Pixar, Can We Talk?

It’s November and naturally that means my children have that ‘fine one week’, ‘snotty and puking the next’ thing going on. It means when Ratatouille comes out on DVD, and we’ve been couped up in the house for a week with some random preschool virus, I go to the store to get it right away.

Now. I’ve talked about this issue before…but can I just please, say this again…just in case you didn’t hear me way-back-when before CARS came out…

STOP SHOWING MY SON YOUR NEW MOVIE A YEAR BEFORE HE GETS TO SEE IT STOP IT RIGHT NOW OR I’M BRINGING HIM UP TO NORTHERN CALIFORNIA AND LETTING YOU PIXAR SADISTS BABYSIT HIS ASS WHILE HE WHINES FOR 5 HOURS STRAIGHT AND DEMANDS TO KNOW EXACTLY HOW MANY DAYS UNTIL WALL*E IS OUT IN THEATRES AND WHY HE CAN’T SEE THE ROBOT NOW AND WHY DO THEY SAY HE IS COMING AND WHEN IS HE COMING AND CAN WE WATCH THE PREVIEW 40 TIMES IN 50 MINUTES SO MOMMY’S HEAD EXPLODES AT MERELY THE SIGHT OF THAT RESTAURANT TABLE WHERE SOME STUPID BRAINSTORMING SESSION TOOK PLACE TO CREATE THIS FUCKING ROBOT THAT I NOW HOPE DIES A FIERY DEATH AT THE END OF THIS DAMN MOVIE

We’re going to buy your shit anyway. You’re not getting any more marketing leverage here. We’re a captive and totally sold audience. All you are doing is making my life hell. HELL.

So really, I see two options here…you can release WALL*E now, or you can send a letter of explanation to my robot-loving son giving him solid reasons (that means I don’t want to hear “to generate buzz” “to market more toys” or “to pump up the hype before the box office release”) why he has to wait until late summer of 2008. I fully understand you need a few good months of hype…but HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD THINK of the PARENTS.

You make amazing movies. They are kid movies, and yes we adults love them too. But I have to ask-DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND KIDS AT ALL? You don’t even MENTION santa is coming until about Halloween, because you KNOW they will be through the ROOF until December 25th. You don’t tell them you are going to DisneyWorld a YEAR before you go.

THIS IS BASIC PARENTING HERE PIXAR. GET WITH THE PROGRAM.

I can swear on my womb that you don’t need to worry about selling us WALL*E toys. We’re buying them. It’s just a GIVEN. My wallet is yours.

Now release the fucker early or babysit my kid. Take your pick.

The US Government Wants Your Kids to Be Sick

***Queen edit: Karen sent me the link to the ads, old and new, for you to see. What do you think-scare tactic or hard hitting?***

I’m absolutely through the ROOF on this one. The Washington Post is reporting today breastfeeding ads by federal health officials were CENSORED to blow smoke up the formula lobby’s ass. DESPITE THE FACT THIS DIRECTLY AFFECTS THE HEALTH OF OUR CHILDREN.
The formula lobby HIRED the FORMER CHAIRMAN of the REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE to fight what was to be a really strong campaign to show women just what might happen to their kids if they chose NOT to breastfeed.

Heath and Human Services HIRED an ad agency who came up with the spots (showing inhalers and insulin syringes) and when FORCED to tone them down the ad agency warned the new ads would NOT be effective. And guess what???? “The milder campaign HHS eventually used had no discernible impact on the nation’s breast-feeding rate, which lags behind the rate in many European countries.”

As if that isn’t bad enough, some of the GOOD people at HHS tried to get the word out anyway when a new study appeared further confirming the dire need to raise US breastfeeding rates,

“A top HHS official said that at the time, Suzanne Haynes, an epidemiologist and senior science adviser for the department’s Office on Women’s Health, argued strongly in favor of promoting the new conclusions in the media and among medical professionals. But her office, which commissioned the report, was specifically instructed by political appointees not to disseminate a news release.”

