the energy to fight with them anymore, so I live vicariously through you. I agree with your post and have often voiced the same sentiments myself. It is just wonderful to hear someone else voicing them. Also glad you are feeling better!

  4. Clearly, you’re smoking crack and hyper sensitive. As a recovering conservative, when those types of comments are thrown out, they are not questioning your ability to love or have a good family or do good things!

    But, can you really say that folks like, oh I dunno, the Four Horsewomen of the Apocalypse (Brittany, Parris, Lindsay and Nicole) are good role models for, I dunno, Hala?

    I think you need to take a step back and stop channeling, and actually find the forest through the trees.

  5. Thanks Mary. Thank goodness for blogging, because sometimes I just gotta get it out!

  6. Thumbs up. The atmosphere in the GOP camp has been a little scary where I am. Lots and lots of hateful superstitious talk about revolution and calls to arms and slurs on others. Truly scary stuff. I am having trouble being open minded about it all these days and seeing the people behind the red faced spitting fist shaking rants.

  7. It’s been my observation that it’s liberals who are most charitable with their time and resources and care about their fellow man and care about this beautiful planet of ours and act more Jesus-like than most God-fearing conservatives I’ve observed. It’s the liberals who welcome all kinds into their churches and don’t judge others on way they worship or the people they love. Why is it so inconceivable that these same liberals would love and appreciate their families? Of COURSE they do.

  8. But that’s just IT Aaron…if they are talking about the people on stage…that I was talking about (which was what happened…) they really ARE talking about us. That guy…on stage…WE KNOW HIM.

    People can throw out comments all they want, but they can also face the people they are making those comments about. Just like I have to own up to calling every Christian a bigot, they get to own up to their generalizations too.

  9. Leslie. Um, that’s New Hampshire. 😉

  10. And Aaron…I’m always hyper-sensitive.


  11. THEY being specific people, Erin. Not that whole broad demographic you are trying to assault with your words and also trying to make up for it by saying not everyone. You can’t have it both ways. You either attack the entire demo for being insensitive idiots or you attack the people who are actually being the insensitive idiots. You can’t do both.

  12. Of course I can! I’m assaulting the demo that actually believes this way. There is a demo, not just a person. No really…it’s a demo. It really is. This is not some isolated incident. Or the first time I’ve heard this. And I’m excluding those who don’t fit this demo. I see nothing wrong with that.

  13. LOL. You put the whole fucking GOP into that demo. How can you say “not all GOP” at one part of the article then proceed to bash the entire right three paragraphs or so later? LOL

  14. I very clearly established this was a segment of the Right. Not the entire Right. Even though I WISH IT WAS, would be much easier to beat them down that way.

  15. Alright, fine. I’m clearly seeing something here you’re not. 😉

    Ah well. I’ll go do some puppy bashing and we’ll call it a day.

  16. Did he just cry Uncle?

    I have to mark this down on my calendar.

  17. Hardly. I threatened puppies. Huge world of difference.

  18. with the left and right thing aside- i don’t really understand the point the commenter was trying to make. i see no difference between a doctor, farmer, teacher, plant-worker, or someone who works in hollywood. what do they all have in common? they are all jobs. people who work provide for their families because they love them. we want our kids to grow up safe, with an education, with the opportunity to do what they want to do in life. THAT (being a good parent)- IS being a role model. it should have nothing to do with what mom/dad/sister/brother/aunt/uncle, etc. do for a living.

    so congrats to you and your family, Erin. sounds like you and hubs are doing a great job being role models for the kiddos.

  19. I don’t live in Hollywood, but I’m clearly a heathen by most conservatives’ standards. I just watched Nancy Pelosi’s daughter’s documentary, Right America: Feeling Wronged, and all it did was reinforce those stereotypes about conservative America — and believe me, I was hoping it wouldn’t.

    “liberals are good people”
    This all came to a head during this election, and yeah, like you, I’d put it out of my mind (hey, our team won, remember), but it’s still there. I live in a red state (albeit in a liberal enclave), so I see more than I’d want to.

  20. This is the most enjoyable piece I’ve read in a long while.

    I understand exactly what you mean. It is unfortunate that the two major cults in the US do not speak the same language.

  21. I know you’d consider this bragging, which would at best cloud the point you’re making, and at worst fuel your critics’ arguments. Still, inquiring minds want to know: what did your husband do that got him an Oscar? I’m glad for both him and you. (And by the way, finding proof of your fitness as a parent is as easy as clicking the “previous posts” button of your blog. (I hope you click it yourself once in a while.)

