Taking back my life from Lupus is no easy task.
But I’m doing it. Slowly. Piece by piece. Part by part. Brick by brick.
I’ve learned to manage the ups and downs of the pain. Which, truth be told, has been the hardest part. When you don’t want to get out of bed in the morning or fear what level of hell awaits when you open your eyes every morning…then you know what it’s like to live with an auto-immune disorder that makes your body hurt day in and day out.
But I’m finally used to that now. I can get out of bed and handle myself like a nearly normal person. I can make myself tea, take my pills, make lunch for the kids and pack their backpacks. All while grimacing in my head. As the doctors and nurses always ask ‘Are you at a 10 or a 4 or a 7?’ in my pain levels…it doesn’t matter. I can be at a 10 and still go about the morning routine. Because I have to. This is life now.
And because I won’t let it ruin my day and I won’t let it RUN my day any longer.
Then I had to take back the scheduling of my life. Yes, basically I spend my days in a doctor’s office or in treatment with an IV hooked to my veins.
I’ve now learned to schedule everything so it works with everyone else’s schedules. I go when the kids are at school and my husband is at work and no one is the wiser. I’ve taken back the part where everyone would have to move their day and lives around to take care of me.
And onto my bold step. The big one that will test how much this Lupus ‘fog’ has taken over. While I have taken some community college courses online in the past, I’ve kicked it up and re-enrolled in the school where I started: Michigan State University. I had to write a short essay explaining why I wanted to be re-admitted. And for some reason, they took me back.
I’m officially a Spartan again, although I’m not sure I ever really stopped being a Spartan. I’m hoping to finish my degree in journalism by remaining a parti-time, disabled student, taking courses online from my home in California.
I’m excited. I’m very nervous. Bust most of all I am proud of myself. I found a way to keep my mind busy while I figure out my next big step: taking back my body.