I was on the phone today when a friend asked me if I saw crazy Ann Coulter’s latest ploy at media whoring. In all honesty I had not seen whatever asinine thing she muttered because I have been busy, and really she does not rate me raising my eyebrow anymore.

The conversation on my end went like this:

‘Ugh. Her. What this time?’

‘Uh huh’

‘Uh huh’

‘CNN has lost all credibility.’

‘Did she really say LYNCHING?’

At which point my son said ‘Mom what is lynching?’

I froze, told my friend to hang on a second and then said,

‘Honey Mommy is on the phone, use your phone manners please’

and then went through 300 possibilities in my head on exactly how to explain lynching to a 5-year old.

My little one went about his car zooming business in the kitchen and I kept talking on the phone.

‘Who?’

‘Oh, the Fox guy?’

‘a Yummy Lesbian? Figures’

Mr. Big Ears didn’t miss a beat,

‘Mom-what’s a lesbian?‘

‘uhhhhh’ I stuttered…now mind you I have no problem explaining ‘gay and lesbian’ to my son at all-but my mind was still reeling from having dodged (like an idiot) the lynching question.

‘sometime when girls marry other girls (ok, that’s a stretch) and boys like other boys people say they are gay and lesbian’

Holy crap what a horrible explanation!

No idea why I said ‘marry’ when I am all for living in sin -other than the issue of gay marriage has been weighing heavily on me as it’s one of the only things I’m unhappy with Senator Obama about…and why I switched to ‘boys like other boys’ is entirely beyond me too.

So later after hanging up the phone and watching some Tom & Jerry I thought I would approach the subjects again and attempt to redeem myself,

‘Honey remember earlier when you asked me what ‘lesbian’ meant and what ‘lynching’ meant?’

‘Mom look at this cool wheel I made-what if I shoot it like a rocket outside on the grass….’

…and he ran out the back door to play in the yard.

I suck.