The United States government PURPOSEFULLY and KNOWINGLY just tried to FUCK your kids.
I’m beyond full of rage. I am beyond upset. I am beyond writing a few letters. I’ll be contacting Rep. Henry Waxman of California, who is leading the committee looking into this, and I’m demanding -DEMANDING an apology from those in charge. I want assurances this never happens again and I want to know, from the f’ing President himself that they are actually trying to HELP my children, not harm them.

Politics just directly messed with my family. You can talk about education and politics and social services and politics-all very important. To me this really brings corruption in our government to a whole new level. This is HEALTH. THE HEALTH of the CHILDREN in this COUNTRY. The actual LIFE AND DEATH of millions of American kids.

I’m not being over dramatic. I’ve just HAD IT. I’m done sitting on the sidelines.

I won’t be painted as some crazy lactavist either. Now I’m a Mom who just watched Lobbiest SCREW families. ON PURPOSE. I’m not naive, I know this happens all the time up there in DC. But SWEET MOTHER OF GOD you just REPRESSED information that could SAVE children’s lives.

You’re going down. I’m going to make sure of it. The sick fucks in the formula industry and their Republican cronies are about to get a Queen style ass-whuppin.

This has nothing to do with “ability” to breastfeed or “what works for your family.” This is called PROPAGANDA from big business and I’m done tolerating it. Done.

queenofspainblog@yahoo.com is the email if you’d like to help plan.

I would like to see mothers of formula fed kids on here too. They snowed your asses as well and you should be pissed. This isn’t about breast vs. bottle. This is about the US government tricking you. Lying to you. And failing to serve you. Bowing to the almighty lobby and dollar at the COST OF YOUR CHILDRENS’ HEALTH AND WELL BEING. Don’t forget, they serve you. Make them do their fucking jobs.

OFF WITH THEIR HEADS

MySpace Thinks Breastfeeding is OBSCENE

So I’m moving the tit brigade to MySpace, of course.

Just so I have this right, the online spot notorious for underage girls hooking up with pedophiles (with their clothing-barely there in their profile photos) has an obscenity issue with breastfeeding. 16-year old in string bikini-fine. Mom feeding baby-OBSCENE. Hellloooo backwards.
Isn’t that a lovely message to send. My tits, feeding my kid, are sexual and offensive.

Well, MySpace corporate muckity-mucks. Meet my tits. They are functional, nonsexual parts of my body that feed my child. As you sit around your little conference table and discuss how best to handle the gazillion lawsuits on your agenda-you know, the ones where you did nothing to stop all the innocent children from being targeted by predators, etc…know that there are millions of mothers who want you to ahem use your brains.

By deleting breastfeeding images from your site, you are telling your community there is something WRONG with a mother giving milk. By deleting breastfeeding images from your site, you are telling the world this innocent act of nature is offensive and sexual.

As you work to rid your online space from predators, I encourage you to spend your energy and money fighting the RIGHT battle. I encourage you to leave, intact, the photos of beautiful breastfeeding mothers I have left as a challenge to you on my profile.

We are not obscene, and we certainly are not going to sit around and let you tell the world what we do is offensive.

Change your policy. Now. If you want to continue to change your image as the smut site for teens where dirty men go to masturbate-I suggest you support the natural acts of a women’s body by NOT labeling it as obscene. Promote the healthy tit here, you idiots.

***** SIGN THE PETITION!

-click to vote to promote this post on Sk*rt!

***Yes, I saw this post today, and I KNOW I’m being baited-let me just swallow that hook, mmmk? Suck it, blogger. I’m not here to change your mind, I’m here to protect my rights and my child’s right to eat. I’m here to make sure I can feed my child whenever and wherever I see fit. I don’t really give a shit who is comfortable or uncomfortable, if it’s a public place, too damn bad. Maybe you don’t get out much in Kent, Ohio…but allowing bigotry is NOT how we roll here in sunny California. So consider our nurse-ins and actual ACTION (in case you are confused, that’s different than just words posted where no dialog is allowed or difference is made) just a taste of my Mommyblogging, righteous indignation. I got plenty more where that came from-you see I actually back up my blather with deed.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Gender is NOT the issue here…CBS, I’m looking at you

The Financial Times has a spiffy little article today that has the big wig’s over at CBS blaming Katie Couric’s overall sucky-ness (I love making up words) on her vagina.

