Possibles

My husband teases me a lot. Whenever we can’t be together because I’m traveling, or we don’t get that “alone” time due to the kids…he reminds me we’ve got “50 or 60 years… your whole life baby!” And he pulls me close and kisses me and lets me know just how long forever really is.

But on the morning of the health care reform vote in the House, I had to tell my son his music teacher passed away. And it got me to thinking that maybe, just maybe, we don’t have 50 or 60 more years. And maybe, just maybe, this could all end tomorrow.

photo.jpg

My son took the news as any “almost” seven-year old would. He got upset, he teared up, he lamented that he didn’t get a turn in the last game she played with them in class. Apparently the beloved Miss Mary would “lose her voice” as she sang to the kids…and they would eventually discover it in her pocket. My little guy was upset he’d never get his turn to find her voice.

I was upset for him. And I held him close and asked if he’d like to play the teacher’s fun game at home. He quickly became distracted with a toy and ran off to play, while I sat there…feeling empty and worrisome over all the reasons any one of us might not get “our turn” at whatever game was next.

I’m the first to admit I worry. I worry for my family, of course. But also for my friends spread far and wide across the world. And I’m also the first to admit I’d much rather be in control. I want my son to get another turn finding Miss Mary’s voice. I want to make sure my husband gets the 50 or 60 years he’s anticipating with me. I want my children to know that yes, everything really does turn out ok.

But when you have to explain cancer to a little boy, and explain why he should hug his classmates a little tighter on Monday…it’s hard. Actually, it’s beyond hard. It’s like taking a little bit of innocence and crushing it under your adult foot.

There are no guarantees. Nothing is certain. It’s the worst and most important lesson to teach a child.

My son knew. He understood. And much like his mother he quickly put it out of his head and moved on to something that made him happy. Denial? Maybe. Coping? Sure. I don’t expect a seven-year old to face death like his mother…wondering over when it’s her turn, anxious for test results from yet another doctor trip. Trying to not make mountains out of mole hills.

He turns seven on Wednesday. Not much of a “little” boy anymore and ready to hear a lot of these truths I so desperately wish he didn’t need to know. But that seven-year old, that very night, spilled the contents of his “possibles” box onto my bed.

The content of my son's "possibles" box
With love and care he told me about each stone. Each coin. Each treasure. How he would one day find more. How he would one day discover treasures no one has ever seen. How he would one day have an even BIGGER box of “possibles.”

And with all those “possibles” in my heart I tell him anyway of the truths we face. I tell him with a heavy heart and a big hug. Knowing that with the truth of the unexpected, and of life…he would be better for it in the end. Hoping that with the knowledge he will find HIS voice, and move forward as his father and I do…hoping for many, many years of being together, and tons upon tons of love.

This Weekend- Pass Health Care Reform

For the bills on my desk right now.

For the bills that have already cost my friends their homes.

For the ones who didn’t make it long enough to face those bills.

For the millions of people who don’t seek treatment because they aren’t even privileged enough have an insurance company to bill.

Because, while this legislation isn’t perfect, if we DON’T it only gets worse.

And because if you don’t, I’m going to look like this…

…except I’m old enough to vote.

I'm not sure what I did but minime is PISSED (cc: @aaronvest )

So Rielle Hunter, Dora, and Barney Walk Into a Photo Shoot

Crossposted at BlogHer.com

Recently, I was asked on CNN what lessons politicians like John Edwards could learn from sex scandals. My answer was simple: “Keep your pants on.”

Apparently Rielle Hunter should have been given the same advice during a recent photoshoot with Mark Seliger. Call me crazy, but if you become famous due to a sex scandal with a presidential candidate … you might not want to take pantless photos for a bombshell interview, posed with your love-child’s toys. Even we mommybloggers know enough about brands to call that a boneheaded move.

Image source: GQ

As if sexy photos from someone seen as a homewrecker weren’t enough, the Dora and Barney stuffed toys leaning against her threw in that extra edge of creepy.

Hunter, the mother of Edward’s child, has reportedly told Barbara Walters she now regrets the photos,

“She was in tears when she called,” said Walters, “and said that when she saw the pictures in GQ she screamed for two hours. She said she found the photographs repulsive.”

So Walters says she asked if that was the case why did she pose for them? “She said she trusted Mark Seliger, whom she said is a brillant photographer and quote, ‘I went with the flow,'” recounted Walters.

