So a Funny Thing Happened While I Was Watching the Health Care Summit

crossposted at BlogHer.com

There I was, knee-deep in my element. Answering work e-mails, editing posts, watching whitehouse.gov‘s live stream of the Health Care Summit at Blair House. I was screaming at my screen, tweet cheering the Dems and tweet jeering the GOP … sitting in my pjs, loving life.

Then the phone rang.

Mrs. Vest this is N, the school nurse. Your son is in my office with an abnormal bloody nose, can you come right away?

Jack's 1st, and hopefully last, concussion

The rest is kind of a blur. The kind of blur a parent gets when you get a call you don’t exactly understand but know your child needs you NOW.

My first reaction was to grab my wallet and keys and run, and then I realized I wasn’t dressed. I threw on clothes while thinking

bloody nose?

wait … why am I rushing to school for a bloody nose?

abnormal?

did she say clots?

Clothes on, I grabbed my wallet and keys, typed an incoherent message to my work colleagues (I think it said something like “school called bloody nose clots jack running”) and bolted out the door.

I called my husband on the way, said I would call when I knew more, and then maybe broke several laws driving from my street to my son’s school — which I have now deemed too far away.

I might have passed a California Highway Patrol cruiser along the way, and I might have been a)on the phone and b)driving like a bat out of hell and c)thinking “Fucking Chase Me Copper — I’ll pull into the school parking lot, and you can ticket me as I run to my kid.” I swear to you I made eye contact with the officer behind the wheel, and it was the “I’m a mom on a MISSION DO NOT MESS WITH ME IN THIS MINIVAN” look. It worked. I blew past him, and he stayed right there putzing along while the drivers around me were clearly doing the “OMG is that woman insane there is a COP RIGHT THERE” thing.

I parked at the school and then did the run/walk but don’t really run walky thing to the door thinking the entire time “calm down, she said bloody nose … but what nurse calls for a bloody nose???”

And there was my boy. Ice pack on face and blood everywhere.

He seemed OK. He was chatty as hell about his day. The nurse and teacher told me of the students finding him bleeding all over his sandwich at lunch, he didn’t say he hit his head. But there were clots and blood from both nostrils, from his mouth — it was so overwhelming.

Decisions were made and off we went to lay on the couch for the day. Thinking he had a bad bloody nose and wanting him to at least be cleaned up, it seemed sane to just bring him home.

Except a funny thing happened on the way to our house. Upon reliving his harrowing tale of bloody nose horror … my first grader’s speech began to slur.

Without even contemplating I put on my left blinker, darted across two lanes, and headed straight for the local ER. I kept talking to him. He kept drifting in and out of making sense. He was telling me now he did bump heads with someone. But his story kept changing. He was confused.

My heart racing, I drove the mile to our local hospital — it seemed like 20 — and my questions to the backseat were resulting in answers like “soffa hitta hwead.”

Left turn signal. Lane change. Park. Carry child into ER. Again the look in my eyes paid off and my quick explanation and fast signature had us back and in a bed in under five minutes. The doctor was there not two minutes later.

He's not slurring anymore & thinks cat scans rock. The bump? His stuffed turtle

Eyes OK. Nose OK. CAT scan shows no bleeding. No fracture. Diagnosis = concussion.

Now here’s where I finally exhale. Not entirely, mind you. But I exhale, and I look around. Now I am actually capable of looking around.

It turns out this place is filled with people and doctors and nurses and moaning and IVs and hustle and bustle. Things you don’t see until you exhale.

Two beds down I see two Sheriff’s deputies and someone obviously in custody. Across from us, a mother and two sons. Directly to our left I hear broken English and understand enough Spanish to know a dog bit a girl and she was crying telling her mother she shouldn’t have played with the puppy without asking their neighbor first.

Then came the woman with the clipboard. Like they always do. First to my son and me. I hand over our insurance information and card, explain that I am the primary card holder, not my husband (that annoys me every damn time), and she moves to the curtain next to us.

No tengo seguro médico.

Then the next.

Nah, this gangbanger doesn’t have insurance. I bet you he doesn’t even have a real job. Hahahahaha

Then the next.

Well, I think my ex-husband might still have the boys under his insurance but he lost his job, so I’m not sure. Can I just put down his name and number?

Then to the next.

Nah, I ain’t got no insurance. I lost that when I lost my benefits, and I’m still waiting on my VA paperwork. I ain’t got no VA paperwork yet but the lady down there said she’d get it to me soon.

There we sat in the “Fast Track” area of the typical American emergency room, and I was the only one with insurance coverage.

