Rock the Red: Erin Kotecki Vest on Katie Couric’s New Show

So I did something a bit daring while in New York. Ok, I did a few things that were a bit daring but today you got to see one of them on national television.

Yup, that’s me. In a custom made-for-me dress standing next to the bombshell Kelly Wickham, and Jennifer Lawson. You may know them better as MochaMomma and The Bloggess. Then, of course, is Katie Couric and Karen Gilmour, and the only one NOT in red…the amazing Brene’ Brown.

I could talk about how my fears nearly overwhelmed me and I almost canceled when the tailor couldn’t make a dress that made me look presentable.

I could talk about why I’m in flats, while you’ll notice everyone else is in matching heels.

I could talk about what it’s like to wonder what the whole world will think when they last time they saw you on national tv you were slim, fearless, and talking about women in politics.

Instead…I want to tell you about what was going on backstage. Because backstage is the reason I had the courage to go on stage.

Many of you know my husband, and know all he has done for me as we have battled this horrible illness together. What you may not know, is that being the ‘caregiver’ of someone with a chronic illness might be worse than having the illness itself.

I can’t imagine watching him suffer, trying to help, and being able to do nothing but watch and wait. And wait and watch. And maybe do some laundry, and grocery shop and take care of the kids…because it’s all you can do while you watch and wait.

He’s watched me lay in a hospital bed more times than I care to remember.

He’s watched the clock tick by, slowly, as he waits for the doctor to come out of surgery to tell him I’ve made it through.

He’s watched me sit on our couch, healing, sleeping, typing, talking, frustrated and fuming that nothing was changing.

He’s watched me undergo treatment bi-weekly, take a million pills, inject myself with drugs, writhe in pain when things don’t work, and get up and smile when things do.

He’s watched his children watch me. He’s watched me comfort them and try to hold it all together. He’s watched them grow even closer to him as Mom became untouchable at times. 

He’s watched me do my best to put on a brave face, when all I want to do is hide in his arms and have him tell me everything will be ok.

He watched me get so ill and small. He watched me get so large from the drugs. He watched me get angry at the world. He watched me screw up. He watched me say I’m sorry. He watched me become healthier, only to get knocked back down. He watched me slowly get stronger and healthier, as the roller coaster of the role of ‘caregiver’ continues.

And in that green room, he watched me own the hardest part of being the ‘sick one’ and him the ‘healthy one:’ He watched me tell the entire world it was ok to NOT be the strong one.

It took me too long to get there. So long, I could be a healthier woman now had I just not been so damn stubborn.

But I decided to dare greatly, and change.

Change is so hard. Especially for a strong, independent, take no bullshit kind of woman who was determined to have it all. The career, the kids, the white picket fence.

All the while with him watching with pride, with fear, with hope.

Not many people get a chance in their lifetime to have what we have. The friendship. The fierce loyalty. And the genuine respect.

When I sat on that couch, with one of America’s best know talk show hosts, he watched. But what he may not have known as he did, was that all I could think about was him and how he got me here.

I know how strong I am. I know I can get anywhere I want and put my mind to- from the White House, to a maternity ward, to the end of treatments because I will be, someday, in remission.

But on that stage, I had to own my faults and I had to declare to the world that my ‘caregiver’ was and is what has gotten me through. I did not need to be strong and I had to be vulnerable in order to survive.

I wish I could tell you it gets easier from there. That you dare greatly and then POOF! life is grand. But no. There is much work to be done. Because the wake of all those mistakes, the wake of all that fear, the wake of finally letting go and entering a new normal makes for hard work.

But for one moment, that one serene, I accept what has happened and I am ME moment, came in that red dress. And it carried over onto that stage where once again he watched. My constant. At the ready.

So I’m going to soak up this moment. For him. For me. For us. Because it will be gone quickly…just as the Katie Show aired, I was receiving an IV infusion cocktail to make my body stronger and push me to remission.

And I will only get there if I continue to dare greatly, with a great man by my side.

So put on YOUR red dress and tackle what YOU need to tackle in life. Make yourself vulnerable. Be brave. Be fearless. Step out of your comfort zone and do what I did: admit and admire.

Then rock the red.

On September 14th, 2012 at 12pm Eastern you can register to win a gift card from Gilt.com to purchase a red dress. If you do not win, never fear. You can still buy a dress at Gilt’s red dress sale.

