And to think I nearly took a 4-year old down for hurting my daughter…
A funny thing happened on my couch last night. My daughter animatedly told my husband and I a story about her day that included a classmate…let’s call him Cody…getting in trouble for “being mean” to her.
You see as she told the story, Cody was mean. He did something…and that was as specific as it got…that made my daughter angry and she “didn’t want to play with him” anymore.
Of course I did what any mother would do. I was ready to take down Cody AND his mother. Who was this kid? Why was he “mean” and could I get him kicked out of nursery school?
Ok not really, but you know how you get when you hear your child had an encounter with anyone that was less than polite to them.
hold me back!! let me at the bastards!!
But then the story went on as I asked more questions, as I am prone to do…
So what did Cody do that was so mean?
And why didn’t you want to play with him?
And the girls didn’t want him there?
And you told him to go away?
Why did you tell him to go away?
So you don’t want to play with any boys?
Uh huh. This was a clear case of gender discrimination on the playground. Our Princess Peanut banished Cody from playing with her…because he was a boy.
There was the typical parental discussion after. We play with everyone. We’re nice to everyone. Its’ not nice to tell him he’s not allowed to play with you. blah blah blah.
And how did she take it?
She folded her arms and scowled at me like I, too, had a penis.
Clearly I did not understand the politics of a preschool playground and clearly I was a stupid mother for even suggesting she play with a boy or be NICE to a boy.
I’m going to miss this, aren’t I? The her hating boys thing? I’m going to LONG for this day again in about 10 years.
Sigh.
Probably. But what I won’t long for is the attitude she had when talking about Cody. You could hear that “mean girl” venom dripping from her words and it scared the shit out of me. I knew full well what it was like to alienate a classmate from a playground game. And yes, it was and is still MEAN.
My daughter CAN NOT be mean. It’s NOT ALLOWED. She can’t have that nasty attitude some girls seem to pick up and wield in social circles. IT MUST NOT BE.
Just as soon as the story was coming out of her, I wanted to force a change in the attitude I was witnessing.
FORCE.
But all I could do with sit there, alongside her beloved Dad, and reiterate to her how she must be kind, and include everyone, and never hurt any one’s feelings.
I don’t think she heard us. I don’t think she cared. And I’m fairly sure she went to school this week and ostracized poor Cody.
Who has a penis, by no fault of his own.
Oh Queenie, don’t you see that she’s growing up to be a two-faced liberal just like mommy?
“But all I could do with sit there, alongside her beloved Dad, and reiterate to her how she must be kind, and include everyone, and never hurt any one’s feelings.” — Maybe she should read some of mommies political rants, her ravings against Republicans and those that don’t have the same political bent and views and her blog posts. She’d learn a lot about “being mean.” Mommy is a perfect example of being a left-wing schoolyard bully. A true reflection of the “for me, but not for thee” liberal-think that has corrupted your own mind and this country.
Does her actions amaze me? No. She’s just exerting her radical liberal feminist side, just like Queenie. Don’t be too hard on her, she’s just being her mothers daughter after all.
Yikes, that’s a tough one Erin.
As much as parents lead by example and teach and remind, sometimes it comes down to crowd mentality. And nothing can be fiercer than a pack of little girls determined not to ‘play with a boy’. Kids can be cruel…it’s a fact of life. A sad fact, but a fact nonetheless.
Keep on talking and preaching and leading by example. Which you do a great job of. You DO reach out to people you don’t agree with, be it politics or healthcare or parenting, and try to understand if not wholeheartedly agree, where they’re coming from.
And one thing I REALLY like about you Erin? When you disagree with someone, you leave your name. And a link. You own it.
Just saying 🙂
Dear Les,
Bite Me.
XOXOX,
QofS
Actually Les. I’d like to think that I can argue a good political rant/debate/issue to prove my point and win votes. What this has to do with being nice to you on the street or playground, I’m not sure.
Are we arguing politics while we swing? Yeah. no.
So how about you join the adults, because I’m fairly sure my daughter can’t read and you just want to invoke some political drama in a typical parenting situation.
AND …another thing. Because apparently I”m not done yet…
Showing strength when your beliefs are on the line is far different than being kind in a social situation.
If ‘Cody’ was a KKK, guntoting, gay-hating, “patriot” I’d hope my daughter would show her strength, that you are damn right I taught her.
Why does she have to play with everyone?
She can’t be everyone’s friend, we are all able to pick and choose our friends. It is kind of like Twitter, I may choose to follow you because I think what you say is interesting, but that doesn’t mean you HAVE to follow me back, you may not enjoy my line of tweets.
Yes, she has to be courteous, but no, she shouldn’t have to play with those she chooses not to play with.
I mean, c’mon afterall, boys do have cooties ya know. sheesh.
Queenie, this was not a “typical parenting situation.” You are a much better writer than that. This was a carefully crafted “lesson” on political correctness and how you liberals think everyone should hold hands, sing kumbaya and kiss Pelosi’s, Reids & Obama’s butts and accept what they put out.