Not an hour or two before, I was actually enjoying and cheering and jeering the political theater in Washington. I sat at my desk from 7 a.m. until the phone call I got at lunch, engrossed in every word coming out of every politician’s mouth sitting at that summit.

How they would do it. How they want to do it. Which way they should do it. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Who’s been wronged? All the talk of costs and deficits and government control. The talking and talking and talking that from one room in D.C. seemed entirely out of place in this California ER.

But at least for me, sitting in that ER, health care in America — and the battle over reform — was very clear. There were no questions. Criminals and children were being treated, and bills would come due. And there I was, on the edge of my son’s bed, the only one with insurance. THE ONLY ONE.

I missed the remainder of the health care summit to be with my son in that emergency room. I’m glad I missed whatever discussion was had. Because I was sitting there in the middle of the answer, in the middle of an ER, in the middle of a crisis that MUST be fixed.

As the only one WITH insurance today as those beds were strewn with dog bites and rashes and knife wounds and heart attacks, and yes, concussions … as the ONLY ONE with the privilege of having the means to have an insurance company pick up part of today’s bill — I said loudly and I said clearly for those in that room with me: Shut Up, Washington.

I am not any more privileged than the girl in the bed next to me or the family across from us or that alleged criminal two beds down. This isn’t a political game. This isn’t what I earned.

This is a right that any civilized society provides its people. ALL of its people, not just those with money and not just those lucky enough to have a job in this economy. ALL of its people.

The bill is due, Blair House participants. Either you can pay in political gains and losses or we can pay in our lives, our homes, and our dignity. As the president said today before I ran out of my house in a panic, “I hope we have the courage to make some of these changes,” and then he called out everyone in that summit for not having the guts to do it.

It’s gut-check time.

Get it done. And get it done now.

Actual Progressive Summit Coverage Can Be Found:

Momocrats.com

Odd Time Signatures

The Mahablog

Think Progress

AND FOR THE OTHER SIDE:

Althouse

Pajamas Media

Pundit & Pundette

Townhall

Contributing Editor Erin Kotecki Vest also blogs at Queen of Spain Blog and is monitoring her son for the next 24-hours and hopes to NOT land back in that ER anytime soon.

Politics & News Contributing Editor Erin Kotecki Vest

…Like I Need a Hole in the Head

I keep telling her it will hurt.

I keep telling her there are needles involved.

I keep telling her she will cry.

I said...Happy Tuesday

But much like her mother, my daughter has decided on what she wants and is, in fact, getting it for her 5th birthday.

Holes in her ears in the name of beauty.

Mind you I’m not thrilled about all of this, but I’ve said since the day she was born I would pierce her ears if and when she asked me. Words that have now bitten my ass.

In my family- call it regional, culture, whatever- I was the odd one who didn’t pierce her baby daughter’s ears. And yes, I did get grief over it. Yes, in my family, a lot of the little girls’ ears were pierce when they were too tiny to pull them or tug or even know what was going on.

Being me…I had to buck tradition and declare that my daughter wouldn’t have it done against her will. And made the announcement that when she asked for it herself, she could have them pierced.

Was I expecting her to as at 4-years old? Uh…no.

However, true to my word, I’m booking an appointment with our pediatrician to have the deed done and my little one couldn’t be more thrilled. Mom? Well…she’s hanging in there.

I don’t think it’s about my daughter wanting to do something that makes her feel pretty. I don’t think it’s about her going through pain to have it done (although these are issues that should be discussed…pain for beauty…ugh) … but I really think my emotions over this resided firmly in the fact that I’m 100% against her growing up.

A rite of passage like earrings seems too soon for such a tiny girl. Too soon for my youngest. Too soon for this Mom who isn’t ready to move from pre-school to the kindergarten class lurking around the corner.

But I also want to celebrate her changes. The way she now takes pride in her “grown up” ways. This results in me mourning in private the loss of my baby girl. I have all the usual feelings… wanting to stop time, wanting to prolong the inevitable. Wanting another baby so very badly.

Instead…we’ll celebrate a 5th birthday next month with what her mother has done, her grandmother, her family’s females…and I’ll try not to cry more than she does when they make the tiny holes in her perfect ears.

DC Loves Me…

Well, at least it likes me a little.

I just got back from the White House, and I’m exhausted. I’d appreciate you reading all about it over here on BlogHer.

It was important. And there are things I’d love to hear your personal take on… so please.. .Click. There are serious economic issues facing our country and you need to be a part of the discussion.

