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Lesbians, Lynchings, and Little Ones

May 2, 2008 by 12 Comments

I was on the phone today when a friend asked me if I saw crazy Ann Coulter’s latest ploy at media whoring. In all honesty I had not seen whatever asinine thing she muttered because I have been busy, and really she does not rate me raising my eyebrow anymore.

The conversation on my end went like this:

‘Ugh. Her. What this time?’

‘Uh huh’

‘Uh huh’

‘CNN has lost all credibility.’

‘Did she really say LYNCHING?’

At which point my son said ‘Mom what is lynching?’

I froze, told my friend to hang on a second and then said,

‘Honey Mommy is on the phone, use your phone manners please’

and then went through 300 possibilities in my head on exactly how to explain lynching to a 5-year old.

My little one went about his car zooming business in the kitchen and I kept talking on the phone.

‘Who?’

‘Oh, the Fox guy?’

‘a Yummy Lesbian? Figures’

Mr. Big Ears didn’t miss a beat,

‘Mom-what’s a lesbian?‘

‘uhhhhh’ I stuttered…now mind you I have no problem explaining ‘gay and lesbian’ to my son at all-but my mind was still reeling from having dodged (like an idiot) the lynching question.

‘sometime when girls marry other girls (ok, that’s a stretch) and boys like other boys people say they are gay and lesbian’

Holy crap what a horrible explanation!

No idea why I said ‘marry’ when I am all for living in sin -other than the issue of gay marriage has been weighing heavily on me as it’s one of the only things I’m unhappy with Senator Obama about…and why I switched to ‘boys like other boys’ is entirely beyond me too.

So later after hanging up the phone and watching some Tom & Jerry I thought I would approach the subjects again and attempt to redeem myself,

‘Honey remember earlier when you asked me what ‘lesbian’ meant and what ‘lynching’ meant?’

‘Mom look at this cool wheel I made-what if I shoot it like a rocket outside on the grass….’

…and he ran out the back door to play in the yard.

I suck.

Filed Under: Count Waffles, kill me now, Queen MOMocrat, Stepford Crazies

Permanent

April 28, 2008 by 13 Comments

I did it.

I put an Obama ’08 bumper sticker on the back of the Momvan, MOSTLY to reassure MYSELF this nomination is not going to be stolen.

See the bumper sticker is never coming off. Someone is going to buy the ‘ol Town & Country years from now and try scraping that baby off for days. I remember trying to get a Dead sticker off the back of my VW in college and it was NEVER COMING OFF.

So what pushed me to the permanent, van-ruining measures?

I can’t stop thinking about what will happen if by some insane (and entirely evil) move the numbers shift and Senator Hillary Clinton is the Democratic nominee.

What will I do???

Keeping in mind I always live in crazy fantasy land where things like MATH do not matter, I can not seem to shut my brain off to the scenario in which I am faced with Clinton or McCain.

Echoing the Sicilian from the Princess Bride, ‘clearly I can not choose the wine in front of me…’

Or can I?

I voted Nader before and watched the chaos. I can’t do that again. McCain ‘aka Mr. women just need more training and education’ is not an option. 100 years in Iraq and the Supreme Court. Too big. Too much.

So in all honesty we’re looking at having to vote for Clinton. There is no other ‘REAL’ option without possibly throwing Roe vs. Wade, soldiers and Iraqi lives right out the window. Could I seriously look at my kids and tell them I COULD have voted for someone capable of ending the war, capable of securing the Supreme Court for the next 40 years, capable of pushing through some sort of national health care plan…and yet I didn’t, because I wanted to take a stand against politics as usual.

But HOW can I vote Clinton in my crazy fantasy nightmare, knowing what we ALL NOW KNOW.

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGG.

So I put the bumper stick on. The uber-sticky, there for life, Obama ’08 bumper sticker. PERMANENT reminder about what this election season has meant for me.

Also a total bet that it will mean something come November 4th.

However I like to make bets, and I tend to get cocky about them.

Time to get cocky again.