If you haven’t seen the GQ photo spread and interview of John Edward’s baby mama, go take a peek.

I’m not buying Hunter really regrets these photos. At some point she had to take her pants off and at some point she had to let Barney fall on her leg a bit and act sexy. Sex and the 405 isn’t buying it either,

Oh, my. We’re all about the MILF here at Sex and the 405 but posing half-dressed among your kid’s toys is just a little too … ew. That’s Barney half on your lap, you know? To make matters worse, according to Barbara Walters, Hunter called her hysterically to let her know how disgusted she was about the GQ photos Mark Seliger took of her for the men’s magazine — like she was somehow not a part of the shoot or had any say in the matter. We’ll say to her now what we said to “Johnny” then: you did it, now own it!

Shannon of RightPundits is also skeptical,

Rielle Hunter allowed herself to be interviewed and photographed by GQ magazine; just exactly what John Edwards, the man she supposedly loves, didn’t need. Never mind that in the photos which you can see here, she pimped out their two year old child and allowed semi-racy pictures of herself to be taken. And surprise, surprise; she’s shocked that GQ would have the audacity to run photos of her wearing nothing but a white button up shirt. Are we really to believe that this woman is that naïve?

Bipartisanship at it’s finest — the Right and I agree the Hunter photos are in poor taste and ill-advised! Next time, just follow my advice: Keep your pants on … and maybe stay away from the children’s toys.

Contributing Editor Erin Kotecki Vest also blogs at Queen of Spain blog

Politics & News Contributing Editor Erin Kotecki Vest

Socks

I looked down at my feet tonight and saw sock that weren’t my own.

Just plain white socks.

I squinched my face and tried to remember where I had snagged them from.

A drawer?

A laundry basket?

The counter by the shoes, I think?

My feet were cold. My feet are always cold. And I went for the first pair I could find.

I squinched my face again peering at these white socks realizing they weren’t mine, but they also weren’t my husband’s.

Odd, I thought.

And then…my heart fell into my stomach, my eyes grew wide, and my mind began to race.

These are my son’s socks.

I’m wearing my son’s socks.

My son has feet big enough to wear sock that would fit my feet.

My son that is six. He’s SIX. He’s not seven for two more weeks.

How can my baby boy possibly have feet that would wear socks that would even come close to fitting my feet?

I’m wearing my son’s socks. And they fit.

And I mourn. And I celebrate. And I mourn.

Just plain white socks.

My guy

Hey (white) Girl Do Your Thang

There is a big discussion going on over at BlogHer right now, tackling the complex issues of race, culture, identity… things that aren’t easy to unravel.

Which happens to be going on as I pulled my daughter from her suburban ballet class…and added her to a suburban hip-hop class.

Yup. My soon-to-be five-year old is shaking it to Tina Turner and Beyonce.

But considering this discussion at BlogHer…I’m torn. My daughter is having fun, my daughter is learning dance and generally oblivious to any cultural issues that may surround what’s going on. But Mom is well aware she’s the little white girl emulating black culture. There is positive and negative here. The positive in her being exposed to it, and the negative being the dilution of that culture.

It’s not lost on me that little white girls in the suburbs are taking hip-hop, and the ramifications there of. It’s not lost on me that while acceptance and mainstream can aid in race issues, they can also harm and make things worse.

No, this isn’t step and this isn’t a pow wow…but it’s food for thought.

Stealing Home

My kids tend to sneak things into my suitcase when I go away on a business trip. Usually it’s one of their toys. Occasionally a picture.

This time around?

Nothing.

My son is entirely unfazed by my comings and goings, and my daughter is just downright pissed off. She’s decided my leaving is a direct insult to her tiny being and she’s crossed her arms in defiance and, this time, flat out refused to lovingly help pack my bag.

Empty.

There are no stuffed kitties or bunnies in my bag. There are no smiling stick figures drawn with care and attention. There are only my jeans and sweaters and a plastic airplane my son had placed between my toiletries and my coat the last time I left town.

We have all these discussions about women in the workforce, women in the office, women breaking the glass ceiling…but the reality is that despite wanting to dominate the world…my suitcase is empty.

I’m not sure if I can put into words what that does to me.

My suitcase is empty.

