I knew the so-called “Mommy Wars” were big, I had no idea HOW big. It seems the war is now on my doorstep, or more accurately, in my email box:
“Erin, I can not believe you dress your daughter in Feminist shirts. YOU ARE A STAY-AT-HOME mother!!!! All you have taught her, is that you have succumbed to the patriarchy and subscribed to catering to your husband. You clean, cook, wear an apron-everything WE fought against doing for all those years. I am sickened by women like you who have thrown away their opportunities in favor of suburban Barney marathons and tupperware parties. Don’t call yourself a Feminist. Don’t dress your daughter like she’s part of your cause. You are NOT one of us. I fought to give you the option and the right to choose your fate, but at least I was a strong role model for my boys. I showed them a woman could be the bread winner and the mother not that I needed a man to take care of me. I would appreciate if you, and women like you, would stop aligning themselves with the real feminists. Goddess Bless, Anne”
When I first read this email, I was hurt. And my skin is usually pretty thick.
I was hurt because I do have guilt over my choice to stay home with my children. As a woman, I feel a sort of responsibility to my gender. I feel like I should always be everything I can be, to show that women are strong, educated, and above all-equal.
But those reasons are exactly why I chose to stay home. Because as a strong, educated woman, I knew the benefits of having at least one parent at home. My husband and I actually had the option available to us, and it seemed a no brainer.
Does having a mother who stays at home have it’s drawbacks? Sure. An impression may be left on my son and daughter that this is a woman’s role. But I highly doubt it. My kids also see their father clean, cook, do laundry, etc. They also see stay-at-home fathers in our circle of friends. But the benefits of having a parent at home far outweighed any impressions that may or may not be floating around.
And here is the big kicker: I want to be home. There was a time where I wanted to be live at every breaking news story, and I did that. There was a time I wanted to be grilling public officials and asking the hard hitting questions-and I did that. I did it well, too, thank you very much. And now, I want to influence my children. Raise my children. And raise them to be strong, educated, and independent.
My mother graduated from high school, got pregnant and married my father. I graduated high school, went to college, became an award winning journalist, THEN got married and got pregnant. That’s progress. I was not expected to stay home with the babies. That’s progress. In fact, I planned on going back to work. After my son was delivered, I changed my mind. Motherhood was my job. And again, it was a no brainer.
Here is what you may not realize…I have it all. And I have it how I want it, not how society wants me to have it. THAT is being a feminist. THAT is what you fought for. You don’t like my choice? Fine. I don’t like that you don’t want me in your little “club.” So I’m starting my own.
SHF. Stay-at-Home Feminist. Raising kids and Raising hell.
Oh, and I plan on dressing my daughter in more feminist garb. I even have a shirt that matches hers. We’re a family that believes in equality of the sexes and choice. And that idea also means I will battle with YOU, my feminist sister, on the choices I make.
