The Queen and her Entourage-Blogher06

My MOTHER is coming to BlogHer06.

This started out as a Queen Alone Time WEEKEND and now my entire family, minus the cats, are coming to San Jose. When I travel, I travel with an entourage.

The kids are coming because the Princess is nursing. The Kaiser is coming to watch the kids. The mother is coming to watch the kids so the Kaiser can par-tay. And the flea on the mouse and the mouse on the cat and the cat on the dog and the dog…nevermind.

It’s all good, though. I not-so-secretly hope you girls hijack my Mom at some point and feed her a drink. Just one. That’s all she needs.

You see, my Mom and I are more than just Mother and Daughter. Or maybe that is exactly what we are. Mother and Daughter. Our relationship is wrapped in emotion, exhaustion, annoyance, and mothering. But while I can turn on the “friend� with my Mom and shut off the “daughter,� she rarely shuts off the “mom.� I mean, I know I never shut off the “mom� so the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Which is why she could use a drink. Or two. No, not two. Just one or she won’t be capable of watching my kids. See there, that was me not being able to shut off the “mom.�

My Mom got pregnant with me at 18. Which, I think, contributes to our closeness. She was still a babe when she had a babe. And we grew up together as friends and family.

Admittedly, as Queen of Spain, I don’t have as many girlfriends in my offline life as I do in my online life. I live far away from all the girls I grew up with. I live far away from college friends. And now I have “mom� friends. So my own mother remains my constant girlfriend. She knows BlogHer is big for me. And I know that she knows that I know she wants to witness. She’s very bad at pretending. She’s very good at mothering. She’s making double sure I get my “Queen Alone Time Weekend –with added bonus of witty, charming, handsome, successful, drunk, husband sprinkled here and there.�

Queen of Spain is a team effort. My behind the scenes crew is poised to make sure I have a good time. A good time in which I don’t worry about my kids. Wonder if they had lunch. Need a nap. A juice box. A kiss. A good time in which I also don’t feel any sort of guilt. These people love me so much they are bending over backwards to get me out and networking. Making sure my business cards are ready. Making sure I have the right shoes for the skirt. Taking off work. Getting on planes.

So, I figure I’m either extremely well loved. OR I’m so certifiable and out of my mind insane that this is the only way my husband and mother can guarantee I actually get out of my sweats, go do something I want, that is for me and no one else (read: kids) and have a good time.

I think I should throw in some Diva attitude, though. Just for good measure. I mean, if I’m going to travel to a blogging conference with this many people in my entourage, I should start demanding things.

I said put the baby’s PINK shoes on…not her red ones. And WHERE is my Lipton Green Tea?

I already tried that with the Hyatt. I still have two double beds for 5 people. Don’t they know I’m the Queen???

…Go check out the blogher site today. And please, say Hi to my mom. She’ll feel all famous.