2010 September

Because Someone Has To, So It Starts With Me

September 29, 2010 by Queen of Spain 41 Comments

I’ve noticed something over the course of the past few days…you can’t change anyone’s mind.

On anything.

Ever.

You can present facts, and point out flaws in arguments, and you can yell and scream and stomp…but in today’s political climate lines in the sand have been drawn and heels are firmly dug in and not moving.

After 24 hours of using several different approaches to talk to Tea Party types, there really is no hope. They really, truly, believe I am a Communist ugly feminist man hater and I truly believe they are uninformed, racist, fear-mongers. They think I’m unAmerican and not a patriot, I think they are sowing the seeds of violence and ignorance.

And that is just how it is.

So now that I have resigned myself to this sadness, where do we go from here? November is coming and it’s getting nasty. It is going to get much worse before it gets any better. Tensions are running high, each side wants to win.

I’m worried we don’t survive this as a country. This is unlike anything I have ever seen. Passions are so high and people are so convinced THEY are right, I fear what they will do. Currently the Tea Party rhetoric says ‘Take Back Our Country” … and I keep asking, from whom? Other Americans?

We need to find a way to stop the screaming and fear. We need to find a way to work together before people get hurt, because they are getting hurt already. Both sides have documented violence. Both sides need to loudly condemn that violence.

Or we can continue to call names and point fingers. I mean, this is the route even I went down after becoming so very frustrated with the discourse my head exploded. But it gets us nowhere and does no good. And if only one side makes the effort to have civil discourse, and the other continues to just yell the loudest … who will Americans listen to? Do we risk losing because we took the high road?

I refuse to forgive or forget the nasty name calling and hate going on, but I also know we can’t keep going like this. This country is going to implode, and I worry for my kids and for my nation.

We need leaders and cooler heads to prevail right now, I’m not sure I’m one of them. I do think our President is one…but he needs to be louder. Are you one? Are you speaking calmly and rationally about the issues to your friends, family, and neighbors or are you spiraling down the rabbit hole many of us are…turning from talking points to shouts and name calling? What can YOU do to raise the level of conversation right now with those you oppose…not to change their minds, we know that won’t happen, but to at least keep the peace?

I’m not sure any of this is possible, we may be too far gone…but I feel we need to try.

And it starts with me.

I am pledging to be calmer, to try not to lose my temper, and to refrain from name calling.

Join me. And call me out if I lose it. And I have a feeling I may lose it more than I care to admit.

Will anyone from the other side join me? I am doubtful, for whatever their reasons may be. They might not think I am sincere, which is fine. So be it. But at least I floated it out there in the universe…for everyone’s sake. They might think I’m acting just like a typical liberal, being all huggy and lovey while there is a war being waged. The problem is we’re having that war with each other, fellow Americans. This is your country just as much as it’s my country. This is MY country too, although you don’t think I’m a real American.

But it doesn’t matter…if nothing else I will know I tried and I will know I did it for the right reasons…these two:

They will know I fought hard, but I fought fair. If it means we lose because I fought fair, that is the price I pay.

But I guess, in some ways, that means I win.

Filed Under: Feeling YaYa

Dog Weddings.

September 27, 2010 by Queen of Spain 8 Comments

This was the scene in the back seat just moments ago as the puppy and the kindergartener looked at the clouds outside and imagined shapes.

I think that one looks like a parakeet, what do you think Nicky?

And all was well and good.

Until…

Mommy, how do puppies like Nicky get made? I mean, how do they get born?

Cough.

Something something penis. Something something vagina. Something something mostly just like people.

But Mommy, do they have to get married firsts? Do puppies get married?

This is where I realized I had failed my little girl. Or not. She clearly thinks babies only get made if you are married and we all know that’s not exactly true.

While I would love to keep her from sex for as long as possible, I realize that is not practical or fair to her. She should be sexually aware and active when she’s mature enough and ready, and it has nothing to do with holy matrimony.

But if I lied, and she continued to believe babies are only made by married people…would it really be soooooooo bad? Cue evil thoughts.

In the end I told her the truth. Damn my truth telling ways.

No honey, puppies don’t get married. And lots and lots of people with babies don’t get married. All families are different, remember? Not everyone is just like us.

I know Mom. But I like our family the best. I want my bruddur and I wish I could marry him but I can’t so maybe I will marry my new friend Nicole.

That’s just fine honey. You marry who you love or don’t marry at all… and have babies or don’t have babies. It’s all up to you.

It’s up to me? Wow.

Filed Under: kill me now, Princess Peanut, Stepford Crazies

TICKLE FIGHT

September 26, 2010 by Queen of Spain 9 Comments

This is what you should be doing today.

Filed Under: #SUCKITLupus

Zombies Love Kids

September 23, 2010 by Queen of Spain 6 Comments

It’s not that I’d say we have a zombie fetish around here lately…

Ok fine. We do. And shockingly it’s NOT my zombie-loving husband’s fault.

It’s mine.

I introduced the kids to Plants vs. Zombies on the iPhone, to take us away from Angry Birds every so often. Now it’s zombie-mania around here.

I’m not sure if this is good or bad. You see, I hate scary stuff. I mean, I HATE IT. While picking out decorations for our home for Halloween, I’m the Mom that goes for those really cute ghosts and ‘BOO’ signs. The kids? They are now asking for graves. Zombie arms sticking up from our lawn. Chainsaws.

This can’t be good.

Or maybe it’s awesome.

I’m confused.

Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnsssssss

Filed Under: Stepford Crazies

A Piece of Me

September 20, 2010 by Queen of Spain 16 Comments

If you’ve hung out with me at all over the course of the past year or so, odds are you have something to remember me by.

My hair has been falling out steadily for a good 18 months or so. It’s on your laptop bag. It’s on your backpack. It’s on your sweater. If you’ve hugged me it’s probably on your shoulder.

Sorry about that.

Turns out this Lupus thing makes my hair thin. Who knew? It was always just a bit of a joke around here. I shed. I would shed and we would laugh.

ha ha look more hair!

But I’ve noticed something lately that isn’t as funny. I can see the spots on my scalp. Now, Aaron assures me I’m the only one who can see them, but I can see them.

Maybe it’s all in my mind. But I swear my part is very… party. Bigger. Whiter.

So now with the usual vitamins and meds, I’ve taken to hat buying. Because what’s a girl to do who’s scalp is monstrously thinning but buy cute hats? My Mom suggested I cut my hair, so I’m not brushing it as much … but I like that at least my hair coming out the back of a hat looks normal.

Maybe I’m over-reacting.

Maybe it’s really not as bad as I’m imagining and it’s just given me something to focus on. Maybe this very thin line of hair on my scalp is yet another very vain and silly bump in this summer filled with hospitals and I need to just get over it.

Or buy more hats.

Filed Under: #SUCKITLupus

Time

September 17, 2010 by Queen of Spain 6 Comments

The clock is my biggest enemy as of late. In a day where I usually have nothing to do but pick up or drop off children, you’d think the clock would be my friend. But no.

Either I’m too tired and need a few extra minutes before I get back in the car, or I’m too anxious and lonely and need the clock the move faster so my babies are home in my arms.

I stare, wondering if I can make the hands move so my husband can leave work. I pace in the kitchen waiting impatiently for the rest of the meal to cook, so we can all sit down together and talk about our days.

Not enough or too much – the clock taunts me all day long.

And then there are those stolen moments, that only last a second or two but feel like a lifetime. My son asks me to test his new invention or my daughter asks me to cuddle on the couch with her. We all melt into each other and inhale as if we have nowhere to go and nothing to do.

It passes and we exhale … the tv seems loud again and the dog runs and jumps to tackle us all .. but not before I lock another moment in my mind, cursing and thanking the clock ticking overhead.

Filed Under: #SUCKITLupus, Feeling YaYa

Name It, Change It … and Me

September 15, 2010 by Queen of Spain 7 Comments

*I’m not really the President of BlogHer … but I’m guessing you guys get the joke

Filed Under: #suckit

Let He Who Is Without Sin

September 11, 2010 by Queen of Spain 32 Comments

Paying close attention to the debate over American Muslims, mosques, and religion and ideology leading up to this September 11th, something has been bothering me.

It’s subtle really. One of those talking points we’ve heard endless times on cable news and blogs and in facebook debates with family and friends.

They are barbaric. They STONE their women. They are not peaceful.

They, of course, being Muslims.

I have yet to find anyone who isn’t appalled by the stoning of a woman. I have yet to find an American not shocked by the treatment of a gender in some parts of the world, Muslim nations included.

But I’ve realized what, about this debate, has been bugging me:

All these American men calling out the stoning of a woman as “barbaric” while so many American women still suffer domestic violence at home. All these men of a certain generation, and a certain region, and a certain culture- using the stoning as if they are suddenly aware that women are often beaten, raped, treated as less than equals.

I watched a family member post about this on facebook- condemning (and rightfully so) the stoning of women by extreme Muslims all the while I was thinking “but your Dad beat your Mom, your Dad beat you…yet you sit on your high horse about how this culture operates…”

I’m thankful the treatment of women globally has become a concern for some of these friends and family members…many of whom I know for a fact either suffered or saw domestic abuse in their own homes. However their sudden and vehement disgust at how extremists operate in other countries rings hollow for me, when they seem to turn a blind eye to what has happened in their own families over the years.

Was it not my grandmother’s generation that saw domestic abuse ignored and endorsed by police?

Nothing but a family matter here, sometimes these women have it coming.

Was it not my mother’s generation that bore the stigma of the “women who left” and the “women who stayed” – where I can’t tell you how many times my Dad or Mom had to enter a certain family member’s home to hide or try to take away guns and grab kids.

Not too many years ago I sat in a “hardshell” Christian church where as a woman, I needed to be separated from my husband and son.

“Well that was just a different time and those people have different ways”- was the excuse given.

The things we dismiss in our own families, in our own history, in our own culture while we call other barbarians and evil and anything but peaceful.

While Americans are in an uproar over extremists Islamic practice, we seem to fail to realize our culture can be just a brutal and our extremists just as barbaric. Or worse, hidden below the surface, where instead of a public stoning we have an Aunt who “bumped into a door” or a niece “not allowed” to wear a skirt above her shin.

While the rhetoric continues to fly, and more seem to have epiphanies about the treatment of women, I hope they also look in their own communities and remember we are not so different. We are not so much better. And we certainly are not innocent.

I encourage you to drop the holier-than-thou act, pretending this land far away is so foreign and strange and evil, while your own country and men so pure and good.

The only difference I see is these men don’t care what the world thinks and openly treat their women poorly, while you hide the cuts on your knuckles and fan away your own cultural and family history as “things were different then” or “that’s just not how that part of the family works.”

There is no excuse. Ever. Not in Iran. Not in Saudi Arabia. And certainly not here in the United States.

Filed Under: Holding Court, Royal Kinfolk