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Black Friday Virgin: I Needed Protection

November 27, 2009 by 14 Comments

Crossposted at BlogHer.com

I was hesitant.

I was grumpy.

I was in my PJ’s enjoying some post Thanksgiving meal sloth when Megan of Undomestic Diva floated the idea.

“Let’s go shopping at midnight for Black Friday.”

My first thought? Only crazy people go shopping at midnight on Black Friday. Crazy people that get caught in stampedes and only end up saving pennies. Crazy, wild-eyed consumers who are willing to punch out mothers for that elusive fill-in-the-blank hot toy.

I’m not crazy.

I’m not one of them.

I’m comfy here on my couch contemplating more stuffing and pie.

Of course a few hours and one husband arm-twisting later (some background: he’s a coupon freak) I found myself 40 miles away from home, in another Momblogger’s SUV, sipping Red-Bull and talking game plan.

@queenofspain and I and a few million other shoppers. What re... on Twitpic

How’s this store laid out?

I’m thinking Bakugon then Barbie then Wii games the Legos then Princess stuff. Should we even try for that elusive Zhu Zhu?

Do we split up and meet later? Is there safety in numbers?

Did you see the line?

Remind me why we’re here again.

Megan was ready to rock. She had her video camera and attitude and copious amounts of energy drinks. Me? I was annoyed I was even talked into this debacle. And I knew it would be a debacle.

What if we were at the store that had an ‘incident’ that made the news? You know that would be my luck. What if the fire marshal only lets so many in and we’re in line all damn night? What if I FOUND NOTHING I NEEDED?

Speaking of what I needed. I came prepared. I made a handwritten list of my children’s wish lists and had studied it again and again. Megan? She had a vague idea what her three boys were asking for.

We’re a pair.

Finally the time came to leave the warmth of our car and head inside. It was 11:55pm and the line was getting long.

We just didn’t realize how long.

It took us 5.5 minutes to find the end of the line to enter the store. We timed it. It was that long.

There were shoppers for what seemed like miles. And the front of the line all had tickets. Paper tickets. What the hell?

Assessing the situation I became increasingly annoyed. This was easily one of the stupidest things I had ever done and I was convinced that given the line and what what was obviously people with tickets for the good deals we’re walking away with nothing worthwhile. This was so stupid.

We’d be in back taking the reject toys.

But… we got in line. What else can you do? I had come this far. It was midnight. I had to get in line. Sure I thought about just getting in my car and going home but… I’m here. I’ve made it out of my pj’s and in front of this store. I can DO THIS.

But something was nagging me. The back of my mind was spinning. Somewhere between getting out of the car and following the line from hell into the store I had an epipheny:

I am my mother.

And it all came back in a flash. My Mom and Aunt had done this when I was a kid. I think my Uncle even went once and got into a fist fight over a Cabbage Patch.

OMG I AM MY MOTHER.

Which means I am now walking into a major toy store at midnight on Black Friday questioning my life. Amazing what shopping does to me.

Finally we made it inside. Despite the line outside you could move around in the store. Everything was on shelves and not as I envisioned, spread across the floor as women scratched eachother to get to it… Megan was in grab mode, I was focused on my list. Must. Stick. To. The. List. Game plan! Game plan! FOCUS! FOCUS!

Of course there were no carts left so we grabbed these big tub things to fill up. It was then my eyes kinda glazed over and instinct took hold.

In front of us? Bakugon. GO GO GO. Any from my list? One. GRAB IT GRAB IT. … Wait…over there…LEGOS… GO GO GO… right set? No. Wait. There it is. Right type? NO. ABORT ABORT.

Where’s the girl stuff? Oh wait, there’s the microscopes. Is it the door buster one? YES YES GRAB GRAB wait… it doesn’t have slides. Look, there’s another. PULL IT DOWN!

