Monthly Archives: May 2007

TIT BRIGADE! ATTENTION!

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The page you have been waiting for is here!

In honor of breastfeeding mothers everywhere, all of whom should feed WHEREVER and WHENEVER they see fit, we are showing you our TITS. You will notice a new link in my LEFT sidebar that will FOREVER show my tits, your tits, anyone who wants’ tits to the world in an honest effort to make people everywhere realize THEY ARE JUST BOOBS!They are meant to feed. They are meant to nourish. THEY ARE NOT OBSCENE and they should and WILL be whipped out anywhere and everywhere there is a crying baby.
GET THE FUCK OVER THEM!

There is still time to add your tits to the cause. Email me at queenofspainblog@yahoo.com!

Tits Across the Blogosphere

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Holy Boobs!

I want to thank everyone in their support of my “Whip ‘Em Out” for Maggie internet nurse-in. I can’t get over how many of you took off your tops and flashed me-all in the name of shutting up the haters.

I have so many emails I’m STILL reading them all, and so far, not ONE has been negative. And my inbox runneth over in boobage. So much so, that I’m going to launch an entire new page to this site brimming with nips, tits, and all that is breast. YOUR breasts that you sent me, linked to me, and otherwise lifted your shirts, bras, blankets, and those totally retarded “tents” to show me.

Look out internet, my tits are paving the way for dozens more…all beautiful, bodacious, and JUST FUCKING BOOBS! So in the spirit of telling the world to FUCK OFF THEY ARE JUST BOOBS I will happily launch the Tit Brigade in the next few days…for those who have already sent their tits to me, I thank you. Please let me know if you want them to be posted with or without your blog and or name. For those who want their tits on the page-email me now!

queenofspainblog@yahoo.com

For breastfeeding moms everywhere-SHOW US YOUR TITS!

Maggie Gyllenhaal is my HERO

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I could not possibly be more grumpy today-so I suggest anyone not in the mood for one hell of a Queen rant, get the fuck off the blog now.

Cough.

Actress Maggie Gyllenhaal whipped out a tit and let her kid eat in public. You know where it goes from there. Sarah wrote about it over at Strollerderby and the comments range from “why are we talking about this again?” to “you boob feeders are sick-os” or something like that.

Of course, Sarah (being my real life friend) knows just how much this sets me off into a blind range and made sure I took at look at the article. My eyes rolled into the back of my head and I quickly became possessed not to mention obsessed with exacting my revenge on those fuckheads of the world who seem to think I should breastfeed in a closet, in a bathroom, under a blanket, or not at all when their ignorant eyes are watching.

Let me expand on my Strollerderby comment, if you don’t mind:

Seriously? We’re going to fight about this again???

Fuck your blankets and fuck your bottles.

Go Maggie. The rest of you can suck my tits. I’m so not in the mood to have this discussion for the 1000th time.

Get the fuck over it. It’s just a boob.

It’s just a boob indeed. JUST A MOTHERFUCKING BOOB. I’ve written about this issue so many times now that I seriously do not know what else to say to all you asshats that seem to think my tit exposed to feed my child is baaaaaaaaaaad. You are a moron. End of story. (yes, this is a very well thought out argument, can’t you tell??) You are also forcing me to resort to drastic measures.

I’m here to make sure you get the fuck over seeing tits. Maggie, this is for you.

Queen-again

Suck it.

*****updated: It seems my tits have inspired others to do the same-in support of breastfeeding moms! Karl was first to whip em out in solidarity! Join us, won’t you? Post and I”ll link to you here!*******

Keri has joined the fun.

So has Summer!

And my favorite Violet!

For those who can not post a photo on their own blog, I will happily do it here!

Mother’s Day is a Scam!

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Mother’s Day for this Queen will always suck donkey balls. The end.

Sigh.

It’s Mother’s Day at Count Waffle’s little preschool and he’s home on the couch with a 103 degree fever. He’s sad because it was “our” day. I’m sad because it was “my” mother’s day and Princess Peanut is THRILLED because she no longer has said fever and is currently jumping off the living room couch and giggling.

