March 24, 2008

Happy? Birthday

Today my first born son turned 5.

We did the cake. We did the presents. We did the hoopla.

He was beaming all day and I was making a huge deal out of his ability to have accomplished 5 years of living.

Inside I was dying.

I spent the day in fear. I spent the day in denial. I put on a happy face but inside I was in PAIN by his big boy bike. His wanting to shut the door when he went to the bathroom. His growing up.

I don’t care what my job is supposed to be and I don’t care what sort of label you want to throw at me-THIS SUCKS.

It hurts. I’m not a fan. And I’d like it to stop.

The entire time I was encouraging him to sit on the new bike and test it out, and he was protesting that it looked too big and was too wobbly, I was thinking ‘it’s ok baby boy, don’t be afraid, Mom is here, don’t do it if you don’t want too, just come sit on my lap and lay your head on my shoulder and cuddle with me.’

I suck.

I stood there thinking to myself ‘god if you can’t handle the wobbly big kid bike I can’t possibly let you out there into the world and let you see how horrible things are, how your heart will be broken, how people will be mean, how sometimes your stomach will be in knots, how life can be very shitty…’

I was sick. SICK.

My children make me feel very weak. The kind of weak that could turn me into some insane helicopter mom who homeschools and layers the walls with foam. The kind of weak that makes me throw every ounce of common sense out the window in favor of whatever will keep my children in ignorant bliss for eternity.

It hurts too much. IT HURTS TOO MUCH.

Of course I gently coaxed him on that bike and eventually he was riding around the culs-de-sac and life was just happy happy but I couldn’t shake the amount of fear that came with this birthday.

Real school is around the corner. Big kids who bully. Teachers who may or may not find his quirks endearing. Expectations. Disappointments. Triumphs.

I ache for every moment yet to come that causes him to pause. I yearn for every moment passed that seems now to have been so much easier. I want nothing more than to stop time and pretend as though none of this is happening.

I feel like a failure of a mother for entertaining these thoughts and trying to will them into reality. Like if I blink hard enough I can poof us all back to when my biggest fear was him hitting his head while learning to walk.

I’m not good at this. I’m just not. I spend most of my day trying to keep them busy so I can ignore them and the other half complaining as I deal with them. Then I have the gall the be upset at the passing of time and the reality of children becoming adults. These small creatures bring out every weakness I have and throw it on the table for all to see, dripping in emotion and exposing what is best, but mostly what is the worst, inside my soul.

Tonight I watched my 5-year old glow as he blew out 5 candles. I watched his little sister, eyes as big as saucers, ready and willing to take her turn at the cake in 6 days when she turns 3. As I discretely exhaled harder to aid the extinguishing of the flames I wished right along with my baby boy.

Keep him safe. Make this hurt less. Make me strong.

Happy Birthday.

March 20, 2008

So You Want To Talk To Mommybloggers…

I assume by now you’ve seen the bruhahaha? Yes? No?

Go look, I’ll wait.

Back?

So basically there are these big ‘ol corporations who are just salivating to get their money grubbing claws into women online. Oh, wait, I take that back-they are ignoring those of you who are childless, of color, breastfeeding, in need of childcare, lesbian, or anything other than Christian. Which leaves us with what-White. Straight. Jesus-Loving. Breeders.

White, straight, Jesus-loving breeders online are a big fucking deal. Apparently we’re the only ones who can communicate a message and influence other white, straight, Jesus Loving breeders to buy! buy! buy! buy! At least that’s the message I’m getting, you?

It’s a damn shame these companies, marketers, PR flacks and social media opportunists don’t actually READ the blogs of the Moms they target. They would learn an awful lot in a very short period of time if they did.

They would learn you might not want to ask the Mom with the newborn to ditch the baby and screw that whole breastfeeding thing to come try their products for a weekend. They would learn you might not want to ask the Jewish Mom to come celebrate Easter or say, attend an event during Passover.

Oy Vey is right.

But really, more than anything else, they would learn we have voices and our voices equal power. We can praise your product across the globe and make our friends buy it…OR we can trash it and ruin your reputation. It means we are…wait for it…real people. I know you marketing types are used to us just being a ‘number’ or a ‘demo’ but much like everything else in this world, real people can make a difference.

With that said, a little birdie I know was kind enough to give me a peak at the eMarketer Moms Online study. Want to hear my favorite part?

“It is important to be upfront. Tell mothers what you are doing and
that you value their opinion. Reward them with something
tangible. Use word-of-mouth and blog monitoring techniques to
track where mothers are discussing your brand and enlist their
help in promoting it.
Speak to mothers as more than just mothers. In a study of mothers
by Draft Worldwide, 34% said they are often offended by the way
that they are portrayed in advertising. More than 68% said they
would like to be spoken to as more than just a mother and 55%
said they would react more positively if marketers spoke to them
as a multi-dimensional woman, not just a mother.
For web sites aimed at mothers a sea change is under way.There
is still plenty of traction in sites such as BabyCenter, iVillage and
the online destinations linked to parenting magazines. However, a
business model based on published content from experts and
professional writers will be threatened by a new crop of sites built
from content that mothers supply themselves.”