Despite having every ability and ambition, it just physically pained me to go pull out my pajama’s as I ready for bed here in this hotel room…and find no tiny puppies and zero little ponies.

My passion for what I do overwhelms me sometimes. It drives me to spend long hours writing, reporting, and organizing in the things I believe. I’m lucky that my job and my passion collide in such a wonderful way.

But my passion for a full suitcase overwhelms as well. And it tears at me as I try to concentrate on the task at hand.

Who knew such a small thing could make such a big difference.

Empty.

Corruption

Given that I used to be what the kids call a *real* reporter and am now a blogger… (which I think makes me some sort of fake reporter….) I’m headed to Reno, Nevada this week to corrupt speak to Journalism students, at the Reynolds School of Journalism at the University of Nevada, Reno, about the wonders of this *new* media world.

I plan to corrupt speak to them the way I blog…in my pajama bottoms.*

Yes, this IS how I blog

Ok maybe not, but I do plan on letting them know there’s room for everyone as Journalism and reporting find their way in this crazy new world.

I’ll also be at Nevada Interactive Summit if you happen to be in the neighborhood.

The fun doesn’t stop there either…just as soon as I get home, I’ll be turning around to attend and speak at SXSWi in Austin, Texas.

I keep promising Denise I won’t start any wars as I travel around to let everyone know what BlogHer is up to…but if Texas plans on seceding….no promises. Or if Austin let’s me have too much of it’s tequila…Or if I end up outside Austin city limits and Republicans chase me with their pickup trucks and hunting rifles…or if the Texas Board of Education nutjobs show up anywhere…Texas, you annoy me. Wars will be avoided if possible.

…maybe Denise is right….

*the pj thing would make way more sense if you saw the presentation I’m giving on us upstart bloggers living in our parent’s basements….

So a Funny Thing Happened While I Was Watching the Health Care Summit

crossposted at BlogHer.com

There I was, knee-deep in my element. Answering work e-mails, editing posts, watching whitehouse.gov‘s live stream of the Health Care Summit at Blair House. I was screaming at my screen, tweet cheering the Dems and tweet jeering the GOP … sitting in my pjs, loving life.

Then the phone rang.

Mrs. Vest this is N, the school nurse. Your son is in my office with an abnormal bloody nose, can you come right away?

Jack's 1st, and hopefully last, concussion

The rest is kind of a blur. The kind of blur a parent gets when you get a call you don’t exactly understand but know your child needs you NOW.

My first reaction was to grab my wallet and keys and run, and then I realized I wasn’t dressed. I threw on clothes while thinking

bloody nose?

wait … why am I rushing to school for a bloody nose?

abnormal?

did she say clots?

Clothes on, I grabbed my wallet and keys, typed an incoherent message to my work colleagues (I think it said something like “school called bloody nose clots jack running”) and bolted out the door.

I called my husband on the way, said I would call when I knew more, and then maybe broke several laws driving from my street to my son’s school — which I have now deemed too far away.

I might have passed a California Highway Patrol cruiser along the way, and I might have been a)on the phone and b)driving like a bat out of hell and c)thinking “Fucking Chase Me Copper — I’ll pull into the school parking lot, and you can ticket me as I run to my kid.” I swear to you I made eye contact with the officer behind the wheel, and it was the “I’m a mom on a MISSION DO NOT MESS WITH ME IN THIS MINIVAN” look. It worked. I blew past him, and he stayed right there putzing along while the drivers around me were clearly doing the “OMG is that woman insane there is a COP RIGHT THERE” thing.

I parked at the school and then did the run/walk but don’t really run walky thing to the door thinking the entire time “calm down, she said bloody nose … but what nurse calls for a bloody nose???”

And there was my boy. Ice pack on face and blood everywhere.

He seemed OK. He was chatty as hell about his day. The nurse and teacher told me of the students finding him bleeding all over his sandwich at lunch, he didn’t say he hit his head. But there were clots and blood from both nostrils, from his mouth — it was so overwhelming.

Decisions were made and off we went to lay on the couch for the day. Thinking he had a bad bloody nose and wanting him to at least be cleaned up, it seemed sane to just bring him home.

Except a funny thing happened on the way to our house. Upon reliving his harrowing tale of bloody nose horror … my first grader’s speech began to slur.