Then came the big Barbie camper my daughter has been asking for. The ‘House on wheels’ so her and Miss Unrealistic Proportions can go see the country. The monster box was on the highest shelf. There were four of them. Of course I say ‘Let me go find someone’ and Megan says ‘Screw that I’ll get it down.’

So while I wander off to find an employee, Megan has emptied, flipped over, and stacked our tubs so she can climb the display to get my 4-year old that damn Barbie camper. A crowd gathers. Others have spotted the camper and want it too. Megan (who’s all of like 5′ 2”) is now standing on plastic teetering with a wrapping paper roll trying to push down four boxes that weigh as much as a tv.

Me? PLEASE GOD MR EMPLOYEE MAN SHOW UP WITH THAT LADDER NOW BEFORE WE ALL DIE.

Crash. Smash. Crash. Plop.

You got yours?
Yes.
I’m woozy.
Did they all hit you?
Yes.
You ok?
Just woozy.
Are you ok?
I think I have a concussion.
You’re insane.
We got the fucking camper.
It’s not even on sale.
Shut up.

The rest of the night (early morning) became a blur. I grabbed shiny things. That weren’t on sale. I contemplated purchases no sane woman would (a drum kit? on sale? it’s a door buster? GRAB GRAB GRAB. Wait. I don’t need a drum kit. Jesus I’ll kill myself if my kid gets a drum kit. BUT IT’S A DOOR BUSTER GRAB IT NOW WE GOT THE LAST ONES)

IMG00021-20091127-0048.jpg on Twitpic

We finally checked out. I declared I was done. Megan, being insane, pressured me for the 3am store opening down the way and more Red Bull.

No. No. Must. Go. Home.

We hugged through bags of toys we didn’t need and I made the trek back home while she trudged on. Through 5am. And rumor has it she has a black eye to show for it this morning.

And possibly a concussion.

What did I learn? You must have a game plan. You must have your lists. You MUST stay focused on ONLY the deals and your lists. You MUST get in line early to get the paper tickets for the big deals. You must have the balls to NOT wait for employees to get things off shelves and be willing to get a head wound.

I’m not sure I’m cut out for this again. I wasn’t sure I saved any money and I was positive I bought junk I never would have considered under sane circumstances ( thumb wrestling masks? Run DMC action figures?).

But I ran the numbers this morning and I saved $110.

I’m as shocked as you are. And my coupon-clipping husband has now dubbed this ‘tradition’ and can’t wait for me to do it again next year.

I’ll mark it on my calendar in pencil. And remember to bring a helmet.

Black Friday alternatives:

Britt Bravo talks buying nothing.

Erika Lovley posts on the trash created by Black Friday

Contributing Editor Erin Kotecki Vest also blogs at Queen of Spain blog

Filed Under: BlogHer, Stepford Crazies

Happy Thanksgiving – Gobble!

November 25, 2009 by Leave a Comment

Filed Under: Stepford Crazies

The Senate HCR Bill is Out-How Does It Stack Up?

November 19, 2009 by 4 Comments

Crossposted at BlogHer.com

Upon hearing the news Senate Majority leader Harry Reid released the Senate version of a health care reform bill last night, I quickly brewed some tea, snuggled into bed, and settled myself in for a long read.

I’ve made it about 400 pages in and I can tell you already, there are some notable differences between the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act and the House bill.

The New York Times reports,

Though broadly similar to the House bill, Mr. Reid’s proposal differs in important ways. It would, for example, increase the Medicare payroll tax on high-income people and impose a new excise tax on high-cost “Cadillac health plans” offered by employers to their employees.

Mr. Reid’s bill would not go as far as the House bill in limiting access to abortion. And while he would require most Americans to obtain health insurance, he would impose less stringent penalties on people who did not comply.

Many provisions of Mr. Reid’s bill, including the creation of insurance markets, or exchanges, would take effect in 2014, a year later than similar provisions of the House bill.

Of course, despite the bill’s many nuances…it all comes down to money.

Think Progress has wiped up a handy-dandy chart to show the budget differences between the House and Senate bills.

