Coming this birthday: The Nunnery

I just returned from a business trip to find that my soon-to-be 4-year old daughter was entertaining a large group of boys at McDonald’s Playland….by lifting her dress and showing them her underwear.

Do I have to wear a large Scarlett F on my shirt now? Parenting FAIL?

I’m now concerned she’ll grow up to be a stripper …or worse. She’ll grow up to be like her mother.

She says hi>

New BlogHer Backtalk- my favorite so far

My Hollywood Family- The Shocking Truth

I had a very stark reminder tonight about how different we all are.

As my husband and I celebrated the addition of another Academy Award to his resume, I remarked online how nice it was to hear so many of the acceptance speeches include thanks to wives and kids.

I’m a wife. I have kids. I notice these things.

Of course the internet being what it is, it didn’t take long before a very snarky comment was thrown my way by a conservative– “Yeah, they are such role models for family values.”

And I suddenly remembered what I had clearly blacked out since November 4th:

Many people in this country don’t believe my family has values. They can’t comprehend my family is “good” or “virtuous.” It’s incomprehensible to them that we are decent Americans.

We live in that scary place called California. My husband works for that really pornographic and satan-filled industry called “Hollywood” and OMG I have one hell of a mouth. Clearly we can’t be normal, good, decent human beings.

Nearly half of America still believes this way. They are shocked we raise children and teach them of love and kindness. They don’t know how to behave when I tell them I cooked dinner last night, and the kids cleared the dishes. That we attended a charity function. That we help our neighbors that we contribute to our community. That yes…we are actually GOOD people.

I suppose it serves me right to a degree to be stereotyped. It’s much easier for me to think of the right wing as some religious extremists idiots who believe in fairy tales instead of science. But alas, it’s not that simple is it? As much as I LOVE sweeping generalizations about the morons of the GOP and their equality hating ways, we all know they all don’t fit into that picture I try, myself, to paint.

Even in my anger, I have conceded time and time again that…ok, fine…not all Republicans are stupid. And not all religions teach hate. And don’t think it doesn’t pain me to have to concede this fact, time and time again.

So I think it’s time to shed some light on the other side of the coin. That now rather angry and defeated segment of America still stinging from their loss in November. Still trying so very hard to hate their President. Still hell bent on believing we’re all evil, indecent, NONfamily loving liberals out to destroy their churches and their way of life.

They quip that it’s laughable those accepting awards on a stage in California could possibly love or value their families enough to thank them. To mention them. To even remotely care about their loved ones.

Well tonight that quip went directly to a family involved with those on stage. Who know FULL WELL their kindness, their love for their families, and their humanity. Who sat with family to watch as our livelihood -you know that pesky economy thing you keep talking about- had an industry celebration.

Yes as the Right mocked the “self important Left” for fawning over “actors” …the Left is here, calling out many of the smug and self-righteous Right. Who seem to think their virtues are better, and more pure. Who seem to think they are more decent, and they are living the life of Saints as we wallow in sin.

I almost feel sad that you miss the humanness of a family- any family, not just those you think are good. That you assume we’re out cheating on our taxes, robbing banks, teaching our kids to fight and hurt others. You condemn GOOD families because they are different than yours. Because in your mind, they can’t possibly be anything but wrong, or evil. They can’t be anything but unnatural because they don’t work the same way YOUR family does.

Yes, I do feel sad. I feel sad because when I meet you- sure I have my own assumptions- but they never include that you don’t care for your loved ones as I do mine. I might question your motives and I might question your sanity, but I can’t possibly question your family. Sure, I find it odd. Sure I find it unnatural. Sure I’d never do it the way you do…but I’d never assume you weren’t capable of thinking of your family during a celebration.

That how foreign this concept of “liberals are good people” actually is to many in on the Right. They can’t even comprehend that we have families or values.

Newsflash: Conservatives don’t own the rights to good, decent, loving families.

Newsflash: Liberals love their wives and spouses and partners and children too.

Newsflash: Kindness and generosity are NOT conservative values, they are HUMAN values. Just like you don’t want the GLBT community owning the rights to the Rainbow…YOU don’t get to own the rights to FAMILY.

So how about we move forward from here. I’ll do my best to not assume you’re all uneducated, backwood, anti-science, anti-common sense, tank-loving, sexist, homophobes…and you do your best to not assume we’re all coke-sniffing, baby-killing, irresponsible whores….

Sound good?



I Wasn’t Lying

100 Days

My soon-to-be 6-year old celebrated 100 days of Kindergarten this week.

I’d like to bow my head in a moment of silence for the roller coaster ride we’ve been on in 100 days.

100 days of kindergarten!

The start of “real school” for your first born really is an ass-kicker. From the endless questions about if they are ready, when they are ready to navigating a new school and it’s insane system. The paperwork, my GOD the paperwork, the endless notes that come home. The fundraisers, the teacher gifts, the volunteer hours.

Yes, the first time you send your child off to school it’s a new world for him and you.

We’ve made some tough decisions around here in this first 100 days of chaos. Some good. Some bad. Some drastic.

So while I sift through the mound of construction paper projects and permission slip reminders and practice our letters one more time…I salute you 100 days of Kindergarten. You’ve made me crazy, my son stressed, and all of us insane.

more backtalk!

Stubborn Women

There are times in my day I see my daughter just as she is- a strong, independent, unique girl. There are other times I catch a glimpse of my husband, of myself.

But my glimpses pale in comparison to the person, truly unique person, that she is becoming. I know that she gets some of her strength from me…but I don’t remember having as much as she has.

Maybe it’s a childhood sense of entitlement that allows her to sit on a rock in a playground and declare it’s “closed” to all other kids.

Hala's boulder in boulder>
Maybe it’s her lack of fear, because she knows Mom and Dad are there, that pushes her to wrap a ribbon around the staircase and attempt to propel down a few feet.

And maybe, it’s the glimpse I catch of my husband in her that gives her the courage to go toe-to-toe with her Mom over a cookie at 8pm. Yes, I invoke my husband on purpose…because I’ve never felt as stubborn as she seems to be. I also haven’t been on the receiving end of my own head-strong ways, so maybe we are one in the same.

God that scares me.

Of course I want her to be strong. But the thought of her being strong against me is frightening.

My son is so very different. He’s happy to please me and do what Mom says. Even when angry he will be the dutiful son and clean up as he’s told.

But my daughter. Oh…my daughter. It’s a battle of the wills and she will change the game just to make it appear as though she’s won. Can’t have that cookie? She really didn’t want it anyway, actually she really did want those grapes…she was only tricking me.

One of the most frequent pieces of advice I get with my daughter is to “break her will.” Tempting. Very tempting on so many levels. But also the very last thing I want to do. She NEEDS to be this way in order to compete in the world. She NEEDS to be stronger, smarter, even more stubborn than I ever was.

While I do not enjoy butting heads with her, while I take no pleasure in what is to come in 5, 10, 15 years…I want her to remain just as stubborn as she can be.

She will never grow weary of battles with her mother, I expect they will only increase in time. I already am weary, but as the Mom I’ll never give in. Or give up.

Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe I need to go for the jugular and force “submission” and allow her to fear me.

But I know, in my heart, I’m not crazy. You see, there’s something more than stubborn streaks and independence. There is also a heart of gold and a compassionate nature. There is a smile that melts the opponent and a sweetness and intellegence that makes her wise beyond her years.

No…I want her to remain exactly as she is. Strong, stubborn, and wonderful. I want her to close all the rocks in all the playgrounds and demand every cookie in the world. She’s not a mean girl, she’s a strong girl.

And there is a difference.

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