She Will Marry A Hootin’ And Hollerin’ Construction Worker

I said look at me. And whistle. Yes, I said whistle. I SAID TO LOOK AT ME AND WHISTLE because LOOK how pretty I am.

Ham

That’s exactly what my daughter was saying as this photo was taken.

Hand on her hip and angry, she wanted a boy’s attention and she wanted it with a cat call.

I was horrified.

Of course we then had a discussion about wanting attention because we’re smart, not pretty, and that whistling was actually quite rude.

My daughter’s reaction? To sigh heavily like a 16-year old, throw her Hello Kitty purse over her shoulder, and then roll her eyes at me.

Uh huh.

My son, on the other hand, refused to participate and then repeated to her what I had said when she, again, asked him to give her a cat call.

Who’s child is this? Because she can’t possibly be mine.

Ok, Ok, maybe in the ‘wanting attention’ department she might be mine.

Ok, Ok, maybe she thinks gaining the attention of boys is..um…good. And maybe she learned that from….

ahhhh. Fuck.

Sounding It Out

I love to read.*

When I am able, I will devour a book whole in a night or two, ignoring everything around me and losing myself inside the pages.

My son is now reading, and I want him to love every word. I want him to realize how amazing it can be to escape into a book and enjoy a story so much you read it again and again and again.

I worry though, because at this point, reading seems to be a chore for him. It’s starting to become enjoyable as his comprehension grows and the struggle of ‘sounding it out’ doesn’t cloud the magic of the words.

He’s mostly clouded now. The mechanics of reading pain him more than the words entertain him.

I realize he will grow in the process, and maybe I am just overly-anxious because I understand what is just around the bend.

But there is no guarantee he will love to read. He might, he might not. His sister might, she might not. My visions of sharing with them my first copy of Catcher in the Rye or Little Women may fall on deaf ears.

Or maybe, if we continue to practice, he’ll get over that hump and find that section somewhere in the library or bookstore where he begs me to bring home everything on the shelf.

A Mom can hope.

*this post was inspired after reading 13-year old RJ’s blog this morning. I hope my kids read and write with the passion shown by this young woman.

I’m the Squishy one

My daughter drew a picture of me today.

I’m the fat one.

Hala's drawing of Mom and Dad. I'm the fat one

I asked her why I was so much bigger than “Daddy” next to me…she said “Mommy you are bigger than Daddy…and squishier.”

Sigh.

It’s true. I haven’t been very careful about what I eat lately. I also haven’t been very active. Like most women, I get on kicks and the weight goes up and down. It used to not matter. I used to be able to handle these “phases” without much as a pant size change.

Not anymore.

I will admit it’s frustrating. But I refuse to obsess over it.

Right now I’m up. And you know what…I’m ok with it.

My daughter can find me squishy and 10 minutes later tell me how beautiful I am.

I am going to change some bad habits I’ve gotten into lately, but not because of the jean size…but for my health. I’m not going to watch the scale, but I will watch how long I sit and do nothing.

If that comes with another pant size change, then so be it.

BlogHer Birth Stories – Or, How I Suck At Being Pregnant

I should be dead.

If this were any other time in history, I should not and would not have survived both my pregnancies or deliveries.

Because of that, I have agreed to participate in Discovery Health’s Baby Week, which you can watch June 14-19th at 8 pm E/P on Discover Health.

Why share my labor and delivery stories? Easy…because I know I am not alone. My two children would not be here if it were not for an amazing team of doctors and nurses and the advancement of medical science.

You see, I suck at being pregnant. No really, I’m terrible at it.

I don’t mean terrible in that I whine a lot and crave pickles…I mean terrible in that my body absolutely hates being pregnant. So much so, that it revolts and tries to kill me and the baby.

I would be one of those women who died in childbirth way back when. The covered wagons would have moved on after burying me along the trail.

From the moment I found out I was having a baby, I began to vomit. Both pregnancies. Both times around. And not in that cute “oh she has morning sickness, must be a boy (or girl, depending on your favorite aunt’s superstition)” kind of way…but in the “I lost 22 lbs and had to be put on heavy drugs” sort of way.