The bottom line? The Congressional Budget Office report says the Senate bill would extend coverage to 31 million uninsured people while reducing the federal deficit by nearly $130 billion over 10 years.

The Washington Post’s Ezra Klein says there’s more to it than that though,

If this piece of the bill was passed on its own, it would be the most important cost control bill ever considered by the United States Congress. But you could never have passed it on its own. You needed the coverage to make the grand bargain work. Republicans like to call this bill a trillion-dollar experiment to expand the health-care system, and in some ways, it is. But it’s also a multitrillion-dollar experiment to cut costs in the health-care system, and it deserves credit for that, and support from fiscal conservatives. It’s easy to talk about cutting costs, but this is the chance for people to actually do it.

But it’s not only about money. Carrie Budoff Brown at Politico reports one of the significant differences in this bill is the delay of reform until 2014.

This is bad news for lawmakers who will need to explain to constituents why the elements that have attracted the most attention — the public plan, the Medicaid expansion and the insurance exchanges — won’t be available for four years.

Some reforms would kick in earlier, Senate aides explained, but the big pieces would still be a ways off.

And then there is, of course, the abortion question. With both sides still debating the ramifications of the Stupak amendment, the Senate bill seems to incorporate a variety of ideas.

While TalkingPointsMemo reports key Democrats are onboard with the abortion language in the Senate bill, others aren’t so happy.

Shakesville writes,

Of course, Azzy’s earlier post outlines why “allowing a woman to use her own private funds” for an abortion is a pretty pathetic solution in a healthcare bill ostensibly designed to serve people who don’t have the funds to pay for their healthcare out of pocket. Again I will note that this fuckery only flies in a culture that treats women’s healthcare and abortion as mutually exclusive concepts.

So now the real work begins. Debate over the bill is expected to last through December with every nook and cranny of these over 2-thousand pages discussed.

OpenCongress has the bill for your tea-drinking, snuggle in bed, reading needs. Join me, won’t you?

Contributing Editor Erin Kotecki Vest also blogs at Queen of Spain Blog.

Filed Under: BlogHer

Twitter Soup

November 15, 2009 by 7 Comments

The weather is finally turning here in Southern California, making me don my really unattractive (and old) Pooh Bear thermal PJ’s and my wooly socks. It also puts me in the mood for things like soup.

So as we made our Sunday grocery list this morning, I casually tweeted that I needed soup suggestions and was immediately OVERWHELMED with recipe responses. I’ve compiled them here for all your warm, fuzzy, soupy needs.

Gregg sent over a Bloody Mary soup that sounds really good. Yes, it has vodka.

Loralee suggested Beguine Cream soup to which she adds extra salt and pepper. I don’t even know what beguine is…but it sounds good.

Lindsay says her friend just tried this Chunky Taco Soup and she plans to try it soon. And has also heard this Cheese and Ale soup is ‘killer.’

Casey suggested Pioneer Woman’s cauliflower soup and BFMom’s Mulligatawny.

Kelli wants me to try her favorite Peruvian Chicken Soup. It has ENTIRE hardboiled eggs in it. No, really.

Deborah has a Ginger Curry Pumpkin soup that sounds like something I would love.

And Jennifer gave me THREE recipes she says are ALL amazing: Winter Vegetable, Squash and White Bean soup (which Sheila says I should serve in hallowed out squash), and Black Bean Pumpkin soup.

Thank you EVERYONE for all the great recipes. This blog post and all the responses wore me out so much that we ended up getting canned tomato soup and grilled cheese. However NEXT time I’m in a soup mood, I’m pulling from this warm, fuzzy, snuggle me into happy tummy land list!

*this post is dedicated to Denise, who loves soup as much as I love spreadsheets.

Filed Under: Feeling YaYa

Mom: FunKiller #1

November 12, 2009 by 15 Comments

See this? This is the sort of thing that makes me cringe and get nauseated and freak out-internally.

