If there is one thing I have learned in this lifetime- it’s that you never, ever, shoot off fireworks at home.

Ever.

I’m sitting here struggling with the fact that I can’t take my kids to the local fireworks show this year. Just 10 days post-op and there is no way I can sit in a lawn chair, or the back of the van, in a mall parking lot for hours on end waiting for the professional ‘ooohs and aaaahs.’

But what are my alternatives? I spent too my years at my uncle’s house as a kid where the drunken grown-ups would blast store-bought fireworks… frequently misfiring and landing them near us kids. I can vividly remember a bottle rocket landing near my short-short laden inner thigh as a tween. (btw, nice job Mom and Dad)

I’ve also spent too many years as a reporter, doing the yearly story at the fire station where they demonstrate what those store bought fireworks can do on some unsuspecting stuffed dummy.

Poof. Flames. And then the endless rattling off of stats of just how many ER visits and deaths shooting off your own fireworks cause.

So I sit here wondering how to give my kids a fun 4th of July while I can’t even manage to sneeze or cough without cringing in pain.

Sparklers even seem like evil balls of fire.

I’d love your suggestions on how we can celebrate the 4th. My kids have seen the professional, local show every year since they were born… so I really would like to do something special. How do you celebrate at your house?

I’m starting to chicken out.

I know next week’s surgery on my colon will make me better…but I don’t want to do it.

I had my pre-op tests today. You know, the usual blood work and EKGs and Chest X-rays and what not. I found myself sitting on the exam table contemplating fleeing. I was coming up with a plan, mentally, on how to talk my doctor and my husband and my family and friends OUT of my surgery.

I knew I could do it too. I had an entirely valid argument thought out in my crazy brain and I was ready to go to war to skip next week’s surgery. I’m pretty good at this sort of thing- convincing people and justifying the unjustifiable. I could go down this road and not only cancel the surgery but have everyone agreeing with me what a horrible idea it was in the first place

Then I looked down at my arm.

Before I left the kids spelled out ‘MOM’ with silly bandz and told me to wear them for luck to my appointment.

Turns out those stupid fad bracelets gave me more than luck, they gave me strength. I thought about my kids and my husband who have been so very torn apart and affected by my health and how I NEEDED to do this for them.

Next week I will have surgery and it will suck, but I will get better. For myself, for my family. I won’t run. I won’t worm my way out of it…and I’ll remember my priorities.

My kids come first. My family comes first. Time to walk the walk.

We have a new pet.

Thanks Mona.

127lbs with a distended stomach = not sexy.
Spending Mother’s Day writhing in pain because your insides are infected and on fire = no fun.
Having the whole world take care of your family = priceless.

As I recover from my hospital stay, I want to extend my personal thanks to all of you who have made this tough time so much better. To those of you who’ve been there in spirit, in meals, and in hugs I really can’t thank you enough.

I’m home, doing well, and ready to recharge my body to get back to doing what it is I do…but I couldn’t have done it without you all. You helped me to worry less about the kids and Aaron knowing they were being taken care of, you kept me company at my bedside, you reminded me why I do what I do every day.

And if anyone dares question the word “community” …send them to me, so I can punch them in the nuts.

A special thank you to Megan, who coordinated meals for my family. And who, I think, also kept my husband from losing his shit 🙂

I woke up this morning to find a birthday party in my kitchen for a stuffed turtle and a stuffed mushroom.

It came complete with a chocolate chip pancake and bacon breakfast made by my husband.

As the day went on there was a wedding.

Forts.

Obstacle courses.

I love that my children imagine, play, and love.