With that said…

Also while there I *might* have worn Team Canada gloves into the West Wing (my love for Stevie Yzerman knows no bounds) and I *might* have participated in a rather odd version of Ash Wednesday.

Spring

Signs of spring in my garden

I’m thrilled beyond words there are signs of spring in my Southern California yard. The sun is out, the birds are singing…and I’m packing to head to cold, cold places where people are arguing over the economy and health care reform and just how many snow fall records can be broken in 2010.

Look for more on BlogHer next week. Until then, I’m going to sit on my patio and enjoy the sunshine, as I’m off for the holiday.

Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day and President’s Day and Chinese New Year (did I get them all?) from all my loves here to yours.

He look! All of us! In the SAME photo!

p.s …Go Team Canada
p.p.s … just the Canadian Men’s Hockey team… I’m only a slight traitor to my country

Dear Four-Year-Old Princess: Love Is So Complicated

crossposted at BlogHer.com

My four-year-old daughter is home from school today, so naturally she’s spending her afternoon twirling in front of me in princess dress after princess dress.

Mommy, don’t I look sooooo beautiful. I know a boy will marry me.

My heart sinks. My mind races. My eyes dart all over the living room, where she’s created Valentine’s decorations. A sea of red and pink hearts drown me as I try to come up with an age-appropriate way of explaining to her the reality of love, marriage, life.

Yes, Valentine’s Day has sent my daughter into love overdrive and in her adorable mind love = marriage to a handsome boy.

She’s clearly knee-deep in the princess syndrome, and I’ve done nothing to stop the madness. In fact, I think my behavior with her father and men in general has probably made it worse.

But how do you explain to a four-year old that the prince hardly EVER comes to save you (and you don’t need him to) and despite every message around her screaming otherwise, what she looks like INSIDE is what matters … not outside with her damn dress and primped hair?

How do you explain that a partnership based on love is very hard work? That sometimes it goes horribly wrong and that the prince is a monster or that potential suitor is really going to break her heart? How do you explain that sometimes it’s so wonderful and mesmerizing and lifts you off your feet until your heart thumps from your chest and you can barely breathe? How do you explain how lovers turn to friends and friends to lovers and they come and go and leave memories and wounds and sometimes very deep scars? How do you explain how a relationship changes and morphs over time and ebbs and flows?

She sees her father and me, and she sees nothing but love. I can’t blame her for thinking that’s all there is. Its all she is shown at home, on TV and anywhere. In her mind, it is the only way love exists.

How do I teach her just how complicated love really can be … and how painful? Do I? Of course I do. I’m just not sure how.

Maybe she’s smarter than I think, and she does see it. She sees the daily routine in this house where husband and wife sit in the same room and do their own things, barely talking. But she also sees the love pecks in the kitchen as we cook and the surprise butt-pinches as I bend over to grab something off the floor. Maybe just witnessing the roller coaster and mundane drudgery that IS the cycle of love is enough?

Or perhaps I’ve done her a complete disservice by not showing her it all. The tough. The boring. The very ugly. Because of that she moons over handsome boys and dons dress after dress talking about weddings and brides and her prince.

Maybe I haven’t shown her, because I haven’t figured it out myself. I have no idea how to explain the unexplainable. How I can be committed to her father yet flirt with other men? How I can be content in the routine yet throw a tantrum over it all in one day? How I can want more and love my life all in the same hour? How I can put on the adult version of the princess dress, that little black number, and paint my face and charm and smile and notice that indeed boys are soooo handsome? How I can come home to her father and cuddle on the couch while I remove my heels and then discuss bills? How I can remain happily married to my best friend sans dress and in sweats when it’s not all flowers and romance and horses and carriages and glass slippers?

How can I talk to her about love as the restless mother who can’t seem to get a handle on her own role in love well into a now almost 10-year marriage? Because in that little girl I see myself, wide-eyed and hopeful and willing to give away her heart with an intense passion that will sting, suffocate and be spectacular.

So many conflicting images and moments for her young, female mind to absorb. Resulting in twirling in front of me today, showing me how beautiful she looks.

I want my daughter to be strong, confident, and to not rely on a prince or even love this Valentine’s Day or the next 100 … but I’m afraid teaching her that lesson may be in watching her mother fail at it. Miserably. Happily. Having given myself to the princess syndrome long ago, unable to shake off it’s chains, and content with where, what and who it’s given me.