“Play nice” to you guys is liberal-speak for “bend over and take it.”
Do I think this was just a simple story about your daughter? Not in my life. I’ve read enough of your blog and Twitter posts to know otherwise. This was your way of teaching a liberal lesson through allegory.
Your beloved Les
Les,
You were one of those Red Rover kids on the playground, right? The ones who yelled ‘Red Rover Red Rover send Queenie over’ just for the fun of a) being all passive agressive about saying her name like that and b) creating a barrier she had to throw herself against.
Please go read the book Queen Bees & Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman. And then come back and try to have a civilized or at the very least informed conversation / discussion about being inclusive / exclusive.
Thank you.
Oh Les, don’t you understand that liberal inclusiveness is not blind inclusiveness? That the point is to not assume that someone is evil, or stupid, or uncharitable, or an asshole, but to wait for them to reveal that character flaw on their own, and even then to only condemn them for what they have earned condemnation.
But good on ya for being unafraid to reveal your character. It’s like you’re weeding yourself out of the discussion, so thanks.
lol.
What’s more fun? Totally just a post about my daughter…
Remind me to put the disclaimer *hidden liberal agenda* on my next mommyblog post when it’s ACTUALLY about my liberal agenda.
Um, Les?
Y’know that tinfoil hat of yours? Time to put it on and tune out some of that paranoia.
Using Occam’s razor here (and some common sense) this post is just what it purports to be, by positing that it’s an allegorical lesson in political correctness you do nothing more than make it apparent that you see liberal bias everywhere you turn, and even where none exists.
That must make your life hard.
It must be extremely frustrating.
My sympathies.
Dear Queen, Less Les and everyone else:
Thanks for the laugh this morning. I needed it.
Jo
Whoops. sorry Les. Unfortunate typo.
…wait. I think maybe I did it on purpose. My humbles apologies.
Jo
Jo,
You’re an idiot…please go back to school.
James Rorbach
Aw man! This parenting shit is hard! My 4yo came home and told me that his girlfriend is no longer his girlfriend. Which, you know… they’re four. But, still… she dumped him! He was dumped!! At 4!! I was totally bummed out for him, until he told me that her new boyfriend is her brother, then I was just glad we weren’t tied up with that family after all!!
Yep, guess I deserved that.
Note to self: Never try to type at 5 am when I’ve been up with a baby all night.
Queen: My apologies for my comments on your blog. I made a poor joke and after getting more sleep I realize that I should never have typed it.
Thank you James for letting me know just how stupid I am. I really appreciate it. I wasn’t feeling bad enough about myself before I saw that. Really. Thanks. A bunch.
Jo
ouch… why are little girls so mean? I sat with my then five year old niece on the playground cringing in pain at how catty and mean the little girls were to each other..and the pain it brought back for me… little girls were mean to mean, and boy was I mean right back! and yet I am way too nice as an adult…. oh for a happy medium!
Is this the proper time to remind her that if she wants to be saved by a prince, she has to be okay with the whole ‘boy’ thing?
This is one of my biggest fears, that my kids will be mean-spirited. I can take it when other kids don’t play nicely with them, and even if they are occasionally hurt. It happens, when you have children together, in spite of your best efforts sometimes some of them get out of hand. And they need to learn how to deal with and get along with all sorts.
But when they are exclusionary or deliberately unkind? That scares the socks off of me. I try to set a good example and talk about being kind and how our actions make others feel. But beyond that, what can I do? I don’t think there are any easy fixes for this one.
Yeah, this is a tough one. The comfort that I have is that they are still impressionable (read- we still have a fighting chance). Actually, I’ve been seeing some negative qualities in my own four year old which has inspired me to start working on a family mission statement. Hopefully heaving our values laid out and the reasons behind them will help them sink in for our children. Then again, maybe not, but at least we tried.
clearly, penises are bad. I mean, right? They are, aren’t they?? 😉 I get to see you soon, right?? miss and <3 xoxo
Not that you need my validation, but I think you handled that perfectly. This sounds crazy, but I silently celebrate moments like these. Your daughter feels secure enough to stand her ground and decide who she lets come in contact with her. She isn’t settling for anyone who comes along, nor is she telling people things she thinks they want to hear. Just be glad she and her friends didn’t make Cody eat a cat poop laced mud pie. Just a word of caution, though… boys can pee in water guns and karma can be a bitch!
I haven’t read your blog in a bit, and all I could think was, is her first comment so mean on every post, even just the plain ol’ regular parenting ones 🙂
Anyway, your little girl’s attitude at the end reminded me of my 5YOs, he started with this little mean eyes and scowl and a grunt when I said something he did not like. I thought it was kind of funny, to be honest, and may have chuckled. Then one day his preschool teacher complains that he gave her “mean eyes” – which was a little lame, but I have ever since been trying to nip this little attitude in the bud.
At this preschool the boys play sports and the girls all do art, which is causing it’s own issues.
I don’t usually like to get involved with comment politics, but did I miss something? I thought this was a post about a little girl’s behavior, and I’m not completely sure how liberal or conservative politics play into that.