2013: The Year of NOW

Cue the confetti…

Happy New Year!!! Welcome 2013!

2013 is the year I reclaim my life. It is time to become a better ME, with Lupus and with everything I have.

I know New Year’s┬áresolution can be lame…but this one is different. I’m actually on the brink of a breakthrough. Stop me if you’ve heard THAT before…

You see, there are people who live with this disease (and the many other diseases that decided to come along with it) and spend their life in and out of the hospital (been there) and undergo surgery after surgery (been there) losing organ after organ (been there).

But I’ve decided I’m done.

Yes, just decided.

It helps we seem to have found the right drug cocktail, even if we haven’t found the right schedule. It helps that I have been pumping good plasma into my veins for a year. It helps that when I physically feel better, I can actually sense the change in my body, in my mind, and even in my rest.

When you live with pain for so, so long you certainly notice when it is gone. But you notice EVEN MORE when it comes back.

I spent 2012 doing some very important things…learning my limits. Learning how to balance all the things I need to get done, all the things I want to get done, all the things I just can not do.

That may sound so simple to you, but it’s really hard for me.

Now I need to learn how to make the most of my new normal and make sure I am being the best wife and mother I can be to those who have sacrificed more than they should to make sure my life is comfortable and to make sure I had the space I needed to figure all this out.

Appropriately the my family we spent New Years’ Eve putting together a puzzle. Most of New Year’s Day too. It’s still not done. It may never be done. But every so often now we walk by and add another piece to the finished product. Slowly. Adding to the new normal of DONE.

Starting #nye with a candy puzzle because we know how to party HARD

Because eventually this puzzle will be done. It may always be a puzzle. It may always be in our home, in my body..but it doesn’t always have to take up the whole kitchen table. It doesn’t always have to be the major factor is EVERY DECISION.

Nope. It’s time to reclaim our lives for US. We’ll carve out a place for Lupus and all its luggage, but it gets a corner or a closet and we all move on with it in tow.

2013: The Year of NOW

…it’s time.

Comments

  1. You know how everybody asks, what’s your word for 2013? My word that keeps popping up is “Now.” It’s why I clicked on your tweet. My cousin drowned in September, and for the first time in my life, I’ve thought about getting a tattoo — “Now.” It’s all there is.

    I live with chronic pain, and I totally get the whole bit about noticing pain more when it comes back. It’s why I beat myself up for not enjoying those times when I’m feeling “better.” For not being in my “now.” But I think that’s the tough part about always being in pain. To some extent, you’re sort of rushing yourself through your day, just hoping you’ll get through. It’s hard to stop and focus on what’s right in front of you when what’s right in front of you is kicking your ass.

    Thanks for the post. I’ll try to keep it in my back pocket for a hard, rainy day.;)

  2. I love this. I’ve been noticing a number of posts like this, resolving to take back time for one’s own life and time and enjoying the freedom to say no, to allow things to go unfinished, to pick up other things and basically stop beating ourselves up for all that isn’t done and start celebrating life just as it comes, as it is. Thanks for the inspiration! xoxo

  3. @Tammy .. I’m so sorry to hear about your cousin. Now is all there is. Now is all we have together and NOW is all I have right now to enjoy… even when it hurts.

    Pain is no fun. Not even a little. But I have learned if it’s what I have been given, I need to use it. I HAVE to do something with it except sit here and feel sorry for myself and wallow about all the pain I’m in all the time. So I’m just going to refuse to even notice it’s there. Hard to do, I know. But at the very least if I have to live this life in pain or with any discomfort I’m going to LIVE it.

    And I hear ya Wordy… the freedom to say no is huge. HUGE. Celebrate EVERYTHING should really be my new theme. I love that

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