My son can be sensitive.
He loves his mom. Anything that involves blood or death upsets him, and you better not touch his lego creations (that include 6 armed robots who are his best friend AND evil ships with aliens) or he will crumble into a million pieces and weep for their dismantling.
So I wasn’t surprised when he quizzed me about what is next in his life, mainly, Kindergarten ending.
Well honey we talked about this. After Kindergarten comes 1st grade.
…and then what Mom.
Then comes 2nd grade. And then 3rd grade.
And then 4th grade and 5th grade mom?
Yes honey. You got it.
So what happens when the grades are done?
Well then you get to go away to college sweetie. You get to live there, and be with your friends, it’s SO MUCH FUN.
Dead Silence.
Uncomfortable sighs.
Heaves.
SOBS.
Full-on hysterical crying.
Yes, my son was losing it over something 12 grades from now, and with good reason.
…but, but…Mom…I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE YOU EVER.
awww honey, you don’t ever have to go, it’s ok. Really sweetie calm down it’s ok. But trust me you’ll want to go. I know you don’t feel that way now, but when you’re older and as big as Drew (our good friend’s son who’s 17) you might want to be with your friends more than your Mom.
NO I WON’T! DON’T TELL ME THOSE THINGS! I WANT YOU MOMMY!
Oh honey. It’s ok. It’s ok. (hysterical sobs continue, tears EVERYWHERE) you can stay home. You can stay home as long as you like. Really. You know where we go to the Farmer’s Market? That’s a college! You can go right there to college and live here and never leave!
And then I realized what I had just said. And caught myself.
But promise me you’ll think about living away. Because you need to try things in life. Remember how you thought you hated salmon? And you tried salmon and now you love it? That might be what college is like!
No Mom. Not unless you come.
Ok honey. I can come to college.
Yes, in one tiny, bedtime exchange I promised my son that not only could he stay home from college but if he decided he wanted to go…I would go with him.
#fail.
Omgollygeewillickers….Can I just jump into that moment and watch it on video? Please? That was the most precious exchange I’ve heard in a while (in the last 48 especially involving a woman and a (little boy) man….)
totally spot on….especially on the topic of motherhood…on the inklings of the forever bond between momma and son…on the realness of his right now….if anything you could have said “after the grades you get to decie what you wanna do” but how cool that you’re already planting the seeds of college. and now you’re planting the seeds of going with him 🙂 ya never know…by the time he’s ready for that choice they well may have it all online…and he won’t need to go to the farmer’s market college he will have grown his own in your backyard….for band practices of course on monday nights late at night (half incorporating your tweets here)…all kidding aside…your honesty and openness with him and sheer love will only grow in him the tremendous strength to express consistently his sensitivity. call it wuss or not, it’s needed. all touchy feely sympathetic aspects of it. may he always express his devotion to you this way….you so deserve it. 🙂 hugs.
What’s in the air tonight? I tell ya, I’m right there with you only it’s me a blubbery mess thinking about how my boy’s getting to be so big, he doesn’t need me in the same way.
It’s only now hitting me that his happy little preschool time is ending and yes, I may just cry the first day of school even though it’s a half-day kindergarten he’ll be attending in the fall, and 1.5 blocks away at that.
And I cried for the exact same reason your son did: because after K there’s 1st grade, and 2nd grade, and 2rd grade…and college.
Your son and I, we got a little overwhelmed and ahead of ourselves, thinking too far ahead in the future. Best just to relax and stay in the now.
(PS Of course you’d both attend The College of The Grove. My kid and I will see you there. We’ll be majoring in moviegoing together with a minor in popcorn.)
I used to promise my kids that they could marry each other and live in Hawaii, but only if they promised not to have babies and that they would give me my own bedroom in their fabulous beachfront mansion. I figure if any part of this comes true, I’m in good shape. Oh, except for the sibling marriage part. I guess that would be bad.