That emphasis up there is MINE. All mine. What did we all learn from this? (this is the part where all you PR/marketing types needs to sit up straight and pay attention): Do it how we want or we will do it ourselves.

That means you need to get touchy, feely and join our community and get to know us. I know, sucks for you huh. You have to engage us. You have to even learn to trust us, but more than that you have to make us trust you. And you’re not going to gain our trust if all we are to you is a statistic.

Scary proposition when a few tiny tweets the other day launched this discussion into overdrive.

Another important point that I alluded to above: Women control $.83 of every household dollar. That does not, necessarily, mean a household with children. You assumed it did, right?

Now you’re probably thinking to yourself here, how can I let my big corporation even think about talking to these incredibly influential, LOUD women? Easy (no, really it is) be human and use your brain. If you’re talking to Moms, understand they HAVE CHILDREN that need to be taken care of. If you want their time, their thoughts, their blog love-either pay for it or show them some good faith.

I’m not kidding.

We’re getting pitched all over the place. Just today Plain Jane Mom was telling me a story on Twitter:

“I got an email asking me to join some sort of panel where they’d send me stuff to review every couple of weeks. I checked it out and the first thing I was presented with was a looong questionnaire full of things like ‘why do you think ….. you’d be a good fit for this panel? Tell us 5 ways you would work this panel into your life.’ And so on. Seriously? Ask me to be in this group, and then expect me to spend an hour telling you why you should ‘let’ me in? All for the privilege of giving you nearly free publicity on your new baby bibs? Fuck that.”

Fuck that, indeed.

I can’t speak for how these companies go about formulating these strategies to court bloggers, what I can tell you is what has worked for me, personally.

Recently I needed a new laptop and asked my friends via Twitter what I should get. Within a few hours I was speaking directly with Richard from Dell. He never pressured a sale, just asked me what I was looking for and made a few recommendations. He and his colleagues took the time to get to know me. And guess what? We had all been talking about other things like politics and conferences and parenting well before I needed a computer. They were already part of my community. People support their friends, their communities, be they actual or virtual. When I finally opened my wallet, you bet your ass I bought a Dell.

Customer service is not dead, in fact it’s key in this social media space. YOU need to be that friendly shopkeeper from back in the day who knows every customer’s husband and kids’ names and keeps a little something special behind the counter because she mentioned she likes pink accessories. THAT is what wins in social media today. THAT is what will have me yelling “I BOUGHT A DELL’ to the entire world. And hey-I PAID THEM FOR IT and they didn’t have to pay me anything to say it. Funny how that works, huh? Keep in mind it wasn’t all pretty either. I had shipping issues and Vista issues but the entire time the Dell Social Media guys and gals were around, helping, checking in, emailing, making calls. I talked about all of it in public and so did they. TRANSPARENCY.

Another company getting it right-Graco. I’ve chatting with Lindsay on Twitter, watched as they crafted a MOMblog that actually is written by Moms about things Moms write about. It’s not just product discussion. I’m thrilled to say the Graco blog, it’s bloggers, and the other people involved in the effort are part of our community. That’s right, they did it-we gave them the secret handshake and everything. Why? They’ve engaged bloggers in conversations, events, and they kept it REAL.

I really don’t think any of this is rocket science. I have no idea why many of you have turned it into rocket science. I can tell you, however, we’re happy to teach you more-but if there is one thing you’ve taught us is that we’re valuable. So if you want more, feel free to contact us about our consulting day rates.

What can I say-you started it.

March 19, 2008

Twitter Rocks-the Mix Tape*

This little labor of love began on a whim-as do most things I do, and turned into a fun twitter exercise.

I tweeted about needing some music, because I was just installing Itunes on my new Dell, and viola-a mix was born. My apologies to those who did not get their song suggestions included, once I asked, the @’s started coming quickly and I missed a few. Next time?

Without further ado, I give you Twiter Rocks! Available on Itunes.