Without even contemplating I put on my left blinker, darted across two lanes, and headed straight for the local ER. I kept talking to him. He kept drifting in and out of making sense. He was telling me now he did bump heads with someone. But his story kept changing. He was confused.

My heart racing, I drove the mile to our local hospital — it seemed like 20 — and my questions to the backseat were resulting in answers like “soffa hitta hwead.”

Left turn signal. Lane change. Park. Carry child into ER. Again the look in my eyes paid off and my quick explanation and fast signature had us back and in a bed in under five minutes. The doctor was there not two minutes later.

He's not slurring anymore & thinks cat scans rock. The bump? His stuffed turtle

Eyes OK. Nose OK. CAT scan shows no bleeding. No fracture. Diagnosis = concussion.

Now here’s where I finally exhale. Not entirely, mind you. But I exhale, and I look around. Now I am actually capable of looking around.

It turns out this place is filled with people and doctors and nurses and moaning and IVs and hustle and bustle. Things you don’t see until you exhale.

Two beds down I see two Sheriff’s deputies and someone obviously in custody. Across from us, a mother and two sons. Directly to our left I hear broken English and understand enough Spanish to know a dog bit a girl and she was crying telling her mother she shouldn’t have played with the puppy without asking their neighbor first.

Then came the woman with the clipboard. Like they always do. First to my son and me. I hand over our insurance information and card, explain that I am the primary card holder, not my husband (that annoys me every damn time), and she moves to the curtain next to us.

No tengo seguro médico.

Then the next.

Nah, this gangbanger doesn’t have insurance. I bet you he doesn’t even have a real job. Hahahahaha

Then the next.

Well, I think my ex-husband might still have the boys under his insurance but he lost his job, so I’m not sure. Can I just put down his name and number?

Then to the next.

Nah, I ain’t got no insurance. I lost that when I lost my benefits, and I’m still waiting on my VA paperwork. I ain’t got no VA paperwork yet but the lady down there said she’d get it to me soon.

There we sat in the “Fast Track” area of the typical American emergency room, and I was the only one with insurance coverage.

Not an hour or two before, I was actually enjoying and cheering and jeering the political theater in Washington. I sat at my desk from 7 a.m. until the phone call I got at lunch, engrossed in every word coming out of every politician’s mouth sitting at that summit.

How they would do it. How they want to do it. Which way they should do it. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Who’s been wronged? All the talk of costs and deficits and government control. The talking and talking and talking that from one room in D.C. seemed entirely out of place in this California ER.

But at least for me, sitting in that ER, health care in America — and the battle over reform — was very clear. There were no questions. Criminals and children were being treated, and bills would come due. And there I was, on the edge of my son’s bed, the only one with insurance. THE ONLY ONE.

I missed the remainder of the health care summit to be with my son in that emergency room. I’m glad I missed whatever discussion was had. Because I was sitting there in the middle of the answer, in the middle of an ER, in the middle of a crisis that MUST be fixed.

As the only one WITH insurance today as those beds were strewn with dog bites and rashes and knife wounds and heart attacks, and yes, concussions … as the ONLY ONE with the privilege of having the means to have an insurance company pick up part of today’s bill — I said loudly and I said clearly for those in that room with me: Shut Up, Washington.

I am not any more privileged than the girl in the bed next to me or the family across from us or that alleged criminal two beds down. This isn’t a political game. This isn’t what I earned.

This is a right that any civilized society provides its people. ALL of its people, not just those with money and not just those lucky enough to have a job in this economy. ALL of its people.

The bill is due, Blair House participants. Either you can pay in political gains and losses or we can pay in our lives, our homes, and our dignity. As the president said today before I ran out of my house in a panic, “I hope we have the courage to make some of these changes,” and then he called out everyone in that summit for not having the guts to do it.

It’s gut-check time.

Get it done. And get it done now.

Actual Progressive Summit Coverage Can Be Found:

Momocrats.com

Odd Time Signatures

The Mahablog

Think Progress

AND FOR THE OTHER SIDE:

Althouse

Pajamas Media

Pundit & Pundette

Townhall

Contributing Editor Erin Kotecki Vest also blogs at Queen of Spain Blog and is monitoring her son for the next 24-hours and hopes to NOT land back in that ER anytime soon.

Politics & News Contributing Editor Erin Kotecki Vest