That is the sweetest thing ever! You are right, some day he WILL want to go out on his own, and this exchange will be a sweet memory for you. One that you can remind him of. 😉
Wow, your son and my son are eerily alike. Mine doesn’t even want to go to first grade next year because he’s going to miss having lunch with me every day. Sigh.
I used to tell my son that, sure, if he wanted me to go to college with him when he was old enough, I’d be ther.
He doesn’t ask any more. He’s 12. He’s figured me out.
Love it. He’ll die in a few years when he reads it, but it’s #adorable.
He’s totally gonna be living above the garage forever. Who would want to leave your house? It’s awesome and your cooking is YUM. Can I move in?
My son is a sensitve too, in all the same ways you describe here. Except for the moving away part. He’s 4 and has already decided that when he grows up he’s moving to New York City. But I can come visit if I want, so there’s that!
oh, to raise sensitive children. my 6 year old has already informed me that when and if she marries, i am to live with her so that i can “cuddle her at night”. it’s adorable, and i guess if they love us so much, it’s totally NOT a #fail.
You’ll look back on this when he’s 16 and you’ll be the one with the crying.
I’m all for my son adoring me for as. long. as. possible.
I remember feeling very betrayed by my parents because I had informed them that I was, in fact, going to marry them…and never leave. They told me that I would want to leave one day. I was so furious that they would EVER think I would want to leave them. hee hee. And now I look back. I just told my daughter that she would want to leave me. ha ha ha .
You’re also going with him on all his dates, right? : )
Can I come too? I miss college? It can be like “Back to School.”
Don’t mind that question mark on the end of a declaration.
I didn’t go to a very good college. (Just ask my husband.)
I have made similar promises to my 4-year-old daughter. When the subject of her growing up comes up she loses it. She says she wants to live with me forever and marry her brother. I say OK. I remember feeling the same way when I was 4, so I’m banking on the fact she’ll outgrow it.
She’d better outgrow it, too, because I crossed my fingers behind my back when I told her she never had to leave.
#win
I promise when the time comes he’ll be pushing you out of the door of the dorm room so fast your head will spin. But you know that.
Enjoy this while it lasts because it too shall pass. At that age my youngest son was sure that he would stay at home and live in our house forever. He’s finishing up his third year of college and trips home are less and less frequent. They outgrow wanting to live at home forever, but it’s nice while it lasts.
Awww! I have one of those too.
I’ve been told that it’s very likely my adopted sons will not go very far to go to college, that it’s common for adoptees to stay close to home. Since we live in the Boston area, there’s plenty to choose from.
It’s important to me that they go see the world, but it’s okay if they come back.
Oooof. That makes my heart hurt. Poor little lamb. Ooof! again.
But hey! Is he wearing Sponge Bob Crocs?, because if so kick-ass!
I think you are a fabulous mom. Some of those things may see ridiculous when you think about them from the viewpoint that he might remember them one day and say “but that’s what YOU said!!” but I think it’s lovely that you were so selfless in the conversation and just wanted him to know you’ll be there for him even when he doesn’t need you as much as he does now. For that, I’d tag this as #coolmom 🙂
My 5 yr old is precisely like this too. We had the grades conversation too, and the only reason it didn’t end in tears is that I happen to be a professor, so he was delighted to discover that when he finished high school, he gets to come to college with me EVERY DAY. Huzzah! So I didn’t bother telling him that he most certainly was expected to go to a better college than the one at which I work, young man. I figure I’ll save that waterworks festival for another day. Honestly, the part about going with him to college didn’t phase me at all in your story; the part that made me snort with laughter was the desperate, “the farmer’s market is a kind of college; you can go there!”
I have three girls (15, 11, 6) and then I had- finally, a son. The little prince! So I feel ya. he’s going to be four and still sleeps curled up in my arms most nights. Me caring about him being a wussy momma’s boy? Not happening. Someone simply needs to invent a Mom-and-Son college- and I’ll see you there!