I’m sort of surprised by the vitriol against her. The number of people who don’t want news from a woman was startling,” Mr. Moonves said of the audience’s reaction to Ms. Couric, who this month brought ratings for the CBS Evening News to a 20-year low.

Ouch. a 20-year low being blamed on being a girl. That stings. Although, it would sting more if it were TRUE.
The same broadcasting company that went crazy on the press when it HIRED Couric, saying gender was NOT an issue, is now making gender the issue when it comes to their boneheaded decision to put Katie in the anchor seat.

Let me make myself clear here…I love Katie. Hell, my husband wants to SLEEP with Katie. But our Katie adoration in this house comes from years of watching her giggle while she tried to help test a popular toy or while she dressed up like Dorothy and sang a little tune. We love her because she blushes and flirts with LL Cool J and Colin Farrell (seriously, did anyone else see that interview? I’m pretty sure she would have blown him on the set) while she tries to ask “serious” questions about upcoming films and cd’s.

I’m calling bullshit on CBS’s assumption Americans are turning away from a Couric newscast because she’s a girl. Don’t insult us. More specifically, don’t insult ME. I spent many years as a professional journalist and I know serious from fluff. Hiring Couric now looks like a publicity stunt. CBS was #3 before Katie. It was #3 with Dan Rather. Don’t blame it on her being a girl. CBS sucked before and then you hired Katie and now your reason is…she’s a girl? Um…yeah…not so much there Mr. Moonves. You brought a woman into a #3 spot vacated by an American Icon who left in disgrace. Now you’re blaming that #3 on the GENDER factor?

I’ve been waiting my ENTIRE LIFE for a woman to take over the “big” newscast. I’m waiting for her to run the country from the White House and I’m waiting for her to rule the world.

CBS needs to understand I’m not stupid. Just because I love Katie trying to skate with Tara Lapinski doesn’t mean I want Katie discussing violence in the Middle East. CBS and it’s media brethren need to stop capitalizing on my gender. You can’t use gender to grab attention with your hire and then blame us for your failures.
Give me Christiane Amanpour next time, then we’ll have a real discussion about gender and equality. We can talk seriously about how far we’ve come and how far we have to go.

Until then, I’m going to watch all the women anchors on my local news…turns out we seem to take them seriously…hmmmmmm.

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AMERICAN AIRLINES BLOWS

I am finally in San Fransisco, and due to a massive FUCK UP by AMERICAN AIRLINES I MISSED MY REALLY IMPORTANT MEETING with these lovely women.

I don’t want to talk about it…yet. let’s just say I was DENIED BOARDING NOT for mechanical reasons and NOT for weather reasons…but because THEY FUCKED UP.
So I’m tired and drunk and in this hotel room so somebody had best call me or skype me (queenofspainblog) or IM me or SOMETHING. SITTING on my ASS in San FRAN mad and bored. NOTHING good can come of this.
NOW PEOPLE.

I’m waiting.

And really pissed. So you can watch or talk to me LIVE and hear me RANT.  EMAIL me if you want my cell # or skype me or whatever. And so help me if you are within 100 miles of San Fran COME GET ME and take me somewhere fun. NOW.

Queenofspainblog@yahoo.com

Maggie Gyllenhaal is my HERO

I could not possibly be more grumpy today-so I suggest anyone not in the mood for one hell of a Queen rant, get the fuck off the blog now.

Cough.

Actress Maggie Gyllenhaal whipped out a tit and let her kid eat in public. You know where it goes from there. Sarah wrote about it over at Strollerderby and the comments range from “why are we talking about this again?” to “you boob feeders are sick-os” or something like that.

