2007

Citizen of My Heart

July 13, 2007 by Queen of Spain 3 Comments

Dude, I just got called a Mata Hari – a blogher mata hari, none the less. I like it.

The rumors are true, I did throw Citizen of the Month (I refuse to call him Neil) against a diaper changing station in the back of an overpriced Mexican restraurant in a vain attempt to make him worship and promote all that is blogher.org and blogher.org in second life.

I’m not ashamed. Its all about sacrifice. Its for the greater good. Its all about the links.
…and I had accomplices. (accomplice-i?) I mean…what man could or would deny LeahPeah, Mocha Momma, Katronika, and ME?? He’d have to be dead or gay. So we worked our wiley women charms after the live and full of humiliation readings at LA Angst and he left dazed and muttering “Queen rules all..Queen rules all…Long live the Queen” or something-it was hard to hear with Kelly’s tongue down his throat. Did I mention she licks?

All kidding aside, I’m sorry it took me two days to get around to telling you about LA Angst but good god people, did you NOT see the major conference I’m hosting? My hands may not be as full as the fine ladies setting up the real deal in Chicago…but its possible even my avatar self is stressed out.

100 registrants for BlogHer ’07 in Second Life, and counting. Kick ass schedule. Kick ass speakers. Kick ass band. I’ll be in Chicago, and virtual in the SL conference. Which means you can drink with me two ways. But beware, Citizen of the Month may never be the same, and neither will you.

(he’s in the middle-wearing a shirt from DETROIT…yeah, don’t think I didn’t call him out on that one)

Filed Under: BlogHer, BlogHer.org, Feeling YaYa, Queen Tureaud, Royal Sillies

Be Jealous Bloggers!

July 11, 2007 by Queen of Spain 11 Comments

I’m spending tonight with

LeahPeah

Mocha Momma (I hope she licks me)

Katronika

Redleather

West Coast Grrlie Blather

Heathervescent

All in the name of embarrassing the hell out of ourselves by reading from our old diaries. Yes. Those diaries. Where, if you were anything like me, you went off about how you felt “dirty” for giving a boy a backrub and then listed what would be the entire guest list to our wedding.

Talk about fun. It’s called LA Angst and you can find us tonight at Tangiers Restaurant
2138 Hillhurst Avenue
just south of Los feliz blvd.

$4 at the door…but well worth it to watch us feel all uncomfortable.

Filed Under: Feeling YaYa, Royal Sillies

Los Angeles I’m Yours

July 9, 2007 by Queen of Spain 14 Comments

That “old” feeling can creep over you, unexpectedly, in many ways.

One way is while you are enjoying a show at the historic Hollywood Bowl, and the performers call for everyone to hold up their cell phones.

Ummm…wwwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhat?????

Back in my day we held up lighters. Ok, so they have probably been banned or something…but we certainly did NOT hold up our cell phones and let them glow blue and green in the Hollywood night sky. We held up FIRE-and then we used the FIRE to light up a smoke or a joint. THAT’s how it was done, dammit.

My girlfriend’s 15-year old informed me this has been happening for many years now. Which made me feel sad I was so old, but even more sad because it had been that long since we’d been to a concert. In fact, this was our first show since we moved to Los Angeles (nearly 10 years ago)-you know, where GOOD bands come to play, as opposed to say Farmville, MI where maybe, just maybe, one BIG act comes once every two years.

All of that cell phone nonsense aside, if you are ever in Los Angeles, I highly recommend the historic Hollywood Bowl. Go ahead and bash LA-but I dare you to find anything like this anywhere else in the US. And yes, we drove our Prius there and drank wine-so make fun of us all you want. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Except maybe a lighter and a joint.

Filed Under: Royal Family Outing, Stepford Crazies

MySpace Thinks Breastfeeding is OBSCENE

July 5, 2007 by Queen of Spain 55 Comments

So I’m moving the tit brigade to MySpace, of course.

Just so I have this right, the online spot notorious for underage girls hooking up with pedophiles (with their clothing-barely there in their profile photos) has an obscenity issue with breastfeeding. 16-year old in string bikini-fine. Mom feeding baby-OBSCENE. Hellloooo backwards.
Isn’t that a lovely message to send. My tits, feeding my kid, are sexual and offensive.

Well, MySpace corporate muckity-mucks. Meet my tits. They are functional, nonsexual parts of my body that feed my child. As you sit around your little conference table and discuss how best to handle the gazillion lawsuits on your agenda-you know, the ones where you did nothing to stop all the innocent children from being targeted by predators, etc…know that there are millions of mothers who want you to ahem use your brains.

By deleting breastfeeding images from your site, you are telling your community there is something WRONG with a mother giving milk. By deleting breastfeeding images from your site, you are telling the world this innocent act of nature is offensive and sexual.