I threw up in my purse. I threw up in my car. I threw up in elevators. I threw up at stores. I even threw up at a hockey game. And once I almost threw up on the Governor of California as I was conducting an interview.

Once I got past the puking, somewhere around the end of the 2nd trimester, I went into labor.

Way too early. With both pregnancies. Yes, both times.

I had contractions. I began to dilate. And just for an added bonus, my amniotic fluid was low.

With both pregnancies. Yes, both times.

So it was deemed necessary once we STOPPED labor, that I lay flat on my back for the remainder of each pregnancy with a monitor strapped across my very, very large belly.

Something I am guessing was not possible in those covered wagon days.

And I then continued to labor, under the guidance of a dial up modem and remote nurse, for several months.

That’s right- contractions and labor for SEVERAL MONTHS.

When it finally came time to let the labor take it’s course, we had another problem (did I mention how bad I SUCK at this whole pregnancy thing?) – my first child was breech, and with low fluid he could not be turned. He also thought it would be fun, you know for added drama, to get the cord wrapped around himself a few times.

So on a gray March morning my husband and I headed to the hospital, knowing this child would not be a natural delivery and expecting just about anything, considering the way things had gone thus far.

But here is where that “amazing thing about life” part comes in…on March 24th, 2003 at 7:52 in the morning, doctors performed a c-section and pulled out a perfect baby boy.

I think we were stunned that not only had the operation gone smoothly, with zero complications, but that mom and baby were healthy.

There I was, laying cut open on a table, after laying for months upon months in my bed, and it worked. It actually worked. I had a healthy, full-term child.

As for my daughter, born nearly exactly two years later? She came with more drama. Same puking pregnancy. Same bedrest tale. Preterm labor. Low fluid.

But my sassy girl? She decided to NOT wait or let the drugs to stop the contractions work. No, she decided it was her time on March 30th, 2005 at 6:39pm.

Now, that 6:39pm is important. Note that time.

We live in a suburb of Los Angeles. And my contractions began that day around 3pm. I was in a hospital bed at 3:15pm, and by 445pm – PEAK RUSH HOUR- my doctor ordered an emergency c-section as my little peanut’s heart rate dipped and dove.

When the c-section was ordered, I made the call to my husband. 30 miles away in Los Angeles, PEAK RUSH HOUR, traffic. For those who don’t know, that is easily a one hour long commute. One and a half during peak rush hour.

Scared for my daughter’s life, I was resigned to the fact he would miss her birth.

I was wheeled into the OR, prepped for surgery, and placed on the operating table. More scared than upset, I tried not to think about it. After all, he’d have a lifetime with her. I hoped.

At 6:38 my husband entered the OR. The doctor said “cut now” at 6:39pm.

Another healthy child and mom. And a big brother at home anxious to meet his new sister.

I encourage you to go take a look at Discovery Health’s Baby Week – and share your birth story. We’ve come together as parents to discuss what we did during pregnancy and after our children arrived…but it’s rare we talk about how they got here.

Poop

I’m not a fan of toilet humor. Call me a snob, I don’t really care. It’s just never been what really gets me laughing. 

This is not to say I am mature by any stretch. I giggle when the hockey announcer says ‘5-hole’ and I lose it entirely when Sarah tells me about her neighbor’s having ‘back door friends.’ *

photo.jpg

However the fart and poop stuff wouldn’t rank as #1 (or #2..get it? get it? oh shut up) on my ‘make Erin spit wine’ list. 

So the news of my son’s recent Kindergarten ‘bad day’ was not received very well on my end. 

As I have mentioned, the kids are in the process of presenting their end-of-the-year projects, and my Letterman wannabe decided it would be hilarious to yell out ‘POOP!’ during other student’s presentations. 

Mortified doesn’t even cover it. 

He has been punished, rest assured. He has also made very large and drama filled apologies to teachers, parents of said students, and the students themselves.

However this MOM can’t seem to let go of where she CLEARLY FAILED HER CHILDREN. 

Maybe I’m overreacting but I’ve banned Spongebob for a bit. I know damn well that’s where he read, laughed, and re-read POOP. 

I’m also realizing how often we’re crass around here. We are a sarcastic bunch at this house. There are too many fart jokes. Too many poop jokes and too many OTHER jokes he’s going to realize are jokes very soon. 