Of course, Sarah (being my real life friend) knows just how much this sets me off into a blind range and made sure I took at look at the article. My eyes rolled into the back of my head and I quickly became possessed not to mention obsessed with exacting my revenge on those fuckheads of the world who seem to think I should breastfeed in a closet, in a bathroom, under a blanket, or not at all when their ignorant eyes are watching.

Let me expand on my Strollerderby comment, if you don’t mind:

Seriously? We’re going to fight about this again???

Fuck your blankets and fuck your bottles.

Go Maggie. The rest of you can suck my tits. I’m so not in the mood to have this discussion for the 1000th time.

Get the fuck over it. It’s just a boob.

It’s just a boob indeed. JUST A MOTHERFUCKING BOOB. I’ve written about this issue so many times now that I seriously do not know what else to say to all you asshats that seem to think my tit exposed to feed my child is baaaaaaaaaaad. You are a moron. End of story. (yes, this is a very well thought out argument, can’t you tell??) You are also forcing me to resort to drastic measures.

I’m here to make sure you get the fuck over seeing tits. Maggie, this is for you.

Queen-again

Suck it.

*****updated: It seems my tits have inspired others to do the same-in support of breastfeeding moms! Karl was first to whip em out in solidarity! Join us, won’t you? Post and I”ll link to you here!*******

Keri has joined the fun.

So has Summer!

And my favorite Violet!

For those who can not post a photo on their own blog, I will happily do it here!

As if I don’t have ENOUGH trouble keeping her from being a lush, with no top on…

…so I was walking through Mervyn’s (yes, large department store chain…I’m NAMING you…come and get me you bastards) with my family this weekend when I saw a Junior’s PJ display.

Just to review, juniors are, generally, NONadults. This would mean they certainly can not vote, or drink, or do many things for themselves that do not require their parent’s permission.

Being the lounge-wear fashionista that I am (that’s my new way of saying ‘sweat-pant mom’ like it?) I had to see what the kids were wearing in the PJ department.

Here’s where things got fuzzy for me, because I ended up in a blind rage tantrum, making the rest of the shopping experience kind of hazy. I know I yelled more than once “ARE THEY KIDDING?” and I also demanded the Kaiser take out his cell phone to take a picture, to which he replied “but I have no camera phone…” despite my continued insistence he TAKE a picture NOW.

Anyway, what could have possibly set me off in such a tizzy in a public place such as…let me say it AGAIN…MERVYN’S????
Captain Morgan’s rum and Jack Daniel’s whiskey PJ sets, marketed to junior GIRLS.

At Mervyn’s. That’s right, I’ll say it again…liquor pajama pants and t-shirts for junior girls. Because nothing says “I’m Daddy’s sweet and innocent little girl” like “Gotta a little Captain IN YA??”

Cough. Ahem…

I realize I have a martini in front of my children. I realize their Dad BBQ’s with a beer in his hand. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY DON’T MARKET YOUR BOOZE TO MY DAUGHTER UNTIL SHE’S AT LEAST OLD ENOUGH TO FUCKING BUY IT.

Cough. Ahem.

I’m so tired of this. I’m so tired of finding out some asshat company thinks it’s ok to sell my 5-year old a padded bra to boost that cleavage. I’m so tired of seeing those whore-bag Bratz dolls with their blue eyeshadow and thigh highs. I’m so tired of booze companies trying to sell pictures of their bottles on pj pants to my preteen, like its all in good fun.

If anyone is going to teach my daughter to be a cocktail swilling hussy, it’s ME-not you idiots. So lay off. Geez, that is sooooooo the mother’s job, not yours.
I think I shall go write nasty letters to Mervyn’s and Captain Morgan and Jack Daniels now. You know, because I need to yell at someone.

Fuckers.

(and YES, I DO kiss my mother and my children with this mouth—pppppppffffffffft)

HAHAHA

Come on over to the Huffington Post today and point and laugh with me.