Even if cocky means a bumper sticker on a minivan, hauling two kids to preschool.

Filed Under: Queen MOMocrat, Stepford Crazies

Balance: I have none

April 21, 2008 by 12 Comments

There is nothing like sitting in the pediatrician’s office covered in vomit to knock you back into the real world.

In case you were confused, the ‘real’ world is the one where you make peanut butter and jelly for a sick 3-year old who insists her belly feels great and won’t upchuck Jiff on your couch.

Of course she pukes it and of course this comes after having thrown up all over the doctor’s office, the minivan, and the driveway.

Of course I am stupid for having let her eat the PB&J, but that’s not the point. The point is messy motherhood is a reality.

Messy, pukey, “I can get nothing done because kids have not been in school and I have laundry stacked everywhere and don’t ask me what is for dinner and no I haven’t finished all the thank you notes but hey did you see I BATHED one of two kids AND emptied the dishwasher” kind of reality.

I can’t do it all. I want to do it all. I TRY to do it all. However, I can’t do it all.

And with that in mind (snort) I’m going to be speaking at New Communications Forum in Sonoma Wednesday and Thursday. Because one session isn’t enough.

The only reason I will have clean clothes for this event is because my husband did the laundry. The only reason I’m ready for my sessions is because she helped with slides.

I’ll hook up the webcam a few times and pull over some guests for you to harass. Any suggestions?

…and did I mention I will be covering the PA primary from a hotel room. SIGH. I do see light at the end of the tunnel though, and it’s just down the way a bit…I think…I’m squinting…it’s there…really

Filed Under: Stepford Crazies, TweetQueen

TechCrunch’s Arrington Blocks Mommyblogger

April 18, 2008 by 58 Comments

That would be me.

I’m not kidding.

Remember all the stuff I was saying about how the women in tech are ignored? They are never asked to speak at conferences, entirely overlooked, blah blah blah blah blah? I think I also touched on how the big bad tech boys who are so-called ‘in charge’ of this whole blogging/social media space are frat boys?

Uh. Yeah.

Meet one Mr. J. Michael Arrington. Note that his Wikipedia says “Magazines such as Wired and Forbes have named Arrington one of the most powerful people on the internet.”

Today Arrington (for those who still don’t know, he’s the TechCrunch guy) blocked me on Twitter.

Why?

For this :

@techcrunch ummm @mashable just scooped you. Just sayin’. Sorry, old school Journalist in me notices these things

I had been watching Techcrunch (aka Arrington) twitter for the past hour about the possibility CNN.com had been blocked in China. At last check, he said he had two confirmations and I was monitoring to see if it was true, and how it would be reported.

What do you want from me? This is what I did for a living-I LOVE breaking news.

Not long after a twitter from Arrington about having two confirmations CNN was blocked, Pete Cashmore of Mashable (a competitor) tweeted a link to the story they had posted on CNN.

Having watched the entire thing unfold -OF COURSE I showed Arrington he got scooped.

He responded with a tweet that has since disappeared and was here. So this non-techy Mommyblogger (who can’t possibly ever read TechCrunch) went and pulled it off of TweetScan:

“TechCrunch : @QueenofSpain haha. scooped us on the story we’ve been talking about here on twitter for hours? we’re not covering that. oh yeah. blocked. 2008-04-18 02:50:40 Reply”

My response (still in twitter, not randomly gone) was ” ROFL @techcrunch is cute with the blocking. Apparently censorship isn’t a big deal for them. kudos to @mashable for posting it”

Now on to the important part of all this…

The term ‘citizen journalist’ is yammered about a lot these days. Web sites like TechCrunch are discussing politics, they are reporting breaking business and technology news. They are influencing readers-a few million a month– (wow, not even as big as Dooce or BlogHer…just learned something tonight) and pushing themselves as an ‘all things tech news’ related site. They get cited for ‘breaking news’ and for ‘being the first’ yet when you actually call them out on having posted a story SECOND, they get pissy.