And if you happen to like the design I was wearing, Gilt has arranged for you to have it custom made by one of their fabulous designers. Fit to your specifications, for us bigger girls. If it was a bit hard to see, it has these great Kimono sleeves and I blinged it out everywhere. I’m calling it the ‘Erin’ dress because it was made special for me, by their designers, for the show. Why? Because steroids do evil things to a woman’s body and nothing, sometimes not even regular plus sized clothing, fits right. So if you want the ‘Erin’ made for you, contact press@gilt.com and they will take care of you. Price will depend on size, etc. but the dress will be around $385. But then you can name it the ‘Jane’ or the ‘Debbie’ or the ‘YOURNAMEHERE’ and know it was YOUR red dress, made JUST for you.

And if this is all just too much, and you aren’t quite ready to rock the red…email me. Let’s talk about it. I’ve been there. As I told Katie Couric, I didn’t want to do it either. queenmediallc@gmail.com – or leave a comment.

Battling chronic illness is hard. It leaves its mark on EVERYONE in the family, in your life. It has left its mark on my marriage and I am grateful every day he shows up to watch, to help, to just be.

Because daring greatly means loving hard, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Our Trip to the Democratic National Convention- Part II

Because this is personal. #dnc2012

Things are different now. As a Mom with Lupus, needing a wheelchair for long walks, the kids and I are automatically treated differently where ever we go. So as we went into the Time Warner Cable Arena to hear Thursday’s speakers, I wasn’t surprised to find us in the ‘wheelchair’ section. That means you are behind a curtain and in a balcony where all the chairs are taken out and wheelchairs pull on in. We got to put a chair next to my chair so my nine-year old could sit next to me, but my seven-year old needed to stay on my lap. Due to the weather and the change from Bank of America Stadium, we were lucky to get in at all…so I wasn’t going to complain and demand another chair.

But this meant a 2nd grader on my lap for nine hours.

As soon as we got settled in section 213 the kids immediately got excited. Congressman Barney Frank was at the podium and the crowd was fired up. My daughter, in particular, cheered with enthusiasm every time the crowd did…while my son was a bit more reserved. Soaking it all in.

As the hours went on…and on…and on…the kids acted as kids do. They listened, they cheered, they ignored and played on their iPads, they cheered again, they watched videos on the jumbotron, ate concession food, and then started to slump a bit and wiggle as time ticked on and on.

Mom, what does he mean about that dogs don’t hunt? Don’t dogs hunt all the time?

Mom, I’m glad they are thanking the soldiers but I can’t hold the sign up anymore my arms are tired.

My family says thank you @ #dnc2012

And then, over the course of dozens of speakers and many hours, something happened.

It was that something I had hoped might happen. The reason I brought them.

Mom, why do they keep talking about women getting as much money as men? Do women really not get as much money as men?

Why would anyone say climate change is a hoax? That’s just dumb. I’m sorry, I know that’s a bad word…but that really is dumb, Mom.

Mom, why can’t that lady walk right? I know the pledge and I can say it too- (puts hand over her heart) but why are you crying? What’s wrong with that lady on stage Mom?

Who was that last lady speaking? She was really awesome! She’s the leader of the whole Democratic National Convention? I really like her!

…and this went on. And I answered as best I could while holding one child and trying to keep another from kicking the chair in front of him.

Think about that for a second. My nine-years old son who was fidgeting like a typical boy, was listening intently enough to catch the President calling out climate change deniers. My daughter was INSPIRED by an accomplished female politician at the age of SEVEN.

My children did what I had hoped they would do, even if they found a lot of it “boring” and even if it was exhausting for all of us…they had that spark lit.

It happened. I saw it happen.

And then, to top it all off, once the President took the stage they were swept up in the excitement of it all. They forget how tired they were. They forget that just moments before they were complaining and ready to go home. They listened to every word. They waved their flags with pride. They leaned over and craned their necks to see him better at the podium. They jumped up and down as the confetti fell and cheered for their country, their own beliefs, and the President of the United States.

Hello Mr President!!! #dnc2012

The convention gave our family moments we will never forget.

It took a lot out of me to get us across the country to Charlotte in order to be there while the President accepted the nomination. Something we could have watched easily on tv from home.

I get to start treatment just after we land back in Los Angeles, the kids will be back in school, turning in their reports about their trip and telling their classes about everything that happened. But my hope is they won’t soon forget that they were part of history. That they were there. And that their Mom was healthy enough to take them, even if she needed some help.

The President and this administration has done so much for my family with their legislation and their work, when the opportunity to travel to Charlotte crossed our path- how could I say no?