  22. Thanks Rick- Aaron is in VFX. His company worked on Benjamin Button (and the company and owner got a shout out on stage last night…was awesome). He’s won previously for the same category- 2 years ago for Pirates 2. While we don’t get an actual award, it rocks for his resume…to say the least. To be fair he had MUCH more to do with the previous Oscar. He was responsible for the Mill Wheel fighting scene (which is largely CG) which won. He worked on just a tiny bit on this one…but we’re taking it!

  23. Congrats on the award. I saw the tweet you mentioned and it was a bit disturbing. I agree with you wholeheartedly. Although, there are exceptions to any rule. Regardless, I think you probably speak for a lot of “liberal” families with ties to Holywood, who get a bad rep. Good for you in giving them a voice.

  24. The Right’s belief in their own righteousness and the Left’s inherent evil is rampant. (I don’t know what Aaron’s talking about, frankly. Seems he’s just making noise about semantics while the facts remain. MOST of the conservative rhetoric we’re exposed to, day in and day out, is about what monsters liberals are…) It’s everywhere, and it’s LOUD.

    I don’t think I’ve ever seen it so clearly as during the Prop 8 wars, when the Yes on 8’s ENTIRE message was “Save Our Families.” Just thinking about that alone makes my blood boil and my eyes roll far into the back of my head.

    Anyway, my point was going to be, “Hey. While we’re taking back Strong Family Values, can we have the American flag back, too? kthanxbai.”

  25. I have to say, I didn’t know this side of your family existed – you know, the Hollywood side – so now I’ll have to stop reading your blog and following you. Oh, wait. No, I won’t. Because I have read and respected you for some time now, not only as a writer, an ass-kicker, and a pot-stirrer, but as a mom who clearly loves her family. I am appalled at the crap that gets thrown at you because of your moral viewpoints. And I call them moral, not political, because I think it is a strong sense of right and wrong that moves us to make what some call liberal choices regarding what is right and good and fair. So as always…..hang in there. And way to fight back. Oh, and congratulations to your husband. Any chance he can hook me up with that hot (way too young) guy from Twilight? Thanks.

  26. I have to agree with Elizabeth, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Perhaps it’s because I don’t hang out with people on the extremes of either side. However, things especially people should not go into a box and labeled, by you or ‘them’.

    When a loved pet dies, we tell the children it went to Heaven. We put a Christmas tree up and celebrate Easter. Our children go to a school where NASA scientist come in to teach them about space and they learn about evolution. We teach them to be kind, open-minded, and never judge anyone by the way they look or their Faith, and eventually by what Party they belong to. How would you label our family?

    It seems like it would be exhausting trying to label and box people in groups. Especially if they keep evolving; learning, growing, maturing.. Like people tend to do.

  27. I think if you spend any time — online or in person — making your political views known, you are exposed to a LOT of countering opinion, and much of it is vicious.

    Erin isn’t making anything up or putting labels out there for no good reason. You don’t know what she’s talking about? Really? Well, it’s absolutely wonderful that you happen not to be subjected to the anger and bitterness and judgment that Erin faces EVERY DAY, because — and I say this from very personal experience — the hatred and vitriol is out there, it’s real, it’s LOUD and it’s why (I daresay) Erin is fighting the good fight.

  28. AngieNextDoor says:

    Sorry someone had to rain on your parade : ( Don’t sweat it, though. Congrats!
    Both sides make sweeping generalizations, you’re right. But only one side is aware that they might be wrong. The other accepts them as truth. You are infinitely wiser than any person, Rep. or Dem, for even considering that your sweeping generalizations of any group could be wrong. Your mind has evolved : )
    Only education and critical thought can spread this evolution. Too bad the other side isn’t interested. Oops! Was that a sweeping generalization?

  29. Thanks Kristy. And Angie rocks 😉

  30. OK, CLEARLY the twitterer in question is crazy.

    I mean, I find out someone I know even remotely on the Internet is somehow connected in Hollywood – and I’m asking if they can get me on the red carpet or something!

  31. So, let me get this straight. It’s the GOP who is so hell bent on hating their President? I’m sorry but after the last 8 years I don’t think many Democrats have ANY room to talk.

    And, as Aaron mentioned, it’s nice for you to mention that you stereotype the GOP and that we don’t all fit your depiction, but when you spend most of the article playing to those broad stereotypes it rings a little hollow for me.

    And last but not least:

    Newsflash: Liberals love their wives and spouses and partners and children too.

    I for one have no doubt that liberals love their spouses, partners and children, I just wish they’d also care enough about the one’s that they don’t bother to call children to allow them to live rather than aborting them.

    Do I think Republicans own morality? Not in the slightest. Do I think it’s ridiculous for the Democrats to profess to be the compassionate party while they fight for a woman’s right to kill her unborn child? Absolutely.