As you work to rid your online space from predators, I encourage you to spend your energy and money fighting the RIGHT battle. I encourage you to leave, intact, the photos of beautiful breastfeeding mothers I have left as a challenge to you on my profile.

We are not obscene, and we certainly are not going to sit around and let you tell the world what we do is offensive.

Change your policy. Now. If you want to continue to change your image as the smut site for teens where dirty men go to masturbate-I suggest you support the natural acts of a women’s body by NOT labeling it as obscene. Promote the healthy tit here, you idiots.

***** SIGN THE PETITION!

-click to vote to promote this post on Sk*rt!

***Yes, I saw this post today, and I KNOW I’m being baited-let me just swallow that hook, mmmk? Suck it, blogger. I’m not here to change your mind, I’m here to protect my rights and my child’s right to eat. I’m here to make sure I can feed my child whenever and wherever I see fit. I don’t really give a shit who is comfortable or uncomfortable, if it’s a public place, too damn bad. Maybe you don’t get out much in Kent, Ohio…but allowing bigotry is NOT how we roll here in sunny California. So consider our nurse-ins and actual ACTION (in case you are confused, that’s different than just words posted where no dialog is allowed or difference is made) just a taste of my Mommyblogging, righteous indignation. I got plenty more where that came from-you see I actually back up my blather with deed.

Filed Under: Royal Hooters, Royal Rant

The Great American Spirit

July 4, 2007 by Queen of Spain 10 Comments

Of course I tell my kids they can do anything. I tell them they can be anything. I tell them anything is possible.

What I didn’t realize, was 4 years of telling my son the world, nay, the universe was his to take-now means 24 hour viewing of the Science channel and every single thing in my home being taken apart.

EVERYTHING.

My remotes don’t work. Which is fine since we only watch the Science channel.
ALL of his toys are in various stages of dismantling.

I step on screws everywhere I walk.

My kitchen floor is caked in goo and water and flour from his “experiments”-which he calls his “experiences.”

Damn me and my positive parenting.

Happy 4th of July.

Filed Under: Count Waffles

LA Angst-Queen Bares ALL

July 2, 2007 by Queen of Spain 7 Comments

Bravery.

Bravery is opening up my junior high and high school diaries, standing in front of a live audience, and reading.

I invite you to join me. Let’s have a drink and toast my self-centered, bleach-blonde, convertible cabriolet driving, suburban teen years.

And laugh. A lot.

LA Angst

Wed. July 11th at 6:30 at the Tangier Lounge.

2138 Hillhurst Avenue

Los Angeles, CA
just south of Los feliz blvd.

($4 cover charge at the door)

…and wait until you see who’s joining me..

Filed Under: Holding Court

My Daughter Praises Dolphins, NOT Jesus

June 29, 2007 by Queen of Spain 7 Comments

Filed Under: Royal Sillies

Rosie and Me: Moms with Mouths-Kids in the Crossfire

June 28, 2007 by Queen of Spain 19 Comments

My stomach churned. My blood boiled. The Rosie photo making waves across the talk shows and blog posts has moms and pundits all a flutter.

My gut reaction, upon seeing this photo of Rosie O’Donnell’s daughter dressed in fatigues, was anger and confusion. Why is this darling girl wearing bullets? What sort of sick political statement is Ro making, exploiting her daughter this way?

Then my brain kicked in, I took a deep breathe, and realized Rosie has one hell of a point. Don’t get all crazy on me now-yelling about how much you hate Ro. Use your head and listen to me for just a second.

Whatever her reason for posting this picture, whatever the situation surrounding this picture (Rosie says the kids were playing dress up), and whatever you think of her—stop and think about WHY you are reacting the way you are to this captured childhood moment.

Let me show you another example, a photo of my son a few years ago at Halloween. Does your blood boil when you look at this? Do you question what kind of mother I am?

I mouth off on political issues all the time. I am against this war. I use photos of my children all the time to further my causes. To make my points. To make you think.

So why lash out at Rosie?

Ask yourself-is it because it’s her daughter..not her son?

Is it the bullets?

I see kids playing with toy guns all over my neighborhood.

Or is it because the thought of war, violence, military is too much for you to handle in the context of children. We teach them to respect our soldiers, to look up to them, to say “Wow, Captain Killing Machine-I think you are cool…I want to be just like you when I grow up.” They play war in the backyard. They even use their fingers as guns when there are no toys to shoot around.

Makes you uncomfortable, doesn’t it? Those two child soldiers ready to fight, simply doing what we have told them is admirable, honorable, and acceptable.

Now go look at the photo of Rosie’s daughter one more time. Go look at the photo of my son one more time.

Tell me the difference.

Bravo Rosie. I’ll keep posting my photos and mouthing off, promise me you will do the same.

(photo from http://www.rosie.com)

Filed Under: Holding Court, Queenie Backup, War in Iraq Sucks It