I got to share my family’s story with the world so they could experience exactly what the president talked about on Thursday night – hope, and yes, change. Change that comes from you and I blogging our lives be it about living with chronic illnesses to single parenthood to just the everyday monotony of being Moms.

Politics is personal.

Take your personal story- even if you think it doesn’t matter- and tell the world. It matters. If my family can travel to Charlotte just so I can talk to you about the Democrat’s platform, just so I can tell you what it means to support President Obama, just so I can explain a bit better why ObamaCare is vital to my health…then you can talk about your day, your life, your struggles as an American.

Politics is personal and in 2012 it is vital to making sure we re-elect President Obama.

As my kids will now tell you…it may be a bit boring, but the confetti at the end is worth it.

Let’s see some more confetti come November 6th.

Our Trip to the Democratic National Convention- Part 1

An Open Letter to the Anti-Abortion Protesters at the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte:

Hi. You might not know me. I was the Mom who was wheeled by with her two small children yesterday somewhere between 3-4pm eastern. My beautiful and smart-as-a-whip little girl was on my lap, as my father-in-law pushed my wheelchair. My son was holding his grandmother’s hand and my hand on the wheelchair as we crossed the street onto your corner.

We needed to enter the convention center to get our credentials to see the President speak and there was no way around you.

I saw you when we parked. I mentally calculated how to avoid your area. Not because I have any trouble teaching my children about abortion, or about differing opinions, but because they did not need to see 9-foot tall posters of dead fetuses while you screamed about me being a murderer through your megaphone. Scare tactics meant to frighten me and my kids.

Headed into Time Warner Cable Arena #dnc2012

On our first trip past, we avoided you. I gave myself a Mom pat on the back, but then quickly learned we had to doubled back and head right through you in order to get where we were going.

So I did what any Mom would do and explained to the kids, quickly, that we needed to walk near ‘a bunch of idiots’ who had ‘scary pictures’ and were yelling ‘very mean things.’ I then had them both cover their eyes.

We nearly made it past you, but my son, who was walking, had to look up every so often so as not to trip.

He happened to look up just as you put one of your horrible, misleading, evil, shocking for the purpose of shocking, posters in front of him.

He recoiled and yelled out. I held his hand tighter and said ‘It’s ok, we’re nearly through’ and we went as fast as we could past you.

Mom, why would they even do that? What is WRONG with those people?

They think they can change people’s minds about abortion. They think they can get women to give up control of their own bodies by shocking them with those pictures. They think if they are loud and they scare you they will get you to vote their way.

Mom, that is horrible. They are horrible. I HATE those people.

I don’t like them very much either honey. And normally I would tell you not to hate anyone, but I think in this case it’s ok. These really are some awful people.

So you see, guy with megaphone, lady holding baby, men with signs…while you have every right to be there and every right to scream and shout and shock your message from that corner- it didn’t work.

My daughter was horrified to the point of hiding her face, my son was disgusted and angry. He was angry you were trying to get people to vote your way by showing them those pictures. And once I explained to him what he was looking at threw his squinted eyes, he became even more angry you were flashing those fetus photos for the world to see.

But Mom, I thought you said girls had a real hard time with that, and it was sad. Why would they think it is easy?

Honestly honey? Because they are jerks. I know that’s a bad word…but they are. They didn’t care that you saw those photos, in fact, you saw how that man tried very hard to get in front of you and show it to you.

Yeah, that made me sad.

Do you want to talk about it?

A little. I’m sad those people are so mean Mom. And I’m never voting for what they want because they are so mean.

There you have it protesters. If you were out there to try to change the hearts and minds of those willing to even slightly consider your point of view, you failed miserably. As it turns out, you may have made sure to have driven away an open-minded young man.

And for all your talk of loving babies and children, you certainly showed zero love for the ones right in front of your face as we passed your way. You needlessly frightened little children, the same children you swear you care about so much you are compelled to stand on a street corner to preach about their souls and the soul of their mother.

Consider yourself at least two more votes down.
Oh, and you are still jerks. And I’m using my nice words.

Erin Kotecki Vest
Mom, Wife, Angry Democrat working hard to keep abortion safe and legal

Erin Kotecki Vest & Kids Head to the Democratic National Convention

#allhailhala and the start of her road to the white house

My Lupus ravaged body creaked getting out of bed before dawn this morning, as it does every morning these days.

And my oldest days "I can't wait to get to Charlotte!" #vestkidsDNC

I took my pills and made my usual cup of green tea, mentally going over the check list.