I'll take "things that make mom puke" for $200, Alex

It’s true I’m one of those mother’s that keeps her children close. I don’t like them doing ANYTHING risky and I’d rather all their limbs remain grounded. I was not-so-secretly FINE with my kids being afraid of heights (which they outgrew, dammit) and if it were up to me they’d walk around in padding and helmets … just in case. They hold my hand across parking lots, I don’t let them play out front without an adult around. If there is a tree that needs to be climbed or the ledge of a wall walked…I prefer their father handle the task. I don’t want my kid driving in someone else’s car, so I schedule calls around field trips. If I haven’t been to your house and don’t know you well, they aren’t coming over to play.

Yes, I know. They need to experience the world and that may include getting hurt. Yes, I realize they have to be allowed to explore. Believe me…I try my best to allow reasonable play around here. But that’s exactly why, when my daughter was being tossed too many feet into the air…I kept my mouth shut. She was giggling, Dad was laughing…I was dying.

Do I speak up? Do I shut up? If I say something I’m a party pooper. If I don’t she could have a cracked head. Clearly Dad is in control, but what if an accident happens?

I struggle, much like this, almost daily. When I speak up I offend their father or ruin the fun and when I shut up I am riddled with anxiety. I have family members that discuss me as a ‘helicopter’ mom and friends that pat me on the back in agreement.

It’s a never-ending wave of decisions that ultimately show me as both the bad guy and the cautious parent…but never as fun.

I’m learning to accept my suck-ass FunKiller role, though. I am. Because frankly, I can’t take the alternative. Nor should I.

Filed Under: #suckit, Stepford Crazies

The Patriarchy Is To Blame For My Stomach Issues

November 8, 2009 by 10 Comments

I’m self-diagnosing again. Well, because WebMD exists and that’s just what a neurotic woman does.

I’ve been feeling a bit crummy again, not a full relapse of symptoms but I’m certainly not jogging a 5k like some people in my house. I’ve had to stop one of the medications that was really making a difference in my health due to it’s side effects. Since then I’ve been nauseated and generally bleh.

But as I’ve tried to find other ways to feel better…I discovered something utterly amazing about myself.

I haven’t stopped sucking in my stomach for 20 years.

I’ve now decided this is the cause of all my gastro issues.

Think I’m crazy? Think maybe I should check with my doctor? …do me a favor. Relax your stomach RIGHT NOW. Try it. See if you are sucking it in and not even noticing. Turns out I’ve been sucking in the old gut while standing, sitting, making dinner, playing Memory with the kids…to the point where I have to consciously REMIND myself to NOT suck it in and even then it’s a physical pain to literally PUSH my gut back out.

I don’t even REALIZE I am doing it. So in my warped head, sucking in your gut for 20 years HAS to cause issues…right? No wonder my stomach muscles don’t work… they are TIRED. Tired. Tired. Tired.

And I blame the Patriarchy.

Filed Under: #suckit

Maine Voters Should Face My Kids

November 3, 2009 by 21 Comments

We went through this with Prop 8 in California, and now again in Maine.

Well Maine voters, now it’s your turn. I want you to explain to my children why some people have more rights than others. I want you to explain to two, angelic faces why you think it’s ok for some people to be allowed to marry and not others. Sometimes, framing an issue through the eyes of a child really forces clarity on just how simple this all is.

But no, that’s not how it will go. Instead, in the morning (and if they ask) I will tell my children how equal rights do not exist for certain people in the United States of America. I will, painfully, attempt to ease their fears about the big, wide, world around them yet prepare them for the harsh reality that is discrimination, bigotry, and hate.

I will try to give them hope that they can be who they want, love who they want, and achieve their dreams … and I will try not to scare and scar them with an “unless you are gay.”

Maine, you disappoint me greatly. Just as California before, you break my heart and force me to teach my children that not everyone believes in equality. That not everyone will protect your rights. And that not everyone believes love conquers all.

Filed Under: #suckit