Mother’s Day and I have a really shitty track record. There have been no brunches at fancy hotels or macaroni necklaces. There has been ONE champagne morning with a jewelery filled breakfast, but that was a make-up Sunday designed to balance the first year, which we shall never speak of again.

Then there was the last year where I got over zealous in my reminders of the pending day and forever established the “holiday” as a husband free zone.

So to have my ONE event this year taken from me by fever…makes me want to go beat up God. Or Buddha. Or the deity of your choice.

Fuck Mother’s Day. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Tell me how its really some trumped up Halmark holiday and I shouldn’t care. I’m starting a new trend where we hip Moms think Mother’s Day is some anti-woman, oppressive tradition where it makes females less empowered. Or something.

Ok, I’m going to go repeat that all to myself 300 times until I believe it while I go wipe tears.

Fuck 4-year olds

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I’m going to fucking kill my 4-year old. I say that as the woman who birthed him. I say that as his #1 fan. I say that as the woman on this earth who adores him more than any other.

I’m reading shit like, “Four-year olds: Wild and Wonderful” and “Try and Make Me! Simple Strategies that Turn Off the Tantrums and Create Cooperation” and “1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12.”

Just the tiny fact that as his mother, I feel the need to read this shit pisses me off enough to just let him become a criminal. You’re acting in such a way I need to research how to deal with you? Oh hell no. Fuck that. I’m done.

Not really, but JESUS I want to ring his neck ala Homer and Bart. I bet choking him might actually make me feel better. But no. *of course I would never and I could never. So Instead I sit here with “A revolutionary new program for raising your DEFIANT child-without losing your cool.” Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Count Waffles the Terrible is hitting people. Everyone is a potential victim, not even small babies or his own Mommy can be shielded from the horror that is the closed-fisted WHAP he lays down like a hammer on anyone and anything. Take his truck kid at Gym Day Care? WHAP on your arm. Tell him he can’t have another cookie dear Mom? WHAP on the leg.

Today he hit two kids at the gym and yesterday he nailed some kid at school. So far taking away his most precious toys, time outs, tv time gone, etc has NOT worked. He sulks a bit and then LAUGHS (yes, it’s an evil laugh) at his punisher.

Thus the books, because if I don’t come up with something else soon, he’ll either really hurt someone or I will really hurt him. Or runaway. One of the two.

Suggestions are welcome. The books are already annoying me.

*rant over now.

Bring It

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BlogHer '07 I'm<br /> Going

AND the Kaiser is coming to *try* and charm all you ladies. AND we’re bringing something naughty for the swag bags. AND I’ll be at Blogher.org later today with a nice and tidy and cuss free news roundup. AND Count Waffles the Terrible still thinks Jesus is made of Cheese.***Oh oh oh…AND I’m going to a performance tonight headed by a fellow Kick Ass (cocktail sipping) MammaBlogger:
STEFANIE WILDER-TAYLOR IN ASSOCIATION WITH
THEATRE PLANNERS
PRESENTS

NOBODY LIKES A YAPPY SKIRT

An Evening of Confessional Essays by:

Lisa Sundstedt Producer of the hit comedy show Pretty Funny Women

Cecily Knobler Writer and host Live from Hollywood, Us Weekly Fashion Police

Stefanie Wilder-Taylor Author Sippy Cups are not for Chardonnay and the upcoming Nap Time is the New Happy Hour

Ali Davis Second City Touring Company, Baby Wants Candy, “True Porn Clerk Stories”

Loretta Fox Regular on Fox comedy Freeride. Guest starred in Lifetime’s Lovespring International.

Nancy Cohen written for King of Queens, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Raising Dad, Good Girls Don’t, Courting Alex, Unhappily Ever After and the thought bubbles on Blind Date

Tami Sagher Writer Producer Mad TV

With music by Henry Phillips  Dr. Demento Show

May 2nd
The Lounge Theatre 6201 Santa Monica Blvd.
(corner of El Centro and S.M) Hollywood-
7:30  doors open at 7:15
$7 admission- reservations mandatory 310-922-1668
Wine, Beer and Snacks available