Needling

May 5, 2008 by 4 Comments

I don’t know too many kids who like getting shots. I don’t know too many adults who like getting shots. So when the time comes to pack up the van and take the kids to their 3 and 5-year old check-up, I am filled with anxiety and they are blissfully ignorant as to what is about to happen.

Sneak attack.

Sometimes it just has to be done.

For the greater good, it was better for everyone the children did not know, until moments before getting stuck, that needles were coming.

I rarely use the sneak attack move. In extreme cases ONLY would I ever advocate the sneak attack move.

However sometimes it MUST be done.

Senator Barack Obama needs to bust out a sneak attack move.

The unexpected, from left field, swift, shocking, borderline-evil sneak attack.

It’s for the greater good.

If Obama does not employ this parental and strategic hit, I can guarantee Senator Clinton will continue to act just like my children would have, had they known those immunizations were coming. They would have begged, stalled, attempted to change my mind, stalled some more, lied to get out of it, stalled again, and then odds are I’d have to carry one or both of them to the car in tears as I tried to tell them everything would be ok.

In the end they KNOW they are getting those shots. They realize it is GOING TO HAPPEN, yet they would do their best to wiggle and manipulate to stop the inevitable.

The sneak attack makes it easier on everyone. It saves myself the pain of going through the horrific process of getting to the doctor and it saves them the anxiety and desperation.

Senator Barack Obama the time is NOW for your sneak attack.

I know you have one.

Save us ALL the pain of going through this another day.

Senator Clinton is facing the inevitable and handling it like a spoiled child. You can feel free to let her know she will not be the nominee, but don’t expect this to be over until Summer. With more stalling, and lies, and desperation.

Or you sneak attack.

Cold cocked. Blindsided. Needle in arm before she knows what’s hit her.

There will be screams.

There will be tears.

Then we will all get on with our lives.

Filed Under: Holding Court, Royal Pain, War in Iraq Sucks It

Sunday Inquisition with Queen of Spain LIVE

May 4, 2008 by 16 Comments

Starting at 7pm PDT and going…Gawd knows how long..We’re going to try Ustream tonight, since we keep crashing Stickam and YahooLive won’t let us moderate like we want…

You can join the fun here: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/queenofspain

Tonight’s Guests include Tara Anderson (@tarable) of Lijit, Baratunde Thurston* (@baratunde) of Jack and Jill Politics and Good Crime Think, and Zik Daniel (@ZIK). Which means we’ll be talking widgets and badges and CRAP for the blogs-and why Lijit might be the only one you really need. Tara can also move us into the political discussion nicely as her MOM IS IN JAIL after a protest. Baratunde and Zik will no doubt get into the entire Rev. Wright FIASCO and don’t be surprised if we see a few guest appearances from some loudmouth tweets!

Since I’ve been hearing a lot of whining lately, tonight’s giveaways will center around your ability to beg and whine. Leave a comment and tell me why you need a Creative Live! IM Pro webcam to register to win, and explain to me why you can’t pick up the phone to order flowers to win a Mother’s Day bouquet from 1800-Flowers.

All other readers get a 15% discount from @mindofandre from 1800-Flowers-comes in handy with Mother’s Day next week!

As always, Lucretia Pruitt (@geekmommy) and Maria Niles (@marianiles) will be rocking things behind the scenes and chiming in-and we just *might* have a special intro with music by R. Corey Oltman (@kingtiger) and the ‘voice of god’ Doug Welch (@dewelch) to kick off Sunday Inquisition!

*Baratunde and I recently hijacked 50cent’s Netvibe’s chat room. We’re sorry in advance if you get shot for hanging out with us tonight.

****discount code for 1800flowers discounts are:


FLOWERS: 15% off any purchase OR MOM8 : $10 off a purchase of $49.99 or more

Filed Under: Queen of Spain LIVE, Stepford Crazies, TweetQueen

Lesbians, Lynchings, and Little Ones

May 2, 2008 by 12 Comments

I was on the phone today when a friend asked me if I saw crazy Ann Coulter’s latest ploy at media whoring. In all honesty I had not seen whatever asinine thing she muttered because I have been busy, and really she does not rate me raising my eyebrow anymore.

The conversation on my end went like this:

‘Ugh. Her. What this time?’

‘Uh huh’

‘Uh huh’

‘CNN has lost all credibility.’

‘Did she really say LYNCHING?’

At which point my son said ‘Mom what is lynching?’

I froze, told my friend to hang on a second and then said,

‘Honey Mommy is on the phone, use your phone manners please’

and then went through 300 possibilities in my head on exactly how to explain lynching to a 5-year old.