More Valentine’s Day thoughts:

Valentine’s Day For Feminists Lovers
For Those of Us in Long-Term Relationships, Valentine’s Is Really Happy-Sticking-It-Out Together Day
Half-assed Valentine’s Day
My heart says: “Flobbada-Flop”
Surviving Valentines Day

Politics & News Contributing Editor Erin Kotecki Vest

Well Rounded

I would prefer a Heisman…

*editor’s note: you’ll see no black-markered notes on her tiny hand as she poses….

Hellz yes

But I guess a performance in the Nutcracker works too…

photo.jpg

Toyota Recall: I Don’t Want You To Die

crossposted at BlogHer.com

My husband removed the floor mat from his 2005 Toyota Prius today, because he’d rather not die. Correction: I informed my husband to immediately remove the floor mat from him 2005 Toyota Prius so it wouldn’t KILL HIM.

Toyota is recalling millions of vehicles, and despite being an owner of one of said recalled vehicles, I found out via the news. Yes I tend to panic a bit, but when you hear stories about accelerators getting stuck and families dying, I think I am allowed to panic.

From MNN.com:

Lastrella: Our accelerator is stuck. We’re on 125.

911dDispatcher: Northbound 125. What are you passing?

Lastrella: We’re going 120. Mission Gorge. We’re in trouble. We can’t … there is no brakes. End freeway half mile.

911 dispatcher: You can’t do anything like turn off your engine?

Lastrella: We’re approaching the intersection. We’re approaching the intersection. We’re approaching the intersection.

With voices inside the car shouting “hold on” and “pray,” the Lexus slammed into the rear of a Ford Explorer, hopped a curb, and burst through a fence before rolling down an embankment, becoming airborne and rolling several times before bursting into flames in the San Diego River Basin. All four people on board were killed.

So go ahead and tell me I’m just fueling panic and being over dramatic, but the fact of the matter is this recall is for real, people have died, and my husband’s car is on the list. Not only is it on the list but we have yet to be sent a letter by Toyota or the dealership telling us what we should do.

So I called Toyota Santa Monica and asked.

Why? Because this morning I woke up and heard Department of Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood telling a House committee that Toyota owners should “stop driving” their recalled cars. LaHood attempted to clarify his remarks later by saying Toyota owners concerned about their cars should take them in to the dealership. But the damage was done. Even stocks slipped on the news.

So that’s what I did. I called the dealership. And the conversation wasn’t very comforting. The very nice service department woman on the other end of the phone informed me that yes, my husband’s car was part of the recall and as a “quick fix” he could remove his floor mat. She also then informed me that it didn’t really matter though, because they don’t have the parts to fix the problem…so she couldn’t schedule an appointment or help me beyond telling me to remove the floor mat. And oh, by the way, once they DID get the parts in, she couldn’t fix our car until we got an “official” recall letter in the mail.

Encoremind got a similar but even more disturbing response from his dealership “Don’t have a letter either. Dealer says just put shift in neutral if you feel you are going to your certain death. %$&#@?!%”

I’m not the only one uncomfortable with all of this. Feather14 on Twitter tells me her 73-year old mother just bought her first car ever, a Toyota, and now she’s too scared to drive it.

She started not going on the highway, then last week she felt something with the peddle and decided not to drive it anymore.

Jacki Mieler says, “Honestly, I wasn’t too worried until the Transportation Sec’s declaration today. Now I’m freaked. I need the truck in snow tho…”

However there are those with recalled vehicles that are less than concerned. Denise at BlogHer has the same floor mat problem in her Prius. When I told her to go immediately remove her floor mat (because I’d rather she didn’t die either) she told me to “#suckit no I like my floormat.”

Toyota is attempting to reassure car owners like myself who may not be as confident as Denise. The automaker issued this statement shortly after LaHood’s remarks:

…Our message to Toyota owners is this – if you experience any issues with your accelerator pedal, please contact your dealer without delay. If you are not experiencing any issues with your pedal, we are confident that your vehicle is safe to drive.

Nothing is more important to Toyota than the safety and reliability of the vehicles our customers drive. Our entire organization of 172,000 North American employees and dealership personnel is working around the clock to fix the accelerator pedals for our customers.

So while we await word via official letter on how to handle this recall, I’ll tell you what I told my husband: Next time, listen to your Detroit-born wife, granddaughter of a Chrysler worker, supporter of all things Detroit auto industry related…and buy Detroit*.

*I’m ignoring any recall, problem, issue, lack of innovation, or otherwise that may or may not have ever happened in the history of Detroit automaking. Today, and just for today, I’m gloating.

Contributing Editor Erin Kotecki Vest drives a Chrysler Town & Country and also blogs at Queen of Spain blog.

#keepyourpantson