Sweatshirts in case it gets cold
the special bag that attaches to my wheelchair
Gum for the kids
Notebooks and pencils for homework
Those pills I switched to…no, not those, the other ones, the ones instead of the injection…
.

This went on in my head for a good 20 minutes before I sat here at my computer, wondering if I was crazy for attempting this trip at all.

But I know I’m not crazy. The President and First Lady keep asking if we’re ‘in’ this election.

As we pack up the car to head to the airport. Flying from Los Angeles, California to North Carolina…with two kids, two suitcases, a wheelchair, and enough medication to ensure I am comfortable for many days…we couldn’t be MORE ‘in.’

We will fight for those who fight for us. The kids know it. They understand without blinking an eye why this is so important…

Mom, the President has helped you while you are sick. Now we have to get people to help him.

That’s right baby. It’s time to help him.

Me & my tired boy #awesome80srun

See you in Charlotte.

Just Because

I touched on something in my last post I want to circle back around on, because it deserves a post of its own and a discussion of its own.

There is no happier cowgirl in the world today #allhailhala

My daughter’s reaction upon hearing we’ve never had a woman president.

I guess it just didn’t really occur to me that she had thought about it yet, or noticed. Or hadn’t noticed, as the case may be.

The questions came fast and furious and I didn’t have many answers.

Why hasn’t there been a woman president?

Why aren’t there that many women in Congress?

Why don’t people elect women?

Why did they not give women the right to vote?

Why did it take so long?

Why would they tell women no?

Why would anyone DO THAT MOM?

I did the best I could. I explained to her, as well as I possibly could, why our history was unkind and still can be very unkind to females. I tried to explain the patriarchy. I tried to explain what we face as women.

But I don’t feel I told her everything or anything close to what she needed to know.

The look on her face said it all as we talked. She was shell-shocked. I had shattered her fairy tale. I had shattered the way she thought the world worked.

I had been the one to break the news to her that because she was a girl, her life would be different. Even if every word I said tried to convey that she could do anything, be anything, go anywhere.

I also did my best to empower her. Steel her. Strengthen her and hold her close. I told her of amazing women who fought to make sure we were given equality. So that SHE could vote, run for office, become the first woman president.

Yet I feel, as I told her these stories, I stole a piece of her innocence.

As we hugged and kissed goodnight, and I scrambled for even more words to try to comfort the look of disbelief in her eyes…it was she who comforted me.

Mom, I know I told you I wanted to be a cowgirl, and maybe a Mom, and maybe own a ranch. But I think I’ll be President too. I just want to now…just because.

And I understood, perfectly…just because.

Why I’m Taking My Two Kids & Ailing Body Across the Country

There comes a time when you have to stand up for what you believe…even if that means sitting down.

Let me explain.

I’m arranging to home school my children after Labor Day so we can travel across the country to stay with family. I’ll be using my wheelchair, on doctor’s orders, sitting because the recent and triumphant trip to New York did flare my Lupus a bit. But not enough to keep me down.

We plan on arriving in North Carolina just after Labor Day, resting with family and spending time at our first visit to a military base.

I will then charge up my body as best I can and charge up their minds as best I can so we can head to Charlotte on Thursday, September 6th to attend President Obama’s nomination speech at the Democratic National Convention.

The kids understand the Affordable Health Care Act is something President Obama did that helps their Mom with her Lupus. They don’t understand HAMP 2.0 and ACA also have saved us from foreclosure, but that’s not something we want to worry them with.

The kids understand President Obama wants everyone to be equal, including friends they love of Mom and Dad’s who have spent holidays in our home. They agree it’s wrong to keep those friends from marrying who they love. They also agree it’s wrong to keep women from being paid the same as men. Everyone should be equal. Always.

The look on my daughter’s face when I told her there has never been a women President said it all.

We’re coming to Charlotte. We’re going to witness history. With my doctor giving me all the medication and treatment I need to get across the country, rest, and then strict orders to give some media interviews and only attend the speech…followed by MORE rest before we are allowed to fly home, we’re COMING TO CHARLOTTE.

Because it is that important. 

Because it is once-in-a-lifetime for my children to see the first African-American President speak to the American people as he seeks re-election.

Because they attend a public school charter that allows them the flexibility to learn outside the classroom. They will learn about government, media, social issues, activism, and how to form their own opinions on what they believe.

Because in this election, our family is literally the billboard for what this administration has accomplished for those who NEED help in this economy.

No one should lose their home because they get sick.