My little one went about his car zooming business in the kitchen and I kept talking on the phone.

‘Who?’

‘Oh, the Fox guy?’

‘a Yummy Lesbian? Figures’

Mr. Big Ears didn’t miss a beat,

‘Mom-what’s a lesbian?‘

‘uhhhhh’ I stuttered…now mind you I have no problem explaining ‘gay and lesbian’ to my son at all-but my mind was still reeling from having dodged (like an idiot) the lynching question.

‘sometime when girls marry other girls (ok, that’s a stretch) and boys like other boys people say they are gay and lesbian’

Holy crap what a horrible explanation!

No idea why I said ‘marry’ when I am all for living in sin -other than the issue of gay marriage has been weighing heavily on me as it’s one of the only things I’m unhappy with Senator Obama about…and why I switched to ‘boys like other boys’ is entirely beyond me too.

So later after hanging up the phone and watching some Tom & Jerry I thought I would approach the subjects again and attempt to redeem myself,

‘Honey remember earlier when you asked me what ‘lesbian’ meant and what ‘lynching’ meant?’

‘Mom look at this cool wheel I made-what if I shoot it like a rocket outside on the grass….’

…and he ran out the back door to play in the yard.

I suck.

Filed Under: Count Waffles, kill me now, Queen MOMocrat, Stepford Crazies

MOMocrats exclusive: Screw George & Charlie, We’ll Ask Ourselves

April 30, 2008 by 3 Comments

There was a bit of an uproar after that last ABC debate. I’d say maybe it was only political junkies or those who really pay close attention to politics-but I’d be wrong.

My MOM called me to yell about FlagPins…

So guess what we did over at MOMocrats? Yeah, we took matters into our own hands…and Senator Barack Obama answered.

MOMocrats EXCLUSIVE with Barack Obama

MOMocrats step up where mainstream media and traditional debates let the American public down, “Things we wish they’d asked in the debates…”

Recently, MOMocrats asked the Democratic Presidential candidates the questions we all wish reporters or moderators had asked in any interview or debate. Today, Senator Barack Obama sent back his answers to the MOMocrats’ questions. This is the latest example of the influence political blogging groups are showing in the presidential campaign.

The most recent debate between the Democratic candidates was disappointing to most citizens. We felt that the questions were directed more towards mud slinging between the candidate rather than substantive questions about domestic and foreign policy. So the MOMocrats and their readers came up with a list of “Questions We Wish ABC Had Asked.” Then we submitted them to the candidates.

In a MOMocrats exclusive, Barack Obama answers the questions that should have been asked during the last debate. Click here to read our interview, in which he finally gets to discuss the issues, not his apparel or acquaintances.

 

“We were really frustrated with the questions that were asked in the last debate so we came up with a list of questions from our contributors and readers,” said MOMocrats Managing Editor Glennia Campbell. “We appreciated that the Obama campaign took our questions seriously and answered them thoroughly.”

We haven’t heard from the Clinton campaign yet, but the MOMocrats invitation for Senator Clinton to weigh in remains open.

_______________

I think CityMama says it best, “I don’t have the funds to attend every fundraiser that comes along, but what I do have are 10 fingers, a laptop, and enough marketing savvy to make me dangerous. MOMocrats is my phone banking. It is my check-book-wielding. It is my canvassing neighborhoods. It is all of that on a world-wide scale. Some people drop checks in the mail. I drop knowledge along with 21 other kick-ass women. It is the best way I know how to make change happen.”

Special thanks to Geoff Livingston for helping us spread the word.

As PunditMOM says:       MOMocrats-WORLD DOMINATION BY 2012! 

Filed Under: Queen MOMocrat

Permanent

April 28, 2008 by 13 Comments

I did it.

I put an Obama ’08 bumper sticker on the back of the Momvan, MOSTLY to reassure MYSELF this nomination is not going to be stolen.

See the bumper sticker is never coming off. Someone is going to buy the ‘ol Town & Country years from now and try scraping that baby off for days. I remember trying to get a Dead sticker off the back of my VW in college and it was NEVER COMING OFF.

So what pushed me to the permanent, van-ruining measures?

I can’t stop thinking about what will happen if by some insane (and entirely evil) move the numbers shift and Senator Hillary Clinton is the Democratic nominee.

What will I do???

Keeping in mind I always live in crazy fantasy land where things like MATH do not matter, I can not seem to shut my brain off to the scenario in which I am faced with Clinton or McCain.

Echoing the Sicilian from the Princess Bride, ‘clearly I can not choose the wine in front of me…’

Or can I?