Ain’t Too Proud to Beg, The Temptations- from Lars30, aka Larry, and since I was begging for suggestions this works. It also works because I LOOOOOVE me some Motown.
My War, Black Flag- from Maria Niles and really why aren’t you following her on twitter already?
Learn to Fly, Foo Fighters-also from Maria because well-she answered first and loudest and who can resist some Foo
Short Skirt/Long Jacket, Cake-the first suggestion by Aaron, aka technosailor who sucks at bowling, but he gets my extra puffy heart love for writing a great piece on Obama.
Jump, Jive an’ Wail, The Brian Setzer Orchestra-from Suebob who did suggest the Louis Prima version and I dropped the ball. However she does look sexy hot in her latest blog post (sue, not louis tee hee)
Town Called Malice, The Jam-from SoCalMom who I will see tonight. Maybe we’ll have a sing-a-long
I See You Baby, Groove Armada & Gram’Ma Funk -from ArsePoetica who if you are not reading, you’re an idiot-THAT is how strongly I feel about her!
I Love Rock ‘N Roll, Joan Jett & The Blackhearts-from Michelle I just learned is having a BOY-congrats!
I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles), The Proclaimers-from Adele, have you seen her monsters? Go ask.
Sem Contençào, Bebel Gilberto-thank goodness Aresepoetica put something a bit ‘new’ to me in this list!
Kittens, Underworld-again, more Arsepoetica because much like Maria she came at me fast and furious with the suggestions
Southern Sun, Oakenfold-from babyspot-new twitter follower who joined the fun
Walking On Sunshine, Katrina & The Waves-and don’t it feel good? Thanks Maria and Victoria
Lips Like Sugar, Echo & The Bunnymen-from Arsepoetica who’s insight makes me feel more sane.
Buddy Holly, Weezer-from Michelle, did you know she *also* has a Mommyblog?
Virtual Insanity, Jamiroquai-Michelle again, but this one seemed a must.
Bullet the Blue Sky, U2-I admit this is one of my favorite songs of all time and would make my top 10 list. Glad the Diva suggested some U2
You Get What You Give, New Radicals-did I mention @MariaNiles used to work in the music industry?
Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’, Michael Jackson- this one got our whole house up and dancing. I wish Mr. Jackson still made music like this, and wasn’t such a freak. From rockstar and PR killer Citymama
Let’s Get It Started, Black Eyed Peas-from Tojosan via DebRoby -nice teamwork kids
Born to Run, Bruce Springsteen-what? Maria loves him and I love Maria so it all works out
Dancing Queen, ABBA-I am disturbed at the number of you who suggested this song. Kimblahg, Kristy I’m looking in your direction.
September, Earth, Wind & Fire-another CityMama pick, the girl has damn fine taste in fun music
Don’t Stop Believin‘, Journey-because how can you not sing BORN AND RAISED IN SOUTH DEEETROOOOIT? Another Arsepoetica suggestion
Poison, Bell Biv DeVoe-they taught us never to trust a big butt and a smile and thanks to Redjade and Michelle and we can sing it loud and proud
Midnight Train to Georgia, Gladys Knight & The Pips -from my favorite feminist writer Victoria
The Underdog, Spoon- from Jenorama, who just taught me all about cool tea
I Get Along Without You Very Well, Chet Baker- Jeremy, PR guru, sent this one over. He’s the kind of guy you want to kick in the nuts from time to time, but still love him because he keeps it real.
Stupid Girl, Garbage-from Redjade-who’s photos rule, you should really go check them out
Old Time Rock and Roll, (by Bob Seger) Stan Werner-from Deb Roby and yes, I realize I downloaded the TOTAL wrong version but I’m thinking it makes it more interesting-no?
Girls, Girls, Girls, Mötley Crüe-Brendajos fault, blame her.
Your Love, Midtown-a final suggestion that came from Aaron as ‘anything’ off the Punk Goes 80’s compilation so I got to pick. I think I did good. Plus I tried to hijack his blog talk show yesterday and since I like pestering him seemed only fair I let him have a few songs.

Thanks Everyone!

*typing ‘mix tape’ makes me feel all warm and fuzzy in an 8th grade kind of way. Wondering if the boy I like will touch my boob after he listens…

March 18, 2008

5 Years Too Many

My son was born March 24th, 2003.

5 days before the life changing birth of my first child, the war in Iraq began.

Every phone call of congratulations mixed with worry and sadness. Every moment of joy, marred by CNN in the background. Every visitor with gifts and head shaking as they talked of the news.

Every single moment of my son’s life we have been at war.

His uncle is on his second tour in Iraq. Not first, second.

His cousins are stationed in Germany with their Mother and a new sister who has yet to meet her Dad.

I’ve spent five years grabbing the remote to change the channel quickly before little eyes see burned out convoys and dead bodies on the news.

I’ve spent five years biting my tongue as family marches off to serve.

I’ve spent five years looking at photos, always seeing the background before the bouncing baby.

Five. Years. Too. Many.

We will be* in Northridge tomorrow for a candle light vigil marking this anniversary. You can join us, or use your voice and blog.

*edited at 4pm march 19th-smalled child is passed out on my living room floor. Not sure we’re going to make the vigil. Please join the blogswarm.