Looking down on Southern California from the safety of the sky, I could see nothing but an orange and brown wall of smoke. Moments earlier strangers were helping us through security as I simultaneously tried to give my asthmatic son his inhaler and take off both my kids’ shoes. Everyone was talking about the fires. The people in line, the ticket counter agent, even the woman who rang up my hastily bought crayons and plane toys. The same toys the kids were occupied with on take off while I sobbed in relief.

I hadn’t realized the stress and fear until we were away from danger. Maybe “danger” isn’t the right word. Our home was never in “danger” of burning down unless you count the first day of embers catching roofs two miles away. Sure we were surrounded within blocks by fires, but we never landed in an official evacuation zone. Our “danger” was a coughing son and rapidly deteriorating air quality.

News came as we boarded our plane that a child my son’s age in our town was in a coma from an asthma attack. As Count Waffles hacked and wheezed, I was feeling more and more justified in my decision to leave the state.

We could have driven north to friends for a few nights, but would have still returned to ash and soot in the air. We could have gotten a hotel, but they were at capacity just about everywhere and the cost of the room plus eating out would have equaled the last minute plane tickets.

I didn’t pack properly for the trip. Dirty clothes, winter clothes, long sleeves for Florida weather. Toys missing, socks missing. None of it mattered as we threw stuff in a suitcase to stay at hotel near the airport. We were afraid if we didn’t leave then, we might not get out on roads that could close at any moment the next morning. Plus the coughing. My son’s cough just getting worse and worse and worse. The news said the ER was overfilled. Keep the kids and seniors inside.What if he had an attack and we couldn’t get help?

All these factors had us packing. Our neighbors were staying put, but we were packing. I was torn on whether we were doing the right thing. Were we overreacting? Were we underreacting?

Then we landed in Orlando and my son’s cough disappeared entirely.

We’re staying 10 days and hoping that’s enough time for the air to clear. We’ll trick-or-treat in warm weather and fresh air. We’ll let Nana and Gramps spoil the kiddos while I try and figure out what to wear out of the 5 pairs of pants and 2 sweaters I brought.

The men stayed back to work and keep an eye on things. Kaiser has a suitcase in his car in case he can’t return home one night or gets stuck on the freeway. My brother is monitoring his girlfriend who is trapped in La Jolla.

We’re making plans to clean vents and change filters. To help friends still wondering if their homes are standing. To aid families who’s children are hospitalized with breathing troubles. To color pictures for the firefighters. To cry together.

You can help my neighbors, my friends, and my community by donating to the Santa Clarita Valley Disaster Coalition. Thank you.

It’s late and I’m exhausted. My kids coughed themselves to sleep and I’m too anxious to try and go to bed.

Turn on the national news and when you hear about the fires think of this family as lucky…so far. We are in our home. I have a laundry basket filled with essentials by my front door.

The air conditioning is on by recommendation of the authorities and we’re staying off the local roads unless we’re in an evacuation zone.

My son is coughing, but not badly. Meds and the indoor air are keeping him breathing without trouble. As I type this, a fourth fire has sprung up just miles from us.

If you are keeping track, we have one fire less than a mile to our northwest, we have another fire about 8 miles to our north, we have another fire about 3 miles to our east, and yet one more now to the southest that is about 4 miles away.

We could leave but hotels from San Diego to us are booked, not to mention the cost of missing work and staying away from home. We are not in an evacuation zone and authorities are advising we stay put and stay out of their way.

Protecting my kids is not an easy call today. Do we flee and risk sitting in traffic with horrible air quality and my son’s asthma? Do we stay put until the wind shifts and we are threatened directly? Do we get our butts to lax and make an impromptu trip to Nana’s house? Do we sit and wait?

We have had offers from friends that are just amazing. People are really wonderful. Homes to stay in, beds to lay on, tickets to Florida. The phone has been ringing non stop and the outpouring of concern is just overwhelming. Thank you all.

There have been many challenges this week. Making me really think and making me really take into account what I have. I have really good friends. I have a community of parent bloggers that I can count on. That I can share with. That I can relate to and help. I wouldn’t change them for the world, or for anyone. My children have seen the benefits of this community as well. My son’s allergies and asthma was helped by tips you all gave me. I got help for my PPD and become a better mother with your help. I’m proud of the community we’ve created and angry that a small percentage of people would attempt to intimidate or silence those of us who have gained so much through parent blogging. We’ve created a voice that is changing parenthood and I’m glad we can use our free speech as we engage in this new social medium. As we share photos and stories and advice and become virtual neighbors.  As we empower ourselves with books and opportunities and power.

I spent 72 hours attempting to make contact, personally, to discuss these challenges with certain people and have been met with no response. So publicly now I ask for the copyrighted photo of my minor daughter to be removed immediately.

There is a firestorm outside my door.

(all photos taken by J. Paradies because he’s whining that I didn’t credit him for taking them, with my camera, in my backyard, and downloaded to my computer and then posted to my account. Tee hee hee)

Fire cleanses.

Fire is rage.

Seems appropriate for me right now. The smoke, the confusion, the disbelief, the anger.

As luck (and having the resources of a Queen) would have it, being a parent means using things like this as a learning opportunity.

Class is in session.