I voted Nader before and watched the chaos. I can’t do that again. McCain ‘aka Mr. women just need more training and education’ is not an option. 100 years in Iraq and the Supreme Court. Too big. Too much.

So in all honesty we’re looking at having to vote for Clinton. There is no other ‘REAL’ option without possibly throwing Roe vs. Wade, soldiers and Iraqi lives right out the window. Could I seriously look at my kids and tell them I COULD have voted for someone capable of ending the war, capable of securing the Supreme Court for the next 40 years, capable of pushing through some sort of national health care plan…and yet I didn’t, because I wanted to take a stand against politics as usual.

But HOW can I vote Clinton in my crazy fantasy nightmare, knowing what we ALL NOW KNOW.

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGG.

So I put the bumper stick on. The uber-sticky, there for life, Obama ’08 bumper sticker. PERMANENT reminder about what this election season has meant for me.

Also a total bet that it will mean something come November 4th.

However I like to make bets, and I tend to get cocky about them.

Time to get cocky again.

Even if cocky means a bumper sticker on a minivan, hauling two kids to preschool.

Filed Under: Queen MOMocrat, Stepford Crazies

And I For One Welcome Our Mommyblogging Overlords…

April 27, 2008 by 32 Comments

From ignored, to mocked, to rockstar, to target of backlash-this business of Mommyblogging is getting heated. Who’s consulting? Who’s getting free stuff? Who’s writing a book? Who’s on tv? Who’s just blogging and hoping someone notices but wants the free stuff and gigs? And are we all exploiting our kids in the process as the checks start to come in and the offers become more frequent?

My phone has been ringing, my email overwhelmed, and the time has come to try and spread the Queen Love. I’ve been lucky enough to meet some amazing people and I want THEM to share their knowledge with YOU.

Don’t be fooled, all this does NOT just pertain to Mommybloggers. There are many of you blogging, creating businesses online, even developing some super amazing stuff that NEED to hear what all your posting, twittering, facebooking, ustreaming, and on and on and on MEANS or what it could mean.

Tonight, live on Stickam, I’m going to introduce you to Eric Litman, Managing Director of WashingtonVC. Why do we want to talk to Eric? He’s the guy with the money. He can tell us how to take our tiny online businesses to the next level. And we can bug him about what is making it big and what is fading into the background. I’m also guessing you might be able to sneak in a pitch or two.

Next up will be my friend Aaron Brazell, aka Technosailor. All that personal ‘branding’ stuff everyone is talking about? He can explain it, why it matters to our community, and tell you how to manage your own ‘brand’-the conversations he and I have are never boring, so don’t be surprised if we attempt to ‘out diva’ the other.

Finally Lee Stranahan is going to help transition us from yapping about social media business and into politics. He’s going to talk about how Senator Barack Obama’s ‘brand’ matters and discuss his 30-second video, which was one of over 1100 submitted.

Just as an added bonus-I’ve got FIVE super cute SanDisk Cruzer Gator 8GB Flash Drives to give away!!!! The nice folks over at SanDisk thought you’d give or get one of these for Mother’s Day-since women ARE the heaviest web users and all. I’ll announce details on how to win one during the show!

Sunday Night Live with Queen of Spain-7pm Pacific-be there! (register to chat with your cam or in text-you’ll need a headset or I’ll boot your feedback butt-you can just watch and listen from this post too)

Filed Under: Queen of Spain LIVE

Letter to My Body

April 24, 2008 by 8 Comments

*cross posted at blogher.com for the letter to my body exercise*

I get to step out of my news role today for BlogHer.com and participate in the “Letter to My Body” initiative.

This “Letter to My Body” thing is tough. I say that having spent the past few weeks reading letters to bodies across the blogosphere from women like myself struggling to make amends or remembering to praise this vessel which encases us.
BlogHer CE Deb Roby points to some fantastic “letters” to help get my feet wet in the exercise, Deb tells me “A letter that begins like this is going to be honest and entertaining:” a bit of Katie girl writes, “I’m sorry about the cake mix but i just can’t give it up. i know you keep suggesting that i add an egg or some oil…at least a little water, but i can’t give it up. dry funfetti is my refuge and you are just going to have to deal with the consequences. …. i feel you sometimes underneath the dregs of that long-ago failure. stirring. begging to be freed. how can we do that again? how will i find you? who is going to save us this time?”

And if that were not powerful enough, Deb then points me to an entire YouTube series on “Dear Body” which started with a video from MeMeMolly

So with all that in mind-here goes mine:

Dear Body, ( a parody of this post as seen through my life with an ample chest)

This is a very hard letter for me to write, so please bear with me.