So it occurs to me that maybe Arrington, and some other web site owners, need to understand the very basic principals of Journalism, having very obviously skipped over it while en route to conquer the internet. Afterall, this so-called ‘citizen journalism’ is taking over the main stream media dinosaur. It is influencing news cycles and fueling on-air pundits. Therefore it seems to me these sites could use a few quick pointers on how to be responsible citizen journalists.

Mr. Arrington,

Hi, I’m Erin. We haven’t met. I get the feeling we may not meet now, but hey-I’m around if you want to chat. I also have a decent background not just in citizen journalism but in traditional journalism. Let me give you a quick J-school 101, so maybe next time you don’t get too uppity and block a Mommyblogger on twitter. K?

In traditional media it’s common place to be scooped or to scoop your competitor. In fact, its what the game is about. Eventually EVERYONE is running the story-what sets you apart is either the ‘exclusive’ (which I can explain in another blog post if you like) or being the FIRST. You will absolutely promote a story you post before anyone else (because man, sometimes getting confirmation is a bitch) and you will yell at your staff with a red face when someone else runs the story before you. Such is the life of a newsroom. And make no mistake, TechCrunch is a newsroom.

A couple other hints-if you are working on a story but it’s still not ready to publish, you might not want to discuss it on Twitter. Because later, after you’ve been scooped and you claim you were never going to post it anyway, we silly readers aren’t sure if we believe you or not. You’re either saving face, or all that past discussion on confirming if China was getting CNN.com seems confusing and misleading. Hell, I don’t know…maybe you just were super curious for your own knowledge about China and it’s censorship of foreign news media. I know I am, so you’re not alone. Either way, sure looks like you were working on a story.

Also, when the entire world watches you discuss China, and sees a competitor posts the story, and points it out to you-you might not want to just silence them on the spot like some communist regime.

Oh, the irony.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve blocked a guy on twitter-but he actually physically threatened me and called me some very nasty names. If you go around blocking everyone who criticizes your cute little website, you may end up with a legion of yes-men (yes-tweets?) and lose touch with what’s happening around you.

In fact, you might even lose touch so very much that you have a party with a beauty blog, having really done nothing with the actual majority of women occupying this whole social media, blog, web 2.0 thing you keep reporting on.

In short, Mr. Arrington, it may serve you well to take a few cues from old school media. They might be an aging dinosaur, but they at least know how to handle getting scooped.

If anyone needs anything else, I’ll be reading Mashable. Pete is much more handsome anyway, and since it’s clear on the web all that matters are looks, I might as well subscribe over there.

*updated with a twitPic of Arrington’s Friend Feed from @snobcrunch

Filed Under: Royal Pain, Stepford Crazies, TweetQueen

My Mouth? Yes, it gets me in trouble…

April 17, 2008 by 5 Comments

…but it’s usually for rather good reason.

Please come listen to me on NewsGang, in which I discuss the ‘frat boy pissing contest’ and on the ‘We Show‘ where I delve a bit deeper into this ‘business’ of Mommyblogging.

And if you’re not in the mood for either of those, Twitter followers will be thrilled to hear I finally got my LapTop bag and they should never have to help me shop online again. And if you have not given to the BlogHer/Global Giving initiative, I’d kiss you fully on the mouth with tongue if you would do so now.

Filed Under: BlogHer, Feeling YaYa, Stepford Crazies

Martinis, Pills, Deviled Eggs, and Lies

April 16, 2008 by 11 Comments

I expect nothing less from a former Rodeo Beauty Queen.

Cindy McCain is doing her Stepford wife, affluent roots damn proud.

In what can only be seen as propaganda, the McCain campaign put up a cutesy little blurb on their website called “Cindy’s Recipes.” Once again not realizing voters have brains, it was quickly noticed these so-called Cindy family favorites (that she must whip up between doing her nails and battling her pill addiction) were stolen from the Food Network.

Because as you know, those of us just dying to use Cindy’s McCain’s recipes at our next family gathering can’t possibly be the same demographic watching the Food Network.

