I just want to get a cold like a normal person.

I want my husband to be annoyed I whined and whined until he said ‘FINE’ and picked up yet more tissues AND more chicken noodle soup, even though clearly all I have is a COLD and I can go get them my own damn self.

All I do have is a cold. I CAN go get things my own damn self.

But then again, I can’t.

My doctors did not even want me in urgent care- too many germs. The ER? Hell no…WAAAAAAY too many germs.

Despite me feeling strong and despite my overall health improving greatly- my immune system needs to be destroyed every so often so they can rebuild it stronger, better, bigger, more advanced….we have the technology! (Did I mention it’s 3:23am and I haven’t slept in days thanks to steroids and new drugs to take care of this cold/virus/thingy?)

Anyway, this time around our timing was off and that miscalculation has cost me dearly. Imagine being the ONLY ONE in the house – where elementary school children live – who gets PINK EYE.

In other words, if it’s going around you can BET I will be catching it. Leaving me in this horrible position of feeling strong enough to maybe help out around the house a bit….throw in a load of laundry, pick up some toys, disinfect that tea-cup I touched. However, every time I use energy I sacrifice precious healing power.

My cold, of course, caused a nice ear, nose, and throat infection which got into my chest and caused a nice upper respiratory infection which they either like to call ‘walking pneumonia’ to scare you or I now have walking pneumonia. But I’ve had that shot (flu and the pneumonia one) and at the first sign of any issues I get a nice bed at Henry Mayo Newhall Memorial up the road.

But you see how all of this just started with me having a cold? One normal, stupid, booger filled, run-of-the-mill cold?

Kids are on edge worried I’ll land up that road in that bed. Husband is taking it well, knowing we’re only at ‘Defcon 1’ as it was dubbed tonight.

I’m on oodles of antibiotics and for the first time in two years I feel like I JUST HAVE  A COLD.

STAND DOWN PEOPLE.

But Lupus is a cruel bitch that way. Auto-immune disorders are all sneaky sirens. They have you believe you just have a typical runny nose and cough and !BAM! suddenly you are occupying that bed up the road as they work to get the infection out of your lungs instead sitting on the couch in your pj’s playing new video games Santa brought.

So I will keep taking these antibiotics and resting on my couch. I have a date with a nine-year old to play some video games this morning.

Then later today this seven-year old and I have a rematch:

And if the stars align, this hot stud and I will do some quality napping just to make sure EVERYONE stays healthy…

It beats that bed up the road by far. That stuffy place doesn’t even let my youngest come in…

All for a cold.

Cue the confetti…

2013 is the year I reclaim my life. It is time to become a better ME, with Lupus and with everything I have.

I know New Year’s resolution can be lame…but this one is different. I’m actually on the brink of a breakthrough. Stop me if you’ve heard THAT before…

You see, there are people who live with this disease (and the many other diseases that decided to come along with it) and spend their life in and out of the hospital (been there) and undergo surgery after surgery (been there) losing organ after organ (been there).

But I’ve decided I’m done.

Yes, just decided.

It helps we seem to have found the right drug cocktail, even if we haven’t found the right schedule. It helps that I have been pumping good plasma into my veins for a year. It helps that when I physically feel better, I can actually sense the change in my body, in my mind, and even in my rest.

When you live with pain for so, so long you certainly notice when it is gone. But you notice EVEN MORE when it comes back.

I spent 2012 doing some very important things…learning my limits. Learning how to balance all the things I need to get done, all the things I want to get done, all the things I just can not do.

That may sound so simple to you, but it’s really hard for me.

Now I need to learn how to make the most of my new normal and make sure I am being the best wife and mother I can be to those who have sacrificed more than they should to make sure my life is comfortable and to make sure I had the space I needed to figure all this out.

Appropriately the my family we spent New Years’ Eve putting together a puzzle. Most of New Year’s Day too. It’s still not done. It may never be done. But every so often now we walk by and add another piece to the finished product. Slowly. Adding to the new normal of DONE.

Because eventually this puzzle will be done. It may always be a puzzle. It may always be in our home, in my body..but it doesn’t always have to take up the whole kitchen table. It doesn’t always have to be the major factor is EVERY DECISION.

Nope. It’s time to reclaim our lives for US. We’ll carve out a place for Lupus and all its luggage, but it gets a corner or a closet and we all move on with it in tow.

2013: The Year of NOW

…it’s time.