I’d like to ask you, with all due respect and humility, to step down as my body.

Please understand this is not because I believe you can not or should not be my body. Please understand that I find you qualified, capable, and worthy. Please also understand I want nothing more than to see a your reflection in the mirror as I write about who will become the leader of the free world. I would be pleased and honored if you were that reflection.

However I am finding, right or wrong, many citizens of this country seem to react to you on an emotional level. Emotional, not practical. They can’t seem to see your freckles. They can’t seem to see your perfect wrists. They just see or read about your “tits” and venom or praise spews.

I thought that with your brain power, would come reason. I thought that you would be able to get a fair shake by bosses, by dates, by sexists, and by soccer moms. I thought over time people would begin to see that you really are an effective human being.

I was wrong.

Tonight, I’m typing as I watch you get ready for a party in Sonoma, California. I’m sad. There really is no other way to put it-I’m sad.

I truly believed you would be the best person for the job, and I had this nagging thought in the back of my mind that is now at the forefront: your large tits divide this country.

It’s not fair. It’s not right. And under just about ANY other circumstance I would go to the mat for you. However we are a wounded and deeply divided nation. We are a nation that praises young women in bikinis while denying equal pay to those in lab coats. We are a nation at odds with each-other as we push padded bras for our 7-year olds and Bratz dolls in halter tops to our 4-year olds. It’s ugly. I thought you could get people past it. I really did.

When I told myself it was gender that got people going, I refrained from asking and wanting you to step aside. Simply on principle, I wanted to see you be big boobed and smart because they said it couldn’t be done. Because it was my belief, this was all about being a girl.

It’s not, and I was wrong.

I firmly believe while the gender issue has given you a handicap I hope we all one day overcome, it is NOT the reason people have a gut reaction to you or your god given jugs.

In the end it’s media and it’s way of pushing that ‘sex sells.’

I wanted you and those knockers to be lifted and shoved together and in a lowcut shirt because for some reason they still get people very riled up, and not in the good way.

I really hate asking you to do this, but I want you to please step down and put on a better bra. One with less padding and a shirt not cut quite so low.

We’ve been too sex-crazed for too long and your boobs and your name brings a suitcase of anger to the blogging front door.

It is this time in history your nation needs you.

Our nation and it’s people need you to do what is best for this country. We need you to be true to what you say on your blog that nudity and sexuality should not affect one’s ability to be heard or NOT heard.

If you firmly believe that there is still time for you to change the hearts and minds of those rude and stubborn Americans who are clicking with their penis when they see “QueenofSpain” -then please, prove me wrong. I’ll be at some other web convention soon and I’ll push up my girls loud and proud and fall in line.

But I think you’ve tried. You tried with everything you had to overcome that one-track-mind-emotional reaction.

Let’s end the division in this country now. Right now. Let’s start with your blog and provide a united front against the techies months ahead of schedule.

Let’s take back this country for the people, with you and those large tits playing a much different role than you envisioned.

Sincerely,

Erin Kotecki Vest
queenofspainblog.com

Filed Under: BlogHer, Royal Hooters

Balance: I have none

April 21, 2008 by 12 Comments

There is nothing like sitting in the pediatrician’s office covered in vomit to knock you back into the real world.

In case you were confused, the ‘real’ world is the one where you make peanut butter and jelly for a sick 3-year old who insists her belly feels great and won’t upchuck Jiff on your couch.

Of course she pukes it and of course this comes after having thrown up all over the doctor’s office, the minivan, and the driveway.

Of course I am stupid for having let her eat the PB&J, but that’s not the point. The point is messy motherhood is a reality.

Messy, pukey, “I can get nothing done because kids have not been in school and I have laundry stacked everywhere and don’t ask me what is for dinner and no I haven’t finished all the thank you notes but hey did you see I BATHED one of two kids AND emptied the dishwasher” kind of reality.

I can’t do it all. I want to do it all. I TRY to do it all. However, I can’t do it all.

And with that in mind (snort) I’m going to be speaking at New Communications Forum in Sonoma Wednesday and Thursday. Because one session isn’t enough.

The only reason I will have clean clothes for this event is because my husband did the laundry. The only reason I’m ready for my sessions is because she helped with slides.

I’ll hook up the webcam a few times and pull over some guests for you to harass. Any suggestions?

…and did I mention I will be covering the PA primary from a hotel room. SIGH. I do see light at the end of the tunnel though, and it’s just down the way a bit…I think…I’m squinting…it’s there…really

Filed Under: Stepford Crazies, TweetQueen
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