December 4, 2007

CastleGate 2007

*not to be confused with the Turkey Riot of 2004 or the Teacup Riots of 2005 

@#$%&*@#$%#%$@

I’ll swear more, for real, in a few paragraphs, but first let’s travel back several weeks to this family’s brush with the Southern California wildfires.

We evacuated. We hung out with Nana and Gramps. We came home.

Somewhere in between hanging out and coming home, we made our way through Orlando International Airport.

Orlando International Airport has TWO Disney Stores. Not one, but TWO. One in Terminal A and one in Terminal B. I’ll give OIA two. I mean, Mickey lives in that there city…I’ll give them TWO.

Anyway, on our way back to Los Angeles (which was no longer ON FIRE) I hastily stopped in Terminal A’s Disney store to buy a few small things to occupy my children on the very long flight home. A nice Princess set. Maybe some Mickey coloring books. A few Goofy cookies. You get the idea.

Princess Peanut Punk as Fuck entered said Disney store and IMMEDIATELY flipped out over this:

Mind you, in real life, this box is rather large. About as BIG as she is. There is no way I’m getting this on the plane and certainly no way I’m forking out $80 for plane ride distractions. Cue Princess Peanut meltdown. Of EPIC proportions.

I try and explain this won’t fit on the plane. I try and explain she’s NOT getting this toy. Maybe Santa can bring it? Maybe Christmas is coming and this can be on her “list?”

There is no getting through to her. At all. She’s on the floor screaming and we have to get through security like NOW.

Always thinking, I ask a nice saleswoman if they have a smaller castle. Maybe a picture of one. Maybe some little trinket. She calmly (which was pretty good considering the screaming child on my leg) says there is another Disney store in Terminal B, and they have a castle bank.

A bank. That might work.

So with both kids, and two carry ons, we run to Terminal B. Go ahead and stop and imagine what that looks like. No no, don’t stop to see the fishies…come on…we have to go…no, hold my hand….I see the big Mickey, yes…but we need to get down this hallway…

We make it to Terminal B’s store and low and behold Princess Peanut thinks the castle bank is SHIT and won’t even look at it. Now I’m thinking it’s time to get ugly. It’s time to just grab a random coloring book and the screaming toddler and the 4.5year old and the two carry-ons and run back to Terminal A and through security and onto our soon-t0-be departing plane.

Instead my daughter, aka Sybil, decides she really likes this Little Mermaid backpack/doll set and happily skips to the check out. Happily skips to Terminal A. Happily skips through security and onto the plane.

Let’s catch up to present day, shall we? Our little peanut watches her Disney movies until we can ALL recite each line. And as many of you know, they all begin with a very nice animation of Cinderella’s castle. And each time, our little girl proclaims ” MY castle! MY castle!”

Yes, HER castle. Not Cinderella’s. Hers.

If asked about HER castle, she’ll tell you Santa is bringing it. It’s #2 on her Santa list (right after a HORSE) and she just knows it will come. Just knows.

Now Princess Peanut’s Nana, being the NANA she is (that’s capital N-A-N-A) says she will find said castle and get it for our darling. Turns out houseboy (my brother) and his girlfriend have a connection at Disneyland who can get said castle at a discount.

Said connection checks out the situation in Anaheim. Guess what? They only sell SLEEPING BEAUTY’S castle there. And they are ONLY selling these castles at the PARKS THEMSELVES (or ebay) and it’s Cinderella’s in Orlando and Sleeping Beauty in Anaheim.

Motherfuckingsonofabitchbastards.

Now, I really can’t ask my Mom to pay $115 on ebay for a play castle. I’m still hoping we don’t have to pay admission to the park in ORLANDO (um, hi, mom, can you drive to Disney World for me?) but we’ll see. Of course I’m calling the airport store in the morning to figure out how the fuck THEY got them and if they can SHIP one.

Bottom line here…Santa is trying to deliver. Maybe Santa should just go ahead with some doll or coloring book and not get caught up in making sure we get the Castle. Maybe the castle isn’t meant to be. Maybe the castle is a lesson for Princess to learn.

Or maybe I need to get on the phone and online.

What say you? Castle? Or No castle?

December 1, 2007

There’s So Much That We Share That Its Time We’re Aware…

…it’s a small world after all.

Now, once you’re done cursing me for sticking that song in your head…last night something amazing happened, and it hit me how big this whole “web 2.0, social media, blah blah blah” stuff is.

My Sister-in-law had a baby. On the surface, not such an earth shattering thing. I mean, yes a miracle and all that, but not exactly unheard of in this day and age. The thing is, she’s in Germany. Her husband, my brother-in-law, is stationed in Iraq. My father-in-law and mother-in-law were en route from West Virginia to Germany and my family and I are in California.

I might need a diagram for that.

Somewhere around lunchtime the West Virginia contingent landed in Germany and somewhere around dinnertime they were off to the hospital. Somewhere around desert time my phone rang and a baby had been born. Relatives needed to be alerted and a father needed to be found in Iraq. Mind you I was online with a Canadian and on the phone with a Bostonian.

So emails were sent, calls were made, skypes were attempted, and twitters were pushed out into the universe because I was too excited to remember what the time difference was in Iraq or, apparently, how to google.

By bedtime, I was congratulating Dad the soldier via webcam and getting a tour of his room in the Middle East.

I had spoken to people all over the globe over one tiny little girl.

I wasn’t doing business. I wasn’t blogginig. I wasn’t connecting with old friends or reading techie news. I was simply celebrating life.

So I’m done with talk of ‘what is web 2.0?’ and ‘what is social media?’

It’s life.

The end.

November 24, 2007

Holiday Card Envy Part III

It’s not like I care…but…my daughter has an entirely chapped face and my son has a big bump and scratch under his eye.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s Holiday Card Time! Remember last year? And the year before?

This year is no exception. I’m not sure how to stop the licking of the lips so much that it appears the 2-year old suction cupped a red plate around her face, or how to wrap the boy in foam so he doesn’t maim himself.

Doesn’t matter. Cards are ordered and once again they are far from perfect. Our lives are far from perfect. Our home is far from perfect. They are kids. Kids are messy. Hell, I am messy. Our lives are messy. Messier than usual, and that’s saying something.

Now I need to figure out how to sign them. The Royal Family? Count, Princess, Queen, Kaiser, & um…hmmmm. Maybe I’ll just say “Happy Holidays, these are the messy kids we created” and leave it at that. I mean, I can only take up so many lines on the one page card. I don’t think “Happy Holidays (non denominational seems safe) these are the kids as they are this year. Sorry, but I wasn’t there to comb their hair when this was taken, because I was off working, but I think their Dad did a good job…oh, and speaking of him…yeah, lots going on there…oh and me? Yeah, lots going on their too. But as you can see our kids are happy and healthy and totally messy so enjoy the photo and Happy Holidays.”

November 21, 2007

A long holiday

I have no idea how I’m going to explain this to my children, or how the conversation will go…but we’ll miss ya Maggie.