  32. I’m sort of confused as to what this is about, where it came from and, really, who you’re referencing. Both sides make sweeping generalizations. People from both sides often assume that those on the other are without values — have you never looked at an anti-LGBT rights family & been angry that they THEY don’t value love? To rant that those people think you don’t is just as wrong-headed.

  33. Welcome Skitzzo,

    Perhaps you should spend less time worrying about the cells in my uterus, and more time worrying about your fellow man?

    And you’re entirely right, we did spend 8 years hating our President. And we’re damn glad its’ over. But there is a very large difference between hating a moron, and hating a man you claim to not even know enough about to hate…. but I digress.

    Feel free to prove me wrong about that demographic of your Party I’m discussing. ‘Cause I see ’em all the damn time.

  34. there were PROTESTERS outside the Oscars last night… you know, because they hate gays and lesbians.

    moral my ass

  35. I feel very fortunate because I don’t have to deal with any conservatives in my daily life. And I didn’t think that people took the term “family values” seriously, rather than as an example of the right’s doublespeak.

  36. You seem to know for a fact that the protesters were motivated by hate. Because, clearly, that’s the only thing that causes anyone to ever protest anything.

  37. First off major congrats. Many people outside of “Hollywood” have no idea how difficult it actually is to win such an award. I think this country needs to work together to fix our collective problems. The level of partisanship is still as high as ever. We need to recognize strength comes in numbers, not in trying to take down one another because of belief differences. It is truly sad that someone would “rain on your” parade simply because they thought you were making some kind of “liberal” statement. Conservatives whine and cry about Hollywood, but still watch 24, still by mps, music, videos, games for their kids. Hypocrisy as normal methods has gotten out of control. Perhaps the attention you unwillingly got should be better placed into, say, fixing our country? Congrats again.

  38. Actually Aaron..this time around it was those REALLY whacky guys… “God Hates Fags” was a sign.

    I wish I were kidding.

  39. But that’s actually not really here or there in this conversation. Totally a side note…

  40. Ok, I haven’t had time to read all comments. But, you responded to mine accusing the conservatives of being the reason Prop 8 was passed. How the hell do you account for the fact that Obama won in CA AND Prop 8 was passed? Clearly a helluvalotta LIBERALS voted Yes on 8, so there are Liberals who hate gays, LOTS of them. Let the record show that I hosted a Republican Inauguration Party and had a flamingly liberal, married, lesbian as our caterer. My choice.

  41. Back when I lived in SoCal, I used to listen to KLOS. And they had a great bumpersticker that said “The Moral Majority is neither”.

    Congrats to all of you on Aaron’s win. That is awesome!

  42. can someone please answer the question: why is someone who works in hollywood not a good role model for family values? is it because SOME people in hollywood are gay/lesbian? sorry, that is f*#king stupid. like i said above- it is a job. you need one of those to support your family. any person that takes pride in working to support their loved ones, no matter where or what industry- IS a role model to me. someone be brave and please answer what is so ‘bad’ about working in hollywood.

    +erin desrves a puppy for having to deal with you wackos

  43. Elizabeth–I think “flaming” is applied only to gay men, not lesbians. If you’d hosted a Democratic Inauguration party, you’d know that.

  44. Let me summarize…before we all get lost in yelling at eachother…which seems like that’s where this is headed…

    I don’t question that your family loves. Don’t question that about mine. And I don’t really care which party you come from…but more often than not you seem to come from the Right and you seem to pass a whole lotta judgement.

    Just like those extreme environmental whackos make the left look bad…the extreme conservative whackos make the right look bad.

    …Maybe I should have posted that paragraph.

  45. Andy Catsimanes says:

    I abandoned the Democratic party awhile back. But no way can I align myself with the risible right.


  46. So the fact that I care about unborn children automatically means I don’t care about my fellow man? If you’re going to preach about not assuming that you know people you might want to try doing so yourself. So far in this post and the comments you seem to just be the democratic version of the very people bashing.

  47. Woops should have been “the very people you’re bashing”

  48. “Woops should have been “the very people you’re bashing””

    Also should have been “Whoops”

    I’m an equal opportunity antagonizer.

  49. Elizabeth, it was the other way around. A LOT of moderates and conservatives voted for Obama, in California and all over the country. Look at North Carolina for goodness’ sake!

    And while this post is most certainly NOT about who hates gays more (sorry, Erin, for co-opting your point!), it is statistically factual that liberals are more tolerant of the LGBT community BY FAR.

    Just ask your caterer.

  50. hey, no one answered my question.

    elizabeth, skitzzo, feel free to chime in any time. i’d like to hear it from the horse’s mouth (you’ve both taken your stance on that side of the line)- why is someone who works in hollywood not a good role model for family values? or can you not defend the original statement and agree that the person who made it is a moron?

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