I’m self-diagnosing again. Well, because WebMD exists and that’s just what a neurotic woman does.

I’ve been feeling a bit crummy again, not a full relapse of symptoms but I’m certainly not jogging a 5k like some people in my house. I’ve had to stop one of the medications that was really making a difference in my health due to it’s side effects. Since then I’ve been nauseated and generally bleh.

But as I’ve tried to find other ways to feel better…I discovered something utterly amazing about myself.

I haven’t stopped sucking in my stomach for 20 years.

I’ve now decided this is the cause of all my gastro issues.

Think I’m crazy? Think maybe I should check with my doctor? …do me a favor. Relax your stomach RIGHT NOW. Try it. See if you are sucking it in and not even noticing. Turns out I’ve been sucking in the old gut while standing, sitting, making dinner, playing Memory with the kids…to the point where I have to consciously REMIND myself to NOT suck it in and even then it’s a physical pain to literally PUSH my gut back out.

I don’t even REALIZE I am doing it. So in my warped head, sucking in your gut for 20 years HAS to cause issues…right? No wonder my stomach muscles don’t work… they are TIRED. Tired. Tired. Tired.

And I blame the Patriarchy.

We went through this with Prop 8 in California, and now again in Maine.

Well Maine voters, now it’s your turn. I want you to explain to my children why some people have more rights than others. I want you to explain to two, angelic faces why you think it’s ok for some people to be allowed to marry and not others. Sometimes, framing an issue through the eyes of a child really forces clarity on just how simple this all is.

But no, that’s not how it will go. Instead, in the morning (and if they ask) I will tell my children how equal rights do not exist for certain people in the United States of America. I will, painfully, attempt to ease their fears about the big, wide, world around them yet prepare them for the harsh reality that is discrimination, bigotry, and hate.

I will try to give them hope that they can be who they want, love who they want, and achieve their dreams … and I will try not to scare and scar them with an “unless you are gay.”

Maine, you disappoint me greatly. Just as California before, you break my heart and force me to teach my children that not everyone believes in equality. That not everyone will protect your rights. And that not everyone believes love conquers all.

Can we all take off our tinfoil hats for just a second, please?

Yes, you.

I’d like to inject some sanity back into this vaccine debate, because it’s gotten way, way, way out of hand. Rational, smart, loving people are rejecting vaccines. Rational, smart, loving people feel they are better protecting their children by saying no to vaccines.

In a handful of cases, this is true. There are those with allergies to the vaccine, those that are too young, those that have immune disorders that can’t vaccinate. Unless you are one of those people, we really need to talk.

Science is your friend. Science is not out to get you. Science and data trump internet memes and Facebook fan pages. It trumps the Mom you talked to at pick up and it trumps the story you heard while waiting in line at Target.

I want you to go read this over at Wired. We’re going to start there.

It’s long. I’ll wait.

Done reading? Awesome. Now, let’s talk. I fully understand that you are freaked out about side effects from vaccines. But again, let’s go back to the science and the data. These side effects are rare. Rare. Rare. Rare. Many of these diseases WERE rare, but since you stopped vaccinating they are making a comeback. Thanks for that.

But forget all those vaccines for school…what’s really on everyone’s mind right now is flu shots. Seasonal flu, h1n1, etc. Again, about a handful of you qualify to legitimately opt out of these shots. The rest of you are putting my children at risk. Myself at risk. My community at risk.

So you’ve decided not to vaccinate your kid. It’s what’s ‘best for your family.’ Bravo you. But I’m telling you right now if YOUR kid passes the flu to my kid, and my kid becomes seriously ill…I’m kicking your ass.

You see you may not be worried about getting the flu. You’ll take your chances, after all your children are healthy and you have no underlying conditions. You’ve heard such horrible stories (not scientific data, but stories) about so-and-so’s kid that got the vaccine and xyz happened. But you see…while your kid is fine, that kid down the street isn’t. While your kid may not have asthma, my kid does. And YOU just put my family at risk because you didn’t want to risk getting that flu shot.

The next child that dies from swine flu could be your fault.

But nevermind that, you heard from so-and-so they rushed this vaccine to the public and they are just out to make a profit. It’s not safe. It does more harm than good. It’s just too risky.

Let’s go over the facts. Here’s the major h1n1 myths debunked.

I get that it’s hip not to trust drug companies. I get that you are doing your research as a responsible parent. I am too. What I don’t get, is why you would risk getting the flu and giving it to my kid? Are you the same parent who sends their kid to school the morning after they had a fever? The day after they puked?

Vaccines help stop the spread of disease. They save lives. Please don’t casually decide to do nothing because it’s the hipster parenting move of the moment. If you choose NOT to vaccinate please have a plan to help stop the spread of the flu. Please plan to not spread it outside of your home. That plan should include NOT sending them to school until the recommended WEEK is over. Because I’m sure you care about your community and my kids too.

All I said was “no.”

But the “I DO NOT LOVE YOU, MOM” will ring in my ears forever.

I think this is all I am going to say about it…that and …you people are crazy

h/t Nordette

…but we haven’t killed each other yet. That’s saying something for having been stuck inside since I was in the hospital.