No one should be worried more about how much their treatment will cost, instead of which treatment their doctor prescribes in order for their survival.

No one should have to be forced to stay in a school that kills and drills, and only awards children based on standardized tests.

No one should be a pre-existing condition simply by being born a woman.

No one should have control over a woman’s body but the woman herself.

No one should tell anyone they can not marry the person they love.

No one should take a mother from her children too soon because she couldn’t afford her medication, her hospital bill, or that IV she gets every few weeks.

No one should be content to watch this November.

We’re getting on a plane, we’re showing the country there is nothing that will keep this family down and we will fight for those who fight for US. 

We’re headed to Charlotte, North Carolina to support President Obama and Vice President Biden because it matters too much to our family NOT to.

IMG_20120825_125855

Thank you to family and Obama For America for making this possible. 

Education Talk With the Obama 2012 Team: Thinking Outside the Box

There has never been a moment where my family or my children have fit inside the box.

I’ve talked before as to why we have chosen to send our kids to a public charter school, as opposed to our neighborhood school. And I’ve talked a million times about our family’s quirks and progressive attitude when it comes to education.
You know your kids are in the right school when this is what greets them every morning

I am the product of a public school education. It never even occurred to me that we’d consider anything else for our children unless the public schools near our home were failing.

Of course the public schools in our very nice suburb of Los Angeles are nowhere near failing and they excel by every standard used to measure a typical American public school.

Unfortunately, that amazing, typical, American public school nearly sucked the life out of my then-5 year old son as he stood against a brick wall, watching the other children play at recess. His crime? Not sitting still during story time.

But this is how it went with 36 kindergarteners and one teacher. This is what you did in order to make sure everyone could fill in that bubble properly and sit still while doing it. Distractions, such as my son’s pencil twirling, was an offense worthy of punishment. A punishment that forced his tiny body to unnaturally hold in all that energy again, when it should be setting it free on the playground.

After one tearful parent-teacher conference my husband and I knew this was not the education we wanted for our son, or for our daughter who would be following in his footsteps in just a few short years. But what is a middle class family to do when they can’t afford private school and neither parent can home school?

We are not alone. Millions of parents have round peg kids being stuffed into square holes.

So when I had a chance to talk with Former Director of the White House Domestic Policy Council Melody Barnes for a few minutes this week I had a million questions, as any parent would. But I took to facebook and twitter and asked YOU what you wanted to hear and know from this administration.

Some highlights from the conference call (you can see the tweets with the hashtag #edu2012 here): the administration says they understand standardized tests are only ONE way to measure how well a child is learning, a teacher is teaching, and how a school is performing. They are working to measure in other ways.

That idea from Barnes made me very happy. To finally come up with ways to measure how the WHOLE student is learning, not just the bubble filling in, memorizing and then forgetting portion of the child.

Barnes said they aren’t talking about ditching tests all together, but also assessing critical thinking skills and supporting teachers in trying to make those assessments. Of course none of this is easy to do.

And I understand entirely. We get those STAR test results at our house and stomachs churn. But then our teachers remind us this is just ONE way they can tell if a student is learning. Just one.

And then of course there was discussion about the differences between what an Obama 2nd term would do (and what the first term has done) and what a Romney-Ryan administration would do. Let’s just say they are worlds apart. WORLDS.

President Obama has expanded Head Start, he has used savings from student loan reform to fund and expanded Pell grants. Romney/Ryan would roll all this back.

One of the questions I asked was about teachers in this country, and how we save their jobs. So many seem to have been laid off, when what we need are MORE in the classroom. The Obama administration has fought to SAVE  hundreds of thousands of teacher jobs across the country, while Mitt Romney has been quoted (and his surrogates have since defended) saying he would slash funding for teachers, firefighters, and police officers.

And of course I had to ask if there was anyway Congress might be provided basic biology and sex ed courses, given the idiotic and entirely uneducated statements by Rep. Todd Akin on rape and the female reproductive system. I was glad to have gotten a chuckle from the Obama team, but also a very serious answer, reminding those of us on the call that the choice for women and families could not be more clear come November.

If you want more information on the Obama/Biden education plan you can find plenty over at BarackObama.com – and if you have any questions for the Obama/Biden team, I have been given the ok to send over a few more questions so please, ask away in the comments below and I will do my best to get you answers.

 

12

Happy Anniversary.

12 years - 8-19-00

I’d like the next 12 to be filled with more laughter, love, and just plain old fun.

12 years!!!!