Which leads me to no other conclusion, given my allowance of certain shows and my use of words like ‘crap’…that this entire episode is all my fault. 

Mine. 

All mine. 

I mean you think kids realize after you say 45 times ‘you are NOT allowed to say that at school’ that they really ARE NOT allowed to say that at school. But they don’t. They are kids. And I am a stupid, stupid, stupid parent. 

Time to buckle down around here. With POOP as my wake-up call. 

*Sarah is also not allowed to homeschool my children and neither of us should be trusted with yours. Or maybe we should just start our own commune and homeschool all the kids and they can run around yelling, reading, and writing POOP all damn day. 

I Blame My Job

…for the inspiration behind my 6-year old’s “end of the year” project. 

Go look. 

And for the opportunity to interview one of my favorite people in the world – Current’s Sarah Haskins. 

Go look. 

Edit

Sometimes I think I just pound away at the keyboard for lack of knowing what else to do. Rarely does it turn into a solid solution, but it does lead me to one, or helps get me there, eventually. 

It’s been that way for me for as long as I can remember. Diaries when I was young. I think one even had a rainbow and a unicorn on the front cover. 

Journals as I grew older and more snobbish about where I put my words. 

Then Word docs. And the assorted, random, reporter’s notepad. 

Now blog posts. 

I made a conscience decision that the world could see these blog posts, never realizing how many people lived in that world. That was never the case with my diaries, my journals, my scribbles on a notepad. 

A best friend may have gotten a peek. The boy I liked. Eventually the men I loved. 

So today, as I sit to write, tempted to pound on these keys like so many times before I find myself at a loss. 

YOU are reading. And I am suddenly aware. 

Of course I have always been aware, but now…

I write for myself. I write for you. Mostly I just write and rarely do I think. That’s the beauty of how this space helps me. 

Occasionally I’ve left a few stories out. I can think of two times I purposefully stopped myself from blogging a particular event or issue. 

But today…right now, is the first time I have every want and need to slam my words onto the page and I am keenly aware I can’t. 

I can’t. 

It’s not because of work or because of ramifications or because of what you might think or what I might say. After all it’s just a story about my day and my life and my loves. 

It’s because QueenofSpain has a life of her own and it’s been tangled and twisted and it’s no longer mine alone. 

Of course all this means is…I will tell you tomorrow, or next week, or next month. Because you are my support system to a degree and my community of friends. However RIGHT NOW I feel like your eyes are on me and they are burning a hole in the back of my head. My ears are burning. Red hot. 

And as much as I love to share my life with you, and as much as I love to hear about yours…some things you just don’t get to know. 

So tonight I’m pounding away at they keyboard in my head. And eventually it will reach my fingertips and onto this page.

I Knew This Was Coming- Thunderdome

I’ve always bragged about how well my kids play together.

I honestly thought I had hit the parenting jackpot with these two. Constantly hugging, sharing toys, thoughtfully saving half of their cupcake from a schoolmate’s birthday to give to the other after class. (no really, I swear this has happened on more than one occasion)

#jplopen rover mania

As the mother of two small children, I took great pride in how fierce they protected each other on the playground and helped each other through daily life.

Then I woke up one morning and Thunderdome erupted in my living room.

Somewhere in between waffles and Spongebob there were shouts. Shoves. Even an “I hate you.” Someone took someone else’s toy. Someone moved the other’s stuffed animal. Someone was sitting in ‘the wrong’ spot on the couch. I believe someone also was breathing too loud.

I found myself yelling things like “wait until your father gets home” and “I don’t CARE what your brother/sister did, you’re BOTH in trouble.” I was separating toys in bins, where before there had been nameless baskets, and I was triple checking to make sure each scoop of ice cream was EXACTLY the same size.

As a sibling myself, I knew this was bound to happen. However I’d like to rewind back just a few weeks or months to the hugging days. In fact, I’d like to KNOCK that feeling of love and adoration back into both of them.

No, really.

How do you deal with sibling issues at your house? Does ANYTHING work or are they destined to be mortal enemies in the Thunderdome of my living room for life?