There is a part of me that would love to go on and on and be snarky about Cindy’s pill popping, how she got nailed for stealing from her own charity, etc. But let’s face it-we all have demons. Do hers seem to fit the Stepford profile of coiffed trophy wife who aided in the demise of a marriage? – sure, but what I find more disturbing is the pandering.

Running against two candidates battling it out over who is more ‘down to earth’ and ‘not elitist’ the McCain campaign just tried to soften Cindy’s millionaire background by giving us recipes.

No really. They think we are THAT stupid.

Oh, well, she cooks! She must understand what it’s like to get dinner ready when you have a toddler at your heels and a preschooler screaming for Spongebob and a husband working overtime again so you can pay the mortgage. She MUST be one of us if she has all those RECIPES.

Even if those recipes had not been lifted from Rachel Ray and others, we’re not stupid enough to believe Cindy is anything other than the daughter of a millionaire, beauty queen, recovering pill addict who avoided prosecution on drug charges by entering a federal diversion program.

I’m going to go make tuna noodle casserole, then run my vacuum cleaner, then maybe get out of my sweatpants before cleaning up the cat litter. I’m going to call my NONmillionaire Dad who’s struggling with health insurance. Then I’m going to log onto my notebook and keep an eye on the McCain camp.

We’re watching, and you are fooling no one.

crossposted at MOMocrats

Filed Under: Queen MOMocrat, Stepford Crazies

…and then the valet brought the Minivan around

April 10, 2008 by 23 Comments

I can talk a good game.

Hi, I’m Erin. Yes, I’m a blogger. Nice to meet you.

And then I drop words like ‘beta’ ‘tech’ ‘viral’ ‘widget’ ‘twitter’ ‘scalable’ and then drop names like ‘Arrington’ ‘Kawasaki’ and nod my head a lot.

It means I end up at places like the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood eating chocolate cake at 1am with a table full of PR and web types. All while I watch the clock on my blackberry, wondering if the kids got to bed ok and if Nana remembered to give them both their new allergy medicine.

(me and Pete Cashmore, CEO of Mashable.com. He’s a sweetie.)

Part of me wants to race home, the other part wants to buy everyone another round and head to a club. I’m loving the opportunity blogging and twitter have brought, but am confused at the same time. SOCIAL media is all about being SOCIAL.

Originally uploaded by
((CC) Brian Solis, bub.blicio.us, briansolis.com)

I’m really good at the SOCIAL. But how do I continue down this path and raise two small kids and make sure their laundry is done? How do I attend all these conferences and the PTA meeting?

I stood there last night talking shop with a gaggle of web types, ordered another drink, discussed flying to San Fransisco for a day to attend a meet up, planned parties and mixers, chatted about yet another party tonight and quickly had to say ‘no, no…I’m not coming, tonight is my night out.’

In the back of my mind I’m wondering if Nana can babysit again and if Friday night I can sneak out for a few drinks with the movers and shakers.

No. No. Balance. Balance is good.

I’m going to go fold some kid socks and put away HotWheels cars and maybe empty the dishwasher and remind myself the only reason they want me there is because I bring those of us carpooling to t-ball and tivo-ing Elmo to the table.

Make no mistake, we belong at the table.

I just wish they could put a kids table next to the adult table and make it lunch, not cocktails.

Filed Under: Stepford Crazies

Can’t Be Any More Bizzare Than My Panty Drawer

April 7, 2008 by 9 Comments

The chairman of Senator Hillary Clinton’s campaign, Terry McAuliffe was photographed in a rather odd way this weekend. I’m confused. And shaking my head. And wondering if he just didn’t NOTICE he was holding an Obama sign each time, or if he was being SUPER polite? This from the guy who is on my TV daily spouting vitriol. Weird.

Just as weird? A short vid I shot last week when my in-laws were here, given new life over at Utterz by either pervs or other Moms who’s panties are in the same, sad, shape. Why doesn’t Victoria’s Secret send me any PR e-mail?

Filed Under: Queen MOMocrat, Stepford Crazies
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